Confused About 9-Month Old Sleep

Since he probably doesn't really need to eat at that time, maybe you could start a slow transition. You could maybe just hold and rock him when he wakes instead of feeding. Then, if/when he gets used to that, you could start just going in and patting him.

Don't know if this will work, but hope it helps.

We have a 10 month old and I have also read the same books. What we do is first determine the type of waking it is, is just for a second as he rolls over or is it something more. After a couple of minutes my husband or I go in and pat his back and shush him until he goes back to sleep. Sometimes this is too stimulating so we may do that and then sit next to his crib until he nods off again. Most of the time though he goes back to sleep without us having to sit with him. I don't feed him at night after his bedtime bottle.

Good luck! I am definitely reading the other responses on this one!

I dont know how you feel about pacifiers, but when my daughter did that, random waking thing, if it wasnt because she was hungry we gave her a paci and patted her belly, then left. After 2-3 days she was back to sleeping through the night. Good luck!

let me say this ..as a SAHM TOO , and a mother of 2 and one on the way....no book can tell you the right answer...just guidelines to go by .....its up tp you , if you want him broke of gettin up in the middle of the night then yes, your gonna have to break him ,from my experience .....they dont break themselfs...its very rare if they do.....from what i know ...it dosent take more than 3 days to break a kid of anything ...i dont know why, but its true , my mother told me that and didnt belive her till idone it my self....soothe him in others ways...i.e my kids were pacifier babies so when they would get up in the night for the bottle i would just keep giving them the pacifier.... eventually they got the hint ......but then again my babies were bottle babies ...so i stopped putting formula in there bottles at that age ..in the middle of the night...and instead put water cause my kids hated water so i knew if they were thirsty enough they would drink it ....but they didnt like enough to just keep gettin up for it ...so a few days of that and i had babies who slept through the night .......with my first i thought it was harsh too but now ..i know the outcome ...so it dosent bother me ...ive done the same with the 2 and i will do the same with this one ....hope i helped

My son is 20 months now and still cries in the middle of the night but what I do is make sure he is good and worn out around 8-8:30 and put him to bed then when he wakes up I take him a drink of water then I check all the obvious things hunger,diaper,pain and then I say its still night time time for sleep and I cover him up and say nite nite I love you and shut the door 9 times out of 10 he fusses and then after a couple minutes talks/sings himself to sleep. My point is they learn to calm themselves and you get more sleep it is very good for them to learn self soothing methods and it also helps for when they get older. Dont feel like your being a bad parent cause your not. Also, my rule is if they cry longer then about 10-15 min go back in. Make sure you stay as calm as can be dont show that its stressing you that also makes things worse if you have to pat his back while he is laying in his crib. Once you pick him up thats it hes gotten his way and most of the time wide awake. lol Good Luck

Okay, I'm "speaking" honestly here and I'm sure there will be moms who totally disagree with me. M. if your little man wants/needs his mommy let him have you! I nursed my son until 10 1/2 months and then weaned him from me, giving him frozen breastmilk until he was one. When he was 13 months I was diagnosed with Hodgkins lymphoma, so it actually was a good thing that he was weaned from me - no nursing on chemo! :) We have such a short amount of time to enjoy with them as they are so little - as the grow things are just different. He will not want to sit and nuzzle or cuddle as much as he does now - ENJOY THE TIME YOU HAVE!! I totally understand how difficult it is with little to no sleep, or at least not long stretches of sleep at a time.

Maybe it's just because I have had to face my own mortality at a relatively young age (I was 33 when diagnosed with a small child, but life is really just too short. If you want to nurse your baby to sleep at night go for it! I don't know of any kindergartners who wake up in the middle of the night for some milk with mommy! Had things been different with me, I don't know when I would have weaned my son. He's almost 2 1/2 now, and I can't tell you how much I miss being able to nurse him. It is such a precious gift that a mom can give her child - I believe that too many moms can get into such a hurry that little Johnny or Susie isn't keeping up with so-and-so. Who cares? Enjoy your baby!! Don't let a book tell you what you "should" be doing - and yes, I read most of the same books while I was pregnant and the first few months after my son was born.

