College Student: Unexpected Pregnancy

I found out I was pregnant my last year of school. I was married, but only 24. I was working full time and going to school in the evenings.

You don't say how far along you might be, so go ahead and take a test or go see your doctor. No need to worry yourself about how the guy will react until you are sure one way or another. If you are not pregnant, talk to your dr. appt different bc options. If you are pregnant you will need to make some decisions. The decisions are yours. You need to decide what YOU want to do.

There are 2 main senarios:
1. you ARE okay with it.
a. the guy is okay with it and you figure things out as you go along.
b. the guy is not okay with it. you have other options to think about.

2. you are NOT okay with it. you have some other decisions to make.

If you are pregnant, the decision you make should be based on YOUR ability to care for a child. Do NOT count on the guy being around or even sending support.

Also, be prepared for the guy to not take the news well. you see all the commercials where the wife tells the hubby and there are hugs and kisses and 'isn't this great!!' spins around the room. When I told my hubby, I buttered him up. Got his favorite newspaper,etc. Then just as he was getting ready to head to bed,
I said 'Can we talk for a sec?'
'I knew you were buttering me up for something...'
'I'm .. a..late.'
'Late for what?'..
'ummm.'
'Your not!'
'yeah, I am (big smile)'
'you're kidding right?!? I can't believe this! How could this happen?'
'umm. you don't know?'\
'I can't deal with this right now!'
then left me standing in the kitchen while he left the house, slamming the door behind him. He did come to me 2 days later playing the song 'Arms Wide Open' by Creed saying that this is how he feels now, but that is my forever memory...him leaving. So just be prepared. Its not always a Hallmark moment.

My main advice is to continue your schooling. Go ahead and take your summer classes. Whether you are pregnant or not should not affect those, and it will be one more class out of the way. Being pregnant now means that your baby will be born around April. So if you are pregnant, it will be possible to get most of your senior year out of the way before the baby is born.

Hugs
M.

3 moms found this helpful

Before stressing, find out IF you are pregnant.

I was a bit older and recently married, but NOT READY to have a baby in my last semester of graduate school when I found out I was pregnant. Our marriage was less than optimum and was planning on leaving him. I could hardly breathe. It took me months to get settled that I was pregnant. I wanted a career and lots of exotic travel - not diapers and barfing, screaming kids. I was 26 and when I called my parents, they screamed and not in the excited screaming way....that didn't help....but it was about me and the baby inside me....not them.

It ended up being the best thing in the world for me. We now have 3 kids and planning on a 4th....and still married. All this from a women who never wanted children...ever. They are the best things in the world. Not to say that there are days I wish I had the lifestyle I wanted, but if I did it all over again, I wouldn't have it any other way. The surprise pregnancy was excellent, as it made me work even harder at my goals.

11 months after our son was born, I was making enough money for my husband to quit his job. I've always brought my babies to work with me, so of course, not everyone has this opportunity, but you can make anything work.

My parents had me 7 months before they got our to college. My mom brought me to all of her classes and if I started making some noise, she'd get up and stand in the hallway, while my dad took notes. They made it work.

Continue on with summer school. Continue with your studies. Continue on with your life. Babies are flexible and when they are little, you have more time to get things accomplished....if you choose to keep your baby.

Abortion isn't the only option. Giving a baby to so many women out there who are not able to have their own is a very unslefish option. I have a friend who has been literally, given 2 newborns. At her church, a lady came up to her and asked her if she wanted another baby, since she knew they had adopted their son. She said YES! 5 weeks later, she was holding a baby girl and those parents are on top of the world! The birth mother sees the baby frequently and everything works. This is not the situation for everyone, as far as involvement goes.

I also had an 18 year old who birthed her baby at home and was on the fence about keeping her and within 2 days, chose to give her up for adoption to this family she had been talking to. They send her pictures every 3 months. This is all the contact the birth mom wants.

Right now breathe. It is what it is. You are never given more than you can handle. ;)

2 moms found this helpful

First thing first, go to the dr. and make sure your pregnant. Second, take a deep breath!

If you are pregnant you need to tell the father ASAP. Don't dance around it, just tell him point blank. No one sugar coated the news for you, you don't need to sugar coat it for him.

A pregnancy does not mean you have to quit school or change your plans. It just means your gonna need a little help and a lot of organization! You are ovbiuosly someone who has their head on straight. You will be GREAT. Good luck to you and keep going!

1 mom found this helpful

I know you are scared and confused.
Take a pregnancy test as soon as you can.
Whatever the outcome, stick to your plan and goals!
My niece found herself unexpectedly pregnant and her fiance bolted and canceled their wedding.
She has an awesome 4 yo son and she is teaching and just bought her own home.
You can do anything you put your mind to, but stay calm and see if you are actually pregnant or not.

p.s. If you're not--take this as a wake up call & get rid of this boyfriend--if he was "the one" you wouldn't have the confusion and anxiety that you do right now in this situation!
Good luck and God Bless!

