Crazy Inlaws Dog!

I wouldn't be going back to their home without MAJOR changes on their part. Even then it's going to take me awhile to trust their judgment.

I'm a dog nut and love my doggie like a family member. But if my sons ever got married, and my DILs were nervous, with good reason, about their children - guess what? My sweet dog would be back behind a gate.

Grand-kids come first. And children should never be forced to allow dogs to be all over them. It's not good for the child or the dog.

JMO.

Once that woman pushed my child, that would be it. She has no respect. Tell your husband that if they want to visit at your home, they are welcome, but as long as they insist on putting the dog before their son and his family, you won't be visiting.

And it's not the dog, it's THEM. Training only works if they continue the lessons, if the PEOPLE are trained as well as the dog. They obviously are not.

Trying to control rules in other peoples houses is a lost cause so don't even try.
I'd stop visiting them.
They can come visit you and not bring the dog.
Your house, your child, your rules.
They are thinking of the dog as a child and want to treat it like one.
They can do that all they want on their own property.
So just don't go there!
It solves the problem as far as you and your daughter are concerned!

Good Lord, she tried to make a 5 yo hug a dog that has already injured her? What on earth? Can't they just come visit you from now on?

:(

First issue was an accident. The rest is not. They have tried obedience school and it doesn't work for this dog. They agreed to keep dog out while you visit but don't honor that.

They pushed your daughter, I hope you or hubby spoke up....I would have.

Stop your visits to their home...invite them, without their dog, to your home.

I would tell our husband to tell his mother we will not come over unless you put that stupid dog up. And if they don't you need to leave. My sister in law when she usued to babysit my kids thought her dog being free was more important than my child moving around outsid a playpin. Some dog people think thier dogs are just like humans but they are not. You must put your foot down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You're right to be frustrated. Some folks forget that dogs are NOT people and they should not be treated like people.

Wild dogs live in packs where pecking order is paramount to their understanding of the world. That doesn't change when they are domesticated and live with their human "packs." There is still a pecking order. In a home with a well-trained, well mannered dog, there is always an "alpha" human to whom the dog defers all authority. In your in-laws' home, the dog has the authority. By allowing the dog to come inside whenever it wants, and mouth, jump, scratch and lick, the dog is shown that it is dominant over your daughter and everyone else.

I would talk to your in-laws and make it clear that you will not allow a dog to push your family around. That your daughter WILL push the dog away, doesn't have to be licked if she doesn't want to be, and because your daughter is much smaller than the adults, she deserves to be protected from a dog that will ALWAYS try to assert its dominance over a "pack-mate" that is close to its own size.

If that means that the dog stays outside or in another room while your daughter visits, or if that means that they have to come and visit you in your home and leave the dog behind, so be it. Humans come first, not dogs.

It doesn't mean that the dogs aren't loved. On the contrary. Loving our pets mean that we train them and maintain healthy boundaries that take into account our understanding that they are still animals, NOT people.

I am a dog person. There is no way on earth that I would EVER allow my dog to behave this way around people, especially children. This isn't a matter of teaching a child how to socialize with a dog. This is a dog with very poor behavior and in-laws that are beyond clueless.

No more visits to their house. Period. End of discussion.

If they can't show a little respect toward you and your child, then they do not deserve the respect of a visit from you. Your MIL is acting ridiculous. No more visits. They can come to visit your house. And without the dog.

Like a few of the other posts have mentions, I too, am sorry that your first experience hasn't been what you thought... I've been on this forum for years- it has it's ups and downs. Give it another try. There are some amazing women on here!

Hi There,

Welcome to the site...I am a life long dog owner/lover and what you have described is UNACCEPTABLE dog behavior. Your husband's parents do not respect your wishes or are concerned for the safety of your child and/or other people.

I would suggest your husband have a very frank discussion with his parents and let them know they are welcome in your home (without their dog), but since they do not want to put the dog in another place while you are visiting, you will no longer be visiting their home......UNLESS THINGS CHANGE....and perhaps give them one more chance....If the dog comes out, get up and leave immediately.

Don't go there anymore.
They value the dog, more than your child or their grandchild.
And they like, going against you and your Husband.

I have a relative with a crazy dog. They don't have kids and their dog is like their "child."
BUT, they know their dog is not kid friendly and ill behaved, so when we are there, they put the dog in another room. Upstairs. And its fine. And they know my kids are scared of their dog. But at least, they are respectful of any children around and do NOT impose their crazy dog, on others.

Per your MIL and FIL, well your Sister In Law is ALSO acting siding with the dog.
Generally, the problem is not the dog only, it is all of your In Laws.
But they are using their dog... to push you guys around and endangering your child.
I would REFUSE to visit them.

If they won't control the dog, don't go over there. Tell them they can come visit you.

Stop visiting at their place. They obviously don't respect your daughter. So sad.

Yep, you need to back up your wishes by action. It's completely crazy to prefer a dog over your own grandchild. I bet these people have many more problems than this.

Your mil is being passive aggressive. Since your son knows that she was likely behind the "outside, the inside" thing, she has probably been this way all her life and will not change. So the setting has to change where you have the power. It's very sad to have to make that choice. And it may change when your daughter gets older and more in command of her environment. So don't make a big deal of it. No, is a complete sentence. No, we're not coming by. You are welcome to stop over here.
It doesn't matter if she try's to cast you as the bad guys. The more sane and calm you are, the crazier she looks. You just be very matter of fact about your plans.

Sorry, you are having such a rough start o Mamapedia. If you don't know, we have had a rash of people who make up scenarios and don't really need advice. They are called Trolls. It makes us all suspicious. Especially about first time questions. It takes away our spontaneity.

