Custody

Absolutely NOT. He is paying YOU support while YOU have the child. It's HIS responsbility to provide for the child when HE has the child.

I swear, some men are just down right selfish.

A.

That is absolutely ridiculous. I would suggest that you look over your FOC stuff and find the page where it tell you what the child support is for in the first place. It costs more than what you are getting to feed, cloth, and provide shelter for the baby not to mention the medical and co-pays too. It seems that when money comes into play men forget that it's in the best interest of their child and some of them need to be reminded. It wouldn't hurt to send some things so incase he hasn't gone to the store to get supplies he would have something to get him started but no, It' snot your job to supply him things for his son for the entire visit.

First I want to say it is good he want visitation with your son! A father is something all kids need in their lives. I would tell him no. 266 a month is to support the child when you have him. I have 2 children with my ex husband and the only thing I will provide him is clothes for the weekend. Good luck with the ex.C.

Absolutley not. It is his responsibility to provide what is needed. When my ex husband was still around I would always refer him back to the Friend of the Court Handbook. It's very informative. You can access it through Michigan.gov.

That's a tough call. I wouldn't want my child to go without, but he should take some responsibilty also. I have been a divorced mom for 7 years now and our papers say I am to send appropriate clothing for his visitation times. Personally my kids are older and prefer their own clothes to the clothes they have at their dads. My ex only pays $300/month for 2 kids, but that's up from $120/month for 3 kids when we first divorced (my daughter is 19 now).
Now my current husband's ex is quite the opposite. She always sends their son in terrible mis-matched clothes and I never get my nice clothes back that I send him home in. Last week I decided to send him back in the clothes that he comes in, washed of course. I'm tired of losing my clothes that we've paid for, and he pays $600/month for 2 kids.

Good luck - I know it's tough!

B.

I THINK AS A PARENT HE SO WANTED TO BE .HE SHOULD HAVE ALL THE THINGS A BABY, CHILD SHOULD NEED AT HIS HOME TO.I WOULD SEND A DIAPER BAG WITH A FEW NEEDED THINGS AND LET HIM GET THE REST. IF HE IS NOT HAPPY ASK HIM IF HE PREFERS A JUDGE TO DECIDE.
GOOD LUCK

K., you have a very kind heart for even considering it BUT you definitely should not. I would assume that child support was determined by the courts and they determine that based on his income and the amount of time that each of you have the kids. That means it covers diapers, food, etc when you have the kids.
With that said you could choose whether to send an overnight bag that has clothing or you can choose not to. This is not required but is a nice gesture. When your son is older he will want to bring his own cloths so later in life it probably will have to be this way but as of right now it is up to you. You also could start doing it and make clear that the bag is to be returned at pickup. If there seems to be a problem with him not returning the clothing then you could opt not to do this from that point on.
I also wanted to add that if I were you I would make a quick note of the date that he requested this and how you handled it. If he ever brings up wanting more custody or anything like that it could become useful... only because by him asking he is not obeying the rules of what child support is all about.

These things are what the child needs to be safe and healthy. He absolutly needs to provide them when the child is with him. This is NOT your responsibility. Furthermore, if he is NOT providing these basic things for your child when he visits, then you need to DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT. Any mother, especially any single mother, knows that $266 a month barely covers a month of child care, food and groceries for a month, a portion of formula, etc.

When I was first seperated my ex husband wanted me to account for every dime that his child support went for. I asked my lawyer about this and she said the following. It doesn't matter what you do with this money. The theory is, you are spending your own money on the child, because you have the full custody. You are spending more money than he could possibly reimburse. If you need to spend child support on the child you can, or you can spend it irresponsibly (not that it is advised). The point being is it is YOUR money. He no longer has control of it and you are not accountable to him for it.

I wish you well, I know that it is difficult in dealing with an ex when you have a child. You certainly do have a long road ahead of you, as do I.

I hope this helps.
Always,
S.

OK this is an easy one read your court papers is it in there probley not so if it is not in the court papers you dont have to.