1 mom found this helpful

First, take a test to be sure. Second, tell him and try to figure everything out. If you do not want to keep the baby, there are plenty of families out there looking to adopt. If you do not want to stay with him, you can do this alone - not easy, but doable. You are almost done with school so it may take a bit longer. I'm sure you can get assistance such as WIC and CHASSY if needed for daycare and food assistance. I would try to get as much schooling out of the way. If you are pregnant, get on prenatal vitamins and if you don't have insurance, look into Medicaid (I think that is the one). Go to the doctor through school and see if they can offer any assistance.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

First, schedule an appointment with your doctor. You may not be pregnant. Make sure you know that for sure before talking with anyone.

If you are pregnant, then you need to speak with the man you are dating. You may not be a good match as partners, but you may need to make some pretty tough decisions together in the near future.

As someone who finished a graduate program pregnant and then with an infant, you CAN do this. Be proactive and find out whether or not your school has a childcare center. Many schools do or they keep a list of local daycares. I would take as many classes as you can this summer and in the fall b/c you will likely have to take time off in the spring. Ask for help and see what's out there. Meet with your advisor and start putting away as much money as you can b/c daycare is expensive.

If you are not pregnant, then re-evaluate this relationship and your birth control method. Is this someone you would want attached to you forever? If not, then move on. If so, then work on it and see where it leads.

1 mom found this helpful

Hey, so I had a very similar situation. Last summer I was a senior at FSU with my boyfriend, I was 21 years old and found out that I was pregnant. I was completely shocked and scared. I was crying, didn't know what to do, was confused, but the first thing I did was tell my boyfriend. He assured me whatever I wanted to do he was behind me 100%. So first of all, you need to talk to your boyfriend first,but in the end it is your decision, it is your body and you need to decide. Someone told me this and this is what really helped me. I told them I wasn't ready and I was just going to get an abortion and she said " if people waited until they were ready to have children, nobody would have children" and I will tell you this right now, my life improved 100% since I had my baby boy, I am so in love with him, and could never imagine not having him now. He is the light of my life.

1 mom found this helpful

Go and take a pregnancy test before you do anything else if it's soon enough to take one.
Definately get your schooling out of the way! I wish I would have gone to college. I had my 1st daughter when I was 18 as a single mom and my 2nd daughter at 24 with my husband.
I got a ton of assistance when I had my 1st. I was still in high school and wanted to finish. I got on Medicaide to pay medical bills, wic for formula, ccms for daycare, and housing to help pay for my apartment. I was so grateful for these when I needed them. We are perfectly fine now and need no assistance (my kids are now 2 1/2 and 9) but they are great programs for those in need. If it turns out that you are pregnant, you might contact a pregnancy help center and see how they can help you out. We have one in Texas called Grace House and they do sonograms, christian counseling and provide baby gear, diapers and used clothing brought in from donations. Good luck sweetie. I hope that you get the support that you need.

1 mom found this helpful

Hon, you are not alone. I got pregnant with my first at 19 when I was in college (the end of my freshmen year). You might qualify for some sort of assistance (child care was a huge help for me- my ex has never been reliable as a father or a financial provider, so I was on my own). That's what really helped me- I was able to finish school and work and you pay a certain percentage for child care (mine was $90/month). My suggestion would be to take as many classes as you can before the baby is born. Also, maybe you can check into online classes after the baby is born. Also, if you have somebody as a support person (like a mom, aunt, dad, etc) that would be helpful too- I know having somebody you can talk to and cry on their shoulder is helpful. Most importantly, you should evaluate your relationship with your boyfriend...if you are pregnant, you will share at least the next 18 years with him, but if things are rocky, please don't stay with him for the baby. I tried to work things out with my ex and thank God it didn't (I have a wonderful husband now) :-) Good luck- email me if you need anyone to talk to. Hang in there

1 mom found this helpful

Before I told my BF I was pregnant, I figured out what *I* wanted first. Once I knew what I wanted, I told him. It took about 2 weeks. For me; it was that I was keeping the baby, and that if he wanted to be a part of the baby's life, grand... but if he didn't that was fine as well. Once I knew what I was going to do... he could make his own decisions. He wanted to get married, I out and out refused to even consider it until the baby was 2. (<grinning> and then he was our ringbearer)

I had my son when I was 23, and was back in school 2 months later with the next quarter. It's a totally different ball game (studying during naps and at night... arranging my class schedule so I could come home and nurse, etc.) but totally doable. 3.846 doable. Most CC's have childcare (that you pay for), and most Universities have subsidies for childcare. (We put our toddler through the most a.m.a.z.i.n.g. montessori preschool using our childcare subsidy... for us it had a max of 1200 a month, and was part of the financial aid package, but paid directly to the school each quarter, instead of being distributed with the rest of it into our account). Also, your FAFSA needs to be updated as having a dependent. Speak to your Student Services & Women's & Minorities office to find out what programs are available through your school. I had been in the military, and you're 24... so you don't have to worry about dealing with parental income as messing up your financial aid package.

