Coping with Your Unprofessional Professional Moments. Any Advice Please.

You find balance by knowing you are doing your best. You are not manipulating the situation. As long as you're not calling out sick and taking your son to the zoo or something, you are maintaining your professional and personal integrity. I would think thats a large part of why you run a preschool out of your home and have your contracts written the way you do...so that you can be there for your family when the need arises. You are not less professional, if anything you are more so. You know your priorities and you have arranged your life/schedule so that it can run accordingly.

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You sound professional to me. You are getting down on yourself because you have a good work ethic and feel bad about having to take the day. You have no reason to feel bad because you've already stated upfront to the families the situation...and they still chose to send their kids to you didn't they? It's a given that there will be days when you or your child will be sick and need a day, anyone with kids understands that.

Give yourself a break by feeling good about your contract/parents handbook, you were professional from the getgo. Feel good about the program you're running, you've found a way to earn an income and stay at home w/ your son...one that involves your son! You don't have to worry about your husband having to take time off either. It's a great situation you have, and taking a sick day here and there is just life!

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You should think about finding somebody that you can call in to help you on days like that. Check with your local preschools for retired teachers. This way you could still take the kids but have a backup. It also might be nice to have a backup anyhow.

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It's hard for sure. We are just people and things happen. But the bar is set high for child care providers no matter how high we set it for ourselves. Personally, I'd find it easier to work through the day tired or not than to deal with the pressure of irritated parents. But hey, if I closed down every time I only got 3 hours of sleep I would have been run out of business a long time ago LOL!

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I'm a stay-at-home mom so take my comment for what it's worth. I don't think it's about mothers/parents being less professional for having children to accommodate for. It's about companies/employers not being family friendly or understanding of their employees, most of whom are supporting families. There's a mindset in corporate atmospheres that the job must always come before anything else to the point where family needs suffer because of it, and parents feel guilty about their jobs when they have to stay home to care for a sick child. Or they feel put out over having to miss work to care for that child.

We have enough to feel guilty for in our lives. Let's not feel guilty for not working enough.

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Good question H. - one that I too think about often as I am trying to advance my career. The way I cope with it is by remembering that 20 years from now, I will never regret having stayed home to 'love up' my son when he was sick... But I know for sure I would regret not having stayed as often as I could. Soon will come a time where he will be too big for me to carry, or worse yet, where he doesn't think it's cool to cuddle with mom any more! I have to take all these moments while I can. A working mom will always battle GUILT @ home ____@____.com just have to keep things as balanced as we can.

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I think the best anyone can do is give 150% when you are there. That way a day missed here or there for the kids only reduces that to 125% so I am still working harder than the guys. :p

Honestly you can only give as much as you can, the guys do the same. Actually in my office the guys take off for stupid stuff, like their bed is comfortable, okay that is only one guy. Still at my brother's office I bet the guys take off for golf more than you take off for a sick child.

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It's going to happen. You'll have days when your little one is very sick. Even if he isn't sick very often, it's going to happen when you least expect it. You need to plan on this happening and figure out how to work through it without the guilt. Everyone who has kids has to figure this out so don't get down on yourself. I think people understand. Good luck!!

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Lots of coffee!
I haven't work in a while but I remember when I use to and coffee was my saver. I use to sell shots at night in a disco and work I was a hotel clerk in the mornings. I only did the night job on weekends so only Friday to Saturdays were hard in the morning.
To be honest I never felt bad about not being able to do 100% at my job, then again my jobs never where that important for others. I mean, I don't think somebody would have complain if I didn't went and sold my shots, lol.
I did however felt guilty for being extremely tired to play with my daughter.
sigh, you know, we just try to do our best, we can't be perfect and we have to be more kind to our selfs and hear our bodies when they scream you need a rest or we will end up in a cu-cu house.
Take care and go sleep early tonight!!

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Getting back-up is a good idea but if you can't, I think it depends on how often this happens. Everyone needs a sick day once in awhile (everyone but my boss...). I think it also depends on whether your school is more for SAHM's so unless they have a critical appointment, may be fairly flexible to last minute cancellations. If it's more daycare and then parents can't go to work themselves, this happening more than around twice a year will probably be a problem. I work full-time but can space out in my office on days like that or I allow myself a few sick days a year. So I think it depends on how often this is happening whether you're being too hard on yourself or not. We have a nanny so if our preschool teacher had to cancel a couple of days each year, I'd not have been upset. (probably offer to refund the $ though for those days). It's just if it turns into once a month or something that I'd start to get annoyed. If it does, then you either need back-up, your husband to contribute if he can, make it clear to parents when they sign up this can happen, or find a job where you being out doesn't negatively impact people too much. I tend to be pretty easy on myself when it comes to lack of sleep but I've also made myself go to work on 3 hours or so of sleep and you'd be surprised how your body rallies. First thing in the morning is always the toughest. I'm not sure from your post if this school is new to you or you've been doing it for years.

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You just have to know that this, too, shall pass. Sometimes I feel bad because I've been in your spot repeatedly (4 kids over 8 years plus a gestational carrier surrogacy pregnancy for a friend) over most of my career. Most working moms understand, even if they forget what it's like to have a little one. I find that more and more, working dads get it too because most of them also have wives who work FT and sometimes they have to pick up the slack at home when illnesses and other inconveniences strike. I try to be as consistent as I can and give my best when I am at work. I am careful and professional about using my time off - if I'm out of the office with a sick child or at a school event or personal appointment, I use vacation and floating holiday time to cover it. I've earned it, so I can use it. Same for you - your contract states what the deal is, so people can either accept that they may have to be more flexible with your situation or they can find a larger home daycare or center that has back up. Clearly if this were an issue, you wouldn't have clients, so they must accept it and I wouldn't worry about it!

I think that overall, my colleagues know that I give 110% when I'm there. If I'm taking time off, it's for a darn good reason and I will do whatever I can to keep my commitments. For example last Tuesday, I was running late leaving the house because I was troubleshooting a report for a client from home. I wrapped that up and dropped my youngest off at daycare, then got a call when I was almost at the office that my oldest was injured in PE and might have a concussion. So I turned around, got him from school, brought him to the pedi, brought him home, made him lunch, got him settled in and left at 1:15 PM (his sister comes home from school at 2 and they're both old enough to be home alone) to go to the office and facilitate a workshop that my boss was running that afternoon. But if it had been one of my younger kids or the injury was worse, I simply would have had to call into the workshop and send someone else in my place to assist and that would be that.

At the end of the day, I know that I provide a valuable service to my company and our clients. I get paid a fair wage, have benefits, and have earned some measure of flexibility. I do the best that I can to balance everything but that never holds for more than a few days at a time. Sometimes I work late. Sometimes I stay home with a sick kid. It all evens out, and when the kids are older I'll have years to go back to being a reliable superstar at the office. For now though, I just do my best and that has to be good enough. Be kind to yourself - I'm sure the guilt you feel is way out of proportion to any inconvenience that your clients feel. If this were a big deal to them, you would be out of business and exploring a different business model. Anything that works most of the time has to be good enough!

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The American system of family employment benefits is virtually nonexistent. American parental leave and child care lag that of the rest of the developed world. Parents, mostly moms, are placed in a no win situation. Our country would quickly cease to exist if no one had children, yet parents are constantly having to do a juggling act to both work and be a parent. They are made to feel like they are less professional or committed as employees, because they must miss work to deal with family emergencies. The solution is not to try and be a super mom, and do everything perfectly. Rather we need, as a country, to develop meaningful pro-family legislation. Other developed countries have both profitable businesses and pro-family employment legislation. We can do the same here.

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