Dad Asked Me to Cat Sit for a Week/other Family Who Is Allergic Is Furious

She is being ridiculous. I am allergic to cats and it's not like I get a reaction if I go anywhere that any cat has ever been, ever. Please. Allergies don't work that way - just vacuum and clean well after the cat is gone and that really should be good enough.

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If your mom and stepdad don't live in your home, they have no say as to you pet-sitting. I don't know why it would even have been discussed with them.

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Two words, DRAMA QUEEN!
My advice is to ignore her outbursts and assure her that everything will be cleaned and washed so your stepdad can still visit.

5 moms found this helpful

Tell your mom you will miss her and your step father but hope they can find a way to visit you and see their grandchild after the cat is gone because it would be a shame to lose such important family connections over a cat.

Then maybe call or google an allergist who can give you some tips for de-catting the house.

4 moms found this helpful

Time to board the cat. I pay ten dollars a day at our vet clinic and know he is safe and sound. Really, $140.00 (for a 7 day vac.) when you look at the cost of the rest of the vacation is not much.

And no she is not overreacting, for those who have allergies, this is serious.

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Yes, having a cat in the house for a week can cause issues for him. I am highly allergic to cats, and my mom cat-sat for a short period of time. I reacted when I was over there. Now, your mom's reaction is a bit harsh, and you can't make decisions based on your step-dad. You've already told your dad you would do it, so you need to stick with it. Just clean and vacuum very well after the cat is gone.

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Do u live with them?

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Is she overreacting? Probably not.

MANY people are mildly allergic to cats. They just get miserable; eyes swell shut, difficulty breathing but still can breathe, shuts down their life for a few hours to a few days. For some people, however, the allergy is life threatening.

If your mother and step father are notoriously controlling / wage battles for your affection over your father... then they MAY be manipulating the situation. But typically, ****people with allergies DON'T overreact****. If they're deathly allergic: They're justifiable terrified. It's like a toddler with a loaded gun running in the house (would you invite one over?). Sure, they might live this time, but next time??? If they're mildly allergic it's like having someone who is *actively* throwing up with the stomach flu come over. Neither situation is one any sane person willing invites into their home. I mean, would you want your friends to bring a child to your home who was virulently ill? ((I can just imagine the MP Q: Friend brings over toddler who is throwing up, and says "It's just the stomach flu, I know you'll get it, but it's just a few days of your life, what's the big deal??"... Is that rude? would get an OVERWHELMING "That self centered, uncaring slitch, how dare she intentionally make you sick?! How RUDE!" )) But for some reason, people blow off allergies, even though they're as bad as the flu for that poor person, IF they're not lifethreatening... And that's like coming over and shooting the person.

Seriously, though, here's my fun time with life threatening allergies (JFF), I'm sure you understand life/death situ, but it's another thing to really witness someone's struggle to stay alive because other people say "it's no big deal" to a major allergy.

_______
An exboyfriend of mine was so allergic to cats that he had to epi pen himself a few times a week when he was in a populated area just from being in the same room with someone who had been in the same room with a cat a few days prior. If he breathed by them, his throat would start to swell shut. If they actually owned a cat his lungs would shut down. If he was touched by a person who had touched either cat OR a person who owned a cat his skin would blister and then he'd go into full anaphylaxis. We once went to a friend's house (didn't own cats) and left via ambulance because the previous tenants (house had been thoroughly cleaned by professionals, and was ongoingly cleaned by our friends) had had cats. He was AS allergic to cats as some people are to peanut butter. But peanut butter is pretty visible and fairly easy to clean up. Cat dander is microscopic. He was allergic to both dander AND the oils that cats produce. He was mildly allergic to many kinds of animals, but he was deathly allergic to cats.

Most of the time his epipen would work as long as he removed himself from the situation (he also kept a 5gal jug and clean clothes in a bag in the truck. He'd jab himself, strip naked, seal his clothes in a ziplock bag, pour the water over himself, scrub, dry, and change into new clothes. If he kept reacting, but mildly, we'd go to the ER. If he kept reacting strongly we'd call the EMTs so they could shock and intubate him if necessary (only necessary twice in 3 years, but we were in the ER so often that we got on a first name basis with half the staff).

