Counselor Doesn't Think He Has ADD

Hmmm...has it ever occured to you that your "traditional disipline" is contributiing to the problem? He is hitting children, where oh where could he have learned that from? It's not like YOU hit children...oh wait, you hit him!

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1) Stop hitting your child. Sweeten it up by calling it spanking, but you're hitting him. And he's aggressive towards others...see the connection? Yes some people believe that it's effective discipline, but it's clearly NOT WORKING for your child. So stop it now. Let the last time that you spanked him be the last time that you do.

2) Get the Kadzin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child and find a therapist who is familiar with that method and/or Positive Discipline in general. You have to reward the behavior you want, not punish (and reinforce with negative attention) the behavior that you don't want.

The Kazdin Method/Positive Discipline really, really works. The overall theme is that when a child controls his behavior, he is rewarded with what he wants. Take, for example, something like recess. If, during recess, he plays nicely with others and needs no reprimanding, he gets 2 points. If he's mostly behaving well and maybe needs a little reprimanding or redirection, he gets 1 point. If he has an awful recess period, no points. That's the punishment...because the points are leading up to rewards. Rewards can be something tangible like stickers or a trinket, or a privilege like 10 minutes on the iPod Touch (the choice reward in our house) or a few minutes doing something else special. The "reward" also includes ample, over the top praise. "Great job! I knew that you could follow the rules and have a fun recess! And when Tommy took the ball from you and you asked for it back instead of kicking him that was so great - exactly what you should do!" Another component of this method is practice. You reward points for practicing the behavior too. So for instance, you would pretend that you're both at recess and you come by and shove him (or take his place in line, or don't let him have a turn on the slide, or whatever things can come up) and have him practice the desired behavior (asking for a turn, asking an adult for help) so that when it happens for real, he'll already know what to do.

I know it sounds a little wacky and like it's a lot of work, but using this method has helped us tremendously. And you don't have to do it forever - you track points for maybe a week or two and then the behavior becomes ingrained and you move on to something else (participating willingly in school work for example). We have used this with our 7-year-old to get him to stop yelling all the time and to be more flexible when he doesn't get his way. Do get the book though so that you can know how to do it right - the devil is in the details on this technique, and there is a DVD that you can watch that is helpful too.

As far as looking for a diagnosis - there may be something there, and there may not be. It doesn't sound like ADHD at all to me (my oldest son and husband have that). Maybe ODD, but the discipline technique recommended above will work for that.

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You could find out if your school will do evaluations. Then they can do a report so you'll have more information to take to another specialist. The school might set up an IEP or a behavior plan and then work with you to improve the behavior and to have consistent discipline at school and at home.
When my son was spending all day in the office because he was in trouble or could not safely be around other children, I felt that it was pointless. He was not calming down, the undesirable behaviors actually increased, and he was not learning anything. When it got to the point that he was acting like a caged animal, licking the walls, ripping papers, knocking over furniture and talking about ghosts haunting the school- that's when I finally started him on ADHD meds. He has not spent a whole day in the office since then. He still needs a lot of extra support at school such as a picture schedule, breaks out of the classroom, and a reward system.
It's probably more important to figure out how to deal with the behavior than to get an exact diagnosis. One book I read gave an example(I can't remember it exactly) that the same child could be diagnosed as ADHD and Aspergers by one doctor and ODD and Bipolar by a different doctor. And the child could be gifted as well.

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Spankings don't work, he is getting a lot of negative reinforcement. Positive reinforcement works much better, which means behavior shaping, not just punishing bad behavior. It doesn't sound like ADD or ADHD to me at all. If there is some type of disorder, it could be Oppositional Defiant Disorder, he could be on the autism spectrum... many things can cause aggressive, defiant behavior. Or, maybe he just gets angry and frustrated easily and needs to learn how to cope in a positive manner. My sibling had oppositional defiant disorder, It was very tough. He needs to be seeing a behavioral psychologist or a new specialist.

Dr. Sears is a renowned child expert and he has some excellent advice here:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior

How to help the angry child:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/7-wa...

Here is how he explains why spankings don't work, and what to do instead:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/span...

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Please have your son's IQ tested. It appears to me when he is says he is bored that he is just not challenged with the work they do. He don't want to do whatever it is the teacher gives him because he already knows how to do and is waiting for the next harder material. Maybe he needs advanced classes. Children like that usually have some bad behavior because they are bored out of their skulls and need something to do. It was the case in my friends son. Teacher complained about this poor child and were suggesting medication, when actually he was 2 years ahead of his grade and today is a gifted writer. ADD is not alway the case in a child that is " acting up". Just a thougth, but I think worth exploring. Good luck.

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Multiple different disorders can show through as children. They thought I was just violent as a kid, when it was OCD. I would go to a different specialist and get a second opinion, granted I do believe sometimes kids are just kids.

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You need a new counselor. However, the behavior you have described is not ADHD. ADHD students get bored and act up (a lot) but they are not defiant and do not hurt others (in most cases).

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Most of the discipline you mentioned is negative, with the exception of one mention of one-on-one time.

Discipline techniques work differently with all children. There are some children for whom your discipline style would work. Obviously it is not working with your son.

Sometimes a lot of negative discipline can really amp up a boy. I suggest you seriously start limiting all this negative discipline, and focus on positive discipline. Try ignoring the negative with him most of the time, and rewarding the positive.

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i am going through the some issues with my son as well and he is kindergarten, he's not hitting, more so not listing to the teachers , i got a call today and had to come get him from the school because of that. i will say that he did go through a stage where he wasnt keeping his hands to his self . how i dealt with that ; was having him hold his hands in the air for about 2min, sounds like it dosnt work but it does. after doing this evertime he hit he soon realized that he had to keep his hands to his self.
as far as ADD i dont believe in it at all i think that some kids just a lil special attention. i was told that my son has signs of having ADD but the more i talk to other moms i reallized that boys are naturally more active than girls. i know its hard to deal with your son(mine too) but OUR time and patients is what are kids want the most and being consistant always helps. if you have tips on listening skills for my young one be sure to write and i will do the same

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I came across this last week, Oppositional Defiant disorder or ODD:

In children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), there is an ongoing pattern of uncooperative, defiant, and hostile behavior toward authority figures that seriously interferes with the youngster’s day to day functioning. The symptoms are usually seen in multiple settings, but may be more noticeable at home or at school.
Symptoms of ODD may include:

Frequent temper tantrums
Excessive arguing with adults
Often questioning rules
Active defiance and refusal to comply with adult requests and rules
Deliberate attempts to annoy or upset people
Blaming others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
Often being touchy or easily annoyed by others
Frequent anger and resentment
Mean and hateful talking when upset
Spiteful attitude and revenge seeking

http://aacap.org/page.ww?name=Children+with+Oppositional+...

Run this by your son's counselor, God bless.

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