Cry It Out? - Streetsboro,OH

4 months is WAY too young to let her cry it out.

Don't care what else you hear, you can't "train" an infant that young to soothe herself.

This is temporary, please comfort a little one that young. Set schedules just aren't in the cards for new mommies with 4 month olds. Sleepless nights and tired days are part of what you signed up for, hang in there momma :), this will pass and all too soon!

Remember, I say this with her age in mind. Others may tell you stories, give advice on books, etc. but those tips may be better for an older child, such as a 1 1/2 year old.

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It WILL happen.
We had six children in 10 years, and in order for us to get rest it came down to: we tried as much as possible to have them sleep first in their own beds, and when they awoke in the night, they usually came into our bed for the rest of the night.
I usually rocked/ nursed the infants to sleep.
I personally think it is rather unreasonable for adults who sleep together every night to expect infants/children to go to sleep alone every night.
Our children shared rooms of course, so, as they got older it was easier for them to go to bed.
So I would do what works best for you and your sleep needs, and forget what our society tries to "mandate".
Believe me, they do not come into your bed forever.
Our children are all healthy, well-adjusted individuals, and we have 11 grandchildren.
You are doing fine.
P.S. When our oldest child was in mid-high school, she had a terrifying nightmare and still felt comfortable enough to come into our room and crawl into bed with us and feel safe. That's what we are there for.

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First of all I would do one kid at a time. I would start with your two year old. To make the transition easy on her I would first start putting her in her own bed and just laying with her until she falls asleep. If she wakes in the middle of the night and comes in your room you have to put her back in her bed so she gets the message. It might be a rough couple nights but at this point I think you really need to make a change. So then once she is used to sleeping in her bed you can then just start putting her to bed and leaving the room so she can fall asleep all on her own. Once you got that done I would work on baby. From what I have learned from my 2 kids and baby books is that sleep training doesn't work until they are at least 4 months and even better at around 6 months. Make sure you have a bedtime routine so both your kids know it's bed time. Then you can let your little one cry it out. You may find that she only cries for a minute or so. But again I would do one kid at a time so it's not too stressful.

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I can tell you from my aunts experience she let her toddlers sleep in her bed with her and now my 10 year old couzin has promblems sleeping alone and wakes up in the middle of the night to crawl in the bed with mommy.
I had my daughter with me in the same room until she was one but she slept in her crib. Although, when we moved she got her own bedroom and had some trouble adjusting. She would cry and the plan was to check every 5-10 minutes or so to make sure she was ok. (diaper, cup/bottle) It also helped to allow her to sleep with something like her teddy bear etc. but dont give in check on dont ignore her completely! If everything is normal kiss her and tell her goodnight, sweet dreams, i love you and that you will see her in the morning. I think that you should switch the 2 year old but wait until the 4month old sleeps through the night and make sure to keep a monitor close just in case till appx. 1 year

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i know you will get a lot of ifferent answers one this one. lots of people will try to make you feel bad about letting your kids cry it out, but my pediatrician told me to do that with my daughter when she was 5 months old. and now she's 2 and has no problems sleeping. it was difficult for about a month or so, but absolutly no problems now. she will actually come up to me and tell me that she's tired and then she starts to walk up the stairs to go to her room. this has made no difference on how she is emotionally. she still knows i will be there for her when she is hurt or needs me. but she is more independent in being able to know if it's sleepiness or hunger or something else tha's making her crabby. hope this helps. but just know that whatever you decide, it will be fine for you and your family.

Have you tried rocking the baby to sleep? Does your 2 year old still have a crib? I spend time with each of my boys in their rooms before I put them to bed. I have never had them sleeping with me regularly but I have been through lots of issues regarding them being in control or not liking the routine. Stay in the room with Jenny for a bit, read to her, stroke her face or back, maybe even after she falls asleep. I would just concentrate on getting her to fall asleep in her room.