If you decide not to keep it, that's your decision until 12 weeks (in most states)... and then after that you have to get the father's approval if you want to put the baby up for adoption.

If you are congrats! Talk to your boyfriend about what you will be doing. Plans change all the time in life. Now you may need to rearrange things to fit you currant situation. Your a grown women of 24, you will figure out what to do. You can still go to school and work, make your plans as soon as you know for sure. This kind of thing happens a lot. Good luck N.!

Hi N.,

I know you're scared and don't know what to do or who to tell, I really do because I was in your same position. Right know, you don't need a lecture pointing out the obvious of how you found yourself in this position - we all make mistakes and this is not the end of the world (I promise!). I wish I could hug you because I know how lonely you feel right now. I noticed that you live in Champaign, IL - I grew up in the same area and in Aurora and Hanover Park - but anyway, in all seriousness please, please call the Planned Parenthood in your area and go get a professional test done - don't rely on an over-the-counter. Also, the staff at Planned Parenthood are professionals and can give you direction and services in how to proceed forward whether or not you are pregnant. It's going to be okay - everything will work itself out in the end. I know that you are extremely overwhelmed, so sit down, take some deep breathes - don't think about school or your relationship - first just make the call for an appointment or simply show up as a walk-in. You have nothing to be ashamed about, but you need to find out your pregnancy status.

Really like what Ina G had to share. First find out if you are pregnant and talk with a trusted adult, not that you are not, but you want to talk to someone other then a friend.

If you are take your time making any decisions on what to do or who to tell. You can still go to summer school and even finish your degree, pregnant and with a child. If you really want it, you can do it!

P.S. If you are considering abortion there are other options you can consider, adoption, open adoption. Don't feel there is only one way out of this unexpected situation.

look at your choices.I was also in a rocky relationship and I am out of thst rocky relationship now. Babies are really a huge strain on the relationship, so if it was bad before it's not gonna get any better. I was 23 when I had mine, I love my baby girl, I love being a momma. But sometimes I look around and see what my friends are doing with their lives and I feel like I missed out. If you're in school and have life going in the way you want......
talk to your doctor.
Good luck, honey.

I would definately find out for sure first, before telling him.

And there's no reason you cant go to school and have a baby at the same time. The college I went to had subsidized child care on campus run by the kids in the early childhood development program on campus. There are plenty of resources for pregnant/parenting students, you just have to look for them.

Good luck, whatever the outcome.

Pregnancies are unexpected. If you are intimate, your should expect you may get pregnant. You are old enough to know better. The only fool proof way is to not engage in the act. That said, you now are making decisions for another life. That baby deserves to have a chance at life. The father deserves to know that he has a child in this world. I am sure you are afraid, but I am also sure you can handle the stress. You will be emotional. Pregnancy does that to everyone and I am sure the situation hasn't made it any easier. You are a senior. If I were in your shoes, and I could have easily been, I would finish college and get myself in the best place possible to take care of the life growing inside of me. If I didn't feel I could do that I would place that baby for adoption. I know this seems huge, but it can be done and you will live through this.

First of all you take a pregnancy test and find out whether or not you really are pregnant. There is nothing gained by getting all flustered about something that might or might not be. And until you find out for sure there is no need to tell him either.

If you are not pregnant you make an appointment with your OB/GYN or planned parenthood and get some reliable birth control to avoid getting into this again.

If you are pregnant you have some decisions to make. In that case you may consider speaking to a close firend, family member or spiritual advisor about you option - most of all you will need to look into your own heart.
I bet your school had counseling staff available as well - make an appointment with them.

Good luck!

You are going to get a lot of emotional responses on both sides of the fence of this discussion. I just want to add one more time that you have to do what is right for you. If you are pregnant, definitely find someone to talk to whether it's a friend, the father, a counselor, etc. Take a deep breath and start answering some of your own questions by taking a pregnancy test and really figuring out the answer that's already in your heart. It's super scary but you have to know what you're dealing with and go from there. You can do this. You can make a decision. You are strong.

hi first you need to find out if you are really preg. if u are low on cash public health can help u with that. if it truns out u are they will also help u get set up with programs like wic which helps u get milk,chesse and other items to keep u healthy. if you are preg. it is not something you can hide long. a child is a great blessing. if you dont feel u can take care of a baby there is always adoption. as far as telling the boyfriend, want to say anything tell u r for sure. if u are then i would take him to dinner or somewhere public this way he doesnt freak out and has time to think bout what u said and doesnt freak out. good luck with everything hope all turns well for you