Coming Home from the Hospital Without My Child

Last October, my daughter was born 6 weeks early... ( I also have 6 & 4 year olds) she ended up staying in the hospital for 32 days. Its really hard, but just try and spend as much time at the hospital with him as you can, that is what helps. Perhaps your husband or a family friend can watch your 2 year old while you are at the hospital, you 2 year old is young enough that he wont remeber you not being there for this short period of time. And just think that you would rather him be in the hospital until everything is perfect, you dont want to take him home too early and have something go wrong. It sounds totally cliche but Just take it one day at a time. And the hospitals have people you can talk to too if need be.

And the most important advice, get sleep while you can, even though it may be hard, the long nights are soon to come. Take advantage of the extra nights of uninterupted sleep.

I also had a Preemie and she had to stay in the hospital for a month. They let her come home when she was four pounds but she had to be on a monitor which they trained me to use while I was at the hospital.

I had a C-section and was recovering from other complications so I was in the ICU for a couple days myself and in a regular hospital room for a little less than two weeks. It was nice being just down the hall from her but as parents were not allowed to be in the room during shift changes I had to time my visits.

When I was discharged and my baby was not I went through a gamut of emotions but was thankful that she was being well cared for and monitored 24/7. It took a bit off my mind as I went back home and recovered it from my family who came down to help out by pretty much re-arranging it.

I visited the hospital multiple times a day. The nurses and doctors said it was ok to come spend as much time there as I wanted. I couldn't have her out of her incubator for longer than 45 minutes at a time in the beginning so most of the time I just sat with my hand in there touching her and letting her know I was there.

When she started having bowel movements they let us take care of her when we were there. Changing her diaper etc. The first time my husband was at the diaper changing wheel he wasn't fast enough and she launched a poo missile at the far wall of her isolet. It got everywhere! I was trying not to laugh but it was hilarious. The nurse came over and asked, "aww did she mess her sheets?" and gasping with laughter all I could do was point to the back of her plastic bubble and continue laughing.

I offered to clean it up but all the nurses converged and shooed me away. One of them said, "Take advantage of us now honey, because when she does this to your wall at home you're on your own!"

Don't worry. Your baby will be home before you know it!

My son was almost 8 weeks early. He was in the hospital for 15 days. And I remember that another child that was born just hours after him, in the same situation, got to go home before he did. I was so distraught and angry. But I kept telling myself that I'd rather him stay in as long as he needed, then to have him come home too early and get very sick. Since his early birth was very unexpected, I had a lot to do still to get his nursery ready. So that kept me busy. I just constantly did something to keep me busy. It helped the time to go by a bit faster....just remember it's better for him to stay in the hospital, and it will make things easier also. Take care, and stay strong!

When my second son was born he asperated(?) and got pnumonia and had to spend 10 days in a hospital that was40 minutes from home. My oldest had just turned 4 and he kept asking "mommy why was Ethan in the box," that killed me but I told him that Ethan was o.k. and he would be home soon. I know that it help that we took the oldest to the hospital to see that he was doing better. Then when Ethan was 11 monthes old he got a flesh eating virus in his leg and spent about 6 weeks in the hospital. That was the worst, but as a mom I got through the best way I could, I watched a lot of movies and spent all the time I could in the hospital with him. I also at the time had just found out that I was pregnant with the 3rd one and I was still nursing the 2nd one. I'm sure thing will be fine soon just try to get as much rest as possible.

Hang in there!!! I had twins that were 6 weeks premie. One stayed for 3 weeks the other for 2 and a half weeks. The best care the baby can get is fron a doc. He is being watched 24 hours a day. It was the longest month of my life but now they are 1 1/2 and healthy as can be. I wanted them to come home with me but I knew the doc's could take care of them better then me. If its just for observation then he will be home soon. Take advantage of the chance to sleep b/c when he does come home sleep is all you will want. It is hard but you will make it.

When my son was born he was in NICU for 8 days, I just showed up as much as I could . Especially for feeding times. There is not much else you can do. Good luck

Hi H.,
Why are they keeping him? If he is fine and everything is perfectly developed and he's not way underweight, bring him home!!! Both you and him will do much better together at home. I know that they think they are doing the right thing and just being cautious but this is such an important time to be bonding.
Good luck.