Start with the two year old and let her cry it out. My son slept in the bed with me until he was four I finally had enough of sleepless nights and put him in his own bed in his own room. I let him cry it out at bedtime we have a routine, brush teeth, story, and prayers then I rub his back for a few minutes and leave him in his room rather he is sleeping out not. He only cried for the first few days. In the beginning I also created a calendar with a picture of him and it said I slept in my big boy bed all by myself. For every 5 stickers he got in a row on the calendar he would get a prize. I only had to use the calender for a month. Know he goes to bed with no problems he does have times when he is sick that I will allow him to sleep in my bed but he prefers his own. I also completely redid his bedroom he got to choose the theme and everything that went into his room.

Hi, K.!

It's a no brainer to me, because I would just have both the girls in bed with me! : )

But, it's easy for me to say that, because I believe in co-sleeping and think the CIO idea is barbaric. : )

My 10 yo boy and 7 yo girl no longer sleep with me (unless they come in after a nightmare) but they did when they were young. My son slept with me until he was two, and my daughter until she was 18 months. I honestly cannot remember how I transitioned them into their own beds. It was just a very natural thing. I think they were getting too crowded, and wanted their own space.

I know you asked us moms for our opinions, but I hate for you to listen to someone say co-sleeping is dangerous and bad. It's not. (Unless you drink a lot or use drugs. Then it's not safe, of course.) And there are no statistics to back up the claim that more SIDS cases are co-sleepers. And the children WILL eventually get into their own beds. Anyone who has a 9 or 10 yo still needing to sleep with them obviously has some other issues going on.

And on the other hand, I don't think you should listen to anyone's ideas that letting your children CIO are going to permanently damage them, pyschologically or otherwise. There are millions of children who have been through it, and survived. Heck, I'm sure WE went through it, too, and we're okay, aren't we? ; )

Ultimately, you have to do what is best for your family, and only you can know that. Just trust your instinct, and if it doesn't feel right, it's not! Whatever you end up choosing to do, all of you will eventually adjust, and your girls will be just fine.

Blessings, J.

Thanks for the post!

I have a two year old in bed with me (hubby works nights) and another coming any day now (!). My problem with the two year old though is he's a climber and will not stay in his own bed. My plan is to let him transition in his own time and start the baby in a basinette in my room (for nursing).

What keeps me from worrying too much is the fact that I also have a nine year old son who slept with me for 3-4 years and then just on weekends when he started school. Around six or so he realized he was getting big and was more comfortable in his own bed. No issues at all. There are times he'll lay down with the two year old and I to read with us and I ask him if he just wants to stay in bed with us but he never has. Just says "nah, I'm more comfortable in my bed".

I also LOVE sleeping with my little boys. I'm a light sleeper and it was always best for me to just look to make sure they're ok rather than get up and go to their rooms to check on them.

4 mos is too young- I wouldn't do CIO with her. Wait til at least 6 mos. I dont like cry it out anyway, I read No Cry Sleep Solution when I finally got my son to sleep through the night.

Now the 2yr can start being trained to sleep on her own now. My son was an awful sleeper, then I finally got him to start sleeping through the night a little after a year. Then just before he turned 2, we had some home life changes and he stopped again. He started freaking out about being put in his crib. So I tried getting him a bed. All that accomplished was that it was more comfortable for me to lay by him while he fell asleep, and that he could get up and come in my room in the middle of the night. I didn't feel like fighting that battle, so I let him. (dumb me.) Anyways, so just a couple weeks ago I started doing this new thing with him because I was tired of laying in bed with him forever for naps and bedtime. I started by doing our usual routine with the book and such, but instead of turning out the light and laying by him, I told him I was going to go in the other room, but I would set the timer on microwave for 5 minutes and I would come back to check on him and give him more kisses. I just told him he needed to stay tucked in and I'd be right back and to listen for the beep. I make sure I go back in as soon as it beeps and give him kisses, then I tell him the same thing over about coming back. I actually set the time for longer than 5 minutes if he seems fairly calm and sleepy, so that after the first time I am usually setting it for 7 or 8 minutes. So far I haven't had to go back in after 3 beeps. He is always asleep by the third time. I don't know how this started working after trying everything. Maybe he was finally just ready, but wow, am I glad I thought of this. He seems to sleep through the night in his own bed if he falls asleep on his own. Maybe you could try this with your older one. Work on her first, then in a couple months, start working on your little one.

