Crying It Out ....should I?

Hi T B

I know you must be so tired. I guess your first boy was a "perfect sleeper", because your 4 month old sounds normal to me :O) Waking up 4-5 times a night was normal for BOTH of my boys. And.....They always ate like I had never fed them before! Actually, my boys slept similar to your newborn also.....

In my opinion, cryng it out is not for a 4 month old. I believe their cries are "real", because they really need something. In your case, your son 4m old needs to suck :o) The best part is he is NOT hungry, so he will eventually be able to soothe himself back to sleep. Maybe he needs a different pacifier with a different "shaped" nipple. Perhaps he's sucking so hard that it falls out of his mouth. He keeps waking up, because he can't soothe himself completely back to sleep yet...so, it's easy for him to wake up.

You can try to rock him at 3:30am to help him sleep deeper the rest of the night. I didn't......I just pulled my son into bed with me to get better rest :O)

At 4 mths old, I thought my 1st son was nocturnal, because he was more restful during the day, than at night. So, his naps were NEVER in peace and quiet....I had to vacuum around him and everything to try to "interrupt his sleep" so he would sleep sounder during the night....do you think your newborn could be like that? Well....this is why I began rocking my son.....to get him to sleep sounder during the night. Plus, it was beautiful....addicting, but very sweet :O) My 13 yr old... to this day....is like clockwork! He is sound asleep before 9pm and POPS up super early around 6am. So, the rocking didn't effect him at all. Or did it?

NOW... my 7 yr old is another story. I didn't rock him, because I was trying to make it "eaiser" on me the 2nd time around :O) Well, he slept sound all by himself for the first 3 years :O) Then he couldn't do it anymore....and tried to keep crawling in bed with me...at 7, we still struggle with this. So, go figure....each kid is different.

Your precious boy is only 4 m's old and has specific needs right now. The need to be fed, changed, held and the need to suck :O) That's about it....You can never love a 4 month old too much (in my opinion)....This is probably the "easiest" age because their needs are so few.

As difficult as it is to see beyond the fatigue.... try to instead, think of his simple needs.....needs that can be satisfied in minutes if it's the RIGHT need :O)

Good luck, T B. I hope can get some more rest soon.

~N. :O)

1 mom found this helpful

You need to read Dr. Weissbluth's "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". It is quick reading cause you only have to read the sections that apply to your childs age. I used this book to sleep train my son at 4 months, he is now 3 years old. He is a great sleeper and needs no help from me!! The book SAVED me!! I was going to loss my mind but now everyone is jealous of my sleeper!

1 mom found this helpful

Has he found his hands yet? If so I would try a paci leash. These are totally safe and it may allow him to find the paci on his own. This worked for my first son. On the other hand if you are going nuts...try letting him cry it out. It is better to break him of the paci now than to form habbits that are learned now that have to be broken later. Good luck!

TB -
First congratulations on being a mom and for your two little ones! Parenting is so exciting and yes very exhausting.
Next, get the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD and the white noise CD that goes with it. The techniques for sleeping and helping to calm a fussing baby are priceless. You can use the white noise CD to help your baby sleep better and longer. I have give the CD to all the expectant parents that I know and they swear by the techniques.
Take good care. - J.

I'd highly recommend the book that solved all our problems, Sleeping Through the Night by Jodi Mindell (it's on Amazon). It helps you figure out how to get them to self-soothe so they're not dependent on you or the paci to sleep. And it gives you a plan on how to do it. She recommends a modified cry it out, where you go in and check every 5 minutes, just very quickly to make sure they're OK, with quiet, calming words for a few seconds. It's painful for the first few days, but it worked very well for us. Good luck!

Hi there,

I just responded to another mommy's question about crying it out ("cry it out for naps" - from Michelle B), if you want to read that. But I think our solution won't work well for you with two children... sorry I can't offer another suggestion! But I do regret the cry-it-out, since you asked. And 4 months seems awfully young.

