Copycat Sister at It Again!

You know what????
Let it go.

Seriously.

My younger sister used to "copy" me and it drove me nuts when I was like....12.
After our father died, when we were both in our 40's, we flew back east for a reunion and memorial service with all of the other relatives. It was pretty emotional for all of us. I'll never forget the day she took my hand and said, "I need you to know I love you. I have always been so in awe of you."

All the times she was a brat. All the times she seemed like it was a competition.....
It was because she actually looked up to me and felt she could never compare.
I never knew that was what was behind it, from the time we were little.

Maybe there is something your sister needs from you that has nothing to do with "copying" you. Instead of calling her a copy cat behind her back, maybe you could try letting her know she is fine and loved just the way she is.

Just a different prospective....

Best wishes.

10 moms found this helpful

These things are so petty, I would just ignore the whole thing and focus on better things. Besides, if the "copied" sister doesn't care, why should you? Let it go.

8 moms found this helpful

I think you need to read through the threads about gossip. Leave your sister alone. For Pete's sake. She loves her grandson and wants to give him the best. Maybe, your other sister should feel flattered that she trust her tastes.

7 moms found this helpful

Some people are just really insecure, and the lack the ability to have confidence in their own ideas. Really, they lack confidence to even have ideas. Honestly, it would make me really sad for her...not annoyed.

Don't let it bother you, it has no effect on you. It's really a sad thing, when people have to copy. It generally means they have little self esteem and worth. I guess I would feel worried about my sister, rather then annoyed. That's just me, though. I'm not close to the situation.

6 moms found this helpful

I don't know but I feel really sad for this sister that you call copycat. What has she done to make her entire family hate her? I know it can be annoying but imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. Why don't you and your family try to help guide her and let her experience something first for a change? And then you guys can OOH and AAh over her. If she ever finds out she is most likely going to be devastated. I hope she is not copying all of you because it is the rest of you that sound petty, small minded and hateful.

5 moms found this helpful

Usually when a person does this it is because the copying person does not have the confidence to make decisions on their own, or, in a nut shell, they feel inferior and copy the one or two people they know everyone says has the desired ability. So, she is paying her sister the best compliment, she is telling the world she lacks the ability to create things from her own mind.

4 moms found this helpful

She just looks up to your sister. If it bugs you all, just come out with it in a gentle manner and ask her why she copies? I say, let her know. She's your sister after all and it's better to get things out in the open.

3 moms found this helpful

Why do you let it bother you? Talking to her will only make her mad, or hurt her feelings, and obviously she has some deep seeded issues about your other sister that is being carryied out through the kids.

If you want to get nasty with anyone about it, try your parents. Perhaps they made her feel slighted as a child and she's over compensating with her own children and grandchildren. Did your parents do this to you all when you were little? Were you punished and rewarded with gifts and favoritism?

Alot of parents do this to the detriment of their families. Sometimes on purpose and sometimes unwittingly. As I said, it sounds like all 3 of you are hurting over "things" and are worried about who has what and if what they have is better. Says to me this stems back to something that happend to y'all during childhood. You're spending Thanksgiving venting about the two of them instead of enjoying their company. This isn't healthy.

Whatever the deal, I wouldn't make myself upset over it. Sounds like the family needs to lighten up as a whole and just....love. Love is the only thing that will heal this kind of hurt.

2 moms found this helpful

Some people just need the attention....

it's not so much keeping up with the Jones' - maybe she doesn't want her grandchild to feel slighted.

If your other sister is bragging about what she's done - then it doesn't help the copy cat. Maybe your copy cat sister feels inferior and does these things to be considered better.

Maybe her children ask her why Dutch doesn't have what Tristan does. I don't know.

Maybe she doesn't have any confidence in her purchases or designs and copies your sister...you know they say that imitation is the best form of flattery!!!

Try communicating with her. Try letting her know that she does NOT need to do exactly as the other sister....

2 moms found this helpful

It is so sad that she can't come up with ideas on her own. Have you thought of talking to her about it?

D.

2 moms found this helpful

One sister might not be as innovative as the other sister. One sister might not be good at what to get for 3yr old grandchild as the other. They might just be exchanging ideas and trying to be as each other. It could just be pure admiration. However, for one sister to take out money from a life insurance to pay for a gift the child doesn't use makes you question motive.