We co-sleep with my almost 7 month old and my 3 y ear old just started sleeping through the night in her own bed. I guess it never bothered me. I loved waking up and seeing my kids in bed with me. Now that my big girl is sleeping in her own bed, I miss her snuggles in the middle of the night. I don't believe in CIO at all. I know there are sometimes when a baby just needs to cry, but I just can't get on board with letting an infant scream themselves to sleep. Both my girls slept exclusively with us till they were 6 months old. At 6 months, I started laying them down in their crib for the first part of the night. I always nursed them to sleep, so they were sleeping when I laid them down. Neither of them slept through the night at that age, so when they woke up, I would pull them in to bed with me, nurse and then we'd both drift back to sleep. When my oldest was 10 months old she started sleeping through the night in her own bed. When she went into a toddler bed at 2, she started climbing in bed with us when she woke up in the middle of the night. I didn't push her to sleep in her own bed, eventually she just stopped coming into bed with us. My youngest is a little more needy and loves to be held and snuggled. I know that so many people will say that I did bedtime wrong. Put them down when they're drowsy and blah, blah, blah. But, we do what works best for us. It may not work for someone else, but it works for US. I say put down the books and do what you want. They're your kids and you know them best. You alone know what works best for your family, not the author of some book. Snuggle your babies when they're little. Soon enough they'll be grown.

The hardest thing I ever did as a mom was letting my son cry it out in his bed. I took the advice of my friends and was so glad with the end results. The first night, he cried for over an hour. The second night, it was just at an hour. It was less and less each night. He is now 5 and refuses to sleep in our bed! He also doesn't want anyone else sleeping in his. The boundaries were finally set and we have a happy sleep house! Good Luck. Its not easy in the beginning but the end results, are fabulous. Its also the best piece of advice I give new moms, never start the habit so you don't have to break it.

I personally wouldn't recomment cosleeping. No one sleeps well, it never ends, from looking at my friends who do it (including a nine year old who will go to sleep in his bed but eventually end up in his parents), and it actually can be dangerous for infants. Higher rate of SIDS among babies who cosleep, possibly from loose covers or parents actually rolling onto infants. Anyway, I did get my two oldest boys to go to sleep in their cribs without letting them cry it out. I would put them to bed groggy, but not asleep, and basically keep my hands on them, loving on them, rubbing their bellies, singing, humming, or just shushing them til they were asleep. They are both good sleepers (5 1/2 and 4), and I'm currently doing the same thing with my 5 week old. He sometimes does it, and sometimes I have to get him to sleep, just like the older ones did at that age. By the time both my sons were 4-6 months, they could comfort themselves without crying. I don't letting a 4 month old cry it out is good either.

I like R.M.'s idea of the sleep timer. I would definitely use it for the 2 year old. If she's too young for that, you might try soothing her like you would an infant, just leaving the room a little earlier each night...the first night when she goes to sleep, the second night whenshe's almost asleep, the third night when she's calm, etc... And don't feel bad about thinking of letting the baby CIO...you are probably pretty sleep deprived at this point. Oh, and Kate is probably getting mixed messages b/c sometimes you come in and sometimes you don't...so just be consistent when you figure out what you want to do. I know it's tough with a toddler and an infant...but it gets better. My boys are the best of friends now, and both are great sleepers. Just hang in there like you're doing, People can be judgemental, but we all have to do the best we can! Good luck!!!