I just had twins almost a month ago,tomarrow.According to everyone they were take home babies.Well my condition didn't allow for vaginal childbirth so c-section it was.1st baby girl out perfect,2nd baby RDS.Into the NICU he went.At first I was really calm about the whole thing.I knew he was going to be fine,I knew that this is kinda normal for (twin,boys).Then you go visit for the first time,It was really hard to see your baby in the hand of others,tubes and stuff everywhere,under they're control and you have no idea of exactly what was going on.They keep telling you that everything is going to be fine but the worried MOM in you is being worried!
It is hard to see 'it' when your baby is there but it is going to be fine.They also say once baby is home and in your arms all this will seem like nothing,again it's hard to believe it but I am telling you from my own recent experience.Cole has been home for two weeks and it's almost like NICU who/what?Oh that,that was nothing:)
Good luck and baby will be just fine!!!!

Hi H., first of all congratulations to your new baby boy. I know how sad you must feel. My first son was not born early, but he was severly jaundiced, so I had to leave him at the hospital for some days. I was going home and I just felt soo empty and sad, I was just crying. What I did is asked the hospital to let me stay there (for free) while the baby was there getting better. They provided a private room and I could go see him for every feeding ( which was great, every 1 1/2 hours). I know how difficult this must be for you, especially after having him, you should try to recoup, especially since you have a 2 yr old. Before you know it, you will be with your whole family at home, watching them grow before your very eyes. Take care and I wish you the best. :)

I was in the same situation. My daughter was only 15, almost 16 months old when I gave birth to our 2nd daughter, 6 weeks premature. She was fine as well. She was 3lbs. 15oz. and they kept her there for 2 weeks because she didn't want to take the bottle, she wanted to sleep more then anything. She had a feeding tube. I would pump everyday and bring in the bottles every evening. I felt like a bad mom cause I wasn't there more often to take care of or just sit and watch my daughter because I had a little one at home. Only time will do the trick, soon your baby will be home with you. It feels very surreal not having your baby home with you and only visiting every so often. It felt VERY weird leaving to go home from the hospital without my baby. Just hang in there and know that your baby is in GREAT hands with the nurses and doctors in the NICU, no one is bettter to be watching your baby (other then you)! Good Luck and take care and love that baby up when he comes home!!

Hi H.. I just read your request and I wanted to encourage you to hang in there. When I was pregnant with my second child this August, my sister gave birth to her first (boy) and he was 5 weeks early too. He stayed in the NICU for 2 weeks and she had a really rough time coping with leaving him there. Don't question the way you feel. As a mom, you're entitled to feel sad and it's really important that you have a family member or friend spend time with you right now. I went to the hospital with her everyday and I know that it helped her to have someone there with her. Your son is in good hands and he'll be home sooner than you know. Now, my nephew is a happy, healthy, spunky 6 month-old and the NICU is just a distant memory! Best wishes, D.

Hi H.,

First of all, why are they keeping him? Does he have something wrong with him? If he's breathing on his own, and can hold his body temperature...there's NO reason for him to be there. I'm a doula, and one of the last moms that I attended ended up with a c-section at 35 weeks for placental abruption. He was 5lbs 7oz, and was perfectly healthy. By 12 hours old he was breathing on his own, holding a perfect temp, and had no problems nursing. They continued to do test after test without the parents knowing, and wanted to continue to keep him....when he needed to be with his mama. Kangaroo care ( where he's on your chest, skin to skin ) is the BEST thing for premature babies. It can help to regulate any uneven breathing patterns, as well as create a bond and a better breastfeeding start.

If there's nothing wrong with him, sign him out. The longer they have him, they'll find something "wrong" that's NOT actually wrong...and the longer you'll be without your son. He needs YOU.

And as an end note...I sympathize. My son spent 9 days in the NICU because I was an idiot and had a c-section for a non-emergent reason ( they told me he'd be too big ) and he had severe respiratory distress. It absolutely killed me. So I understand the heartache of going home without baby. I can't emphasize it enough....IF THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM, BRING HIM HOME. If you want to talk with me over the phone, I'd be glad to. Just message me back privately and I'll send you my number.

