Dad's Involvment with Sick Child

I will keep your family in my prayers, especially your little girl.

Onto your request, I am just guessing here but it sounds like he is having trouble seeing his baby sick and/or in pain. He could be blaming himself for her illness and staying away so he doesn't hurt her anymore. Maybe being away is how he handles it. I think you just need to ask your husband why he is being so distant with the family. That is the only way you are going to get answers. It sounds like the both of you need to work on your communication skills so you hear each other.

Good luck, and I pray your daughter beats the pants off of the Cancer!

I would speak to your child's nurse or doctor about your situation. perhaps they can help with coping strategies or find resources for your family to help. perhaps your husband is worried and is not able to express his feelings and is trying to stay busy to keep his mind off his worries. prayers to your family for hope, healing and strength D.

Your husband is grieving. He is grieving the "perfect child" that he's lost. He didn't, nor did you, expect that your daughter would have cancer. This is a stage of his grief. You need help.

I would suggest that you enlist the aid of a social worker. There should be alot of supports for families who have a child with cancer available at the hospital. Your social worker will be able to talk with both of you about the feelings that you are having.

Parenting a child with a chronic illness is not the journey we anticipate when we have a baby. Dads often have a much harder time than Moms. You have alot on your plate, you need help, but please know that this isn't something he's choosing to do. This is how he's coping with the intense sadness and fear.

No matter how many people tell you to confront him and to make him do his job, I will say this: he's doing the best he can. Get help. He is not, I repeat NOT the first father to react this way to his daughter who has cancer. The staff at your hospital, your oncologist, your child's primary nurse -- they have seen this. You just simply need to open your voice and say, "Help us."

That is their job. They will know.

Well, this sounds like a very trying situation. Sometimes the way we deal with grief is to try to get away from it...or ignore it. Not really options here. The truth is, you can't make your husband do anything. I think the more you try to make him do anything, the more he's likely to resist and feel pressured. The only thing I've ever found effective is telling my spouse where I'm at and what I hope or expect and seeing what he has to say about it ("I really expected us to be a team. I need help with this this and this and I don't understand why you aren't around."). Then if that doesn't work you need to decide what you want and what happens if you don't get it. Sounds to me like counseling would be helpful. It sounds like you have a very stressful situation. Anyone would need help through it. Plus a counselor holding him accountable isn't the same thing as you nagging and should work better. If there's a way you can invite your husband into better behavior, that's the trick. He won't react well to being pushed.
Hope that's helpful. Good luck.

Simply you have to put your foot down and tell him you need some support. When my daughter was in Children's for a week stay after her surgery I did stay overnite every nite but my husband did come every day to visit with our daughter and give me a break. We also had a room at the Ronald Mc Donald House where you can stay for a small donation. You need to get away once in awhile too. Men don't know how to cope with illness. He needs to talk to someone about it. His work should offer an employee assistance program so he can get his issues out. He needs to be there with you at the hospital and at home. Going out should be the last thing on his mind.

I'm sorry to hear about all of this, and that he wants a divorce as well. It sounds like he just can't deal with the hardship of your daughters cancer, so he is going to withdraw from the situation. I know of a couple going through the same thing. You can't really make him change, just know you are doing a great job on your own!
I send you and your daughter and all your family Blessings and positive thoughts. It's about her, not him.

Hello-
I am so sorry to hear you are having to experience such a scary illness with your daughter. I think maybe your husband is withdrawn becuase it is hard for him to see his daughter ill, I am sure he loves her so much and it is difficult for him to bear his fears and concerns. I know this makes it so much harder on you, bieng the caregiver for your daugther, and still handling your own fears, concerns and doing it with little to no support. Maybe talk to your husband and let him know how your daughter misses her Daddy, and that she is scared at the hospital or longely. Let him know you understand his feelings and you have the same and that you both should support eachother to make your family strong. And when your daughter is better (and she will be :)) you will all be closer becuase of your dependance on eachother which will ultimately bear strength.

with my prayers,
N.

I am so sorry to hear about this. I am thinking about you and your daughter and sending lots of love your way. I hope you have lots of other family and friends to support you. My heart goes out to you.

I think that he is having a hard time dealing with her cancer. He may have a lot of uncomfortablness with hospitals in general, and it may be too hard for him to see his little girl so sick, confined to a hospital. he is avoiding his issues, however. He needs to be there for you, at home or the hospital. Im sorry you two are going through this. What is her name? I will pray fpor her.
S.

Some people, not only men, have a hard time dealing with illness and hospitals. Have you tried heart to heart talking to him, letting him know how his daughter feels that her dad is not coming to see her? Maybe if he even hears it from the child it might have an impact.
Good luck!! I am sorry for what you are going through and pray for all of you!!
R.

God bless you. I will be praying for you. I'm sure you will get flooded with advice, so I'll keep it short. It sounds like perhaps he just can't face your daughter's illness. Maybe if he just doesn't look at it, it will disappear. Out of sight, out of mind. Of course that won't work. He has to face this, or he will regret it the rest of his life. Again, you are in my prayers.

I see there is a lot of good advice from other people. I just want to let you know that you and your family will be in my prayers.

I am sorry to hear about your situation and the heartache you are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this difficult time. I pray that everything will be okay. Just remember that women are emotional creatures and that it is okay to just start crying.

Hi, I don't mean to hit hard but what is his problem? He's totally neglecting his children if he's doing this avoidance thing. Your daughter is sick and in the hospital and you have to nag him to come and see her and then he leaves after an hour?! Not right. You have to address this ASAP. Not only is it not fair to your kids but how are you supposed to care for 2 healthy ones and have a child with cancer, in the hospital... by yourself? I can't even begin to think how you handle that.
Question, has he always been this way or did he start pulling away when your daughter got sick? I'm sure it will be hard but you need to bring this to his attention and tell him that your children NEED him and you NEED him.
Best of luck to you and I'll add your daughter to my prayer list.
S.

I agree with teressa...having someone else point it out to him may just be 'embarrassing' enough to have him be more proactive...

I also think he is in a sense grieving, or he may also be holding himself back from her in the event something should happen, he may be distancing himself in advance from being hurt....

I will keep your daughter in my prayers, and your family

Sorry to hear about your daughter...

Has your husband always been like this or is he avoiding and hiding from the whole cancer thing. Maybe he just can't deal with it. Maybe he's just really scared and doesn't know how to deal so he keeps himself busy and away.

If he's always been like this than that's not much of a husband.

I don't think it's normal to have to force a father to go visit his sick child... That should be something he wants to do.

I don't know your situation but maybe he's overwhelmed and it's to much 3 kids under 3 I would imagine is overwhelming plus one is very sick and being married and probaly having doctor bills piling up he may just be freaking out.