I do know from experience that if you have full custody then you are suppose to send a bag with the child that the other parent does not need to supply these things. I learned that when I was looking up joint and different things. Personally for my step son we never got a bag from his mom he always had his own clothes, shoes, toys, toothbrush everything cause we wanted him to feel like this was his home also and not just an overnight trip.

Good Luck! Sorry I am sure that is not what you wanted to hear.

The child support money is for the time when he is at YOUR house, not HIS. He should pay for everything during his custody time.

K.

well lets just say guys dont think rationally. My son is now 5 and his dad and I had a discussion over child support this past summer, they seem to think exactly what you said , that since they pay they dont have to do do anything else. Well you are that childs primary care giver, That is why you receive that money, to help with providign care when he is with you and not with him, It is in no way your responsability to give him any of those things, I could maybe see a diaper bag with some bottles or such for traveling, but for extened stay, he should have clothes and formula, and diapers at his house, when my son was small like that I had wic, so I gave his dad a container or two of formula, cause it is for our kid, I would tell him no, and that is not your obligation, and if you need to go talk to someone and get information to give to him stating why you reacieve that child support, for primary living and expenses of the child, not so you can pay for everythings every where the child goes. My sons father told me he didnt understand why he had to pay my bills, I told him that I was not the only person who laid in the bed that day, and you need to take care of your responsabilities, stick you to your guns, I did and he hasnt said anything for a while, every so often they'll say something again but thats tuff, it takes a lot of money to raise a child, and he need to contribute if he want to have rights thats the price you pay. Good luck!

I would provide him supplies unless you feel that your child will be neglected if you don't. 266 a month is not a lot of money. Formula costs about 100$ a month itself. That money is to help support the child while in your household. It really shouldn't cost him much to feed and cloth the child one day a week and every third weekend-- that is less than one week a month. Besides, child support generally takes into account the amount of time the child spends with the non-custodial parent.

I would consider asking for more $$.

You are given the child support money because your son is in your house the majority of the time. He is basically asking for his money back! He should be thankful he gets away with only $266 a month. My dad paid $550 for me as a child and a friend of mine currently pays $500 for his daughter(and he only makes $10/hour!).

If he wants to take you to court for these things then fine. His child support for your son is to support the child while he is in your care. WHile the child is in his care it is his responsability to care for him, feed him, change his diaper. When he takes your son for a visit, make sure to document how your child behaved, what cloths he had on. If your ex does not change him, care for him properly you can take him back to court, show the court that he isnt being a good father. He will learn real quick that court works for both parents.

Absolutely not! He's a parent, not a babysitter. $266.00 doesn't even start to cover all that at your house. You shouldn't send over a thing!!

he needs to provide them things for his child. it is the responsiblity of both parents to provide the things that their child needs. tell him that his money does not help with the pampers and such when your child is away from the home. he is a jerk for sure.

Hi K.. No way do you provide that stuff when he is at his house. Sending an extra set of clothes, no big deal. But when he has your son he's responsible. And that goes for everything. The support money he pays is for you to spend on your son the time when he's not there with him. I can see why your not with him.

I don't send anything but clothes with my boys when they go with their father. It becomes a pain sometime to pack for 3 kids. Not really sure if that's what I'm suppose to do as I'm new to all of this myself. Just recently divorced. But I do it because I'm there mom and want to make sure they have what they need while they're with their father. Other than that I don't send them with anything else.

When my ex and I went to court for child support and custody, the judge told me that everytime I send her over there she muct have enough clothes to last her stay and enough diapers and formula as well. He was only ordered to pay fifty dollars a month and I still had to provide it all. It should all be in the fine print in your court order in the section that tell things like who gets the child on which holiday. That is where mine is anyway.

