Cry It Out and Moro Reflex

Cry it out is not not not not advised for a child under 6 months old. It interferes with their ability to bond with you.

I personally did not practice CIO. No that's not true... I did do it once... only to realize my 8 month old was crying because she had managed to get her foot/leg in between the slats of her crib and was stuck there, while I ignored her. Oh! Oh! And then there was the time when she started crying at 3am and we decided to let her cry it out because we didn't want to encourage a habit... only to discover she caught a stomach virus and had been vomiting in her bed for the previous 10 minutes.

Your baby has only one way to communicate with you right now--Crying. No matter how tired you might be nor how tired you think the baby is, when he cries he is saying "Mama I need you."

2 cents: I don't know what your son is sleeping in right now. You might want to consider re-evaluating whatever furniture he is sleeping in is contributing to his sleeplessness. I've heard some newborns have difficulty sleeping in a crib (because its too big of a space), have heard some newborns have really rough time sleeping in a pak-n-play (not enough support in the hammock thing); have heard some newborns have more successful sustaining sleep a bassinette with the $20 bassinette mattress (again, support issues).

4 moms found this helpful

First off, if swaddling is the only way he can sleep, by all means keep swaddling.

And I agree with the mom who said to examine the sleeping area, and her reasoning, as well.

CIO isn't recommended before 6 months, as the other moms have said, as babies this young are still trying to communicate needs. Personally, it isn't something I do at any age, but even the main CIO guy, Ferber, says to wait until 6 months.

May I suggest, kindly, that you reassess your feelings on sleep from your baby's perspective and not from some outside perspective? Your baby is completely helpless, and knows this, so when they cry or wake, it's because they need your help to fix something. As grown ups, we value rest and sleep (man, do we value it!) and we have a hard time functioning when we're sleep deprived. But if we can find some Zen, happy place from which to balance our crankiness with the baby's need for us, we know in our hearts that responding to their needs trumps our being well-rested.

I know sleep issues can be frustrating, I promise - my 20-month-old still takes a good 30 minutes to fall asleep at night, and only within the past few months (knock wood) has she been good about not waking multiple times overnight. So I spent close to 18 months at least mildly sleep deprived; and believe me, I get how draining and emotionally trying it is. It's hard to find that happy, Zen place sometimes, but I still (kindly) believe it's worth looking for.

I'm wishing both you and your little one peaceful sleep :)

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Hi L.,

Whatever anyone things about the cry it out method, it is unadvisable to do it before 6 months. For the first six months of life babies are communicating needs, not wants. You will notice a change in him when he reaches that milestone... he'll seem more ... human. Until then, just give him what he needs and whatever makes him feel calm and safe. I know you are exhausted, and you're in good company. Those first six months are about needs, though, and making him cry it out will only hurt him.

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Why are you stopping the swaddling? That is the perfect solution for the startle reflex. I swaddled my daughter until she learned to roll over, then stopped. As others have said, cry it out should not be done until at least 6 months. I personally tried everything under the sun to avoid CIO, but it was the only thing that worked for my daughter (we finally did it at 10 1/2 months). I would just really encourage you to get Ferber's book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" and follow his advice. He is the original CIO guy and is quite compassionate. It is a controlled, small increment process. Extinction crying (where they cry till they're so exhausted they fall asleep) is also called CIO, but is simply cruel. I also highly recommend The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. She has tons of advice on things that might be contributing to sleep difficulties. For now, though, don't fix it if it ain't broke. And lastly, please know we all feel for you. Sleep deprivation is the hardest part of early motherhood.

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If the swaddling helps, why stop? I wish it had been a suggested technique when my kids were babies!

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L.,
My son is now two, but I had to swaddle him until he was about 5-6 months old. He also had colic from 6 weeks to 3 months, so that didn't help. However, I wondered at the time if I would have to keep him swaddled until he was 18! He did the same thing as your son... wake himself up with the startle reflex. I'm happy to report he is no longer swaddled and he did grow out of it :), although he does still tend to startle easily and is not a very sound sleeper.

My opinion is keep him swaddled until the reflex calms down, and gradually loosen the swaddle as he gets older.

Best of Luck,
J. S.
Mom of 2 boys

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Keep him swaddled for a few more months. When he gets a little older, he may not like it as much. My daughter had to have her arms out when swaddled. After a few months she did not like it. If I remember correctly the startle reflex more or less settles, not necessarily goes away. I would start coaching on the cry it out method closer to six months. Your baby will start to let you know when that can be taught. For instance, when he realizes you come when he cries..you can start to wait a few minutes longer to go in and see if he gets himself to sleep. Congratulations on your little blessing.

