Correcting Homework

Hi N.,

I think what might help is how you present this time of correcting her work. I'm actually in agreement with your husband, but for a different reason: I have read and observed enough over the last many years I've worked with children to see that rewards don't usually implement a long term intrinsic change in how our children perceive certain tasks. That is to say, if you want her to become motivated to do this on her own, you may need to show her a positive payoff after the work is done. For example, you might notice that she starts doing her homework more quickly in some subjects because she knows the material better. (this will likely be math and subjects that are less open to interpretation) You can point out to her when her grades on tests show improvement, or when she receives positive feedback from teachers: can you find a link between what she's re-checked herself on and what she's since mastered?

I think the most important piece of this is for you to do this work with her. Kind of like teaching youngsters to pick up their toys-- at first, for years, we have to do it *with* them while also providing feedback of the positives: "Look how much room you have for playing now!" or "Was it easier to find your legos now that we made a space for them to go every time?" -- that sort of thing.

I'd just tell her that you have a new plan you'd like to work on with her at the start of homework time: have a pleasant snack ready, and then sit with her and go over the answers that were missed, just for a half hour at most. You might find that she knows the information once you talk with her, and re-calculating sums/math work is always good practice. The two 'motivators': time with you and ideally, she'll be getting the positive and reflective/critical feedback from you. During the time you are working with her, the focus should be on knowing the material; afterward, when the positives emerge, then you can link that to the work she's doing.

I'd also prioritize, and keep the corrections focused on where you see the most need. You don't need to overtly say this, but you don't want to overwhelm her. Try to use the time well, and if there's a larger question/abstract problem, consider letting dad spend some time with her on the weekend, reexamining it.

Just so you know, I think it's great that you are trying to help your daughter. I wish my parents had been interested in my school life enough to help me study!

5 moms found this helpful

My 9-year old does this, and we homeschool. I do make her go back and correct all the mistakes because if she's making mistakes that means she doesn't understand something. We dig together to find out what it is because there is no point in moving on if she's not understanding what we are doing now.

She will get a few wrong on math and then she'll go on and on about how she's not good at math (she is) and being negative, and yes, I get tears. I used to give in to it, try to encourage her but it seemed like the more I encouraged her about it the worse she got! The more I'd say "oh no honey, you're great at math, see all the ones you got right..." she'd just prolong the drama.

So now I ignore the drama. I think an outsider would think I'm mean but honestly, it works! I totally ignore all the comments about how she's bad at math or she hates math (or school, or me!) and I wait until she's done (usually I make her sit until she decides she's ready to go over the problems) and then we do them together. She ALWAYS brightens up when we find out what she did wrong together and she is very proud of herself when she gets the right answer. I don't need rewards (and I stopped offering rewards because it became too much about the reward) and normally she's all happy when we're done.

It takes some pushing through and a lot of ignoring. Just know that when you're done it will be its own reward and her confidence will soar on its own. That's real confidence--when they feel it themselves are are proud of themselves versus someone feeding them a lot a flattery.

Good luck!

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I am a teacher and I agree with Hazel below. I would use positive reinforcement with your words, but not with other rewards. Talk with her about why she made the mistakes that she did, without being negative or making her feel ashamed. Talk to her about how we learn by making mistakes, and that looking back at her work and talking about them can help her to do better in the future. I don't think that other rewards lead to long-term motivation, but positive reinforcement from teachers and parents goes a long way. Good luck!

Added: Also, keep it short and sweet, and maybe let her do something that she really enjoys right afterwards.

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You can go over her missed questions without it being extremely time consuming or a complete nightmare for her. Ask her the questions and if she takes awhile, then give her the answer. Do that with each question she missed. Going over her missed assignments like that will reinforce what she learned even if you're answering them with her. You can ask her first to see if she can correct them herself on her own. You may find that as you do that, she won't miss near as many the next time. Good luck!

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My SD rushed through HW and tests, too. When it was impacting her grades, we sat her down and went through the HW in part for legibility. If the teacher could not tell that SD used an e and not an o and spelling counted, then it needed to be redone. If she lost points on a spelling test, that teacher made them write the correct spelling 10x each for homework.

I would start where you think she may not be learning the material or it's most affecting her grades. Just sit down and have a snack or something and say "tell me about this and why the teacher marked it here". Give her the opportunity to identify her own errors and correct it.

There were times when we just let SD do poorly and take the consequences, but bad grades = other consequences in our home. Like no sleepovers.

And occasionally we would do things like scribble down instructions or grocery lists and have her puzzle them out. When she said she couldn't or got it wrong, we said, "Do you see how little things like writing too fast leads to errors? What if we had really made cookies with that much salt? They would have been gross, right? Let's take our time, be clear, and enjoy the results."

I'm not saying she's perfect, but she got better and it wasn't any one thing I can point to that improved it.

