26 answers

Dad Won't Let Me Talk to My Kids on the Phone

My kids' dad is getting married next weekend and is away with the kids for 10 days. I sent him a photo on his phone to show to my kids and he said he doesn't want to show them and doesn't want me to have any contact with them until they come back. Is that even legal? They don't have their own phone. All of our contact is through our phones. When I am away with the kids he calls them all the time. Does anyone have any ideas of what I should do? This feels crazy and manipulative to me, and I feel that it has a lot to do with the new stepmom.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks for all the responses. I want to clarify that I am NOT trying to get in the way of the wedding. I was not asking to talk to the kids every day, and all I did was send a photo that would have taken 5 seconds for him to show them, and the wedding is days away still. The reason that I suspect the stepmom is that this is WAY out of character for their dad, but things like this have been happening a lot more since she showed up on the scene. Don't get me wrong though- other than her weird manipulative and competitive behavior with me, I think she's great with my kids. They really enjoy her and she does fun stuff with them and I don't have a problem with her presence in their lives. However, now that they are a family, she and my ex are certainly acting like they are trying to one up me. He never ever would have kept me from my kids before. Now suddenly he can't find the time to show my kids a photo. My kids are 10 and 12. They aren't going to be upset by the thought of being separated with me, I just want to have a little bit of contact. It definitely doesn't have to be every day. I'm fact, if he had spent the 5 seconds and shown them the photo at sone point in the 10 days I would have felt pretty okay. It was his response that freaked me out: I don't want you to contact us any more at all until the kids cone back. Which by the way, is at sone undetermined time. He won't even tell me what day they are coming home. I don't think over reacting. I want the wedding to be relaxed and fun for everybody. They are at a campground right now just hanging out and swimming. They aren't in the middle of a rehearsal dinner. They could look at a photo and it wouldn't be the end of the world. It may not be illegal, but it's insane.

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I think you should ask him how HE would feel is HE had to go 10 days without speaking to his kids......

1 mom found this helpful

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My custody decree states that neither parent can prevent phone contact while the minor child is with them.

Unless you have something spelling out something similar in your custody decree he can do this.

Oh, it is crazy and manipulative of him, but not illegal.

So sorry you are going through this.

Check with your cell phone carrier and see what a family plan will cost....mine, through ATT, only costs $12 a month for an additional phone line. You maybe able to afford to get your kids a cell phone to take with them when they are with their Dad.

God Bless

4 moms found this helpful

JB:

Pull out your divorce decree and your custodial agreement...

find out what it says about communication while with the custodial parent.

If he is out of state with the kids - is he allowed to take them out of state? If not - then call the police and state abduction - yes, I know VERY EXTREME - but really - what he's doing is totally wrong - while not illegal if it not clearly stated in the custodial agreement ....would it ruin his upcoming wedding? probably. would it teach him a lesson? most definitely!!

Get the custodial agreement refined to include custodial and non-custodial contact during visitation - will it cost money? yes. but then this won't happen again in the future...either way - get it done...so BOTH of you have contact with the children while they are with the other parent...and if he and his new wife don't like it? TOO FRICKING BAD!!! If either one of them had some maturity to them - this wouldn't be an issue.....

I would find out where they are and go to them as well..(I know, extreme - but I can be that way when it comes to my kids)! I would NEVER want my kids to think I'd forgotten them or don't love them anymore...even when I go away on my own, I call my kids at LEAST once a day to say good night...

I hope you get resolution to this soon and your ex pulls his head out of his A$$ and grows up..

4 moms found this helpful

Is it possible that he is just very busy with... ya know? Planning and getting ready to get MARRIED?? and he doesn't really want to spend this time dealing with you and having to deal with your text pictures?

I do not mean for that to sound nasty...just practical. I bet he is busy and this is supposed to be a special time for him and his new family/wife.

I think it is best to give him the benefit of the doubt. How many times have you called them? If and when you talk to him next I bet if you are nice and just let him know how much you miss the kids and that you are NOT intentionally trying to butt into his (soon to be their) time and disrupt their special time, it's just that you would like to talk to the kids maybe before they go to bed or every other day?

