Concern About Male Teacher

This makes me really sad, ALL men get such bad reps just because of the few creeps out there. My husband absolutely loves kids and is wonderful with them--but he is terrified and nervous whenever he plays with them because of how men are judged to be perverts. Judge him by his actions and not by his gender. This is extremely sexist.

My Dad taught K-8th. He enjoyed they little ones because they loved being at school the most. I don't think there is anything wrong with a man teaching little ones.

Having worked in childcare my whole life I have had a few male co teachers and have found them all to be honest and in it for the right reasons. The children both girls and boys bond with a male teacher differently than the female teachers. I think it is wonderful for me to want to work with kids so closely. I wouldn't be concerned!

Hi L.,

I've worked in two daycare settings, and at one place, my favorite and least favorite teachers were male. (The other place categorically wouldn't hire men.) My male assistant was *wonderful*, a gem, was awesome with the kids and genuinely had a good disposition for the work. I've never had another coteacher like him. The other guy-- he threw me a bunch of red flags immediately and the director didn't listen to my concerns; he left about 4 months later, escorted from the building.

I've worked with great and terrible female teachers too. Here, the gender of the teacher is not at issue, it's the quality of the teacher's time with the children in the classroom.

I also have a male child care provider for my son in the hours after preschool. He has a great temperament for working with young children, a lovely daughter, solid family life-- he's just a SAHD looking to make a little extra money. I don't know what to do without him.

Men who work with young children are often unfairly stigmatized as being 'creepy'; this really has a negative impact on the child care industry as a whole. Children need positive male influences from birth, not just as preteens. Often, for kids in need (the center I worked at had a lot of 'at risk' kids), waiting to have this sort of solid male guidance is too little, too late. Some center directors are reticent to hire male teachers because they worry that the parents will have a problem with it. Nevermind that some of these guys have their ECE, child psych degrees, or are just fabulous with kids.

And yes, the media plays into that. We never read about loving and supportive community relationships between men and children, just teachers of older children; and there's a sad presumption that men shouldn't be nurturing and shouldn't want to work with youngsters. It's such a detriment to our culture, and to men as well, who shouldn't be marginalized by their gender any more than women should.

(If anyone suggested that a woman couldn't do a certain job because her gender wasn't 'inclined' to do it, we'd all be having a fit. Being a former machinist--- before going into childcare--I've certainly experienced plenty of opportunities to ponder proscribed gender roles!)

If you want to learn more about some of the qualities in male teachers I admire, check out "The Fatherstyle Advantage: Surefire Techniques Every Parent Can Use to Raise Confident and Caring Kids" by Kevin O'Shea and James Windell. It's an eye-opening read into just how important fathers are to helping our children develop confidence, independence and empathy.

And don't feel guilty for asking. Better to ask than assume!:)
H.

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Giving this line of thinking, then you should probably be concerned about your husband being around your children. I mean, it is a man around a child for a long period of time and all...

Of course you don't think twice about your husband being around your kids. That's just silly and foolish. I think you're being entirely too judgmental.

For what it is worth, when I was in college working on my education degree I had a good friend with the nickname "Stimmy". He was the big, burly, smiley, fun-loving fraternity boy with a heart of gold and the demeanor of a sweet teddy bear. He was an elementary education major and kids just LOVED him. He was so awesome working with the kindergarten and 1st grade kids that he was offered a position during his student teaching.

There are so many different kinds of men. And many men do love being with little kids; they just have a personality type that is perfect for it. My daughter attended a daycare organized by a caring young man looking to help low-income mothers. He was marvelous with the kids, many of whom needed good male role-models. He also had motherly women on staff, recognizing that both men and women help round out a child's experience.

Forward one generation, my grandson was in a home daycare in which both husband and wife worked, though the wife was the most involved. But the husband did some neat stuff with the kids, and we were happy for his participation.

Finally, one of my husband's best friends, now retired, volunteered a few days a week at a neighborhood daycare that had a number of special needs kids. He established a special uncle/big brother relationship with two of those boys, who had no father in the home, and years later, as they approach their teens, he's still an important figure in their lives.

It's unfair to categorize all men as being suspect just because they hang around kids. Many men are truly terrific with children and have a great deal to offer. The world is better for their contribution. And all but the tiniest minority of adult males would much sooner come to a child's rescue than harm a child in any way.

My son still talks about his third grade teacher, Mr. Williams. We loved him...it was such a nice change to have a male teacher since all of teachers, up to that point, had been female.

Now, in high school, he has a few more male teachers than in elementary and middle, and really enjoys them.