ACK!!!!!! And I'm sorry, but these responses saying that the best care he can receive is from the DOCTORS is an ignorant way of thinking. That baby needs YOU. He needs YOUR skin. Not a doctor's gloved hand. Especially if he's there JUST FOR OBSERVATION with being early....he needs to be with YOU, mama.

When did technology become a replacement for maternal touch? Kangaroo care is statistically shown to majorly improve a preemie's condition.

Hi, my name is R., I have a little girl who is now going to be 2 years old in a few days. Well I know how you feel. I had to leave her at the hospital just for 2 days, but I cried so hard when they came in my room to tell me that they had put her in the NICU. She was suppose to come home with me that day, I was devastated. They told me that she had a fever, just to find out that she was warm blooded like her father. I felt like I lost time with her. She is my first baby and i fell in love with her instantly. My mother-in-law had told us to just take it easy because the NICU has the best nurses and has the best there is as far medical devices, etc. So your baby is recieving the best care that there is to offer, he's in good hands. As for what I did while she was there, I would go and visit her as often as possible, feed her, rock her to sleep and simply stare at her. Then I would go home and decorate her things, start her scrap book and go shopping for more clothes and things for her. I hope I helped any.

You are very lucky to have a healthy baby boy that will be coming home to you very soon. I know how awful it feels to have your little one in the hospital (my son had emergency surgery at 5 months) but count your blessings and stay strong he will be home with you soon. You may not care but I will put you and your family in my prayers.

wow. i can't imagine how hard that would be. I'd definately be there every minute they would let me, in the nursery or where ever he is. I'm not sure what their policy is on having the 2 year old there with you but that would be a good idea too so he/she can bond with the baby too.

Hi H., I had my daughter 6 weeks early and had to come home without her as well. She was there for 2 weeks and it was hell. She is my only child so I didn't have the extra challenges you do. I just prayed, and visited as much as I could, and pumped as much milk as I could (which ended up not being enough). My advice to you is to tell the NICU people to let you try breast feeding as soon as and as much as possible because my daughter only got that chance the day before she came home and never latched on which broke my heart. I would say, be thankful and grateful that they have such wonderful technology to help your child grow and prepare for life, and that this is only the beginning, even if its hard now it is worth it and will get better. try extra hard and pay extra attention and give extra love to your other child because he might feel a little left out. please keep in touch, E.

i am sorry to hear about your situation. my cousin had her baby 6 weeks early back in october. he was fine but they kept him there of course. but he did get to go home within a week. she said that it was hard, but it was nice for her to get to start her recovery with just focusing on her needs (she had a c-section). so maybe that can be an upside for you too. good luck and enjoy the sleep filled nights, while they last!

Hi. I became a new mom on December 17 of twin girls, also five weeks early. Born at Cedars. They kept one of my girls for Respiratory Distress Syndrome. It was absolutely horrible. I actually spent one night in the pumping roomso I could feed her every three hours. My husband had to run back and forth with milk for one or the other twin since I wanted them both to have the nutrients of breast milk over formula and EVERY DAY in the morning they would say, going home today! and at the end of the day, they would say "We're going to keep her one more day". Then, on day four, they admitted my other twin for jaundice. It was the joyous, and at the same time the most awful, horrible traumatic time of my life. But it ended. It was only five days (felt like five months) but she came home. The whole ride home she was awake like she was anticipating it--she stayed up and alert for over an hour after we got home. And that was the day before Christmas Eve. As soon as we were over the hospital sadness was gone. She is absolutely just as bonded, happy, contented and perfect as her sister. This time will end, and you will be fine, amd more imporatantly --he will be perfect and healthy enough to go home. Spend as much time with your two-year old who also needs you, and know that when your baby boy comes home, he will be just fine. I just had to keep telling myself how lucky I was that she was coming home soon. So many babies are not so lucky. Let me know if you need to talk more about it.

P.