Well, you've gotten tons of advice already but from what I skimmed (only about 15 of the posts) I didn't see any one mention sleep regression.
9 months is a big sleep regression period. Your little one is hitting some major milestones, both physically and mentally. Here's a good bit of info on one of my favorite blogsites for parenting:
http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006/02/qa_what_are_sle.html
I, too, read a lot... and this site has a nice blend of voices from all points of view on just about anything you can think of. I'm sure you know there's no answer but the one that feels right to you.

As far as the CIO... I wish I had read this out before attempting CIO with my own son:
http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006/06/babies_and_cio.html

If it makes you feel any better, my son was 12 months old before we broke the night time feedings. Up until that point if I didn't top him off with solids plus a nursing before bed, in the middle of the night he would be so hungry that nursing wasn't sufficient and I would have to get up and feed him a banana and cereal!

Hi M.,
I completely sympathize with what you're going through. My son is almost 11 months old, and we go through the same thing. I do not believe in the cry it out method so we get up with him in the middle of the night. The only thing that works for us is for me or my husband to get into his room a.s.a.p. so he is still really sleepy. Then we pat his back or his bottom in his crib until he is asleep again. I have gotten to the point of only nursing him once at midnight. I used to nurse him every time he woke up. I believe once I night wean him completely, he will stop waking up so much. I think he wakes up hoping to nurse! So basically, your goal should be to night wean. It may take a while, but it should make your son's night wakings diminish. I hope this helps. Good luck!

I agree 110% with Lisa...He is only little once. Enjoy him. If he is waking up he needs you. Cuddle him, love him, nurse him. I loved getting up with my daughter to nurse her. When she was 12 months old, my doc told me to stop the bottle and the breast at the same time. Told me to let her cry herself to sleep. We did cold turkey the breast and bottle and let her cry herself to sleep one time. I can not stand to hear her scream for me. He said if we stopped nursing, she would stop waking up in the middle of the night. She is 2 1/2 and potty trained and still wakes up in the night to cuddle with mommy. I am there for her or sometimes it is daddy who is there for her. We love her, take her potty and then sit with her for a little while, sometimes 2 minutes, sometimes 30.

I have 3 much older kids and remember how quickly that time went. I want to capture and hold every minute of this time that I can. And, we have a very very secure little girl because of it.

Follow your heart, not some book or books, not what others tell you...this is your child and you know him BEST. Just love him and be there for him.

A 9 month old doesn't need to nurse at night any more. If it doesn't bother you to do so, fine. But eventually it will seem ridiculous to you -- you will hit your wall, so to speak, and then you will be ready to let him fuss/cry back to sleep. Just keep in mind that the longer you allow this routine to continue and the older he gets, the harder he will fight to maintain it later when you are ready to move on.

You might be surprised...he might only fuss for a few minutes. He might cry, but only for a very short time. Many kids adapt to such changes better than their mothers expect. If you aren't happy with the situation, try changing something. That's the only way to move forward. Once you do it, you'll wonder what the big deal was and why you didn't do it sooner.

But I think Weissbluth is right - your son is using you to comfort himself back to sleep and eventually, he will need to do so on his own. You don't want a 2 year old who wakes up 3 times a night and needs you to read another story before he'll go back down. And that's what will happen if you continue to interject yourself into his sleep pattern. He sounds like a good sleeper, actually, so this probably won't be as hard as you imagine.

i just wanted to respond to you that i am also an over-informed new mom, having read too many parenting books (mostly the same ones you have!) and still struggling w/ my 6-month old's schedule! she wakes up between 4 and 5am every day, and messes up the rest of her day. i don't have advice for you, but want to say that i also didn't want to let her cry, but once i did it, it only took 2 nights and she was done. i don't think it was about her "giving up", it was about her getting herself to sleep on her own. we used to have to nurse/rock her practically all the way to sleep for bed and naps, but now we just lay her down and she puts herself to sleep. also in the middle of the night!

