Consequence for Prank Calling?

This is not a simple case of prank calling at all. When we did that as kids we would randomly call a number from our own home phone at normal waking hours. Not that big a deal in my mind.

Your daughter took another kids phone, called people she knew to "personally" prank them at 5 am knowing she would be waking them up. Then at the very end of your post you mention this is not the first time she has done this. I don't think 11 year olds should even have cell phones for entertainment. That's a privilege for kids who are following the rules, are mature and use the phone in the way it is intended.

As for the "bullying" you'd have to know exactly what was said to the other girls. When you say rub it in her face that she wasn't invited I think that is a lot worse than a true prank call. I wonder how she treats these girls and what she says to them in person or at school. There just seems to be a lot more to this than a prank phone call.

I'd let her have a phone to call you and a relative or family friend in case of emergency and that's it. She has shown you TWICE now that she isn't ready to own a cell phone.

ADDED: This is NOT about prank calls at all. Your daughter is heading down the wrong path. I would not tolerate her being rude in anyway to other kids on her cheer leading "team" whether I was the coach or not. You being the coach just makes it incredibly embarrassing for you. What do you mean she doesn't like them? Zero tolerance for any negativity directed at members of your cheer squad. It's a sport, it's a team and athletes ALWAYS support their teammates.

Reading your what happened I would think about have her miss some cheer leading activities. This is not about the cell phone!

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I would revoke her phone privileges for one week. I would also make her call the family she woke up at 5 am and apologize. That seems sufficient to me.

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Well, until I read that she used this prank call to make someone feel badly, then yes, I think she should lose the privilege of the cell phone and have to cancel her playdate. During the time she is sitting in your office, have her write a note of apology to the girl whose feelings she hurt and then have her write another paper where she puts herself in that girl's position and describe how that prank call hurt her feelings. She needs to learn empathy!

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Have her call the other parents and apologize or waking them up.
That should be sufficient.
I think you are WAY over thinking this, I mean, taking away her phone, canceling play dates, and calling it "bullying?!"
Bullying is such a serious subject, it shouldn't be equated with a group of little girls making a poor choice in a moment of silliness.
Unless their call was threatening in some way, have her apologize and LET IT GO.

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Hi there,
I totally remember prank calling kids for a variety of reasons. Not all were admirable, but certainly not to bully>
Regardless, I do think you are spot on taking her phone away, taking her playdate away. since this is a second offense, you may need to go one-step further to make it resonate.
I think the idea Bridgette and others offered up of making her GO TO THE HOME of the family she called at 5 am and apologize in person is the way to go.
I think sometimes with all the electronics kids forget that it is a person on the other end, not just a floating being - LOL - i do know that was the worst punishment for me and the best deterrent after getting caught (hello - I was the only kid who had to clean up after a group TP prank - guess what though, never TPd a house again - even if it was in fun)

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i think you shoudl take away the prank calling label.

If my kid prank called a pizza place or friends having fun I'd let it go. calling to make fun of another kid for not being invited, while isn't bullying is still bratty and mean so I would take away the phone and playdate for that reason not "prank calling" for being a brat=)

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My first reaction was how on earth can you prank phone call anyone anymore because you are sure to get caught. I agree with taking the phone away, blocking it, etc. but about Grandma, well she shouldn't have to suffer and it isn't related to the deed.To different situations. Save some of those really severe consequences for high school. Believe me I work in a middle school. No phone and she will totally rethink this.
Good luck!

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It's not bullying. Every kid everywhere has prank called other kids since time began. The difference is, now everyone has caller ID so they know whom to blame. I remember prank calling (as well as toilet papering friends' houses). If our parents knew, they never let on, and nobody ever got in trouble for it. I'd file this under "harmless fun" and move on. If you really feel like you must punish her, I'd say taking away phone privileges for a week should suffice. Anything more than that is overkill, in my opinion.

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Wow, I am with your husband. It's a prank call, lord knows it happens to me a lot, and it's really not the end of the world. I'd much rather them be making prank calls then sneaking out the door to meet boys.

Have her apologize, take away the phone and call it a day.

I'd hate to see what happens when she really screws up...

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You are 100% right and your DH is all wrong. To me this goes way beyond the kind of prank calling we did as kids. Using another child's phone implicates another person-when we did it it was only us who would suffer the consequences. And we did it mostly as a joke. Your daughter's motives were not in fun. What your daughter did was mean and just downright sneaky and wrong. She should ABSOLUTELY lose her cell phone for a LONG LONG time. She has proven beyond any doubt that she is not mature enough to have a cell phone. Please stick to your guns here mom-this is what you need to do. I fear for the girl your daughter is becoming if this is something she thinks is funny. Nip it in the bud now or deal with it later when it will be way harder to control. And keep a close eye on her for other similiar antics.

