C.
There are a couple of books you could read to help you in dealing with your 3-yr-old. I am the mother of three kids, ages 20 months, almost 5 years, and 7 years old. I have read quite a few Christian books on the topic that give me hope and direction, but I still find correction and discipline a struggle everyday. So I always pause before giving advice, wondering if I should be giving it.
But I can give advice in one area, because I feel strongly convicted that it is key...you CANNOT let your roles as parents ruin your roles as husband and wife. Friction between mommy & daddy are the worst things in bringing up children. You may not be able to agree on everything when it comes to raising children. But it is important to try to talk calmy about it at a neutral time when things aren't heated. Try to understand one another. Your husband is annoyed by her behavior, which is understandable, and he responds out of frustration. His solution is to remove her from his presence, so that he won't throw her across the room, like he'd probably like to. ;-) If he is angry at her, it might be best for him to remove her or himself for a moment to cool down, but then problems have to be addressed. Direct disobedience from your child deserves correction. Bad attitudes need to be worked through. But THE MOST IMPORTANT thing is that you and your husband at least PRETEND to be on the same page in front of your child, then discuss the issue later. One of you deal with the situation at hand, and try not to work against each other, but support one another. Your child may be helpless and require more time, attention and energy, but your relationship with her should not be placed above your relationship with your husband. We sometimes forget, as mommies, that we were first wives. Your daughter needs to see that the relationship between her parents is healthy, as much as she needs direction and discipline.
I've got a book for that...I've got a couple of books for helping with kids. I like books. The best book on the topic is the Bible. But it sometimes is so big and overwhelming that I avoid going to it. So I use books written by like-minded Christians to lead me through what the Bible says about life, wifehood, motherhood. Here is what tops my list on the subjects...
Wifehood: "Created to be His Help Meet" by Debi Pearl. If you want upfront, honost, biblical advice on your role as a wife...here is the book for you. It is not sugar-coated. It is frank and has caused many women to burn it within the first chapter. But if you want to experience a whole new life, then read it. I stand by it 100%.
Motherhood: "Sheparding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp. It goes beyond getting your child to act right, to getting to a child's heart. The Bible says, "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh." I know that I wanted my children to obey and have good attitudes, but I realized that my intentions were selfish...to keep my kids obedient, so that my own agenda would be met, they wouldn't irritate me, and people would think my kids were 'the greatest.' I now realize that I want my kids to obey and have good attitudes because God commands it so they will learn to obey Him. I want them to have good attitudes because they have been raised in a Godly way that causes their hearts to spew forth goodness. This book caused me to remember what my real goals were for my children...biblical goals.
Okay...so I'll get off my soapbox. I have no real revelations of my own. I have just been blessed enough to have been directed to sound, Christian revelations of others in book form. I am glad I found the time to read them, and I pray each day that I will find their truths working into the life of my family. God is good. He is the answer to all of our struggles. Seek Him in His word (these books can help direct you through His word), and through prayer. Earnest prayer for the soul of your family. Things will just get crazier after your baby is born...trust me on that. The second-born (especially in the midst of existing parenting struggles) can rock your world. So get loaded up on scripture and biblical principal for your family...it's about to get bumpier. But it can be a great blessing. You just have to equip yourself rightly.
Okay...now I'm getting off my soapbox...really. Unless I think of something else, then I'll come back. Hahaha! May God bless your family ten fold!!!!!!!!
C.