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Its hard to say. Each child is an individual. My daughter is 4 months now and I tried not swaddling her about 1 month ago and she did the same thing. Now all of a sudden, she is fine without it. Once she started breaking free from the swaddle on her own, I swaddled with one arm out, then within 2 days she was totally out. (I also started with nap times since they are shorter). This is how I did it, but I have a friend with a 16 month old who still swaddles. He breaks free of course very soon after falling asleep, but it really helps him soothe to sleep- no tears!! I also have another friend with a 5 month old and she just stopped swaddling when he learned to sit up. As for the cry it out method and the startle reflex- I understand the 'cry it out' method to be for when he is trying to delay bedtime because he wants to play or not sleep, but if he is trying to fall asleep and his body wont let him, I think that its your job to help him control it awhile longer until he can on his own. I would ask yourself a question in light of this info- what is the purpose of not swaddling? Is it for him or you? It sounds like he may not be ready and if not- that's ok!! Kids all change at their own pace. BUT- every child is an individual and you are his best caregiver and I'm sure you'll do what's right for him!

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If he is still having the startle reflex and swaddling still works for him, by all means continue to swaddle.. He needs his sleep or you will end up with an overtired infant.

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I agree, there really is no reason to stop swaddling. If that it what comforts him and allows him to sleep then I would suggest to keep swaddling until 4-5 months, after that he will learn to comfort himself, and you may need to use the cry it out method but not for more than 5 minutes or so. You'll be able to tell by the type of cry whether to pick him up or let him fuss.

Right now with him startling himself awake you may be setting yourself up for a harder time later. Keep swaddling he will be fine!

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I agree with the others about continuing swaddling. If it works, why stop? :o) As far as CIO- I agree with waiting until the baby is around 5/6 months, but also check signs from your baby to see if it's time. I let my son cry around 5 months, but I knew it was time because: 1.He would wake up and instantly fall back to sleep when I put his binky in (only to wake up 10 minutes later it fell out) 2. Each time I would try to feed him and he would instantly fall back to sleep. From these points, I knew that he was just waking up for comfort and not for other reasons. Good luck!

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I believe in the cry it out method, but I don't think I would do it before 4 months old. As for the startle reflex...if your baby still has it, then there is nothing wrong with continuing to swaddle him. Maybe try swaddling with one arm out for a little while to begin getting him used to it. My son actually really loved being swaddled, but HAD to have one arm out! That reflex will eventually go away, but I think you're in for a long road if you're trying to do CIO without swaddling if he's going to be waking himself up all of the time. I would wait it out a little longer and try again in a few weeks. Good luck to you!

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If swaddling works, why not keep using it? My babies never took to swaddling, and though many would disagree here, I allowed my son to sleep on his belly at about Three months, and he slept like a charm, (meaning he only woke up once to twice a night instead of three to four times). I also made sure there were no blankets, stuffed animals or pillows in the crib, and made sure the room was well circulated with a fan. This helped me when my son didnt want to be swaddled.

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What's the rush? I swaddled mine until he was too big to fit in a blanket! Any way that you can get sleep is good for me--I swear, my little guy was 5 months old and just finishing up the swaddling!

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I wouldn't cry it out this early yet and I would swaddle as long as he stayed in it. When my daughter started to whine and cry when I put her in it I quit and my son just got so proficient at getting out it wasn't worth it anymore I quit, otherwise I think they were in it for 5ish months. It was an adjustment for a few nights with out it, that involved me getting up a lot!

chel

I know some people don't like it, but we used Baby Wise and both of my kids slept through the night at 8 weeks. We of course taylored it to meet our needs. Both of my kids (6 & 1) sleep wonderfully now!

Keep swaddleing him. Our son loved being swaddled. The only reason we stopped swaddling out little boy at 3 months was because he was rolling over, yes even while swaddled and then he could not roll himself back on to his back. He then figured out how to wiggle out of the blanket. Now I have a hard time even getting him into PJ's. He would sleep naked if I let him. Your little one will eventually out grow the startle reflex. Be patient and let him tell you when he is ready to sleep with out it. I don't let Jackson cry more than about 3-5 minuets before going in to check on him, he usually quiets himself down now and goes back to sleep. Good luck.

Why would you want to stop swaddling in the first place? Your baby is only 14 weeks old and seems to need the comfort. Please do not take that comfort away! Don't rush, let your baby be a baby.

We swaddled my grand daughter until she began kicking herself out of the blanket. When the time is right your baby will tell you.