I had to respond because I want you to be aware of a few things. First get a copy of the michigan parenting time as well as you'r local county parenting time forms. You can get them on-line it is a great refference and most times the courts follow it. It states in the michigan act on page 22 paragraph A as follows Each parent should be responsible for providing adequate clothing for the child sufficient for the weather and events in which the child(ren) engages. When occasional need or cost issues favor having only one item such as seasonal clothing, snow boots or swim wear, these items should be transported back and forth with the child, as well as the outfit he was wearing when sent to his house must be returned washed and in same condition.
Knowing these parenting guidelines can greatly help you for years to come, it lays out all the holidays and who gets what. Also be aware that when his dad has him half the summer or for 6 cosectutive nights he can put in for a child support abatement. That means if he has him half the summer every 6 nights in a row he can request his child support back for that week because he has him and you don't. My husband has a son from a previous marriage, and when we were getting him regulaly she would try to deny us certain holidays and events so I have the parenting act saved on the computer and printed for reference. When we would have him half the summer we would apply for the abatement and was given half of the support back as credit to his account. Now he may not be that smart but I want you to be aware that that could happen.
I feel for you I could not imagine having to give my baby up for the weekend let alone half the summer. My oldest spends most of the summer with her dad in another state but she's 12 now, I never would have allowed it when she was a baby but he was realy immature then to. I agree with everyone else if he wants to take responsability and obtain visitaion then he has to be responsible for the food and formula and diapers and wipes. All else fails go to the friend of the court and request that if he can't provide the basic needs for him that maybe overnight visitation should wait until he is potty trained and bottle broke that should snap him out of it.

Good luck
C.

I definitely would not supply any of these items for your son's father. His child support wouldnt even cover those items to send to his house on a regular basis! I would not supply one item. Good luck.

A.

Ok-first of all-do you feel that if you did not provide these items for your ex that he will provide them for the time your son is there? I would also contact Friend of the Court and see what he has to provide while your son is with him.
With my ex-I still send clothing with my son-who is 7-just to make sure that he has the proper fitting and weather related clothing.
As for the formula-if you are on WIC-I would send a can with your son just to make sure that he is getting what he needs-if you are buying the can outright-I would have your ex provide that.
Again-contact Friend of the Court and see what they have to say about it.
Hope I was some help!
Good luck-Jen

If he has your son ~ he needs to provide for him while he's over there and provide a healthy environment and care for him too. It's not your responsibility to do HIS job. As if you can support a baby on $266 a month! If he is not properly caring for your son, take him back to court; discuss with Friend of the Court; or go in front of a judge. I think the father is being totally unreasonable.

I do not think you should have to provide any of those things for your ex. I would sand my ground on this.

Wow, does this ever sound familiar!!! My sons father, who could care less about our son, pulled the same stunt. I took him back to court and the judge agreed with me that Chris has to provide our son with clothing, food and shelter if he wants to have visitation rights. Its his job to be prepared. And Chris only gets our son every other weekend. So since your ex has your son alot more then Chris has ours, he definatly needs to realize its his job to provide for your son!
Hope this helps.
S.

I know it probably sucks to you that he hasnt been in the childs like up until like a month ago but be glad that the father wants to be around, anyway ( from kind of expierience with my b/f now and his baby mama) that because he does pay child support regardless of how much it is that you do have to send clothes with him and that they have to be returned to you clean as how they were given to him. also the court looks at it also like the child support that he does give you pays for the food diapers clothes ext. not all of course because you have that same responsibility as well..just look at it like its a good thing for you free time and help .... try to keep things civil between you guys because it will make it sooooo much easier in the long run..... I had to edit my response cause i read some of the other moms responses.... because the child is living with you and you are the parent he is living with 90 percent of the time that you should send clothes with the father , if you dont want to send his nice clothes dont send him play clothes maybe... what everone needs to understand is that he does pay child support, it covers to help you to buy things not to pay for everything since you have that resposibility to , im not trying to sound mean or rude but my boyfriend is going through this also and she has to send clothes and things, we have a bed and blankets and things like that for him..but as long as there brought back in the condition that they were sent in and clean there shouldnt be a big issue...

Trust me send them with nothing. Your ex will either go to the store and buy diapers and wipes on the first poopy diaper or they will send the child back to you! Either way you win!