have you tried just rubbing his back or belly when you hear him waking up? That may reassure him that you are close by and you won't have to feed him when you know he isn't hungry. I don't know if that would help but just a suggestion to try or give him a drink of water instead of milk which seemed to work for my kids. After a few nights of water being offered in the middle of the night they were sleeping through the night between 6 weeks-2 months and not waking up to be fed anymore.

You have plenty of advice already, but I'll add my two cents. I was very much like you. I read every book I could get my hands on, every website I could find, etc. I hated the thought of letting my baby cry it out. I have very good friends who swear by Babywise and although I have read the book and used many techniques from it, the thought of letting my daughter cry it out when she woke up in the middle of the night was too much for me. So, I continued to get up and nurse her back to sleep. We went through this routine until she was about 10 months. Then, I decided that I would try anything other than letting her cry it out. I read the baby whisperer and tried her techniques. The only result I received from this was that my daughter and I would both be up for hours in the room together. If I was in the room, she wasn't going to sleep. She could also stand up at that point so it made it much harder because she would stand up and cry. I would put her back down over and over again and it just wouldn't work. FInally, exhausted and out of options, I tried letting her cry it out. I was amazed how quickly this worked. She might have woken up for about 2 or 3 nights, but after that, she slept through the night, and now at 21 months, she still peacefully sleeps through the night. She'll wake up crying occassionally, but she knows how to put herself back to sleep and it doesn't last longer than 30 seconds. I also think sometimes she cries in her sleep for short bouts as well. Anyway, no one can tell you when it is right for you to do this. I know I didn't listent to anyone when they told me I needed to try this. I just got to the point where I had really tried everything else and was out of options. It worked VERY WELL! But, I didn't have a husband that would be willing to get up and go into the room when the baby woke up in the middle of the night. I probably would have tried that one too if he was up for it, although I don't know if it would have worked. I am now pregnant with my second, and I can tell you for sure that I'll be doing this again. It is so hard, but it is one of the best things we can do for our children. Good luck!

I never let my kids cry it out. I couldn't. Both of them, I think, woke at night longer than the CIO babies, but on their own time they figured out how to sleep through the night. I certainly believe it was better for them and I know it was better for me as a mom. I believe research is good, you have background, new ideas to think about, and you know what sounds right and feels right to you. Research is great, just don't feel bad doing what you think is best, you'll find your own way.

K.

I say put down the books and do what feels good to you and your son. The books are only a guide in my opinion and not meant to work for everyone. Your son is only 9 months old and his sleep patterns can change until he is at least 2 years of age. My first born was an excellent sleeper and slept through the night when she was 7 months old and her sleep pattern never changed. My 2 1/2 year old son just started sleeping through the night when he turned 2 years old.

You sound so much like me. I had the same issues about 2 months ago. My situation is basically exactly the same as yours. I've even read the same books. My pediatrician gave me the best advice & it worked magnificently! When your baby wakes, have your husband go in, lie the baby back down, say night-night & leave. He has to go in & get back out in less than 30 seconds. If YOU go in, your baby will demand food for comfort, but not from your husband. It took our baby 2 days to adjust & she really only fussed for about 20 minutes the first day and 10 minutes the second. Much better than cry-it-out (she screamed for hours and days); much better than going in after 15 minutes (she got angry) & much better than going in to nurse b/c now I get to sleep.

She's been sleeping through the night ever since (she's almost 11 months now). Your baby can sleep through the night without nursing or freaking out too. After all those months of getting up and nursing, it's now your husband's turn. Once your baby realizes it's no fun with dad, he'll just roll over and go back to sleep. My husband wasn't too excited about this technique, but once it worked, we were high 5'ing each other!

