Coping with Bed Rest

Well, being an emotional wreck is NOT helping your situation at all. You need to understand that YOU will more than make up for all of daddy's hard work and "pressure" once that litte one is on the outside! I am an equal household as well and when the roles place more pressure on oneside than the other it does make it more difficult but that is why you give extra appreciation during and after these times. I am sure that your hunny will appreciate an extra special "all red meat week" of dinners or something to that extent.

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It's great that your husband is stepping up, that in itself should make you breathe easier. You arent guilty of anything, so quit talking yourself into thinking that you are!
Look at it this way, after you have the baby.... you will be remembering the few weeks you got to stay in bed, try to enjoy it. It's a good bonding time for Dad and your 2yr old too.
It's great you have all the extra help. Do your part by staying in bed and quit stressing unnecessarily.

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Please, stop being an emotional wreck about your husband taking care of you for a matter of weeks. At least it isn't a matter of months.

My next door neighbor was in your shoes, but her bed rest was for months, and the baby didn't make it. I felt very bad for her, but I worked all day, and by the time I got home, her husband was home. After the baby died, putting a sympathy card in her mailbox seemed SO lame to me - I felt all kinds of guilty that I didn't do something to help her keep that baby. But that was guilt I shouldn't have had.

She moved close to family within the year after that. Then I got pregnant.

Low and behold, I ended up on complete bedrest at 24 weeks. Then it was my turn to know the life you live with complete bedrest. I prayed that my outcome wouldn't be like hers. This was my first baby, so I didn't have a toddler. But I didn't feel bad at all that my husband had to step up. I was the one with the bun in the oven. I was the one working hard to prevent a pre-term baby from coming into the world. The people in the NICU SHOWED me those little babies born too early so that I could see what I was fighting for. They also talked about the expense of giving birth to a baby not ready to come.

You are saving thousands upon thousands of dollars by having your husband take care of everything. Not just in the hospital, but for all the problems pre-mature birth can cause - OT, speech, tutoring, eye care, phyiscal therapy, and more. If the financial part doesn't move you, keeping that baby from coming early can prevent birth defects and mental retardation, and THAT ALONE should help you put this guilt of your husband having to work harder totally aside.

The calmer you feel, the better for the baby. Do EVERYTHING your doctor tells you to do, even if it means wearing Depends in bed so that you don't have to get up to pee as often. (Don't hold your urine - a full bladder pushing on the uterus can start labor. So can not drinking water, because if you become a little dehydrated, your uterus shrinks some, which can cause it to contract. You need to drink and pee, drink and pee.)

The difference in 24 weeks and 34 weeks is huge, but you are not out of the woods. The baby's lungs need to develop. You need to make it to 37 weeks. Getting to 38 weeks would be better. You will have PLENTY of time to work your head off after the baby is born, feeding and getting up with the baby in the middle of the night. Right now, you concentrate on keeping calm and giving that baby a chance to grow and develop so that there aren't special needs caused by being born too early in its future.

I got lucky and my baby came at 37 weeks instead of before. He just went off to college. Keep your eye on the prize. Your husband and the extra work he is doing is not the prize.

Good luck,
D.

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Don't worry. After the baby comes, there will be plenty of work to do. Enough to last for years!! Enjoy the bit of rest while you can.

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Don't confuse guilt with just plain old frustration. You can only feel guilty if you've done something wrong, and you havent.
If you know how to knit or crochet, or cross stitch or embroider .. this would be a good time to be making something for Christmas to keep you feeling "useful" in your down time.
Lucky you to have all the great help and a mature, understanding spouse.

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From one who has been there (went on bed rest at 20 weeks and had very healthy twin girls at 37 weeks!), the MOST important thing right now is to keep that baby in there for as long as possible. Luckily, you're already almost past the danger zone. Somehow, it all works out. I'm very Type A in personality and it was very hard for me to let the house get dirty (I did have help from a cleaning lady), and I still had so much to do to prepare, but this just made me more ready for the chaos which ensued later! To this day, I don't keep as clean of a house as I used to, and most times we choose doing things that create memories instead of fretting the small stuff (the big stuff ultimately gets done). This is a good time to start a hobby you've always wanted to do (for me, it was learning Spanish and how to smock), or read a good book! It also helps take your mind of things. Best of luck.

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Hi E.-

There is no real way (that I know of) to 'let go' of the 'guilt'...