Time to change the visit location to your house without the dog. If they cannot abide by that then they don't get to see your child.

You are your daughter's protector and she should feel safe. Your daughter should not have to compete with a dog for attention of grandma/pa. It is obvious that they care for the dog more than they care for humans. The only thing you can do is limit your time with them or meet in a public place.

Sorry you feel that we attacked you. This is not the intent of the majority. Know that you are not going to change them. So you can only change you and how you respond to their actions.

the other S.

PS I love my pets but I would make sure that any guest coming to my home would not be bothered or hurt by them and they would be put up for the visit and not free to roam around the house and cause family trouble.

E.:

Welcome to mamapedia!

If my mother in law or even my mother had pushed my child that would have been it. I would have walked out and told them it will be a LONG time before they see us again.

Now as to the play you were doing with your daughter on your lap? Yes. You were teasing the dog. It's obvious they have no control over their dog and treat the dog like a child/human.

As to a dog licking my face? I don't have a problem with that at all. Yes, I know there are people who do. My dog? He's a boxer/pit bull and he loves to jump. As some on here who have visited my home can tell you - my dog is under my control and will NOT jump and lick. PERIOD. Yes, he's excitable. Is he perfect? Nope.

How would I deal? I would stop going to their home. PERIOD. If they ask why - tell them that the dog is not being controlled and taught proper behavior. They can send their dog to a thousand obedience classes, if they fail to do what they were taught in the classes - then it's on THEM...NOT THE DOG....don't blame the dog for the owner/master's mistakes.

They can come to your home - WITHOUT the dog. I would hope that they would care more about their granddaughters safety than the dog.

You and your husband need to be a united front. On the same page. So make sure you are TALKING/COMMUNICATING about it.

Good luck!

Pushing your daughter because she pushed the dog is out of line. Dogs put their faces in your face; that's normal dog behavior. Pushing the dog was a normal reaction and the dog probably was fine with it.
I might have a different approach. You can control the dog's interaction with you and your family by being firm and clear with the dog. You can intervene. It doesn't sound like the dog is genuinely aggressive. You could talk to a vet, a dog trainer, or other professional for advice. I have had friends' dogs' obey me this way and I have controlled those dogs' interactions with my kids. This won't work with every dog or every dog owner, but it does work.
If you know it won't work with your in-laws, then the answer is to meet elsewhere, or visit them and leave when the dog becomes a problem. Is there something stopping you from taking the dog and putting her outside yourself? If you can do this calmly that's a pretty reasonable response.

Oh. My. Goodness. You are not wrong. And I would not go over there unless the dog was put in the garage, yard, bedroom, kennel... someplace away from my kid. There is nothing that drives me crazier than people "humanizing" their dogs. And then getting angry at guest because they don't appreciate their terribly behaved and (frankly) unstable dog. And children should not be encouraged or allowed to hug a dog. Those are the situations that the dog bite a child's face and the owner says " I can't believe that happened. Fluffy has never done anything like that before."

I have a dog. I love my dog. He is a medium sized dog (boxer, rotti, lab mixed nut.) I also run a daycare and have 2 kids. My dog listens to what I tell him to do because I trained him that way. And I realize that even people who like dogs don't want a dog jumping on them or licking them. And I also pay attention to his needs. It isn't fair to expect him not to get excited and *want to jump when 8 kids are running in circles screaming. I don't have him around the kids when that's the environment.

Your in-laws dog's behavior hasn't gotten better through obedience classes because they do not follow what they are supposed to be doing. It isn't the dog's fault.

As I said... I would insist that they dog is put someplace else when you are there. They'll be pi$$ed, but at least your daughter will be safe. Would they rather see family more or put away their bratty dog for an afternoon...?

My best suggestion would be to meet up at a restaurant or a mall.

Sorry that your in-laws are not getting the message, but all of this has gone too far, esp. if your MIL thinks that it is appropriate to push a child to 'teach them a lesson'. That shows a lot of immaturity or lack of good judgment.

But what's done is done, so go forward with a new plan and hopefully,as the dog ages, it will calm down. Good luck.

After the dog had injured my daughter, there would be no dog around my kid, that's just all there is to it.

That being said, my Grandma has a dog that is pretty badly behaved, very jealous of anyone around my step-grandpa, very jumpy and licky and scratchy, though, thankfully, not yet bitey. Whenever any of us with kids are over, she puts the dog outside. If it's cold outside, the dog goes in her kennel in the bedroom. This was nothing we requested, this was what Grandma knew needed to happen because she knows her dog is badly behaved.

If your MIL won't separate the dog from your child, I would say there's no reason to go over there. You can invite them to your house to hang or meet at a restaurant, but I, personally, would not go somewhere where I knew a badly behaved dog would be interacting with my kid.

Wow I can write this post. My inlaws have 3 dogs that are little hyper yip dogs. We have a dog that likes to lick but not jump and scratch like my inlaws dogs. I think the one starves for attention when I visit. I have to wear jeans/pants or my legs are shredded. My allergies are bonkers with all the dog hair, dust and smoke but that's another story. They baby the dogs with treats and toys but no real affection. I wish they would get rid of the dogs for the dogs sake. The dogs always scratch my kids and the inlaws act like it's no big deal. When they were little the dogs were confined to one room. Now they get run of the whole house and pee/poop everywhere. They throw a towel down and move on. I try to limit when we go over, if we even go over. I really don't like them at our house either but I deal with it. They don't respect our wishes when we mention it anyways. I do find it very rude your mother in law would push your daughter.