Hi H.,

When my 1st child was born at 1:02am, it went well. He was overdue and they induced me and he was vacuumed out because he was a BIG boy at 9lbs 4 ozs. All was fine on the 1st day, no problems. Then, the 2nd day, I was nursing him and when he was done, I rolled him so his belly was facing up and it seemed as though someone was squeezing the Charmin, his belly was going in and out pretty far. I asked my mother-in-law who worked at the hospital and was in the room with me if that seemed right, I was a 1st time mom, what did I know? Plus, I didn't want to be the overcrazied 1st time mom. She said he wasn't sure, but thought it was alright. Luckily, about 20 minutes later, the nurse and doctor came in for a routine check. Then all the craziness happened. The doctor and the nurse were talking to each other in a low tone, and not saying too much...but then it happened. The doctor told me that my son was having problems breathing and needed to go to the NICU RIGHT away...So, I pulled myself out of bed, which was NO easy task and waddled down the long hall to the NICU. She then went in and came out to tell him that he was going to be staying there for awhile. I was devastated. Our hospital has room-in, there is NO nursery for the babies to go to for the mom to get some sleep, so I figured once my son was born he would be with me for the stay..until they sent him to the NICU. I collapsed in the hall, I didn't know what to do, say, think. I was a 1st time mom, this was NOT the way the books or lamaze class says things will happen. Once I got over the shock, I calmed down, and started pumping as much as I could, going to see him every other hour while I was still in the hospital. Then, when I was discharged, I would go back and forth as much as possible to see him and take him my milk. He stayed at my hospital for 3 days and then they took him by ambulance to San Francisico for more testing on his heart. He had a heart murmur also. So, my hubby and I followed an ambulance with my 4 day old son in it...that was tough! We just kept going back and forth to the hospital as much as possible. The only good thing about this was that it helped me walked more than I would have if I was home with my son, I got to sleep and I got to pump and store some milk for him for when he did come home. I know this is a CRAZY, SCARY, SAD time, but as soon as he can come home, you will breathe a sigh of relief and then never let him go. I hope this helps some! I know it isn't easy...Good Luck! You and your son will be in my prayers!

I know exactly what you're going through and the hormone shift after birth makes everything a million times worse. I had a little boy born 12 weeks early and spent the first couple of months without him home with us. I cried non stop for the first couple of weeks and felt like I was truly going crazy. It helped to keep reminding myself that this chapter of his life was going to be just a memory before I knew it and to just take it a day at a time. Keep reminding yourself that it will be over before you know it and you'll be able to have a "normal" life with him soon. Just think, your baby will be home in much less time and life will go on as it should. Take Care!

oh sweetie, I dont have any advice but I wanted to let you know that I will keep you in my thoughts!! I am 33 weeks pregnant and have been on bedrest for 2 weeks now. My OB says that as long as I can make it to 36 weeks that my daughter should be able to come home with me. I also have a 2 year old and my fear is coming home from the hospital with no baby and not knowing what to tell him or how to explain where his sister is.

I would just tell you to try to keep your head up and know the the hospital pediatricians know what they are doing and are doing the best thing for your son. He is in good hands and he will be home before you know it!!

Hi H. -
I totally can relate. When my son was born, there were compications that kept him in the hospital for 6 weeks. It was a very sad and difficult time for me. I didn't even get to see him or the first three days of his life because my emergency c-section took place in a different hospital than the NICU where they took him to save his life. All I can tell you is that you have to take it moment by moment, day by day...and then one day soon your little boy will be home and all of this will just be a memory. Think of all the wonderful times ahead of you with your new son. You're going to be just fine and everything will work out well. Hang in there. - L.

Dear H.,

I had twin daughters that were born 11 weeks premature. They both weighed under 3lbs, and I wasn't sure if they would ever come home at all. At a time like that all you can do is rely on your faith and believe the best will happen. Now adays, 5 weeks is nothing, the technology today is the best around. Our doctors and our nurses are the best in the business. Trust me if he is doing fine right now, you've probably got nothing to worry about. You and him will be just fine. Within the next year, it will be hard to believe that he was even a day early.Good luck , and God Bless.

Dear H.:
My newborn was 4 weeks early and needed to stay in the NICU for 4 days after delivery. I couldn't always be there with my baby either because of issues with my health after delivery, so I know how you feel. First of all be thankful that your baby is doing well and getting strong. Secondly know that this short period of time away from your baby will soon pass and that your baby is in the best place he needs to be right now. Finally, ask family and friends to watch your 2 year old of a couple hours a day so that you go and visit, feed and bond with your newborn and don't feel guilty for leaving your 2 year old. Your 2 year old will enjoy being with grandparents/aunties,etc. I wish you the best of luck with your growing family. Remember, this is a tiny moment that will pass and then you have the many many years to look forward to.
~R.