He is still young and you nursing him still is great keep going,children don't tend to fall aslepp soundly all nite till a yr some of us are lucky to have good sleepers it varies from baby to baby.There is no wrong or right answer in my opinion,but the cry to sleep method if you are completely convinced he's not hungry wet or anything else then let him cry for a while.Yes it'll be over with in a matter of day's we did this with both of our children and it works.It may sound harsh to let them cry to sleep but if you time them they really only spend 10-15 min. crying and wear down and fall asleep rather than going in to pick them up lay them down over and over again and how long does that take maybe sometimes hrs.I over analyze everything too and think way to much and worry.But really if this sleep pattern is all it is your good.Sahm of 2 and 1 more on the way

My pediatrician always said that after 5 months, if the kids get up in the night... give them water. They'll figure it's not worth it. :o)

You are such a great mom, to be so concerned about doing the right thing for your baby. I think, if I was in your shoes, that I wouldn't really worry about it. Since he sleeps through sometimes, it sounds like he's gradually working his way to "sometimes" becoming "all the time." Don't let social pressures keep you from meeting his needs, even at night. Since you said you're pretty ok with the little interruptions, I think it's best for you and baby to just keep on keeping on. Good job, mama!

YOu have gotten lots of advice so far, but I wanted to add one little tidbit. Even Dr. Weissbluth says that babies may wake up every 4-5 hours to eat. He says you should ignore it if they wake up any more often than that.

Your entry reminds me so much of myself. I also tend to overthink things and always try so hard to do everything the best possible way. I applaud you for trying so hard and for being so good to your baby. I also could never comprehend the concept of letting my child "cry it out." If an adult were crying out for help and was ignored, it would be considered wrong, so why in the world are people willing to do it with their babies? Besides, it breaks my heart to think of my daughter or any other child crying for their parents and eventually giving up. To me, that breeds distrust and hurts their self-esteem. If a baby can't depend on their parent, who can they depend on?
My 2-year old daughter was breastfed, in fact, we still nurse to sleep. We enjoy that closeness, and I know it won't last much longer now. Until a few weeks ago, we co-slept so she could nurse whenever she needed to and mainly so we could all get good sleep. Getting her to sleep in her crib in her room never had gone well for us and I agonized over it for the longest time. I kept hearing from family and friends that the effects of her being so "dependent" on me were going to cause me big problems down the line. But something amazing happened. She became interested in her bed (a twin bed with a beautiful quilt). Suddenly, it was as though she was letting me know that she wanted to sleep in her room! We tried it and it worked! She is proud of her room and her bed, and most of all I am proud of her for initiating it and for being a big girl!
When I think back now to all the worry I caused myself about where and how we were sleeping, I realize how much time was wasted. You have to do what you need to do and only you know what will work for you. Don't let anyone make you second guess your intuition. Things always have a way of working out. The most important thing is the love and trust between you and your child.

It sounds like to me that you have it all worked out very well. I agree that making the baby give up is not the way you want to start the year out, right? He needs you right now, and I think going by baby cues will be what is right for both of you. If it isn't broke, then don't fix it. You sound pleased by what you are doing now, and I think I would be ecstatic if I could have been so disciplined at getting that kind of routine kept. I did fine for the first three, and the next 4 has been a blurr. LOL Kymberli

Mother of 7 who wishes she could have kept bedtime routines so as to not "wake the baby". LOL

Not to add to your bookshelf, but I found "Good Night, Sleep Tight: The Sleep Lady's Gentle Guide to Helping Your Child Go to Sleep, Stay Asleep and Wake Up Happy by Kim West" to be helpful to us. I'm not sure if her ideas are found in the ones you've listed as I've not read all of them, but she suggests going to your child in the night and not picking them up, but sitting by their crib and letting them know you are there with ssh sounds and an occasional pat or back rub. Not to the degree it becomes a crutch, though. It might be hard to do at 9 mos - by then I couldn't do that with our daughter because it was actually more disruptive to her to see me and not have me hold her - but it worked great when she was younger. Now that she's 13 mos, I usually let her CIO as long as it's just a woke up for no reason cry. Our problem now is that she sometimes has a wet diaper that leaks all over or is struggling with teething (those 1 year molars are tough!), so while she usually sleeps through the night, she's still up once a week I'd say and right now with teething, the last three nights have been rough.

