Cyberbullying

Hello -
What an awful situation. I taught technology in a grade school (1-8) for the past few years and have used the Netsmartz program to help with Internet Safety with the kids. There is also an area of the website for parents that is wonderful. The website is http://www.netsmartz.org/index.aspx . I hope this helps. If I were her, I would be right at the police station. It is not worth risking the life of my child when worrying if going to police is going to make things worse. I will be thinking of you.

I googled "cyberbullying laws connecticut" and a bunch of links came up - http://www.cga.ct.gov/coc/bullying.htm and http://www.211ct.org/InformationLibrary/Documents/Bullyin... are a couple of links.

Hope this helps & best of luck!

why doesnt she block these people. I had a girl who wasnt my FB friend harrassing me online via FB and I just blocked her

Does the school have a police liason officer, employed by the city but at the school? We do. Get to know him/her well. GO to the local police as well.

When you see ANY threats, PRINT the info and keep it. This is your file for evidence.

I am saying this because: my daughter, co captain of cheer, orchestra, honors student has been cyberbullied. I routinely check her facebook and no specific threats are there. HOWEVER, there is a site very popular with teens now because it is anon and kids can send messages without being known. It is called Formspring. It is an EVIL site. Kids post messages to others and some are extremely bad all anon.

My daughter does NOT have a Formspring account. I asked her why...she said because people can ask any question, make any comment and be unknown. It sets you up to be abused. SO, in our case, people have threatened my daughter on her friend's sites of formspring. I check it daily. I print ANYTHING with my daughter's name. The hardest part is the police can do nothing because the actual threat does not come through on our laptops or her phone, HOWEVER they are a clear threat.

While the school said they "could not be a bodyguard" it was ironic that for 4 days, my daughter said every time she walked out of class the police offier was in sight.

We have police reports on file with copies of everything I have printed on facebook and formspring. I have patiently waited on some little biotch to slip up and not hit the anon button. I had a feeling who it was from early on. It is obviously a girl, same language every time. The police agree.

As soon as daughter was named captain and her friend got captain of drill team, it started. The police said...this is part of being captain of the cheer and drill team.

Keep records of EVERYTIME you see something online.

In 1 instance, a girl sent a very ugly threatening message on FB to my daughter supposedly anon but she messed up and daughter got the info and I printed before it was deleted. I proceeded to deliver a copy of what the girl said to my daughter to her parents. The girl is scared of us right now because in a heartbeat, I don't care who you are, I will press charges if you mess with my child.

Take a strong stance. Hang in there and please stand by the side of the child being bullied. My daughter lets it slide. She gets called names but she told me...."mom, I can handle the name calling, I can't handle being called fat (not an ounce of fat on her body) or acne face (flawless skin). She is not called fat or anything like that.

Stay strong. Word is out around here that we are looking for the culprit and I am very involved at the school. The school year just started and an whole new rule has been put in place regarding cyberbully.

Good luck.

Print out the comments and bring them to the police and school administrators as well as the parents. NO ONE should have to go through this nonsense. Isn't there a certain age requirement to having a page on facebook or myspace? Police DO care about this, they have given workshops in my area schools (both elementary and middle schools). The kids doing this are the ones with issues--they obviously have something lacking in their lives that they have to resort to attacking an innocent girl. Get her in a support group or have her join a club/activity she loves. She'll be in my prayers.

Hi L.- I just sent a long article to you via PM. It's about cyberbullying. Too long for this post. My son's school had a full on parent meeting on the topic because it was running rampant in the 4th and 5th grades. There is a software that is free to block cyberbullying, but since she doesn't own a computer.... One wonders why she still looks on FB if it is driving her to contemplate suicide. Your neice needs to go to a therapist ASAP and the school needs to be alerted. I also would ask the school to have a mandatory meeting to inform the parents it is happening in their school, teach them to talk to their kids and monitor all their posts and what to look for in their kids behaviors to see if they are the recipients of being bullied. This is the new way of bullying and we all know WORDS can hurt even more than a punch. Best of luck to your neice.

You have gotten lots of great suggestions and I have nothing much to add to those. But I do feel the need to set something straight: A few posters have wondered why she keeps looking or even suggested she might be enjoying the comments. She is not. She is obsessed with what is going on an not knowing is even more painful than knowing. To even suggest she might be enjoying the attention is more than way off base. It is like messing with a sore tooth. It hurts to do it, but you can't seem to stop.

You need to get your niece to a therapist ASAP. If your sister has no insurance, there might be a Family and Children's Centre near you. Find her someone to talk to while you gather evidence and take concrete action. My heart goes out to all of you.