Just read your ETA-----is your husband a bully too? If he cannot see this as bulling he just might be, or may have been growing up.

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**The problem here is not only that she crank called some homes, but it is the REASON they did so. The bad reasons they did so.... in order to call people they do not like and rub it in their face of the girl that was not invited to the party.
THAT attitude and behavior... is the problem. The crank calling, was just an extension of their bad behavior.
This is not just a case of silly crank calling. It was done for a mean reason. It is a big deal. I would ground her.
--------------

Okay, crank calling... is NOT something to skirt over.
SINCE my daughter (she does not have a cell phone) was in 4th grade... other Moms I know, would get crank calls from kids. They get their phone number, because they simply ASK their friends "what's your phone number?" and the kids give it to them. THEN they put it into their cell phone and then, they can call ANY Mom they want, without permission, and crank call them. It is a PROBLEM. And highly NOT appreciated by ANY of the Moms I know.

Now, personally, since my kids were in 1st grade, I have told them EXPLICITLY: "DO NOT EVER GIVE OUT MY PHONE NUMBER TO ANYONE or any kid or any Mom, if they ask. My phone number is PRIVATE. IF some kid/Mom wants my phone number for whatever reason... you tell them "No. I have to ask my Mommy first if it is okay. Our number is private..." And my kids, do so. EVEN my 6 year old son.
My kids know, our phone number, is PRIVATE and that *I* decide who to give it to. Because... I know, that kids put these numbers on their own cell phone and then they call anyone/any parent, willy nilly. And make crank/prank calls. My kids know, this is WRONG.

Once, my daughter's classmate was at my house. It was not a BFF, but I was doing the Mom a favor by having her here because the Mom got tied up at work. Anyway, the girl... told me "Can I have your cell phone number?" And I said "why/" And she said "So I can call Sally or you if I need to..." And I said (I happen to know this girl is manipulative), "NO. I ONLY GIVE my phone number to grown-ups or your Mom. I do not give my number to other kids. My number is PRIVATE. Only your Mom, can call me. Kids crank call others. I know that. I also do not want... MY private phone number on your... cell phone. No." And the girl proceeded to needle me about giving her my phone number, making puppy dog eyes at me and giving me excuses why she "needs" my number etc. And I told her no... I do NOT appreciate, being forced to give you my number. I ONLY give it to your Mommy. Not kids. (the girl's Grandma was present while I was saying this, because the girl asked for my phone number when the Grandma came to pick her up.) I explained to the Grandma that kids are crank calling other Moms.. because the kids have cell phones and the kids are putting phone numbers on their cells, without permission etc.) The Grandma... understood and appreciated my telling her this. She had no idea kids were doing this.

I am very... strict, about where my phone number ends up and with who. I do NOT give my number to kids. ONLY my kids' Mom and I tell them that it is PRIVATE and no child should have it. And that crank calls are occurring. Which they know.

I do not tolerate crank calls.
One Mom I know... got a call during school hours, at her office. She thought it was an EMERGENCY from her own child, and had to step out of a work meeting.. JUST to answer the call. But it was a crank call. And the kids on the other end (she recognized the kids voices), saying all kinds of very RUDE things to her. She later told the kids' parents.

Also KNOW that... many kids, will give out phone numbers that they have on their cell... to OTHER kids, too. Without permission, and without you even knowing. Then... like a domino effect, so many others and kids or parents you do not know... will have your number too. Kids, give out phone numbers to each other, very often. I know this as well, because I see the kids doing it and my daughter tells me. She is now in 5th grade.
So, phone numbers need to be, safeguarded and kids taught RULES about it. Otherwise, your phone number will end up who knows where.

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Thank you for taking this seriously.

I think the consequences of loss of phone privileges and the loss of the playdate with the friend are good consequences... I agree that you can't punish grandma by taking away that weekend...... the haunted house with step-dad could be taken away, if he were on board with you about the consequences.

Apparently, since this wasn't her first offense, and that the loss of phone privileges wasn't enough of a consequence, you HAVE to step up the punishment.

We got prank-called repeatedly from one girl we knew who it was, but until we were able to prove it was her (with *69, proving who had done it), we kept asking her to stop, but it continued for over a week. Once we found out who it was, we called back, and talked with the parents, and they grounded her good for it. We could have gone the official route and involved the police, but we just wanted it stopped.

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I agree with Bridgett, revoke the phone for a week and maker her apologize. The end..

Unless she said some mean things it is not bullying..if they are friends normally..

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Prank calling another child is not bullying - it's being stupid and a teenager. Society is super quick to call something bullying, but this one doesn't qualify. We learn to make good decisions as an adult by making a few bad decisions as teenagers.