We let our little guy cry-it-out when he was 10 months old, after 6 months of increased wakings. I really didn't want to do it but we'd tried other things that didn't work for him and I was EXHAUSTED. Our pediatrician told us at his 6 month check-up that he was old enough to cry for an hour without us going in. Well, the thought of that actually made me cry. So for the next four months his sleep got worse and worse. We finally decided to let him cry and within 3 nights he was sleeping through the night (and has been for the last 5 months)! I really wish we would have done this sooner. Per our ped's advice, when he started crying I would go in and check on him (diaper, pacifiers, etc.), reassure him that we were there then leave the room. Only after an hour could I go back in (we also have a video monitor). The first two nights he cried the entire hour but then as soon as I went in to reassure him again he went immediately to sleep. The third night he only cried for about 20 minutes and put himself to sleep. As hard as this was for us, I honestly feel in retrospect that we did the right thing. Good luck - this is such a personal decision! I wish you ALL the best!

Although I sure do value my sleep, I've never been able to grasp why parents feel they need to be SO in control of their baby's sleep patterns. I have a 4 year old and a 3 month old. I read about sleep training and it just didn't feel right to me. You need to remember that eventually, your child is going to sleep through the night. Maybe children wake up just because they shift positions and awaken, maybe they really do get a little hungry...But whatever the cause, it seems to me that it's okay to tend to a child's needs even if it is the middle of the night. Maybe we should listen to our mothering instincts which make us uncomfortable having to listen to our children cry and not respond to them. I don't mean to come across as a know-it-all - I just honestly wonder why we as mother's should not simply follow our own intuition. It's hard getting up in the middle of the night, but it just doesn't feel right to ignore our children's crying, either.

I am a No Cry Sleep Solution mother of two. It agree, if it isn't disruptive, enjoy your private time together while it lasts. We stopped cold turkey night time visits with our oldes after a year when we could both (child and parent) communicate with words what would happen. Don't be pressured by social norms. Do what feels right to you Mommy instincts. Good luck!

M. -

I was having a very similar problem with my 8 month old daughter. I finally sought help from a sleep specialist because just putting her in bed to "cry-it-out" was not an option for us. (I too read the "No Cry Sleep Solution" and refuse to just leave her screaming indefinitley.) There is a wonderful woman named Nancy Birkenmeier at the St. Luke's Sleep Medicine Center who is AMAZING!!! We are lucky that the only Pediatric Sleep Clinic in the entire midwest is located in St. Louis and they are great. The best part was that the appointment was covered by our insurance!!

My daughter was waking 7-8 times per night to nurse (it was awful). We made it down to two times per night, during the same time periods you were saying. When I spoke with Nancy, she said that if we didn't get it under control, it wouldn't just go away, but in fact get worse. So - you go in for the appointment and she spends two hours talking with you. You leave with a VERY specific plan tailored exactly to your needs. There was a VERY SMALL amount of crying involved, but it was very controlled and I felt confident in the situation. It took less than ONE week and my daughter was sleeping ALL THE WAY through the night - from 7:30pm until 6:30am; I never thought it would happen, and she didn't have to scream all night long. Give this place a call - they are truly amazing!!