I don't believe that it's just your sister that could take care of this. You can print the emails and you can take them to the police. I would even take them to the principle, school counselors for these kids schools, and of course their parents like you said. This is something that simply needs to be taken care of NOW.

you can do this for your sister and her daughter. print everything you see, take a copy of them to school admin, and local police, then take a copy to parents of bullies. no nice talk, just firmly tell them if this doesn't stop now you guys will press charges.
the fear parents have is bullying will increase if parents try to stop it. the other option is do nothing and have an amready emotional teen do something to herself because of constant bullying. i'd take my first option, which is make sure parents know if this doesn't stop you will press charges for harrasment. you have to have hard evidence which in this case would be printouts of what is being said to her.
good luck

There was just recently something similar that happened in MASS. The girls name was Phoebe Prince. It was all over the papers and magazines. Check out and see what happening law wise with that case. Same circumstances. Girl was being cyberbullied and killed herself. Now 6 kids are under investigation. Hope everything turns out ok.

I don't know about the laws in CT, but DEFENETILY GO TO THE POLICE, THE SCHOOL AND SHOW THEM WHAT THESE KIDS ARE WRITING ABOUT YOUR NIECE. DO NOT DEAL DIRECTLY WITH THE PARENTS OF " THESE WONDERFUL CHILDREN"

Print print print print.

Then please have your sister go to the school, to keep them in the loop, but there probably isn't anything that the school can do. They're in a really trickly legal position. But PLEASE pressure your sister to go to the police. True, it might not get better, but if your niece is already suicidal, could it really get worse? And those kids need to be held accountable.

I'm with your sister about approaching the other parents. Leave that up to the police, plain and simple.

As a teacher, we see more and more of this. Educators, police, etc simply do not know and cannot possibly intervene unless someone tells us. And even then our hands might be tied, but it's worth a shot.

I wish you and your sister the best of luck.

You can/should report it to your Local police.
This is criminal... and/or they can advise you... and investigate it.
To what extent I don' t know.
But if anything, it is like "harassment" and stalking... and even with those kinds of things, people can report it.
So I would think you can report this, especially if you know who is doing it.

And yes, continue to 'monitor' it... as you are.

And yes, Contact Face Book... these are underage minors as well...

Sure, any complaints your sister does, can possibly make things worse.. for her and her daughter. But that is how BULLIES operate... they scare the "victims" into silence and bet that they won't do anything about it.
Meanwhile, a child dies from suicide and bullying.
So you cannot let that happen.
And yes, the parents themselves, can be BIG bullies too. I was bullied in school by a kid AND her parent... I called the cops on them. They were going to beat me up and told me... and were all in a 'gang' waiting in a parking lot for me. I got wind of it and called the cops. I filed criminal charges on ALL of them. AND got restraining orders.
You gotta do, what you gotta do.
OTHERWISE, they will be CONTINUOUSLY bullied... both she and her daughter, and it may escalate and they may BOTH become victims.... or statistics.

Or, change schools. Sometimes, that is needed.
If that town, and the kids and parents all turn against them... what then? Some towns are like that. Pathetic.
But not right.

DOCUMENT and have your sister if possible, PRINT OUT EVERY EVERY threat her daughter has received. You need "proof" as well and documentation.

Or, contact an Attorney and see what can be done.... the girl is being threatened and harassed and even told "she should die..." and THAT... is a threat with death....
Do not take this lightly.
Contact an Attorney and the Police Department... and if your sister won't then you do it. Say it is your Niece.
There is no harm in trying to help and contact the Authorities... but there is harm in doing Nothing.

all the best,
Susan

I haven't read all the responses you've gotten but my first suggestion would be to have your niece set her privacy settings better to block and not allow just anyone to view her page or make comments. I would also have her defriend anyone who is not a true friend on her page. Second I would print off and keep paper records of anything to do date that is harassing and offensive. I'm not sure of any laws about this, but it is a serious issue and if not a legal one is one that needs to be addressed just as if your nieces was physically being attacked. If you or she is not familiar with how to set the privacy settings, then please ask. If your sister feels these parents are not going to be responsive then ALL THE MORE reason to print out the comments...the parents need to be responsible and monitor their children's computer. Just like with anything else in life, if the parents aren't going to parent then the kids aren't going to care what they do. Your sister has to rise up though and not let her daugther be bullied like this...this is not a case of "kids will be kids" She needs to read the news and see where children have taken their life over this type of thing...or other type of extreme measure. Columbine? Did we forget that. NO ONE can take this lightly. This isn't kids just "not playing nice together" Ughh - t his makes me so mad! Kids need to be accountable and parents need to parent! And your sister needs to have her daughters back...doing nothing will only make it worse for her daughter. Ive always found that bullies bully because the can get away with it but the minute someone stand up to them they back down...this is not about playground bullying though but none the less...this should be take much more serioulsy! Its harassment!

Can u print the page with the bad comments as proof?

Why don't you check into it with Facebook and see what they recommend. I know they have had to deal with this. Start there and it can't hurt to at least inquire with the police per their thoughts/recommendations. I'm afraid this is all too common and it's nearly impossible to keep her away from it.

I'm glad you are monitoring it for her sake.

I'd also suggest trying to rally around her in an attempt to divert her attention to something positive that she might really be able to immerse herself in.