I don't think it is "weird" for men to be care-takers and/or become teachers. I worked in youth development for almost a decade and some of our best program staff where male. Many of our staff, male and female, worked at the clubs while they went to college for an education degree - it is great experience for them and helps them apply in-class lessons to real life situations.

Societal stereotypes lean towards care-taking and teaching being womens' jobs, which just isn't true. Men are just as capable as taking care of our little ones, sometimes more so, as women are. Granted, horrible things happen, and adults do heinous things to children, but to assume that a man working with children has evil intent is judgmental. Get to know this teacher then form an opinion of him. Don't use negative press as a benchmark to measure him by - give him a chance please.

God Bless

Yes, you are being too judgemental on this, but it's understandable. We get lots of media messages that make us think a man who wants to be anywhere near children is a pedophile or something. So sad.

My son has a terrific male teacher at his nursery school! He's fantastic with the kids and as a single parent, I love having such a positive male influence in his life.

Relax and let your sons enjoy their daycare. Unless you have reason to think something is actually WRONG, let's not judge people because we have some pre-conceived notion about appropriate jobs/gender roles.

T.

Comments like this one are why my husband is applying to other jobs. He has been a third grade teacher for 5 years and is wonderful at it! He works at a high poverty level school where many of the children do not have a positive male influence, and he is the best thing that could happen to those children. He shows them that men can do more than hit their mamas, and teach them about drugs.
It is so sad that this world has come to a point where this is an issue. Just because a man wants to be a teacher doesn't mean they are up to something.

My sons' best preschool teacher was a male. I wish more men would do it, they really have something special to offer the kids, especially the boys. They bond really well.

Oh, this is a shame. Yes, there are not that many male teachers for young children. BUT, there should be more! My daughter's first grade teacher was a man. He was fine. No red flags- and for me, red flags DO NOT mean someone's GENDER, but their BEHAVIOR and other signs...

Young children could very well benefit from more male role models in their life. They certainly get enough female ones.

My husband is a music instructor (For ages 4 - 94). He has the "teacher" gift... the ability to explain one thing in a variety of ways, depending on who he's teaching and he has the patience and the passion. He's highly regarded, and kept a number of students for over FIVE years. He's highly recommended and respected. He's the sole breadwinner. If he was judged just based on the idea that he's male and a teacher and SOMETHING must be wrong with that, then his family of six he's supporting would be out in the cold.

I will also add... mommmyof2boys mentioned that great male teachers are also the best dads... My husband is the greatest father I have ever known! That includes friend's husband's, uncles, grandpas, my own dad, my kids' friend's dads, EVERY dad I know doesn't come close. ...and I couldn't imagine him being a better father.

That's so sad that you say "he claims that he's taking classes to become a teacher". Yes, I think you are being very judgemental. Just because he is male doesn't mean he is a child molestor! Would you doubt that a female is taking classes? Do you question fathers that you and your family hang out with socially? How many negtive posts have we read on here about sub par female daycare/teachers?

Nah , if he's a good teacher it wouldn't be an issue for me. Honestly I'd rather my son have a good male teacher than a lousy female teacher.

Their gender shouldn't matter. As long as they can offer the kids what they need.

As a teacher with 7 years experience (SAHM now), I'd say you're being judgemental. All of the male teachers I know are wonderful. I'm sure there are bad male teachers out there, but there are bad female teachers too! The male teachers I know are the type that are also wonderful dads.

One of my daughter's favorite teachers was her first grade teacher, a terrific man. He brought his guitar to school and sang many lessons -- which truly helped her remember them better. He had (and still has) a great gift and natural ability to communicate with children.

Are there creepy male teachers? You betcha. Are there creepy female teachers? Oh, yeah baby. Creepy is not gender-specific.

This is definitely not a red flag. I know several men who do well with young children. He's working towards a teaching degree. Working at a daycare is excellent experience.

There was a male kindergarten teacher at our elementary school and he was the best one they had.
I think you need to give him the benefit of the doubt. He is obviously happy, loves the kids, and loves his job.

My 3rd and 4th grade girls both have male teachers this year. They are easily the best teachers they've ever had. MY best teacher, growing up, was also a male. He quite literally changed my life - I learned more from him than any teacher before or since. So I have no concerns about male teachers, JUST because they're male.

My son's BFF goes to aftercare where they have several guy workers. The boys LOVE it b/c they play baseball, football, etc.
I think you're over-generalizing.

In 1st Grade my daughter had a Male Teacher.
He was getting his degree in education at the University.
So he was interning in my daughter's class.
He had also, taught at other grade levels including Kinder and higher grades.
He was LOVED by both the Faculty and kids and other Teachers.
He was that good, of a teacher.
Very seasoned and good with kids.
Even if he was still getting his degree.

