Contextualized Rules

My kids know they follow MY rules no matter where we are. If MY rule is no jumping on couches, whether Junior is allowed to or not, they are not to do it. They have known this from when they were very young for being at the park and other places.

For a long time I would ask them before we even left they house what rules they were to follow, and if the answer was not correct we'd go over the rules again. They got it very young. Even at 2.5. That might work for you too.

I have an in-home daycare. We have an old couch in one room. We call it the "jumping couch." It is ok to jump on this couch only. Not our other couch and not couches at other houses...just this jumping couch. We talk about how it is special. We talk about how different people have different rules. Even my 2yo gets this. All of the other kids get this. I think your 2.5 yo could understand this,as well.

ETA- this jumping couch came into being after a few too many days stuck inside with bad weather with a few too many little ones... :0)

However, if you don't want them to do something...anywhere...you have the right to make that decision. And your friends should respect that decision...as should your children.

I say, thank you but I really don't want them doing it when they get home and I make sure my kids don't join in.

I can't even remember the rule, it has been 18 years, but not only did my kids not do it but the host kids stopped as well. Anyway it works and we are still friends so I assume she was okay with it.

You just tell your kid not to do it, regardless of what she says. He might as well learn now that every family does things differently, and just because someone else does something does not automatically mean he can do it, especially once you have said no.

You don't need to defend your position to her -- everyone can have different rules in their homes. If she questions it, just tell her, I just don't want him doing it. And if she's a good friend, she should respect that.

It isn't ok... period. If my freinds say "no really its ok... I say, well its againts OUR rules so no. When my daughter sees other kids doing things that are against the rules, even freinds and the are allowed to do it but she isn't I tell her... "they are thier mommy's resposnsibility, and you are mine and your mommy says no..." It is just as unfair for me to expect another parent to change the rules for me, as it is for them to expect me to change MY rules for them.

So far, it works pretty well... and my daughter knows that failure to follow my rule (whether she thinks they are fair or not) will end up with time out, toys taken away... or leaving all together.

You just have to stand your ground. If your friends cannot except that then....

If it's something I don't want them doing, then they don't get to do it, period. This came up for us recently when my kids were swimming at someone else's house. We don't allow our kids to jump off the waterfall into our pool because the rocks are really slippery. My friend allows this at her house (their rocks are more made for it, ours aren't, and her kids are older/more coordinated). My 7 year old is one of those kids where you give her an inch, and she'll take a mile, so I pulled her aside and told her I didn't want her jumping off the rocks. My friend said, "Oh, it's ok!" and then I just quickly explained my reasoning - she totally understood and pulled her kids aside and put the waterfall off-limits. I didn't expect her to do that, but it was nice of her. Anyway, if your rules are more strict than another mom's, you are within your rights to enforce your rules even while at the other mom's house (with your kids, obviously not with hers ;).

Lizard has it right. (I never thought I would agree with a lizard on anything.;~)) )

Our kids understood at the time they were two. Kids understand things when you teach them.

Good luck to you and yours.

(Lizard, what a wonderful and fun name. I love it!)

You work on teaching your child that different places have different rules. He's not too young to know this. My two little boys spent their early years with 2 days of day care, 3 days of grandma care and of course our own house. They were able to differentiate between the three settings and three different routines and sets of expectations. Keep teaching him and he'll get it. Not without the occasional meltdown, but he'll learn.

I think that kids understand, even at that age, that there are different rules for different places. If you are concerned, though, how about you just tell your friend that you don't want him jumping on the sofa? Once mine started standing on his own, we stopped standing him on the sofa because we didn't want him doing that on his own. I think that jumping from the coffee table to the sofa is dangerous, and I wouldn't want my little one doing that. I would have no problem saying, "No, I don't want him doing that." Your friend should respect that.

You have your rules for your child and your friends have theirs. They are not always the same. You have to tell your son your rule is no jumping on anybodies furniture.

Your child will understand. Rephrase the rule to "No jumping on OUR couch" and make sure your kids understand.

They understand.

You could also say "No jumping on furniture without a grown-ups permission." If your friend doesn't mind them jumping on the couch and table, then she has given her permission and it's okay. But you don't give permission at your house so it's not okay.

it's not okay anywhere if it's not okay at home. They need to learn that some families have different rules and these are our rules.

One time that little child will fall and get hurt then his mom will understand that kids need feet on the floor inside the house and hineys on the furniture.

To me, it seems like you are blaming your friend. Your child is going to be in many situations growing up where he will see behavior you don't want him doing. Now is a great time to start enforcing rules and giving age appropriate consequences for not following them. Different parents have different rules, and these are our rules--that's what my kids have learned.

There will always be different rules at other people's houses and your kids will have to learn that they need to respect your rules over anyone's. I just had this discussion with my nine year old. She didn't understand why we have one rule, but her friend's family has a different rule. Neither one of us is wrong, just different. It was a good lesson for her and she understands now that she needs to listen to us first.