Good luck with this. Please let us know what you learn.

Are the kids that are posting on her FB page students at her daughter's school? Perhaps she could go to the school counselor about this.

Is it possible for her to print a copy of the page (for rock solid "evidence")?

She should contact the school's administration and start from there. Most schools now have rules against cyberbullying or bullying of any type. It all depends on where you live as to whether there are actual laws governing the problem.

I'm not trying to sell you or her this product, but I have done A LOT of research into it and this company. I know this won't help if she's checking FB at school and the library, so I'm not saying you or your sister should buy it, but there maybe information on this site that can help you. I am actually getting a blog/website up by the end of this week addressing this very problem, so email me privately if you want, and I'll send you any other resources I come across.

http://www.mousemail.com/

Good Luck!

This is "herd" mentality and the anonymity of facebook. Your sister will do her daughter and the bullies a great deal of harm if she ignores this. She MUST go to the police. Your niece needs to know that her mom and the law will protect her and the bullies need to be stopped before they do something they will regret for the rest of their lives. I have been around teens for many years and they tend to get caught up in what they THINK their peers are enjoying. But they dont really think about consequences. It is the teenage brain. I know as a kid we used to call random phone numbers and prank the people. We all thought it was hysterical, but when I got older I felt bad for the people we tricked.
check this out: http://www.ctjja.org/ it is CT juvenile Justice Alliance

She should start at the school they can help.No tolence policys

Don't have them as "Friends" on her FB, you can de-friend or Block anyone...it makes me so sad how mean kids can be to one and other.

Good luck with the school. ~sarcasm

Go straight to the FBI and report it.

Nanc

I agree with many of the other posts, so I won't repeat what has already been said. I will, however, share something that my husband's cousin had to do with her son when he became the victim of cyber-bullying. She contacted Facebook and had his account completely removed. Gone. Nothing. Apparently he was very upset about it at first, but once she explained to him that it was the only way she knew how to stop the rude and hateful comments (I saw some of them and was horrified) he agreed with her. Interestly enough, the kids who were cyber-bullying him did it in order to "hide" behind the cover of the Internet. You can say whatever you want on the Internet, and these bullies knew it. They completely leave him alone at school. He's now a totally different kid - proud and confident with himself.

Just something to suggest to your sister in order to help with your niece. My thoughts are with you.

OMG! Reading that broke my heart. I do not have any advice to give from experience, but I can tell you what I would do if it were my niece. Go to the police! Bring printouts of what has been said online. Go to the parents! Who cares if they are "not my kid" types. You have proof of the online bullying. Get your niece into counselling and do not underestimate the power
of being taunted and teased by other kids. Your sister and your niece do have support, YOURS! That is so terrible, even if your niece has to change schools, do it! It is not worth her life! Get the school involved, this can not be tolerated. If they won't listen keep talking until someone does. Go over as many heads as you have to! If all else fails call the news stations, 7 on your side, anyone who will expose what really goes on with cyberbullying and bullying in general! How many children have to have their precious lives cut short before everyone really pays attention. The worst part is none of what these other kids say mean a damn thing once they all get in the "real world". But unfortunately some never get that far....You and your niece and your sister are all in my prayers. I am willing you all the strength I have to get your niece thu this horrible time! God bless you and good luck!

I agree with most all of the comments below but wanted to suggest if no one else has, she should get into counseling. I am sure this is tearing up her self esteem. If she tryed to hurt herself I'd think she have some resourses from the hospital or where ever she was for affordable counsel. If not PESS may have a resourse in CT. PESS is our screening service in n.j.
good luck
send her love and strength.

You can report the comments to facebook.

You can report the bullying to Facebook also, they may ban the kids in question. I just reported a spam message as unwanted on Facebook, it was asking for money from someone in another country.

I would also go to the police. Read up on the case of the mother who cyber bullied her daughter's friend and find out how that was handled. You can probably do some internet research on who to take the info. to and what, if anything can be done. If the bullying is also continuing at school, they should have a no tolerance policy and many states have laws against bullying. With girls, it is tough to catch them in the act of bullying, they are sneaky and do it behind backs and through the grapevine. It is often hard to prove, but with the messages/comments on Facebook, that could be the proof you need to have the school put a stop to the bullying behavior at school. Don't let it go any further, there was one girl getting bullied at an afterschool program off school grounds (possibly some at school- which we didn't catch) and this girl ended up getting in a fight with a group of other girls. The girl ended up with a broken jaw and some other injuries. Don't let it continue.

Good luck to your neice, it's not easy being a young teen.

I just googled "Cyberbullying Resources, Connecticut" and found a number of references. I don't know what's the best for you to check out, so you might want to google what I did and see what there is. It's important to do something because if these are neighborhood and/or school bullies, then even if the girl dropped FB and trashed her phone, they'd try to victimize her some another way. This sort of bullying seems to be everywhere - just another way to pick on children.