My exboyfriend had to RADICALLY alter his life from most people to prevent anaphylaxis. He could never take public transportation, or attend parties with people we didn't know. He spent most of his time out of doors (he was a fishing guide). He had health insurance premiums that were through the flipping roof. Each and every single time he was exposed to cats or their oils/dander his reaction would get stronger. When he was a kid, it was fairly mild. By the time he was a teen his throat would swell up. He had to quit highschool & get his GED the 2nd time he went into full on anaphylactic shock. He was saving up for moving completely off the grid out in the middle of nowhere (but on a medevac path, with chopper landing site), and was nearly there (only another 50k to go) the last time I spoke with him.

I was SHOCKED at the sheer number of people who would just "blow him off" ((One time he had to get intubated the person "put the cat in another room, didn't think you'd notice)), or say he was just fond of attention/ drama/ <rolls eyes>. He was a VERY outgoing person, but people called him shy/ antisocial/ etc. because he very very rarely would go out, and NEVER had people over to our home (we couldn't decontam it if someone brought dander over with them).

It sounds like your father isn't as allergic to cats as my ex, but even if it's "just" flu like symptoms... would you want someone bringing the flu to your house?

3 moms found this helpful

You are not taking the actual cat to their house are you?

It is the dander and the saliva your stepfather is allergic to, once you vacuum and wash your clothing it should be fine for him to be there.. I am going to guess he has been in lots of places a cat has been and had no problems..Outdoor furniture anywhere.. other homes that previous owners had cats.. the Vet, sitting next to a cat owner at church, in the movies, on an airplane..

I think they are over reacting..

3 moms found this helpful

I'm guessing the cat is coming to your place for that week? They are definitely overreacting. My grandma is severely allergic to cats. As in, her lungs will literally close off if she is around dander. I also have an uncle, cousin, and niece that are all allergic. Your stepdad obviously won't want to come visit while you have the cat, and I would probably give it a week or so after the cat leaves so that all the dander can get vaccumed up, and aired out. You could go over your son's clothes with a lint roller before sending him to her house to remove the dander.

If this is causing a lot of issues though, would it be possible to let the cat stay at your dad's house, and you could just go over a couple of times daily to feed, clean up after, and love on the cat. That's what I do every time my grandpa (not the allergic grandma's husband... different grandpa) goes out of town. I also do that for friends when they leave. It would be interesting to do it this way, but not tell your mom about it... Then invite them over and see if your stepdad has an 'attack' when the cat wasn't really there. My cousin used to do that. She really is mildly allergic, but nowhere near as bad as she would like you to think. She will have a slight reaction (little stuffy) until she actually sees a hair... then she's sneezing, can't breathe, etc. It's actually pretty entertaining. :P

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Yes I think she is over reacting. I think once you vacuum and clean when kitty is gone it should be fine. Maybe you could keep the cat in one room if its that much of a concern. Don't y'all go to your dad's house and then your mom's sometimes? They have no friends that have cats that come for a visit? Is your step dad concerned? If it were me I would help my dad out and cat sit and then just vacuum really well after the cat is gone.

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i assume you mean the cat is at your house. its a week. waaaahhhhh.
i think it has more to do with the issues between your mom and dad, not the cat.

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I am also really allergic to cats but it wouldn't stop me visiting someone. I just never touch them, wash my hands a lot when I am at a cat owners house and take my allergy pill before I go. I also find drinking a lot of water helps when I am there for some strange reason. Its not like your taking the cat to there house and its only for a week. :-)

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depends on the person I am highly allergic to long haired cats but not short haired cats. I wouldnt housesit a long haired cat I am asthmatic and that would put me in the er. and yes she is overreacting also

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Actually, your mom may not be overreacting. Yes, his allergies could be that severe.

Cats are very independent animals. Could you leave the cat at dad's house and stop by every day or even every other day to check on it?

If you're keeping the cat at your house, can you keep the cat in one room or in just part of the house that stepdad would not go into if he visited.

