Cool off After Huge Arguements?

Walk away if it starts to get too heated. I'm a short mean Italian woman! I've got a temper like hell! As I got older though, I learned to wait until nobody was around, quietly sneak to the master bath, and punch holes in the drywall! Hey, I can patch drywall now with the best of them

I think it is great that so many people responded that they don't fight or try not to fight in front of their kids...but really, who DOES??? If there is a passionate issue that comes up and the kids are there, NOBODY tries to fight in front of their children, but sometimes words come out!!! I try to calm things down by distracting them with, well anything, a bird outside the window, who can run down the hall the fastest, etc., but then I never go back to the argument in front of the kids. If they ask any questions, I answer then in a manner that is age appropriate...so if it means twisting words or sounds to make them sound like something funny, so be it. We are only human, and an immediate reaction to something upsetting is normal...at least in my world...
hope this helps!

Try NEVER to fight in front of your kids. I know it happens, but it really is what separates humans from animals (aside from the art of accessorizing!). I always apologize right away, because I really feel bad for arguing, but sometimes I do need to get away for an hour or two to really "feel" OK.

I always walk away when it is heated. Taking a moment so I don't say anything I can't take back. My hubs and I are total opposites he wants to deal with it at the moment, make up and forget. I want to take a moment, find my feelings/words and come back later when I am cooled down. We don't argue infront of our son, but my hubs usually starts an argument when I am about to leave for work, or we are about to do something and there is no time to deal with the problem. I think he does it to catch me off guard as I usually win the "fight" lol. Bottom line I think a cooling down period, apologies on both sides and then move on. Holding a grudge or not getting out what you need to say can be more damaging than the original argument.

My husband and I make the conscious decision to walk away from each other before we get into a 'battle'. We've never argued in front of the kids. If one of us is angry about something, we let it be known and that we'll talk about it later. For example - I get mad at him for X reason. I tell him, "I'm mad at you right now and we'll talk about it later..." Or, "I'm mad and here's why..." I make my case and let him respond (when timing appropriate- the kids are in bed usually). I listen to what he has to say and it gets a little heated sometimes, but usually if that happens, one of us will acknowledge it and say, 'ok, we need to stop for a few minutes.'

It's really all about giving the other person a chance to make their case and taking the time to listen and hopefully you get the same courtousy (sp?).

Well in my marriage I am definitely the hot head!!! I once picked up a chair and slammed it on my cabinets...nice....no-one was around...but still!! I don't think the chair was ever quite the same, the cabinets faired well;) So speaking from the hot head's point of view, I find that a cooling off period can't do anything but help. I have learned and am learning that just waiting a minute is ok and not expressing everything is ok too. I am also working really hard to see things from my husband's point of view and remember that he does have feelings and that no matter how bad I think he had done me, nothing justifies bad behavior by me. I still have to act right, that has saved me a lot!!! On the arguing in front of kids thing, I used to think it was ok, but I have changed that point of view. My pastor was sharing that arguing in front of the kids burdens them and that they don't deserve to feel that the house has instability just because you can't hold your tongue. Also I found that I might say things to belittle their dad in anger and even though they might see you make up, that doesn't erase what you said. I find that waiting to talk things over with my husband when I am mad so as not to go off in front of the kids has given me a chance to actually think about what I really want to say. Now I am not saying that I act like a robot in front of my kids or anything. Like I was on the phone the other day and my husband was asking me a thousand questions about the call, while I was on it! So irritating:/ So I got off and said "Don't ask me questions when I am on the phone!!" Not a fight or anything but just a moment in life you know. But for anything big and nasty, that is just between us. So I say yes on the cooling off, and yes to hashing out without little eyes and big ears taking it all in. Good luck!!

We don't have huge fights, we just publicly ignore each other for weeks, which is worse. :(

And yes it is always me who says uncle, course if I just said uncle right away we could avoid the wasted time and energy ignoring each other....but sometimes I think it would be nice if HE said uncle, so I wait....and I wait....

you can have a healthy fight in front of kids, i see no harm in that, so they can learn what a healthy argument is...not screaming and cursing name calling (like my ex husband and his wife does). my husband and i usually walk away from eachother when a debate starts to heat up so we don't argue...i know the damage my daughter has watching her daddy fight like that, and i'm not about to be a part of any of that (she's in counseling due to that).

we don't fight in front of our kids. we may make a remark here and there without anger or yelling. am i boiling inside sometimes? sure. but we don't in front of kids. that kind of works on our benefit too, because our kids are around the entire time, so we don't fight, and time passes by, he usually comes and apologizes (because, well, frankly, he is always in the wrong so he needs time to realize it :)
i also don't remember my parents fighting. and now i like that i was raised that way. so i want my kids to not live around stress either.

