M.F. asks from Caldwell, NJ on July 26, 2009
Confused Mom Expecting Twins
Hello everybody!
Ladies, I just need to share my feelings so pls. dont judge me. Give me your support.
I am very happy mom of 21 month old son and I am pregnant second time. I am traveling tomorrow so I went to see my gyn just make sure everything is ok. It is only 6 weeks. He did ultrasound and found out I am carrying twins. I am very very confused. The pregnancy wasnt plan and I am just shocked that is twins. I had all kind of issues with my first pregnancy and I never wanted to have 3 kids. 2 would be the most. I am very confused and didnt stop crying since Fr. Not even mention my husband just lost his job recently.
I dont thing I can do it and go through this....I just dont know what to do. My husband is happy, telling me everything is going to be ok...I just dont see it.
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More Answers
T.W. answers from New York on July 27, 2009
M.,
You are in shock right now and with your husband out of work it is overwhelming. Take some deep breaths and relax, things will work out. If this pregnancy is meant to be than it is meant to be and so what if you are having twins. I am not judging you, trust me, I have been in your shoes. I was pregnant with twins only I lost one early and ended up having a beautiful baby boy who was my 4th child, 3rd son. Then guess what, I got another surprise 2 years later, I now have a girl and 4 boys and their are 16 years between my oldest and youngest. Children a truly miracles no matter whether they are planned or unplanned. Of all 5 of my children only 1 was planned and that is my 2nd one, the rest well let's just say they were total shockers and we love them all the same. I won't deny things were tight here when I was pregnant with the last 2 kids and we only had one income, but we managed and so will you. Remember the tide may be rough right now but it will get better.
Hugs,
T.
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D. answers from New York on July 26, 2009
O.k. first, I am pro-choice and I would never judge someone in your position. Second, I think this is to much information for you to decide on right now. Just think about it for a few weeks. This isn't a decision you should make lightly. I know women who have choosen to terminate the pregnancy and regretted it every day since. My sister in law still remembers her due date and it's been more then 10 yrs since. So, if that is your choice think long and hard about it. Either way this decision will change your life. I am not a religious person, but the higher powers that be never give us more then we can handle. So, maybe this was meant to be. Things will work themselves out, just give yourself some time for this to settle before you decide either way. I do think you should talk about this with your husband though. This is really more then one person should handle alone. He should be part of the decision making.
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M.B. answers from New York on July 27, 2009
M., I didn't want children. I married a guy who was supposed to be sterile, according to the doctors. Two years married and nothing happened, so I decided it was time to get on with my life that I wouldn't be having children.
We bought a house. A SMALL house. Three months later, we discovered I was pregnant. So much for that plan.
After my daughter was born we had a VERY hard time with adjusting, and she was colic. We loved her but kinda thought maybe we shouldn't have done this. As she grew older, tho, something magical happened and we started to absolutely fall head over heels in love with her. By the time she was 15 months old we wanted another and by the time she was 2.5 years, we had our second, the boy I wanted. My husband was done, he didn't want anymore.
Three years later I gave birth to our third, another boy. I knew I wanted him, it was a surprise to my husband (LOL). ~No, I didn't trick him, it just happened unplanned.~
Financially we have our troubles. We cannot afford the extras. We are still in the SMALL house, now with 3 kids. I'm a stay at home mom, only our husband's income is our only source of income.
Ask us if we'd do it again.
Yes.
I cannot imagine my life without these children, and neither can my husband. He didn't want 3 kids, but you should see the relationship between him and the baby...that baby's face lights up into pure joy when Daddy comes home, and my husband is wrapped around his little finger.
It did work out. I am grateful for each one of them.
I hope my story helped you. The lesson of the story is: don't rush yourself. Give yourself time and relax. Things have a funny way of working out.
I wish you the best. I would love to know how it all works out for you. ~M.
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A.F. answers from New York on July 27, 2009
M.-
i gave birth to twins when my oldest was 14 months old! i won't kid you and say it was easy, but my oldest is now 4 and the twins are almost 3 and i have survived so far. it will be very very hard but you can do it. good luck!
A.K. answers from New York on August 06, 2009
I found out last Oct that I was pregnant with twins. I was not thrilled about this discovery! I already had 2 boys,42 yrs old, not planning on more children and terrified to have twins for many other reasons; One of them financial. Because I am a catholic, I would not have considered terminiation but the prospect of having 2 more was not what I wanted. My husband was supportive and happy with the idea even though he didn't want more children either. Now our baby boy twins are 12 wks old and such a joy! I regret having any negative feelings and barely remember those feelings now anyway! Just looking into their little faces every day is rewarding. It's tougher for sure, but it's such a short time that it's tough, it passes quickly. Don't focus on the negative and ask for lots of help. Take the help whenever anyone offers!! Remember that you created these 2 little miracles and you will love them and forget the not so good time of pregnancy, labor & maybe the 1st year (cause that's the hardest)! Good luck!
A.G. answers from New York on July 28, 2009
Give yourself time to get use to it. When you find you are pregnant and were not hoping for that it is a big enough shock. Find out its twins and it puts you through the roof. Talk with your husband and it sounds like he is excited about it. Believe me what we think we want and what we can handle and (find is great) are 2 seperate things. I always only wanted 2 children. TONIGHT I will be induced to deliver baby #3 and I can't believe how much she IS wanted. I will have 3 girls and am so thankful for each one. Children are miracles so please let yourself get use to it. Get counseling if you find you need it to "talk out" your fears and upsets. That is always a big help too! Congratulations. A.
N.B. answers from Jamestown on July 28, 2009
The thought of having twins can be overwhelming. I was expecting twins in 2006 but lost one of them within the first month of pregnancy. My daughter is three now and I could not imagine two of her..lol. God love her!
With the events that happened in my life during the pregnancy, I understand now why I lost the other child. I would not have been able to raise twins or carry them. God knew this.
I believe things happen for a reason. You have a loving husband who is there for you and the children. You are not doing this alone...like I had to. Find your strength.
Nanc
A.M. answers from New York on July 27, 2009
Dear M.,
You are in shock and that is very reasonable. Life works in mysterious ways and can present a lot of challenges. Ending pregnancies take a short amount of time, but the effects can last a lifetime. I don't know any woman who is not wistful twenty years later and wonders about what might have been. So that is a very personal choice and thank goodness that in this country we still have the right to choose.
Since you have a few more weeks to decide, why not just really meditate. It seems that you are just fearful of the cost and work. What do you really value? Will these twins be in the way of that? Or will they just fit in with what you value most in life? They might turn out to be really good babies that make your life amazing. Churches, neighbors, community services can help you keep it together with clothing donations and diapers. Babies really don't need much, marketing just makes it seem that way.
All my best,
Ana M.
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