2 moms found this helpful

I'm not always organized enough to do this, but when I can, I review my 9YO DDs' homework *before* they have to turn it in, and will put an asterisk next to the ones that need correcting and say something like "please check your calculations on this"

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my son is 8 and in 3rd grade also. he rushes through his homework so I check it and then he corrects his mistakes if he has any. If he misses a lot on a paper he did in class I make him redo them, he hates it but I just tell him he HAS to know how to do whatever the paper is about *usually math* in order to go to 4th grade(said the same about going to 2nd and 3rd). He has a fear of being held back so that is motivation enough. If you start rewarding her now you may be opening up a can of worms you won't be able to close. I would just tell her she has to redo these mistakes I don't think it will scar her for life she is old enough to do her work without getting a treat. Just remind her to take her time,I do this almost everyday with my son.

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My daughter is the same age and grade as yours, and is also quite sensitive. I do have her correct her mistakes, and I have explained to her that this is so she can learn from her mistakes. What good are mistakes if you can't learn what you did wrong and improve upon them the next time? My daughter is fine with this, now that she knows why I want her to do it, and she sees the positive results. Getting A's on tests is a pretty great reward for studying! In general, I do not believe in rewarding kids for what they're supposed to be doing anyway. That's not to say you have to be harsh about it. You should encourage her, and tell her how proud you are of her when you know she has been working hard. But I don't think setting up a bribe is the way to go in this instance. You want to work toward having her be motivated to do this on her own, with success as its own reward. Just my opinion!

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rewards can become a very sticky situation. Do you really want her to require this...as opposed to taking the initiative to succeed? Seems like it's a bad precedent! This is especially true with the graded papers she's bringing home.....it is her DUTY to review & correct these. In some classes, it's a requirement for the grade!

Please also do not fall into the habit of comparing your husband's upbringing & then making excuses for your daughter's .... mmm: her age, her lack of self esteem, her lack of motivation, how sensitive she is. Seems to me that you are making excuses for a lot of issues!

Instead, how about taking a step back & stop feeling sorry for her? As soon as you stop babying her.....you may find that she's a much stronger child! I know these words may seem harsh to you.....but I truly find your own "take" on her....a huge red flag!

In my daycare, I have a 2 1/2yo who "plays" her Mom every chance she gets. She actually bangs herself up deliberately to get Mom's attention. & I want to be very clear....Mom is not neglectful. This action is all on the little girl! In the past 2 weeks, she has tried this repeatedly with me....right in the middle of cooperative play. If the crying continues, then off to time-out she goes.....& she is learning quickly that I do not play the sympathy game that she's taught Mommy to play!

To me, this sounds a lot like your daughter. She knows that she can "play" you! The self-battering comments she makes are designed to trigger you into feeling sorry for her! This, in turn, creates a rift in parenting between you & your husband. Quit feeling sorry for her, quit making excuses, & let her learn to be a stronger child! Peace......

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Hello Mama,

The key here isn't about rewarding behavior vs not rewarding behavior. The key, (which your husband will agree with), is to teach good learning skills.

So apprach the situation this way:

1) List your goal. My goal is to ..... (Teach strong learning skills)
2) List your daughter's learning style. My daughter learns best with.... (praise, goals, sticker charts)
3) List your plan. We're going to reach this goal by...

Review this with your husband then develop the plan together with your daughter. These are skills she needs to learn, so she needs to be a part of the conversation.

Approaching conversations in just a slightly different way helps you obtain your goal while ensuring others see your goal

Best of luck,

R.

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Not sure how old your daughter is, but I have a 2nd grader and it seems to make an impact when we review the corrected tests and say "Wow--that was (obviously) a careless mistake--you got a B b/c of rushing--go back and check your answers" or something like that.

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Maybe you might think of "affirmations" to get her to stop bad-mouthing herself. Sometimes people do this to keep from trying too hard. Acting sensitive can become a crutch to get people to back-off from expecting more out of them, and you don't want that to happen with her. She can cause a self-fulfilling prophecy about not being good at school.

I would push a little tor her to talk positively about herself. When you look over the tests or papers, point out what she got right as well as wrong. Tell her when she has shown good critical thinking skills. Ask her questions about a wrong answer so that she can actually figure out that she is wrong without you telling her that she is. "Lead her" to the answer instead of telling her.

When she gets too negative, turn away from her and say "I don't want to hear that about my wonderful daughter - no more negativity" and when she compliments herself about her school work or learning process, share that happiness with her and give her attention. You do not want her to feed on your attention when she is "downing" herself.

I do agree with your husband that she needs to do a better job on her homework, especially carefully reading directions. Making bad grades because she hurries though her work and doesn't pay attention to what she is supposed to do will just get harder - rubrics for projects will bite her hard if she doesn't get better at this. She needs a carrot and stick approach. Unlike you, she really isn't very motivated, and you can't take your parents approach if you want her to be successful.