Since Kinder, my daughter has also had a Male P.E. Teacher.
VERY good Teacher. Tops.
Very good with kids.
Highly educated too.
Very professional.
The kids love him as well as the faculty.

I have never heard nor thought, that it was more 'normal' for Male Teachers to be only working with preteens/teens/young adults.
That is a perspective... and personal view.
Not a fact.

But no matter what, all Moms have a "Mommy gut instinct" or radar about things.
NO matter if it is a male or female teacher.
So.

You said, this teacher of your son "claims" to be taking classes to become a Teacher.
Well, you can simply ASK the Director of your son's school.... to confirm that.
I'm sorry, your son goes to Daycare.
Still... the Daycare Director... WOULD have his resume/school credentials and he has to have been Back-Ground checked.

Also, Preschools have State requirements about their faculty. Preschool teachers, have to be credentialed etc. and certified, AND Back-Ground checked. (because they work with children).
So. Preschools do not just pick up anyone off the street... to then teach at their school.
A person, any Employee of the school, HAS TO BE and meet, the State's requirements for its Faculty members.

I would think, this would be the same for Daycare businesses too.
They NEED to be Back-ground checked.

For example: I once asked to Volunteer at a Preschool. I was told I could not, because I do not have the State required Preschool requirements/degrees/credentials and certifications... to then put me on as a "staff" member of the school. And, even just to Volunteer there, I would HAVE TO HAVE a Back-ground check, too.

You can simply talk to your Daycare Director.
Unless you do not trust them, either.

No matter if a Care Provider is male or female... common sense needs to apply.

It is not true, that "most men" do not like working for long periods of time around children under the age of 5.

all the best,
Susan

Personally, I think that it is unfair to judge a male teacher just because he is male. Just like there are women who don't like to be around little children, there are men who love to be around little children. I worked at a daycare where there was a male teacher, and he was the sweetest guy who loved being with kids. He was a preschool teacher. He ended up quitting because he was actually offered a job to be the full-time nanny for a family. I also had another friend in high school who loved being around children (he was such a class clown and a sweet guy), and he wanted to get a job at a daycare, but no one would hire him. I think that there are many daycares who probably are uncomfortable hiring male teachers because they are afraid of parents' reactions, but I think it's unfair to them. As long as the daycares do a thorough background check, as they do with any potential teachers (male or female), and if he seems like a great teacher, there shouldn't be anything to worry about. :-)

I'd say if his behavior raises a red flag be wary, but gender really doesn't matter. Every male teacher or caretaker I've ever known has been a nice man. Personally, some of my best teacher-student relationships were with male teachers.

Some men may be sickos, but the majority are decent people. The same goes for women.

My daughter has had a male preschool/K teacher for the past three years, and he's absolutely wonderful! Please judge people as individuals, not merely because of their gender. If there's something about this guy specifically throwing up red flags, then fine, but to just mistrust him because he's male is just as bad as not hiring someone because they're female, or the color of their skin, or whatever.

Our daycare has had several male teachers, and it has been great. They have a different rapport with the kids, and it works well. It is different to you which makes you a little uncomfortable, but wanting to work with kids does not a pervert make.

Best male role model my son had was his 5th grade teacher. Yes we have dad at home but it was just different having a man who studied how to deal with kids and truely loved working with them. My best friend has a son in law who is now teaching 2nd grade and I wish my kids were young again so they could have the experience of this wonderful man for a teacher. Some of the crankiest, foul mood, screamers were the women who taught in my kid's schools. I would request a male teacher over any of them.

I think you are being too judgemental. My daughter is in K and her teacher is a guy and he is just awesome! She LOVES him, all the kids do. He is a great teacher!

Yes you are being judgmental. I was too when my oldest started and extended Kindergarten/after school program and the director was a guy. However, I can't say enough about the place and can't imagine a better director. While yes, most the pre-school staff at this place (it has classes and activities for kids from birth to eighth grade) are women, some of the guys are FT employees and do sports and gymnastics with the pre-schoolers and help out in the classrooms. I love that my boys see men in places of leadership for recreation and education.

My daughter had a pre K male teacher, my father already knew him which was nice. My son had a male Kindergarten teacher and they both had a fantastic male teacher 2 / 3rd gr It's not that rare

I feel sorry for men for this reason the unfair prejudice they receive for simply having different chromosomes.

HOWEVER

3 out of 4 women are touched inappropriately during their younger years, a vast majority were done so by a trusted male role model.(that is not to say that women cant be the abusers just that more often it is men)

Im that mom that doesnt care to be politically correct. I leave my daughters alone with no man other than their dad and my brother. I would watch a daycare employee like a hawk if they were a man.