It is petty stuff especially being a GRAND parent...this is the second time around!

1 mom found this helpful

I find it really interesting that the post doesn't mention the parents at all, just the relationships of the two grandmothers to the children and to each other. In the "what happened" addition we hear about one parent saying the kids dont' have to have the same things....

Especially as the two kids don't see each other often at all, and I assume that means the parents on both sides don't hang out at each others' houses comparing kids' rooms and kids' toys etc., I would not let this bother me so much.

It's almost so pathetic that it's funny: Copycat grandma doesn't get that it's about the child, not about her sister of whom she is so obviously jealous, probably for reasons that go WAY beyond the births of these two boys. Copycat, very sadly, will never really get to know her grandson or value him as an individual because she sees him as a vehicle for one-upping, or at least keeping up with, her sister. That's pitiful and robs her of her real and loving potential role as grandmother.

But it's up to her grandson's parents, not you or the other sister, to call her on it and ask her to cool down and lay off -- and it sounds like, if they are getting fabulously decorated kids' rooms and expensive toys, they're not saying a thing to stop her. If this really bugs you, I guess you could talk to the parents, but really it's their role to step in and say, we love you, grandma, so please BE a grandma and let's leave off the material acquisition -- a three-year-old doesn't need all this stuff, just your time and your attention. If the parents don't feel that way and don't say it, well, grandma will keep on being the copycat and focusing just on stuff, not on the grandson. And when he's a little older, she'll be pretty much a stranger to him, not someone he wants to spend time with. It's too bad.

1 mom found this helpful

Yikes, how sad that the "copy cat" sister doesn't have the confidence in herself or the support from her family.

You don't have to loan her money but I can tell she's the lone sis out??? But, you are together on holidays and blowing up facebook. What's your name in all of this??

Do you know how many relatives of mine I saw today? ONE, my sweetest daughter on her way to work. I also visited my good friend and three of her relatives for early early dinner.

Lastly, I went to the ICU of the children's hospital to visit a sweet little boy that lost most of his life six weeks ago. I don't know how the family stays so strong.

I was too late to go to my ex-husband's gathering at his Aunts house. Our daughter would be there late because she was at work, I didn't want to hold it up any longer.

1 mom found this helpful

So, she wants to give her kid a really cool bedroom and Christmas gift. So, she isn't that creative. Yeah, a little annoying but no big deal. Moms on here are ALWAYS asking for referrals on cool Christmas gifts/bedroom decorating advice/clothes for kids... I wouldn't worry about it. My sister and I ask each other that kind of thing, for the Christmas dinner question, she likely wants to know if the little boy is going to be more play or formally dressed so she can have an idea of what her child should wear. Really, help her come up with some neat ideas, maybe she just needs some initiative to be creative and help to discover her ability to have ideas as well. Stop with the gossip, that helps noone and causes lots of pain and assumptions.

I did have a copycat friend in 5th grade, she went out and bought all my exact clothes, got my same exact haircut and everything, (which is weird b/c I wasn't that popular). She followed me around at school and stuff. Way annoying and it was embarrassing and obvious b/c it effected what my peers thought. I don't see your sister's actions as being as weird or effecting anyone.

1 mom found this helpful

If you go out and take from your life ins. policy to buy a toy that is not even used, then you are not making sure a child doesn't feel slighted. You are trying to keep up with someone else's idea of grandmotherhood and not making your own. At the end of the day, the grandmother I liked more was the one who would play games, taught me how to bake a few things, came to my school events and didn't try to dress me up like a human doily. If she bases her relationship with her grandson on things, she is missing the point.

What's going on with the parents of these children? Is there some rivalry there? Just wondering what they think about all this.

1 mom found this helpful

Maybe it is her grandson that asks to be like his cousin and she just doesn't know how to say no or to help him develop his own interests.

1 mom found this helpful

Oh wow, I know it's important to some that they have the most current stuff; but ultimately, the kids don't care. Love the child, not what they are wearing. The little ones don't understand the difference, please don't differentiate. Hugs to you and the kids in the middle.

Oh, the joys of family drama. Part of me thinks it would be funny to start calling her "copycat sister" to her face ;) Not mature, but made me chuckle.