Dad's Lack of Concern for SIDS

Hi H.,
I can totally relate. I read everything about SIDS and it freaked me out all the time. I would have yelled and complained to my husband if I felt he was doing something unsafe. I don't agree with Kimmie at all. I think women have intuition that mean don't have when it comes to raising kids. My husband is very loving and attentive to our daughter, but he had never even heard of SIDS or read one book on safety and raising kids. I think your husband should be sensitive to how you feel especially since your baby is barely 2 months old. I had all kinds of hormonal issues for about the 1st 4-5 months of having the baby and I am just getting back to normal and my daughter is 13 months old. If you are nervous or scared about an issue I would trust your instinct. There are a lot of people who will say my kid survived this and that, but I would rather be safe than sorry. Once he gets a little bigger you will start to relax a lot and not be so nervous, but as a 1st time mom pretty much everything is really scary.

Good Luck

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This won't be the last time you are more concerned about safety than your husband. I can remember my husband thinking it was fine for my 8 year old to walk all over the neighborhood. I overruled him however.

Anyway, when I began reading your post I figured you were overprotective and then when I got to the part where your husband put the baby on the pillows and put the comforter on him I gasped! This is terrible! I would call your pediatrician ahead of time to inform him of this and then take your husband with you to the doctor visit. Have the doctor tell him how dangerous his behavior is. Until then I would not leave your husband alone with the baby.

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Hi H.,
First let me say that it is totally normal to be freaked out about your children, especially the first. However, some things are definitely worth being paranoid about and sids is one of them. There are many theories out there, but please get your baby vaccinated. The danger of him getting a communicable disease is much higher than dying of sids from a vaccine. There are many risk factors that are widely agreed upon by the vast medical community and getting vaccinated is NOT one of them. I am an RN so I am involved in evidenced based medical practice, I also have 2 beautiful intelligent children who have received every vaccination recommended and did not die of sids and are not autistic. Look, people are going to believe what they want and you have to make your own decisions, but don't compromise with your husband on this. Tell him that there are documented cases of babies suffocating while in bed with a parent. I recommend putting your son to sleep in a Halo sleep sack, put him to sleep on his back, don't allow anyone to smoke around him, and check on him frequently when he is crying or sick. You may be accused of being paranoid, but isn't it worth it?

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Wow, interesting responses! My husband and I have similar issues at times and I always have to weigh out whether to make a case out of it or not. It sounds like this is one of those times to call in some help from the doctor, book about SIDS or maybe even marriage counselor. Half joking about the marriage counselor. I would want to ask why he does this even though you've made it perfectly clear you are not OK with it. Is he being passive aggressive, or power-tripping, or ignorant, or ________(fill in the blank.) Sometimes I think husbands feel the need to counterbalance maternal protectiveness which is understandable, but sometimes unwise. Good Luck!

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HIDE THE PILLOWS!!!!!!!! No seriously inform him that another concern could be overheating the little guy with the blankets, just as a baby can get cold they can get too hot as well. And maybe your son just likes to be proped up. If thats the case and thats why your husband does it there are all kinds of chairs and swings that he would be safe and comfortable in while you are away. I stressed with my first too! There were countless nights I'd wake up to check, make sure his bed is not full of fluffy things and try to tell your husband that you don't want to cook him in the blankets eighter. Good Luck!!!

Hi H.,
My husband is the same way about several things. Our biggest battle is about sleep. My husband seems to take the opposite position on many things just to disagree! Maybe it is about control, I don't know. It would do your husband good (as it did mine) to hear this info from your pediatrician. Maybe hearing it from someone who HAS lost a child to SIDS? I'm sure you have reminded him that bad things happen to good people all the time. I don't have any other suggestions for you, unless you want ME to talk to him?:) Why he would want to even take a chance is beyond me.
Sorry I'm not more help.
L.

Hi H.,

I can totally empathize. I went back to work when my daughter was very young, while my husband stayed home to take care of her. The hardest part about it is the fact that you aren't in control over things during that time. My husband and I have countless arguments about baby safety-- I think he's way too rough with her and he just tells me to let him do things the way he wants to. It's definitely a battle. My advice for you is to not yell at him, as that might only put him on the defensive. If he feels attacked or backed into a corner, he might just stay put and not budge on this issue, simply to be stubborn and try to prove you wrong. He might also be taking it personally, thinking that you are saying he's an unfit father--even if that's not at all how you feel!

I would continue to let him know how uncomfortable is makes you feel, and I would be sure to bring him to your next pediatrician appt. and have the DR. put your husband in his place. For me, it seemed the only person my husband listened to was the dr., never me.

In the meantime, try as hard as you can not to nag him, but still let him know how scared you are about the baby getting enough air.
Hope this helps a bit, just know that you aren't alone.
Take care,
J.

Sorry, I guess that was a bit rude. I didn't mean to come off so harsh. Have the pedi talk to your husband.

Dear H.:
Most cases of SIDS ARE PROVOKED BY VACCINES!!!
I would highly recommend that you buy Dr. Robert Mendelsohn's book: "How to raise a healthy child in spite of your dr.";
Dr. Tim O'Shea, an authority in immunizations, in his book: "The sanctity of human blood: vaccination is not immunization": affirms that more than 10,000 American babies die mysteriously each year from SIDS. He says the worst vaccine of all is DPT (diphteria, pertusis, tetanus). If you can pospone this vaccine until the baby is older (like one or two years old) he will have less risk for SIDS.
Please do some research on line for vaccine-dangers. You can find some relyable info here:
http://informedchoice.info/
www.tacanow.com
www.vaclib.org
http://thinktwice.com
www.vaccinationinoz.com
www.909shot.com
www.whale.to/vaccines/ingredients.html
Trust your mother instincts, if you are afraid of SIDS, read about it at: www.thedoctorwithin.com look for the chapters and you will find the truth about vaccines there.
Blessings
L.

Hi, I just signed up for this site, so this is my first post. I am in the process of adopting a 6 1/2 month old baby boy that I got when he was 2 days old, I know what you mean, I was terrified of SIDS too. You can go online and get some information mailed to you that gives the risk factors and statistics on SIDS deaths, it also gives you some tips for preventing SIDS. Maybe you could get this information and then let your husband read it for himself. In the mean time, just keep voicing your opinion and reminding your husband not to put the baby on pillows because he can suffocate. This is one area where I would not back down, your child's life could depend on it. One thing you might want to do is start looking for a Nanny or daycare center and when your husband asks why tell him that you would rather pay a stranger to watch the baby then let him die out of his fathers ignorance. This might sound harsh, but the numbers don't lie...babies do die.