There ARE some ways to perhaps 'divert' it a bit...and you are in a 'good' time of year for that!!

Crazy as it sounds...even if you do NOT crochet...knit...or do crewel work/needle work of any kind...get a book/on line...get supplies from someone...and have AT it!!

When I was on bedrest...I was a flurry of baby stuff for the kiddos (twins) I was hoping to 'house' inside me for just as long as I could.

I finally had to 'let go'...and, in my case, let my mom help with the 'youngers'.

NOW is the time to ask for help (and LET them help)...and keep YOUR mind occupied with 'other' diversions...

make hats...scarves...etc for those on your holiday list...

BIG hugs...

and best luck!
michele/cat

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First, realize your guilt is a normal response for a caring, responsible adult. Many women in your position would feel guilty. And, just as importantly as realizing taking care of yourself and this new life in you is your highest priority, try to realize that it's your husband's priority, too. In his own mind, he probably sees himself as your protector and partner. If the tables were turned, you know you would do the same for him.

If you simply can't let the guilt go, you might help in a free process of questioning your painful thoughts. This is available at thework.com/thework-4questions.php. It's a wonderful 'clearness' process, and will give you something to do for the next 2 weeks or more. There are also many free illustrative videos on the site.

Congratulations on the coming baby!

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I went through the same situation when I was pregnant with our twins. Our son was two and my guilt stemmed from my inability to be there for him. I knew his little life was about to change drastically. I was on bedrest for 9 weeks. One thing that helped was journaling. My emotions were all over the place from guilt, stress, frustration, fear of the unknown, sadness, excitement, and so on. :) Writing things down helped. I won't lie, it was hard but I knew the longer they were in there, the better so I tried to stay positive. Now when I got to week 36, I was so ready to have it all over with and practically begged the Dr. to take them. The girls made it to 37 and were as healthy as could be. :)
It will be over before you know it and this time will be a distant memory!
Blessings!

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There has been lots of good advice already and I agree, please try to put your guilt aside and accept your husband's help. There are probably plenty of people that have to be on bedrest that do not have someone to help you like you do and remember he is not complaining so you shouldn't worry needlessly. My firstborn was 2 1/2 when I was put on moderate bedrest at 32 weeks (meaning I could get up to fix something small to eat or take a short shower, etc.). I remember feeling very helpless and like I was a burden to everyone having to rely on them to help out. I think that is the control freak in me that made it so hard. :-)

But I eventually was able to let it go and realize that the reason I was on bedrest was for the health of my baby and myself. I channeled that energy into productive projects like sorting pictures (this was just as digital cameras were coming to be more commonly used), reading the books that I knew I wouldn't get to read again for awhile, etc. I still made the grocery lists and did some of the "normal" things I'd been doing to still feel like I was contributing in some way.

I guess the bedrest must have worked b/c ironically my son did not arrive until one day before the due date! Good luck!

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I can understand your guilt, and you shouldnt feel guilty,but you do.. So, maybe a few suggestions of what you can do to help without putting your baby at risk will be good.
Dad is cooking dinner, you play with your son, on the bed, with a few little toys. Make it fun and silly and hold his attention.
While dad is doing dishes, you have your son in bed with you and read book after book to him. He should love this, and learn to talk better too.
If dad does the laundry, you certainly can match up all the socks and fold hand towels and wash cloths while he hangs up the bigger stuff.
If he isnt real great at shopping, you can make the grocery list in order of the isles and give good clear discriptions of the item for your husband to find. Go thru the newspaper and clip coupons for him if you are into that.
Find a friend who has a cleaning person, and see about hiring her to come in and just do some basic cleaning one time, to give your husband a better shot at holding things together.
If his cooking isnt too terrific, you can call your best friends, and ask them to make some simple meals and drop them off. Pay for the foods if you need, and just have them go thru the recipe if hubby isnt good at that.
Lay in bed and watch movies..sing.. read.. color..stack blocks..do sheets of stickers onto blank paper, or coloring books..use this lay down time to teach your son his colors, numbers, letters, shapes. Its amazing what you can do laying down, and he may eat up the attention from you and really give dad a break to study, cook, clean and rest. Sure its not real easy, and not what you had planned, but its possible to stay in bed and still help around the house. you wont feel so guilty then, and youll have a baby soon and wish you had time to just lay in bed. Best of everything to you all. (o:

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