Im raising two girls and im not taking any chances because 3 out of 4 are crappy odds i will defy , as long as they are in my care.

I completely disagree with you. My kids are young (5 and 7), but so far I have had 2 examples of extraordinary male teachers. I don't think you're alone in your concerns, though.

I totally disagree with you! My daughter's daycare has a few male assistant teachers and they are a wonderful contribution to the classroom.
Don't listen to the sensationalist media...

we have a male infant teacher at the center i work at. The only parent who went with conerns - the FATHER that USED to work there and is an elementary substitute teacher. My boss told him YOU of all people should know better and give him a chance.

My daughter started a new daycare last July. The morning teacher who opened and would be alone w/ my daughter until other kids showed up is a guy. He is also the teacher who would be driving her to and from school. She is the last dropped off and then picked up and returned by herself cause she is only half day. I was very very very leery and nervous about him being her teacher. When I was looking at the place I commented on how you don't normally see a guy in daycare. They said daycare works great for him because then he is home for his teenage boys in the afternoon and can go to their sporting events. I was still leery and nervous. But, he has been there for years, he is second in charge in that location, and my kiddo likes him. I've never gotten a bad vibe from him, or a too friendly vibe. And trust me, I have looked for them.

I don't think you're being too judgemental at all.

Yes you are being judgemental of this man unless he has done something concrete for your to mistrust him. I think a lot of good people are opting out of teaching and/or having anything to do with kids, because a misguidied child can make an accusation that can literally ruin a good persons life.

I suggest each and every parent carefully observe anyone taking care of their children and if you need some background information be descret and if you need to have a discussion with your child, don't put ideas into their little heads, let them tell you about their teachers and care providers.

Blessings....

You are being way too judgemental...why is that a woman can work in construction, police or fire protection and a man can't be a teacher for kids under 12?

You are totally stereotyping this man for having the courage to live his dream. If you don't like switch daycare!

During my elementary years my 5th and 6th grade teachers were male. They were fantastic teachers...

Well my answer is hypocritical.... I think at first thought that seems kind of weird BUT my husband is a first grade teacher :) He started out with plans to become a high school history teacher but once we did our field experiences for our credential program in both upper and lower grades he totally fell in love with the little ones. Their fascination with life and the way they are like little sponges really fuels his passion for teaching, and he is an AWESOME teacher. There were parents requesting their child be put in his class after the first year. He is not a pervert or weirdo at all lol... he just loves kids :)

PS I am editing to add, after reading some of the responses, that I was molested TWICE as a child and BOTH times were by females, so any person can be a weirdo :)

I wouldn't worry about it. Other things in life to stress over.

Would you feel this way about ANY male teacher? Or is it just this one?
If you would feel this way about ANY male teacher, then yes, you are being too judgemental (and stereotyping). If it is THIS teacher, then trust your gut.

My husband has stayed home with our kids for 6 years. When it was just our oldest, he got the hairy eyeball every time he took him to the playground - just because he was male. And he was there with his own son! Now that we have 3, people aren't so judgmental, but that's what it took before people stopped looking at him like he had abducted his own kids.

Believe it or not, nurturing and parenting are SKILLS. Women learn to be nurturing when we are children - some of us are naturally more so than others but it starts so early that we tend to think it's innate for all of us. It's not. Men can be naturally nurturing too...and they can learn to be. My husband was NOT a bit nurturing 6 years ago...but he is now. He has become a better man for this.

So....this man may not be "normal", but that does not mean there is a problem. Take the same precautions you would with any teacher - ask your child non-leading questions about his day (be careful - kids do tend to tell us what they think we expect), and good luck.

I have to say that the teachers who influenced me most throughout my schooling (including the favorite elementary school teacher for everyone) were men.

It is a new area for men to break into early childhood and elementary school, but it is becoming more common as stigmas are dropped for women most of these guys would appreciate the same. I taught school before I had my daughter and chose to stay home with her and there knew several young men who were entering as elementary teachers. All those I knew were terrific teachers and brought a different focus and energy to their classroom. The kids all enjoyed the change and it's never a bad thing for a child to have another good male influence in life as so many are without or are limited in this area.

I also know that teachers are fairly well monitored (particularly new teachers) and that the school should have a good idea of what is going on in the classroom. If you talk to your children and listen and watch as they recreate what is happening in their lives you will also see what is going on in their class. I hope you find peace in all these answers.

OK I have worked in day care and haven't ever personally worked with a male teacher. In college I had a great professor who ran his own day care etc, and there is a male kindg teacher in my kids school. both of those guys don't give me the creepies.