Good luck! I hope someone else will give you some more helpful suggestions.

H.

I would do two things:

Give him one more night feeding at 8pm and move his bed time to 8:30 or 9 pm so that his waking time will be around 6-7am. He seems to be on track for how many hours he is sleeping at night, I think he is just going down a bit early.

Get rid of the pacifier for good. It just makes things harder. you will have to hear the crying as you wean him, but better now, while it is still early and his cries are lighter and he is easier to train, than trying to do it a year from now, when the habit is deeply ingrained and the crying is an all out, melt down, screaming, jumping up and down, fit. It is ALWAYS easier to do it early.

I raised one child with the rocking/patting /bouncing/swing method to get them to sleep, and two others by laying them down awake or sleepy and letting them cry until sleep came. The second method turned out to be easier on me and them. My kids got more sleep and you know what- to this day my children who were laid down and allowed to sleep on their own fall asleep with no problems, while my other child (now 12) is still fighting trying to get to sleep at midnight.
The cry it out method was a better choice, because it actually trained my kids to go to sleep when put down. The key to cry out method is dont go back in and pat/rub and talk to them or pick them up. If you do, you just erased all the progress you made.

My first son was a paci baby. He was so attached to it that he would get upset when he accidentally pulled it out. We had to have 2 clipped to him during the day, one to play with and one to suck on. We also had one clipped to him at night. I know the package says not to, but the strap is really too short to get around his neck. He learned to find it in his sleep by finding the clip and running his hand down the strap to the paci. He would then put it back without ever waking up.

With my second son, he gave up the paci on his own, but was a bigger eater. The Dr. told me to start giving him cereal at 4 months old because he wasn't getting enough calories from breast milk. She told me to feed him 4 times a day. The last one was 30 min before bed and it really helped. He slept better after that.

I would try feeding him cereal before bed and using a paci clip so he can find it on his own. Good luck!

Yes, sleep train with C.I.O. It is a gift to your baby first and then and you, and your marriage next.
I started C.I.O when my son was 5.5 months old and it was tough for me, having never let my son cry more than 30 seconds!
I read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". I highly recommend this book. I needed my husband's support to stick with it because it was tremendously difficult for me to hear my son cry for over an hour, but there's no point in trying it unless you use the method -or any method for that matter - correctly and consistenly. Ater 3 nights, he was locked into his routine and sleeping great! It was totally worth those 3 tough nights. Absolutely.
4 months seems a bit young, but that's just my un-professional opinion. Consult your pediatrician or professional literature and see if 4 months is an appropriate age to start sleep training.

The CIO method worked great for my 1st child (now 2 1/2) and my 2nd child (6 months) never needed it she just went to sleep on her own. I don't regret it at all, because I have 2 wonderful sleeping children who are happy and well rested everyday. Also, my husband and I have time to ourselves when they are sleeping. I did a modified CIO with my oldest and checked on her every 10 minutes or so, but never picked her up. I think the biggest mistake is when parents feed their baby right before bed and they associate the bottle with sleep. We had the pacifier issue with my 1st and eventually it stops when they can find it in the crib themselves.

Hi T B,

My idea is for you to read "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It was a savior for me with both my kids. It's a fast read and divided into sections based on age and sleep style. Clearly he thinks he cannot sleep unless the paci is in his mouth, so he wakes up in a panic when it's not there. You can lovingly teach him that he can indeed sleep without it. With both my kids they thought they needed to be nursing to sleep (same basic thing). Both times I was able to gently teach them that it was not so, and I was able help them learn this WITH NO CRYING. It's not so gentle to let them cry...and he's really a new baby! What he will learn if you let him cry it out is just that...that his Mommy doesn't come when he cries out with all he has and the only way he knows to communicate. He doesn't understand why you are not there for him and why he's all alone in this. Listen to your Mama heart and to your son, and know that you can both get the sleep you both need very soon.

Good luck to you!