Depends on the kid and on what you need.
Most kids who have co-slept will transition rather easily between 2 and 3 years. What i've usually seen is that they start in their own bed and then come into the parents bed, but that it gradually becomes later and then sometimes they don't come at all. And if you wait until closer to 3, many kids just announce that they want their own room and it's quick.
That said, my 5 year was 4.5y before being in his own bed/room wasn't a big deal (and he'd still prefer to co-sleep, it's just not a big issue anymore). We tried numerous times from 2 years. But he's on the sensitive end of the spectrum for a number of things and it's common for such kids to need more help/reassurance with sleep. It's just how he is. he's very independent, outgoing, and autonomous in many ways, too.
He did get into the "sleep fairy." He'd leave her notes, she'd write back, she'd leave little trinkets if he stayed in bed all night (of course that meant the "sleep fairy"--me--had to get up early and make sure something was in the special bag that he left on the end of his bed). it was little stuff every time for a while, then it was for 3 then 5 nights in a row, etc. Oh, and we still had a "big bed" night so that the transition wasn't too abrupt for him, so every Saturday he'd be with us--that he dropped on his own as he became more comfortable in his own bed.
My younger son on the other hand, would not sleep next to me after 6 months. i tried, but he was restless until i'd put him in the crib. Unfortunately, he was still waking every couple of hours which really wore me down (definite bad affects on my mental health!). So at 13 months I finally tried putting him in his own room with a plan to CIO (the wakings were killing me by 8 months but it took me a while to work up the nerve). I never ever thought i'd do any amount of cio but didn't see an option. From 2 months old he would rarely fall asleep nursing, I had to lay him down and sometimes he'd be fine with me leaving and sometimes i'd lay by the crib. All the books (cio and no-cry) assume that if they put themselves to sleep at bedtime then they will do so during the night, but that wasn't the case for us. No "system" fit him.
So I took my peds advice (had to pull a suggestion out of her, she started with "you wouldn't do it anyway" lol). Put him to bed as usual, the first time he woke I went and told him "it's night night time. I love you and will see you in the morning." and walked out until 6am. I also gave myself permission to change my mind at anytime if it didn't feel right. And I got a video monitor so i'd know what was going on. Funny thing is, he complain cried (and he certainly has a major freakout cry!) for 10 minutes then went to sleep. Hours later he woke up and complained for 5 minutes then back to sleep. And was perfectly fine the next day. Not clingy. And very well rested, better than usual. The next night was 5 and 2 minutes and then maybe 2 minutes the next night. He just needs his space.
They each had different sleep needs, and I had different needs with 1 kid vs. 2 kids.
Also, my boys share a room now. They love it. I posed the possibility to older ds as a future option and he jumped on the idea. The room they share is farther away from our room than where he was at so I didn't think he'd be too keen on it at the time, but he wanted to and it makes bedtime easier for me and dh with both kids going to bed at the same time and in the same room.
Personally, I really like co-sleeping. It's only been 6 or 7 months of being over and it feels like forever ago.

I am not a fan of CIO with little ones. I really believe that until they are closer to a year old, babies cry for a reason... not to manipulate. They NEED something, and sometimes that "something" is just you! They need to know you are near and will be there for them.

We didn't let our daughter CIO until she was 13 months old. By that time, it was obvious her cries were just because she was being stubborn and didn't want to go to sleep. It took 3 nights. She never cried more then 15 minutes, and that was the first night. By the third night I'm not even sure if you could call it a cry. It was more like a "wha... I know what you're doing...but I'm too tired to fight it". We haven't had a problem since.

I'm very big into bonding with your children and meeting their needs when they have them. Now, our daughter who is 2.5 is very independent. She has the courage to be independent because she knows we will be there for her if she needs us. I'm pregnant again and plan on following the same course of action.dfcx

I haven't read any of the other answers... but as a mother of 3, I don't think it's necessary to make a child cry it out. I read Secrets of the Baby Whisperer to learn how to stay with my baby until he stopped crying, leave the room, come back when he cries again, comfort until he stops crying but is still awake, leave the room, repeat until he is asleep. It took FOREVER the first few weeks, but eventually he finally got it that I am NOT abandoning him, that I will come if he needs me, but he doesn't really need me to fall asleep, or to fall back to sleep in the middle of the night for that matter. And for toddlers/preschool age, I learned that I do a bed time routine, tuck him in, tell him I'll be right back, come back in for one more hug after 5-10 minutes, then leave.

We co-slept with our 2 kiddos till the oldest was about 3 1/2 and the youngest was 18 months. (As an infant, our son would startin a bassinet and then come into our bed when he awoke for a feeding.) We transitioned them TOGETHER onto a mattress on the floor. Then my husband and I moved down the hall to another bedroom.

Do not let your 4 month old cry it out. When babies cry it is because they need something. (Even if it is just comfort!) If you really want to get your bed back, move your 2 year old right now and in a couple months move the baby to her own room (or sisters' room.)

My opinion: 4 months is too young to let them cry it out. I CIO'd my three kids when they were 6 months each, but they were born big babies and were all quite big at 6 months. Almost 2 decades later, they are all emotionally healthy and self-confident.