Try to look at it from their point of view: They are getting married and probably have a million things to do and you are calling him on his phone and sending him pictures (probably stuff that can wait til they get home) while he is supposed to be GETTING MARRIED!

*As always I am not surprised by some of your other responses...lots of woman on here will just blindly side with you and call your ex bad names (when they do not know anything about him other than he is THE MAN-Sheesh!) when what it boils down to is he is getting married and you are bugging them on the guise of 'wanting to speak to the kids'.

3 moms found this helpful

I remember when my neice was younger and she would visit her dad (my stepbrother) her mother would call and intentionally make her upset ("Mommy misses you so much!" or "I am just so lonely here by myself!"). She would do this just out of spite and to make the visit miserable for everyone. My niece would be in a bad mood and/or cry to go home to mom. So I completely understand him avoiding that type of situation. I know you miss your kids, but they are his kids too and they are probably just busy with the wedding.

My advice is to just let them enjoy this time without you and for you to do the same. Go have a nice glass of wine (or a couple shots) and relax and enjoy a quiet house. :)

3 moms found this helpful

omg, forget legal or ethical, people- have a heart, mom to mom- how hard that must be for you- you are their mom and have of course a right to talk to your babies wehn you want no matter how old. That sounds frightening to me and very upsetting to not be allowed to have any contact w/your kids- een just a quick text to know they're safe and ok. I don't like it- I know you'll be so relieved to have them back in your arms. There are some heartless responses here, "leave them alone, stop being a nuisance", sounds pretty disrespecful as you are their mom!!!

3 moms found this helpful

Well, the scheme of things seems to be changing.

Ask your Attorney.
Or get one.

Is he out of State????
Allowed to????
What are the rules about the kids' custody?

DOCUMENT, everything. Times/dates/what was said etc.

This may be just the beginning... of him starting to get real nasty about it.
Who knows.
He is now, keeping you from them and from access to them, when they are with him.
Controlling, to say the least.

You need a GOOD Attorney.

2 moms found this helpful

That's ridiculous. You can't go ten days without speaking to your kids! Tell him that you don't want to get in the way of his wedding so he can pick a time that is the best time for him for you to say Hi and I love you to the kids each day. If he won't agree to this very reasonable request, you will need to take him back to court to prevent this type of behavior in the future.

2 moms found this helpful

I wouldn't go pinning this on the step mom, for heaven's sake.
I just say that because when I married my husband, his parents brought his sons because they were in the wedding party. They were 13 and 15 years old. Their mother called about every 20 minutes and I am not exaggerating.
We had a house full of people, fittings for the boys tuxes, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, the wedding the reception, and we didn't take a honeymoon because my husband wanted some time with the kids at our new house that was a long distance away.
Their mother hit the roof when my husband told her that the kids would call her when we got back home or the rehearsal was over, whatever. She was NOT going to stand for being kept from her children!
I stayed out of it completely because I had too much other stuff going on.

I don't think it's right to say he doesn't want you to have ANY contact with your kids. Surely there is a compromise where he could have them call you before bed in the evening a few times in 10 days. I don't know how old your kids are. Would talking to you get them upset to the point where they're crying and freaking out about going home? That could put a real downer on a wedding.
It's tough to be away from your kids. I know I never liked it.
I don't text so I don't know anything about it, but maybe you could send a text and just ask him nicely, when he gets a chance knowing how busy he is, to please let the kids call you for a minute...you're sure they're fine, but you'd just like to say hi.

Please don't go assuming this is all the step mom and start blaming her. You didn't send HER the picture. SHE didn't tell you to buzz off. She might not even know you sent it.
Just saying.

My ex husband and I made a plan to try to have the kids available on certain evenings at certain times. Traveling, you never know what might come up so we'd let the kids talk at a different time. These are things to hash out BEFORE the kids go so it doesn't become a battle during vacation or wherever it is they went.
Your kids will be home soon. They will have missed you.
Deal with their father over it once they get back.

Best wishes.

2 moms found this helpful

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