As far as your son and the clothes. Yes, any clothing that comes into contact with the cat would need to be washed, as well as a jacket that would be left out in public area. However, ALL of his cloths - that's ridiculous!

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What does your stepfather have to say about HIS allergy?

Do you think your mom is upset for stepdad's health or is she angry that you are cat sitting for your DAD. Does she harbor resentments toward him that are manifesting in this rant?

When I moved out of my old townhouse rental, one thing I had to do was shampoo the carpets before we left. I would shampoo the carpets (and the furniture...you can get attachments) before the next stepdad visit. I would think that reasonable cleaning would bring the dander down to levels he can tolerate. If he doesn't fall over every time he goes anywhere, then your son's clothing shouldn't be an issue. I'd put him in something freshly laundered, but the fact is that other people have cats. If he would go to a movie theater, a restaurant, an office then your son should be able to visit.

I really think your mom is freaking out over something else but it is manifesting with this need to control your home and complain about the cat.

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I have lots of family memebers that are allergic to cats... mostly they cant be in the same room with them for any lenthy period of time. If your mom didnt know you were babysitting the cat, and you kept everything clean (brush cat daily outside)... your stepdad probably wouldnt have a reaction. Seriously, cats roam around outside all the time.... the world is covered in cat dander if you think about it. If he is deathly allergic, well, that would probably be a problem. it sounds more like your mom is just jealous you are doing a favor for her ex.

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My husband is allergic to cats and we have three in the house that sleep with us. She's over-reacting.

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i think if you click on the persons name in blue their profile will pop up and there will be a window maybe on the right that says send a personal message or something like that and you can write them a note. I wouldn't do that for very one though. If you liked the advice someone gave you can click on the blue under there comment that says Send a flower and they will know that you liked their advice.

appperantly there is a much higher portion of the population that have such severe allergies than i ever dreamed of. I would assume that if step dad was bad enough to have to be hospitalized repeatedly by standing in line next to a catperson at the bank then you would have heard ALOT about it by now. That tells me either they aren't that bad or he has told you and you just didn't believe him.
Personally, I would think mom and stepdad could be apart from you and kiddo for a week or two, But if you rely on them for babysitting daily or anything then it might be a different case.
I would go ahead and do it for your dad, and just tell step dad you'll do what ever he needs you to do to make it safe/comfortable for him AFTER dad picks up the cat.

1 mom found this helpful

if he lives close enough for you to go over every day, i'd do that instead. even if you just go every other day the cat would be fine. that's the good thing about cats, they dont require the care that dogs do. make sure his food and water are full, empty the box, give kitty some love and go home! good luck!

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If you are within reasonable driving distance, go to your Dad's house and feed the cat/clean litter box 2X day. Do not bring the cat to your house. If this arrangement doesn't work for you, let your Dad know that as much as you'd like to help you think it's best that he ask a neighbor to do it for him.
He's your Dad - I don't think he'll disown you for not taking in his cat.

Pet owners take on a responsibility when they take in an animal. If they don't have someone that can conveniently take care of it when they are gone, then the burden falls on the owner and they must pay someone. Period.

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I think this is more a problem with you doing something for your dad than the actual allergies.
I understand allergies, but I'm sorry....I kind of draw the line when it comes to other people telling me what I can do in my own home because it might upset them IF they come over.
Or, IF I've been around something they don't like or can't tolerate.
It's sad if some people have to live in a bubble. No offense to those who do. But it doesn't mean I have to.
I have an old lady who volunteers at work and she makes a huge scene anytime anyone comes in to do a birth certificate for their baby. She can't tolerate the smell of baby lotions or baby oil, apparently.
I mean, she goes overboard. What are people supposed to do? Not wash their kids or let them smell like babies because it offends her?
She doesn't complain about anything else and I personally think she has an issue beyond how babies smell.

No offense, but I wouldn't refuse to help my dad or a good friend even....just because being around me afterwards would cause a health problem for them.
THEY could stay away until the "danger" was over.

Just my blunt opinion.

Best wishes.