No judgment, but it's interesting that you have a 2 year old who is still sleeping with you, yet you consider letting your 4 month old CIO.

Cry it out. I have had similar issues and time and time again letting them learn to fall asleep on their own is the best medicine. Sleeping in your bed is not. You need your space and they need to learn that they have beds too. Its hard for me to bare the crying too, but we recently experienced this when switching to a toddler bed from crib with my 2 year old and he has managed well on his own after he learned he is no longer in control. I know its especially hard with an infant, but I would rock her to sleep and put her back in her bed, having an infant sleep in your bed is definitely not safe! Good luck!

I do agree that letting them cry it out will work with time. Personnaly I didn't try it till mine were over 6 mo. old, but I ended up spending most of the first 6 mo. sleeping in my chair or on the couch with a little one on my chest. I did this with 3 kids... hubby never seemed to mind, he would just sit next to the couch for a while before he went to bed to be near me for a little while. But I really didn't let the babies sleep in their crib till about 5 6 mo. before that they sleep in the bassinet which is usually in the living room or our bedroom (which is down stairs). Our kids (2 1/2, 4 & 5) now all sleep upstairs in their own rooms, well sometimes I will find them having a "sleep over" in the morning and have 2 or more all in one room or bed.

When I did the cry it out with my kids, I'd let them cry for about 10 - 15 min then check on them. I wouldn't take them out of the crib, just peek in the diaper to see if it needed check, talk to them a little in a soft voices letting them know it was OK & that I will see them in the morning or in a few hours, that it is time to get some sleep even for me. Actually the little talk still helps my 2 1/2 yr old when he doesn't want mommy to leave his room. Sometimes they just need reasurred they will see you again in the morning or when they wake-up. After I check on them I walk out of the room - leaving the baby in the crib & sometimes they will cry for a little longer... I would peek in on them about every 10 - 15 min, but most of the time it didn't make it to the 2nd peek in.

I will tell you that I spent a lot of the nights crying myself and questioning what I was doing. My hubby use to snicker at me about it, but would let me know they were ok. But the only reason it bothered me some much was because of the mother in me that wants to protect them with everything I am & the love that I have for them. Which is why you have a hard time letting her dry it out also.

All kids have bad night - even as they get a bit older. Sometimes I have a hard time getting my 5 yr old to go to sleep now. She doesn't cry about it anymore - she just plays in her room or colors, but it sometimes take us till almore midnight to get her to go to sleep. Which then makes it hard to get her up for school in the morning.

I wish you luck w/ your girls sleeping and congratz on the new little one.

As far as I know you aren't supposed to let them cry it out until they are at least 6 months. I'd wait til then to even try. I don't do cry it out with my son who is 4 months. We have a routine of play, then bath, then stories, then nursing and he falls asleep and is in bed between 9-9 :15. He wakes up once at about 3 am for a short feeding then sleeps til 6 am

My kids slept in their cribs from the beginning - even for naps, so i think it was quicker for them. I think there was only like a week of letting them cry for 10-30 minutes before they would go to sleep. I don't know how it will go with older ones who are used to sleeping with you... Good luck! Oh, and we could tell by the cry whether they really needed us, or if they were just 'whining.'

We did let our son cry when we put him down but would go in to check on him and give him a kiss about every five/ten minutes or so. That way he knows he hasn't been abandoned but he also knows he isn't going to get back up and play until nap time is over or it's morning again. I don't think we tried it until he was about ten months old, before then if he cried we'd pick him up.

4 months is way way way too young for CIO. I never could do it and my son slept with me until he was just over 2. He didn't take to a toddler bed but what finally got him to sleep on his own all night was a reward chart and a regular twin bed. Every night he stayed in his bed all night (exception being sick/nightmares) he got a sticker. If he came to our room for any other reason he had to start the chart over. When he reached 30 days he got his own power wheels truck to drive! Now I have a self soothing 6 yr old who only comes to my room if he's about to hurl or if he had a bad dream!

The 4 month old has no other way to communicate. Try a bassinet or playpen in your room. Pick them up or soothe them however you want when they cry then put them back down. They'll learn to sleep.