Not sure of any book that will help, but...check out FLYLADY.NET and Housefairy.org. They helped me beyond words!
Perfectionism runs rampant in my family and so one of my boys is seriously afflicted with it - to my chagrin. What has helped him (and me, another perfectionist) is to learn when good enough is really good enough. I tell each of my boys great job when he does a good enough job on any and everything (that really doesn't NEED to be PERFECT -- and what at their ages (6 & 8) really needs to be PERFECT???). I stress to both of my boys that as long as they tried to do the best they could, that's all I ask and expect.
So, when they mop the floor and miss the corners, edges, and a third of the space, they still did a great job of helping me. LOL!
Use a lot of positive reinforcement on what they do...not what they are trying to do and not quite getting it PERFECT.
When showing them what they do wrong, I don't use that word...I show them "a different way" to do it...not the "Right" way.
My mother drilled into me for years that a job isn't worth doing if you can't do it right...so I never really did anything for a long time...and then when I did, it would take hours! Now, after figuring this out (after 40 years!) I get a lot done, my boys get a lot done, we feel great about it, and, it's good enough. :)
Now for the tantrums, I shut the door on my youngest (he was around 3ish at the time) and ignored him until he quieted down and was able to talk in an indoor voice. After a while, the screaming sessions went from 2 hours to 30 seconds. LOL! Once he was able to talk, we could work out whatever issue he was having. Most of the time he didn't listen to the whole sentence and only heard what he couldn't do...missing the "until" or "after" conditions. So I changed how I worded things as well as told him to wait until I was finished talking before getting upset as I could see him starting up.
If you sit with them and explain that sometimes things don't always go the way you want them to, it's not the end of the world...the shut door/open window thing. Give them an example like "Remember when it was too cold for you to play outside and you wanted to really bad? Well, instead of playing outside, we got to play a couple of games of Candyland or make cookies, and you got to play outside the next day." or "Mommy wanted to get her hair done, but the person wasn't there so I couldn't, but we went to the park instead, and I got my hair done the next day." They will get it...it takes a lot of patience and putting things in their perspective.
Good luck! I went through about 2 years of being reminded daily why some species eat their young. LOL!