M. asks from Minneapolis, MN on June 27, 2007
Dad's Involvment with Sick Child
I have a toddler who has a lot of hospital stays. My husband refuses to share this responsibility with me. I would like some advice on how to get him more involved in her hospital stays esp. and home life as well.
To give you an idea what I am dealing with:
He will not stay at the hospital for more than 1 hr max. To get him to come see us I have to nag him(which we both hate). She can be at the hospital for a week and not see him. He is only with us sometimes for short stay visits if he knows we will get out quickly.
At home it is not much better. He will leave to go work, hang out with friends, or go to our room. The only way I have been able to get him to do what I want is to get his friends interested and then have them talk to him about it.... which does not work hear....
Any advice will be Greatly appreciated
So What Happened?™
Thank you for all the advice. To answer some of the questions that were asked he has been told that she misses him when she is staying at the hospital. He was a little distant prior to our daughters diagnosis, it has become a lot worse since then. He will not have a heart to heart.... Yes I love him, I am sad to say. I have stayed with him these past few years for them. I have talked to a social worker about my options to leave him, today. He said he wants a divorce today to me over the phone (while I am at the hospital with her). So, I am going to give up on him, esp. since it is plane as day that he has given up on us. Thank You for all the advice and prayers.
Ryleys website is; www.caringbridge.org/visit/ryleymajor
B.H. answers from Minneapolis on June 27, 2007
Sorry to hear about your daughter...
Has your husband always been like this or is he avoiding and hiding from the whole cancer thing. Maybe he just can't deal with it. Maybe he's just really scared and doesn't know how to deal so he keeps himself busy and away.
If he's always been like this than that's not much of a husband.
I don't think it's normal to have to force a father to go visit his sick child... That should be something he wants to do.
I don't know your situation but maybe he's overwhelmed and it's to much 3 kids under 3 I would imagine is overwhelming plus one is very sick and being married and probaly having doctor bills piling up he may just be freaking out.
S.F. answers from Minneapolis on June 27, 2007
Hi, I don't mean to hit hard but what is his problem? He's totally neglecting his children if he's doing this avoidance thing. Your daughter is sick and in the hospital and you have to nag him to come and see her and then he leaves after an hour?! Not right. You have to address this ASAP. Not only is it not fair to your kids but how are you supposed to care for 2 healthy ones and have a child with cancer, in the hospital... by yourself? I can't even begin to think how you handle that.
Question, has he always been this way or did he start pulling away when your daughter got sick? I'm sure it will be hard but you need to bring this to his attention and tell him that your children NEED him and you NEED him.
Best of luck to you and I'll add your daughter to my prayer list.
A.B. answers from Minneapolis on October 18, 2008
I am sorry to hear about your situation and the heartache you are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this difficult time. I pray that everything will be okay. Just remember that women are emotional creatures and that it is okay to just start crying.
J.B. answers from Milwaukee on June 28, 2007
I see there is a lot of good advice from other people. I just want to let you know that you and your family will be in my prayers.
R.S. answers from Appleton on June 28, 2007
God bless you. I will be praying for you. I'm sure you will get flooded with advice, so I'll keep it short. It sounds like perhaps he just can't face your daughter's illness. Maybe if he just doesn't look at it, it will disappear. Out of sight, out of mind. Of course that won't work. He has to face this, or he will regret it the rest of his life. Again, you are in my prayers.
R.S. answers from Sheboygan on June 27, 2007
Some people, not only men, have a hard time dealing with illness and hospitals. Have you tried heart to heart talking to him, letting him know how his daughter feels that her dad is not coming to see her? Maybe if he even hears it from the child it might have an impact.
Good luck!! I am sorry for what you are going through and pray for all of you!!
S.J. answers from St. Cloud on June 28, 2007
I think that he is having a hard time dealing with her cancer. He may have a lot of uncomfortablness with hospitals in general, and it may be too hard for him to see his little girl so sick, confined to a hospital. he is avoiding his issues, however. He needs to be there for you, at home or the hospital. Im sorry you two are going through this. What is her name? I will pray fpor her.
C.M. answers from Madison on December 07, 2007
I am so sorry to hear about this. I am thinking about you and your daughter and sending lots of love your way. I hope you have lots of other family and friends to support you. My heart goes out to you.