We don't fight in front of our kids. We do argue and bicker in front of our kids, and I think that's healthy. They can see that we do disagree, and that we do work it out. But if it starts to get truly emotional or heated, we try to back off until later. It did happen once, when we were both yelling and then I saw my son looking on, and so I ended it by telling my husband over and over again (no matter what he said), "I'm not going to talk to you about this in front of the kids. I'm not going to talk to you about this in front of the kids." It made him angry, I'll admit, and maybe it even made our fight worse later on, but I think it was better than us yelling back and forth while our son looked on.

My husband and I have a policy that we will not go to bed while we are fighting. We have to work it out before bed. This is HARD. It's really really hard! There are nights when I do NOT want to have the conversation again before going to sleep, and don't misunderstand - things are not all better each time. But we will not go to sleep while actively fighting or actively angry (no silent-treatments, etc.)

One of the ways I cool down is by knowing that my husband has heard me. Even if he doesn't agree, if he can parrot back my argument, telling me what I'm trying to say, then I feel I've been heard. This is a very useful technique that we actually learned from Dr. Phil (back when he was useful, before he became the talk-show host he is now). Talk about this technique BEFORE you are fighting. Then, when you're cooling down, say something like, "I don't feel like you're hearing me." Then make your case in an organized way. He should say, "I understand what you're saying. You want [fill in the blank.]" Then you can say, "No, that's not it, I must not be expressing myself well. I mean ~" or "Yes, but it's more than that, it's also ~," etc. He may not agree. He may even say, "I understand, but I really don't agree because ~." But I find that, even if we still don't agree at the end, knowing that he has HEARD WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY makes a HUGE difference to how I feel about a fight. I wish you luck.

please dont fight in front of your kids. thats how i grew up (we're talking screaming cursing call teh cops fights) and now i have a near panic attack near any kind of tension. (like literally..its an issue i'm working on) =P needless to say my hubby and i dont fight. luckily he can keep a cool head and we just talk everything out and step away from each other to cool off if we find things getting heated.

Don't beat yourself up. We have all done it, even though we know we shouldn't. I think showing your children you are human, and we make mistakes is the best example you can set for them. You made a mistake you explained to her it was a mistake so I wouldn't fret about it any longer. Learn from it and do your best to not let it happen again.

I read a book called "The Power of Two". While I don't remember too much about it I do remember this.

It said that you have 10 seconds from the end of XYZ incident to tell the other party that something is bothering you. If that 10 second opportunity is not taken then you have to let go of the issue. If you do start speaking about the incident you have to simply & calmly state why it bothered you. When you are done speaking allow the other party to simply and calmly state their response. At no time are previous incidents/issues to come into play (in essence keep each discussion limited to the issue at hand). Basically what you are doing is counting to 10 to see if the issue is really worth calmly telling somebody they ticked you off.

It takes A LOT of practice but you see the benefit after the first time.

Hope this helps.

We never have blown out fights in front of the kids, but we do have arguments that get somewhat heated. But, the kids always see us back to being happy to. It teaches them that you don't always have to get along, but you can still love each other afterwards.

Here are the things I try to remember during any argument / fight:
* Don't yell
* Don't call names
* Don't cuss

After an argument, my DH really needs time away from me. Whether it is in another part of the house or if he needs to "run to the store" or take a walk. He doesn't cool down if he is still right there. I think that taking a break from each other lets each person really think back on the argument and many times realize how stupid or petty it may have been.

Stop the fighting. It takes two people to have a fight. When you are about to say something, ask yourself, "Is this going to make my husband love me more?" and "Is this the kind of comment I want my daughter to make to me or to my husband when she is frustrated?" Once you start listening to yourself, it is easy to see that most of what we fight about can easily be solved in a normal conversation when everyone's frustration level is maxed out. Sometimes the topic has to be put off until a better time. And remember, it is better to be loved than be right.

Our arguments center around: driving or my husband not completing projects.
There are times where we do fight in front of the kids, but its usually over something that needs to be at the time. For example, we were driving around downtown Dallas, in which my husband is not too familiar with, there are many one way streets...which i thought was normal. So when we have to go I go with him, omg! my husband turned down a one way; I began to scream "ITS A ONE WAY WHAT R U DOING TURN AROUND!" Guess what, cars roaring towards us all I could see was my life flashing in front of my eyes he panics and I yell and grab the wheel, "PULL OFF TO THE RIGHT NOW!!" So I continue to yell at him, "READ, SIGNS EVERYWHERE UP THERE OVER THERE..!" He sincerely apologized and I apologized for yelling at him so loudly but I didn't want us to die or get hurt.

Usually during arguments we end up laughing in the middle due to we realize how crazy or wrong we are being; so we either hug and say sorry, or one of us says, "give me a moment" and we'll walk away breathe for 10 to 20 minutes and return calmer. As far as in front of the kids, we usually apologize quicker in front of one another to teach them that everyone has disagreements its just all in how you handle it.

We all do it; we don't mean to as parents, but sometimes a strong discussion can't be avoided and other times put off.