I think your punishments are appropriate - loss of phone privilidges for two weeks plus cancelling the playdate. And then let it go. She did something dumb but it doesn't make her a bully or a bad person.

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Prank calling another child would not meet the defiition of bullying. You are right, though, it's still mean.

If she was my child, I would (hypothetically)...
1. No cell phone for an extended period of time. Having a cell is a priviledge and showing a lack of good judgment means the loss of that priviledge.
2. Play date canceled.
3. Apology to the child and parents who were awoken at that hour. We all know what it's like to get a call in the middle of the night. It's heart stopping.

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She's a kid and like you said you did it. I did too but that was back before caller ID when they couldn't figure out who it was. When I got busted I was grounded from hanging out with the ones that I did it with and I think grounded for a month from the phone.

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I'm sorry but I'm with your hubby on this one. While it is annoying and mabey she should be reprimanded, I don't think it's a big deal unless during the phone calls she said something that was threatning or scary or something that could lead to a dangerous situation (house on fire or something). If she just called and asked if their fridge was running or something then really NO BIG DEAL.

EDIT: Just read the last part and that is kinda mean but again I agree with hubby take phone privileges away for a few days and be done.

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Bullying is a term that gets thrown around way too freely since it has become something that everyone is now aware of. Prank phone calling is not bullying in my book.. it is the same as prank calling that all kids do at one point or another, a silly offense.

I agree with taking the phone away until she proves that she is more responsible and apologizing to those she offended.

If you go overkill on her punishment, what are you going to do when she messes up the next time?? Is prank calling wrong, yes but as a parent, I would not get that bent out of shape about it and I have been on the receiving end of the prank calls with teens.

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Since taking her phone away for a week didn't seem to help prevent a 2nd offense, try taking it away for a month.
Taking all political calls would be a great punishment - at least until the election is over.
I'd consider waking her up a few times in the middle of a the night and seeing how SHE likes losing sleep over nonsense.
Apologizing to the people she woke up is ok, but I'd want her doing some chores for those people too.
She can rake their leaves, dig up garden beds, walk their pets (and pooper scoop after them.
There's nothing like some physical labor to get you thinking about how to avoid getting into this situation again.
If there is a third offense - then no more sleep overs for her.
If she can't handle having fun without causing trouble then she'll stay at home where she can be supervised.
If you have to, get her involved in other after school activities where she can meet other people so you can bust up her peer group.
Sometimes hanging out with a bad crowd can get you into some rotten behaviors.

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I think that she should have to apologize, in person, to the parents they woke up. I think that will remind her that these are real people, it wasn't funny, and she should do what's right, not what the other girls do. When my SD thought it was funny to hide someone's shoes and it caused problems for the other girl and the host mom got mad, we made her apologize to both the girl and the host mom in person. It never happened again. It wasn't funny when it was time to go home and nobody could find her shoes because SD had already left. So I would start with public embarrassment and then see if her attitude needs any further adjusting or if she learned her lesson. A further natural consequence was that SD wasn't invited back to either girls' house for a while because their parents thought she was trouble. So SD had to deal with that as well. Your DD may experience the same. I think that unless there is more to this story, it was a stupid prank and not bullying or really harmful. Hopefully she will learn not to do it again.

ETA: did you edit when I was writing? If she has done this before and she was taunting a child, then I see what you mean about bullying and I do think she needs more than just an apology since she didn't get the memo the first time. I understand how you don't want to back out of activities, but what about telling Grandma that she can't do the overnight or SF that she needs to be back by 5PM sharp (or something) because she has proven irresponsible. At the very least, keep her phone when she's with Grandma and tell Grandma why.

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Good for you for taking this seriously. 5am?? WOW would that get me mad if I were on the receiving end. That's not funny... Way way different than what we did as kids. Why was she up at 5am anyway? Not healthy... Then for the specific targets and being mean. You have the right idea this needs to be addressed strictly.

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Hi C.!

I agree with some of the other posters...take away phone for a week...have he make apologies (written IMO) to those she inconvenienced...

BUT...given this election year...

I would make HER take ANY campaign related calls she is there to receive (making notes on salient points) and turn a condensed version in to you before election day.

As far as I am concerned...THOSE calls are 'prank' calls too...and 'fits' the situation - daughter being on receiving end...and you getting a summary of 'prank' type calls!

LOL

Best Luck!
michele/cat

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Prank calls is something most kids do and normally I would be upset, but not too upset. However, prank calling during sleeping hours is totally disrespectful.

Instead of losing phone priveleges and all that, I would have my daughter offer retribution and feel the shame of her actions. The best way to do this is to visit the home (or call) and apologize to the family face-to-face, and then perhaps follow up with a letter thanking them for accepting her apology.