Hi K.,

I have been raising my 4yr. old daughter alone since she was born. I do get child support every month as well. even so, when your son is at his father's house, his father is responsible for clothing him and feeding him. My daughter goes to visit her father every other weekend, and he provides her clothing. There have been times when he has asked me to send certain things to his house but he has never demanded it. If you want to be nice and send things that you have extras of that is your choice. Your ex needs to understand that $266.00 a month does not go very far and it certaainly doesn't mean that you have to furnish things for him. I hope that you ara able to get this resolved and you are able to get along for your child's sake.

Good Luck,
B. N.

I just went through the same thing, so I feel your stress. I told my ex that if he had a problem paying for the things that our daughter needed while she was with him because he was paying too much in child support that he needed to petition the court to get it lowered. Friend of the court is fair if he can show just cause for it to be lowered. I wish you all the luck.

not. he pays child support- how lame. Tell him to deal with it and give him some coupons.

I have not been in your situation but I have seen my brother go through it. He actually has custody and she does nothing, not even support. My feeling is that if he is not providing those things when your son is with you, then why should you have to provide them when he is with him. I understand that he pays support but it also takes more than $266 a month to provide for a child. He shouldn't be let off the hook that esily. Good Luck with everything.

HELL NO! Don't send him squat! $266 a month is barely a drop in the bucket of what you're paying out each month for your son's care. It's his responsibility to provide the necessary items when your son is in his care. I know that everyone else basically said the same thing, but I wanted to add my two cents, too, because I feel pretty strongly about this! Good luck - and stand firm!

L.

you don't have to provide anything; the support that he is paying you is to provide for your child when he's in your home... not his; i know that it's conflicting but... i've been on both sides of the table on this situation; my ex fiance payed support (minimum being as he had joint physical custody) and had brought that same issue up about his son's mother providing food, diapers, formula, wipes and clothing etc.. and the court basically told him that she didn't have to that it was his job to provide for his son 1/2 the time (through child support) in her home and full time while the child was in his home... weird huh? if your sons' dad is willing to step up to the plate and be a real dad... good.... but for him to assume you are going to just provide all the necessary items to care for the child in his home is preposterous... i'd make him do it and see what you had to deal with the last ten months...

I went through the same thing you did. I told my ex-husband " that the courts may be able to force me to let you have her but they cant force me to send items when she comes." It's his parenting time he is to provide for the child while he is in his possession. If he cant provide then he doesnt need to see the child until he can provide.

I honestly don't think you should be responsible to supply the food, diapers, and wipes for visits. Clothing is really a non-issue, because you son should be bringing the clothes home with him after each visit. When I was growing up, we always took an overnight bag with us to Dad's.

Being a good mom, and nice person that I am, I would likely pack a bottle, a diaper or two, and a travel stock of wipes, too. But Dad should really have his own supply of this stuff at home, too.

If he's so sure he's right, tell him to take you to court. I'm sure the judge will roll his eyes, bang the gavel and tell him to get a life. Of course, they could just raise his child support to piss him off, too.LOL

Dear K.,
Do NOT let that man dictate to you what you are suppose to provide; he does NOT make the rules; Friend of the Court does. Send or fax a note to your FOC assistant or judge & ask them what to do. I let FOC do the work for me & truly it has gone much better taking that route rather than dealing with my ex. If he still gives you trouble, you have every right to change visitation arrangements or whatever it is you want fixed. I live in Macomb County & they work with me very well. Keep in touch if you need more information.
K.

Hello K.,

Having been through a divorce and helping others with Custody issues. It is the Fathers responsibility to provide the necessities for your child. When he has him he needs to have the items to take care of him. It is not your responsibility to provide them. He just doesn't want to deal with it and is trying to find a way for you to do it for him.

What little money you do recieve from him doesn't come close to the cost of raising your son. I would stand firm and tell him. That if he can't provide these things for your son then maybe the arrangement was not a good idea. You can always go back to FOLC if issues arise.

I wish you all the best and hope this works out for you and your son.

Tell him to go to hell. If he even asks you for a diaper, that gives you the right to not give him parenting time. I just went through this, and I refused my daughter's father parenting time for this quite a few times. He took me to court, and I won. So, do what you feel is necessary.