1 mom found this helpful

I'm severely allergic to cats. I can tell you if there is a cat in the house within 15 minutes of being there because my throat gets itchy, my eyes water, I have a hard time breathing and my skin just starts to crawl, even if I don't *see* the cat. If a cat ever gets close enough for me to touch or *licks* my skin?! Forget it, I break out in hives. So I do understand how horrible it is to be in homes where cats roam free. BUT there's no reason you can't keep the cat contained to a portion of your house and clean it like crazy when it leaves. The first house we bought had long haired cats living in it for YEARS before we bought it and moved in. We did replace all the carpets, but that had to be done anyway. And one good top to bottom cleaning and all traces of cats were gone. I lived quite comfortably in that house for many years. I'm pretty sure your mother is over-reacting to this situation. I hope you help her to see how unreasonable she's being...

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I have left my cats for a week before with no problems. I gave a friend my keys to check in, make sure they have water, food, etc. I filled several bowls very full of water, lots of bowls of dry food, and filled the bathtub full of water just in case (I was really paranoid they would knock the bowls over, but there is no way a bathtub would evaporate...if they were thirsty they'd manage it). Cats can easily go days, no problems. Ask him to buy several disposable litter pans, and fill them with a big bag of cheap litter. About 3 would be okay for it for a week, if you clean them once, it will be absolutely fine. I would just check in once during the week.

However...unless your stepdad goes into anaphylactic shock from kitties, I think your mother is really overreacting a lot! Laundering and steamcleaning will be fine. I have allergic relatives, and they never react to my clothes even when I've been sitting with a kitty then visit them.

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Since you know your stepdad well, and see him frequently, ask yourself: is he extremely cautious in his behavior? Does he not go out anywhere, due to the risk that his allergies pose? Does he not go to anyone's house for a visit, or go anywhere that there might be a cat? If he lives like that, then you might reasonably infer that he does have a serious allergy and having a cat in your house might affect him. However, if he's quite casual, and comfortably goes about his life in an active way, then you might infer that his allergy is not terribly serious.

Ask him directly, (not your mom, but in your mom's presence), "to what extent do cats bother you? Is it serious, or relatively mild?" And tell him you want to know out of overall concern and respect, not due to any argument between your mom and dad. After all, if someone you see frequently has a serious allergy, you'd want to know, right?

You won't know if she's overreacting until they come to visit AFTER the cat has been in your home. I suppose they can survive without visiting for a week. I guess if you wanted to get a cat for yourself, they'd say no? Sounds like they're a little controlling.

She isn't over reacting-when you're allergic to cats-it can be full on discomfort-stick the cat in the Vets for a week-and tell anyone. Can't you go over to his house everyday to check on little whiskers-or does he live too far away?

I don't understand, unless you are bringing the cat into your mom's house, what is the problem? People with cat allergies deal with people who have cats all the time. I have a large white cat and often walk around with his hair on me (if I don't notice and remove the hair first), and I have not had any complaints from allergy sufferers. My cousins and aunt have severe cat allergies and take allergy medication before coming to our house. When we go to their house they do not have any issues. I think you mom is blowing this out of proportion, perhaps because it is your dad that is asking.

it takes 6 months for dander to be gone from a house after the cat is gone. another option is to feed the cat alot and set out multiple litter boxes...id say 2 or 3 that way you only need to go over every 3 days to check on the cat. so like twice.

Keep the cat contained in one room and shampoo the carpet after. It will not get rid of 100% of the dander but will be close. How allergic is your step-dad? My husband is VERY VERY allergic and used to come to my apartment when I had 2 cats -- he couldn't stay very long or would end up on benedryl and eye drops with his eyes itching so bad he wanted to scratch them out of his head and the sneezing was horrible. Fast forward, my parents took my cats from me when my hubby and I got engaged. They live states away with my parents now and have since 2005 -- when we visit, my parents clean VERY well (they have all hardwood floors so there isn't as much space for the dander to get -- like with carpets) and the room we sleep in there the cats have NEVER been in. My husband still has a sneezing fit every now and then and snores HORRIBLY while we are there BUT it is nothing like when the cats lived in my carpeted apartment. I had the rugs shampooed 2 times after the cats moved out and that seemed to help a lot.

Tell your mom to stop being such a drama queen!