Sometimes you have to be a little strict. Do it with love, not to the extent that his parents did, but push her now. It's going to be critical to do so very soon.

Good luck,
D.

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I go over all of my kids homework with them. They all have "Friday folders" with all their graded papers in them and I go over them with each child. Any answers they missed, we talk about and re-do it if we can(some answers are from books that we don't have). I do this so I can make sure they are getting their work done, but mainly so I can see if they are having any problems with understanding what they are learning.
If you go over the missed problems with your daughter, you will be able to tell if she is just being lazy and not doing her work, or if she really doesn't understand the concept that is being taught and needs it to be taught in a different way(I have had both with my kids).
With the being lazy part(you can tell) they get in trouble. But when they don't understand the concept behind the problem we will go over it and I will explain step by step so they can understand. I have even had them go to their teacher the next day and ask her to explain it again- that is their job.
Just let her know that tests are there so the teacher knows what concepts and things need to be re-taught. If she is struggling with certain things, go over them with her- have her teacher go over them with her. I don't think the money thing will work if she truly doesn't understand what is being taught(I was that way with math- I wouldn't do it because I didn't understand it. It was years before I finally got a teacher who taught me in a way I understood- and I aced her class, but I had failed 2 previous math classes.)
Keep praising her on her good grades but going over my kids homework with them has really helped.
~C.

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I'm with you. What does she like? What would be a reward for her? I personally don't have a problem with plain, old-fashioned money as a reward.

If she is very sensitive, making a big issue of correcting her homework could indeed be discouraging, as you fear.

So go with the reward tack.

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I was very much like your daughter when I was in school. I was a perfectionist (but didn't realize it at the time). I felt I had to do everything right due to various parental and other pressures. When you feel this way about yourself your expectations are so high you end up becoming immobile because if you try and fail that you aren't perfect. So you get to a point where you just don't want to try anymore. When my mom would try to help me with my homework, I would end up in tears, because it just exposed my shame of not being perfect to them. I was terrified of my parents disapproval (even though they never showed disappointment in me). I had an older brother though who found school very easy, never studied and got straight A's. I couldn't figure out why I had to work so much harder and usually got a mix of A's and B's.

I think also the school system currently is such that errors are not accepted as a normal part of learning. People don't learn from what they already know, they learn from making mistakes and then figuring out what the right answer is.

I think perfectionism is hand in hand with low self esteem. I would suggest you have a conversation with her daughter about these two topics. Expressing to her (which I am sure you already have) that she doesn't have to be perfect to earn you or your husband's love and talk to her about she feels about herself. If she feels more secure in making mistakes then she will see them as a good thing, not a bad thing and hopefully not feel so frozen.
Good luck to you.

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Read Nurture Shock - I wish I had read it sooner. See Amazon for an Excerpt..
My ex and I fit your profiles. It ended up being a rift i nthier relationship. My daughter was sweet and quiet and had no self confidence. I didn't push her because I didn't want to discourage her. He was relentless and hard to please. I wish he and I could've been on the same page. My poor baby. ANyway. Do something to compromise and get a parenting philosophy you can both support now, before it becomes a problem.

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I homeschool and I had to fight the kids to get them to do their homework (or fix mistakes or tons of other things). I finally put up a "school store". I assign each piece of homework with an amount that they will get in their "bank account" if they do it. (It's usually less than $1 for each assignment.) Then I go to the dollar store and buy pencils, lunch time treats or small toys, and price them at high prices. Its an incentive, they get to choose the prize, but they have to work for it and "save" up their "money" to get it. (I print out fake checks for them to write to the Homeschool Store, so no actual money changes hands.)

This would be fairly easy to convert to make it work for you, I think. Good luck!

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I am with your husband most of the way. I think doing your best work at school should be part of who you are, but it should not be pounded into you.

I am a former first grade teacher and would like to give a little bit of help. It sounds like she is not reading directions and panicking a bit about getting things wrong. I would focus on teaching her how to read and understand the directions, how to understand the problems, and what to do if she doesn't understand the problems--including asking you or your husband for help.

Break it down into small steps, going as far as covering up with white pieces of paper all but the question that you are working on. This will help her focus on one thing at a time. Also work on one skill at a problem at a time.

Teacher her how to use these papers so that she can help herself to focus on one problem herself. It is all about becoming an independent learner.

If you have any questions please contact me. W.

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Money motivates your child. Use monetary rewards for homework re-read and corrected.
My daughter was also early into first grade 5.5 years old as I had been. After a while you catch up with your classmates and surpass them. They never worked hard to get where they are and you did. Once the habit of working hard is established it tends to stick.

If it helps her feel more confident I would. My daughter had teachers in highschool that would let the students correct their mistakes and they would get a 1/2 point for each one corrected.