St. Luke's Sleep Medicine & Research Center (____@____.com's Hospital)
(ask for an appt. w/Nancy Birkenmeier)
###-###-####

First off...this is a LONG response so settle in! LOL Your "profile" could be mine to the T (except my daughter is now 15 months old). I finally took the books and put them in a box (where I can get to them if I REALLY need to) and started following my gut right around 9 months. Up unto that point, I was making myself crazy about what "they say" should be done...whether it was books, websites, friends, parents, etc. and taking a deep breath and following my gut has taken a load off my shoulders. Don't get me wrong, I still ask tons of questions and research the heck out of things...I just take it with a grain of salt (and sometimes a margarita attached!) Do what seems right to you as his mom...YOU are the expert!
9 months old...they look SO big compared to when they arrived, but they are still babies. My pediatrician too told me to cut any nighttime feeding (I was bottle feeding) by 5 months and let her cry...I couldn't do it. I mean, I wake up and night thirsty or hungy at times even now, or wanting a hug from my hubby...how would I like someone depriving me of that? I also had the same issues with the cry-it-out methods that they would create "learned helplessness" and giving up. Different methods can work well for different kids...and with my daughter's temperment, we had to go for something less stressful.
Here are a couple thoughts. First, if you don't mind getting up with him and he's sleeping well and a happy kid otherwise, then go ahead! He'll grow out of it eventually! Second, if you wanted to work on weaning a bit without upsetting him, you can try what I did with my daughter. Instead of immediatly offering her bottle at night wakings, I'd go in, hug and rock her for a bit, then put her back to bed. It took a bit more effort at first than feeding her to sleep, but sometimes she was happy just for a cuddle and/or her bink to be popped back in. If she still didn't want to settle, then I'd offer the bottle...I noticed she'd take less and less. I would do this anytime she get up at night crying, until she really didn't "ask" for the feedings. Ok, so you're thinking, "well now the kid needs to be rocked to go back to sleep". Well, honestly, I loved those times, as tired as I was, holding her dozing in my arms. She grew out of that too, and before I knew it I was putting her in her crib awake because she wouldn't fall asleep in my arms any longer. Then she started the fussing, and we started the process I've described in another post. First, we'd listen for what kind of cry...fussing, dreaming, or "crying". She'd cry and stand up, I'd go in right away, give a kiss and a squeeze, help her lie down and say, "goodnight, I love you". I repeated this every time she'd cry, whether bedtime or night wakings...and it worked. At first it took over 10 times of back and forth, and she was standing crying before I even left the room, and I'd go to the door, close it, open it and repeat! By the end of the week, it was usually 1 or 2 times and she'd lie back down on her own. I always paid attention to her cries and made exceptions (at times took her out of bed or gave her a drink or Tylenol if she was teething) and then try again. This worked for us...without any "crying it out" type methods. She KNOWS I'll always come in if she calls, but she also learned that she's not getting out of her crib (unless she's sick or whatnot), and settles quickly. Hopefully this keeps working, but knowing kids, she'll throw me a curveball and change her ways in a month! LOL
Sorry this is so long...I just wanted to share what worked for us since I was in your almost exact shoes a few months ago! Good luck and remember to trust yourself...you are a GREAT mom!

i agree with a lot of what has been said, and want to repeat leah's comment about regression. anytime your kiddo hits a growth spurt or learns a new talent (walking, teething, etc) is a typical time to see some regression. just use your intuition and tune into your baby's needs - you're doing fine. over thinking it just stresses you out, it doesn't change what happens with the baby (except maybe stressing him out too!). go with his cues and you'll be great. (don't worry, the freak-out stage only lasted the first year or so with me!) :)

M., I think you have gotten some great advice so far. I am in the same exact boat as you. My son just turned nine months old last week. He also is breastfed and wakes up in the middle of the night sometimes once or twice. I nurse him to get him back to sleep most of the time. I also tried the cry it out method...once. lol! It broke my heart so much that I just can't do that to my baby boy! I feel that he will wean himself when he is ready and I am not going to force it to happen. I hope this helps! It is nice knowing that someone else is going through the same thing :)

..I just wanted to add a Thank You to Lea S. for her great advice/articles on CIO and Sleep Regression. They were very helpful and made me feel a lot better about following my mommy instinct. Thank You!!