BUT like i said i have worked in daycare and there are some very very not so with it, just plain Odd people that work there. Young women that would party all night and then try to take care of infants with a hangover, they didn't last too long. or women who could barely read brown bear brown bear and while good with little babies couldn't keep up intellectually with toddlers etc. Sorry this sounds horrible. I'm just tryign to say, that if the entire vibe and feel of the day care is top notch and quality then i think they will really be accountable to hire good trust worth people.
I would definately make a point of chatting this guy up and trying to find out at little more about him and also giving him the message that you are involved and observant about your child.

I was skeptical about my daughter's male PreK teacher but he is excellent and I give him credit for being in all female field!

You're being way, way, way too judgmental. There aren't any red flags there that you're not creating yourself.

Everything is probably ok. But in the back of my mind I would have the same thoughts as you. How old is your son? Hopefully hes a good communicator. Geez Im horrible! Hes probably a great person!

It is very difficult to attract men to the childcare profession. It is a tough job, right?? It is also relatively low paying and, then, these attitudes people have!!!! Like if you want to work with kids you are a child molester!! So that is really sad. Because, as you say, kids, including your son, can related to and bond with these positive male figures in their lives. So I think it would be good to have more men in childcare.

That aside, follow your mother's instincts. If there is something you personally view as amiss with this specific man, DO NOT IGNORE it because you don't want to be "judgmental."

yikes-this is a tough one. But I side with you-I would be concerned. And even though he is probably perfectly fine I would still worry-esp when it comes to my children. If some want to call that judgmental or whatever then so be it. I would rather wear that hat than have my son be a victim. And I have never hear of male daycare teachers around here. There are barely any male elem teachers for that matter.
Actually to be perfectly honest now that I think about it I watch my boys around ALL men. The sexual molestation of a young boy by an adult male is in my mind the most offensive crime out there. And the perpetrator is rarely the scary guy you would think he is but usually someone that the boy "trusts".

My first grade teacher was a man and he was just about the best teacher anyone could ask for... He was awesome and I still think about him from time to time - especially now that I'm a teacher. There's a male kindergarten teacher where I teach who has been teaching kindergarten for decades and says they'll have to carry him out on a stretcher before he'll leave "his" kids. I get it feeling weird looking at it from your perspective, but I see it from a colleague perspective and it doesn't seem weird at all to me. I would say that a couple of the most promising candidates in my teacher training program were men as well. I think it's all good. :)

I might not be the best person to ask because I tend to look at men a little, well, askance. I don't trust them on first glance. It's sad. Does it mean that I think every man out there is a creep? No but I always see if I feel there is a anything in my 'intuition' that tells me something is wrong.

As far as your situation, it's hard to say. My advice is to follow your instinct, trust your God-given intuition. Women often don't because we need to be nice.

As far as men being great teachers; there are undoubtedly amazing teachers that are men. My husband tells me about some of his best teachers were men.

Can you sit in on the class...a few times? Maybe even 'journaling' about your feelings will help reveal more and/or talking to a friend or two, in person about it. Your answers could come via those methods if you just can't put a finger on what is troubling you.

My daughters didn't have any male teachers when they were that young, however, I don't see any problems with it. Do you think that he's not being upfront in claiming he wants to be a teacher?

I know a few men who would be great at working in a daycare setting, after all they are just big kids.

Well, since you aren't able to say the comments it's hard for me to understand the total concern.

I know of a parent that was working for a delivery company that started studying to become a teacher as he has a special needs son. He's now about 38 and has graduated he's great with kids and people in general. He's making a fine teacher his first year out teaching.

I have an ex brother in law has always had a great out going personality and finally after years of schooling got to graduate and is a teacher. he's great at it too, I wish I lived in the same state and city I'd love for my ex brother in law to be my children teacher. By the way he's 41 has a wife & 2 boys.

I had some great male teachers I respected them had enjoyed their point of view. I never found anything weird about them. The principal at my children school is a male and before this position he was a teacher, I love to hear him speak and a function. He's got an older son and daughter one's a teacher the other starting college this year and a 4 yr old. I've over heard him talking to kids he's great.

I don't think theirs a red flag teachers have to gain experience and they do go to prek's to do so. I don't feel anymore comfort from a women teacher then a male, i don't think because a women is a women it lets her off the hook and a male should always be suspect in their motives as to wanting to be a teacher.

I have to say, I think it's weird that men want to be teachers of such young children ( my husband does too!). There was a male teacher in my elementary school who loved to give birthday spankings and he always would rub kids' butts to "warm" them up for the spanking. He was creepy!

I know all men are different, I just think it's pretty strange for a man to teach really young kids. JMO