As for the mean spirited actions towards the other girls, then, yes, I would ground her from some of the fun activities. I would tell her that her behavior was very mean and the world would be a better place without mean behavior. Therefore, she is grounded for X amount of days to save the world from having to endure such behavior.

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I agree with taking away the phone. I don't quite know if this can be considered 'bullying' - what was said on the call? Was is mean or malicious? What were the reactions of the parents?

NO ONE wants a call at 5am in the morning - those poor parents probably thought is was an emergency.

To avoid trouble - I'd say, go to grandma's house. But give her extra chores around the house to make up for it.

She also admittedt to it, so an apology to the parents would be very humbling to her.

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I agree with the phone privilege loss. I could also maybe see not going to the friend's house this time, but then that being the end of that. Admittedly, I don't have a child this old yet, so it's hard for me to say for sure.

As to whether or not this could be bullying, to me, it would depend on what was said. As a kid, I would have been MUCH more likely to call another kid (if that kid had their own phone) so that I'd be less likely to get caught and therefore in trouble. Unless they were calling these kids to intentionally be mean, I don't think I would consider it bullying. I mean, I don't know what kids do on prank calls these days (that makes me sound old...), but if its the same old "Is your refrigerator running?...... you better go catch it!" type stuff, I wouldn't worry about it.

ETA: Okay, given your added info, I would say that yes, this falls under bullying and warrants harsher punishment. As to what that is, I'm sorry to say I don't know. :( Best of luck to you.

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Bridgett has it perfect. Just enough.

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Boy if I got in trouble for every time I called and asked "is your refrigerator running? Then you better go catch it" I would still be grounded. However, in this electronic savy time, things have changed. My daughter received prank calls but they were very mean spirited. Not very innocent at all! I believe with this being her second offense, phone privileges for two weeks gone. I think she gets grounded from the playdate. I would also tell her that if she EVER does this again, you will take the phone and give it to someone more deserving and follow through if need be. Sounds like your daughter could be classified as "a mean girl". She needs to learn quickly that this is not the route to go.

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You, my dear C. M, have got your hands full. But I think that you have a great head on your shoulders and I think that what you have planned for discipline is fair including the apologies to the girls and their parents. I agree with you on virtually everything. Everything.

The only thing I disagree with is allowing her to go trick or treating with Grandma. If she's grounded this weekend, then she's grounded. It's all or nothing. I can back this up since I had to revoke trick or treating privileges for my eldest daughter two years ago. She wasn't even allowed to dress up. She WAS allowed to pass out candy to trick or treaters and come with the rest of us to my best friend's house, but when they all went out into the neighborhood she didn't get to go. She also was NOT allowed to take home any extra candy. It made an impression on her, trust me.

So I would revoke Fun Time With Grandma for this weekend too. If Grandma is upset, tough noogies. Reschedule the pie making to another weekend. But this weekend, no fun.

I would take all cell phone and land line and computer privileges and anything else that has a plug and lose those privileges for a minimum of a month. After the mandatory month, she needs to earn each privilege back. When she earns back the cell phone then I definitely agree with having blocks on the calls she can make, but it doesn't matter if she uses someone else's cell phone. I would take away the privilege of having sleep overs for three months. None at your house and none at friends' houses either. That'll mean something if she has sleepovers frequently.

I'd also mark everything you plan to do on the calendar so that you have it in writing and there are no loopholes.

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I think you should definitely take away the phone AND the play date. Bullying ... I don't know. Mean for calling the person not invited ... oh yeah. Deserves to have it taken away for AT LEAST a week (I'd probably go with two since this ISN'T her first offense) ... DEFINITELY.

Over the summer I was at my mom's ... and some stupid kids crank called ... 4 times in a row. It didn't stop until I threatened to call the police. Oh ... and my mother had just gotten home from the hospital, she had had a stroke. Yeah being woken up at 2am is JUST what she needed.

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I think I'm on your husbands side. I honestly don't think it's a big deal. I used to do it all the time when I was a kid. I never got punished for it. Sometimes my parents would think it's funny. We didn't do it all the time. Maybe only less than 5 times total in my life.

Cancel the playdate, take her phone, and make her apologize in person (if possible) to the families she called AND to the girl whose phone she used without permission.

Bullying- yes, since it was done to be harsh to the other person. I agree that kids will be kids and there is silliness going on at sleepovers, but maybe the two of you could look up harmless pranks or games to play if/when she goes to another sleepover, so she is not tempted into doing something so negative to get attention. The dollar store has some little gag "spilled" items- like nail polish, etc. that look real and would be fun to "trick" someone. There are lots of cute and harmless April Fool's jokes online too. Let's face it- times have changed- even a game of Truth or Dare can get welllll out of hand these days, what with social media, etc. Sometimes I think kids don't know where reality stops and starts anymore :(