Co Sleeping Not for Me

The answer to your problem is to simply refuse to let him sleep with you. When my son was about 2 months old, I began working with him to get him to sleep on his own at night. I established a bedtime routine and every night at the same time, I would put him in his crib before he fell asleep (this is key - they have to learn to comfort themselves so that when they wake up in the middle of the night, they don't need you to go back to sleep). I would let him cry for 5 minutes and if he didn't calm down, I would go in an pat his belly (don't pick him up) for 1 minute. Then I would leave for 10 minutes and if he didn't calm down, go in for 1 minute. Then I would leave for 15 minutes, and you get the point. If he would wake up at night, I would give him a minute before I would go to him to see if he would put himself back to sleep. Then, I would go feed/change him or whatever he needed. After, it was back in the crib with the 5, 10, 15 minute rule.

I'm going to tell you now that this was a very hard thing for me to do as every instinct cried out to me that I should go and comfort my son. But trust me, this is not cruel! It is harder on you than it is the child and there is nothing cruel about teaching your child to fall asleep on his own. It is a skill he is going to need and the earlier he learns it, the easier it will be on both of you. Within a couple of weeks, my son was falling asleep on his own quite readily and by 3 months he was sleeping through the night. He is now almost 2 and I never have problems with getting him to bed (and he's in a toddler bed too). I'm telling you, if you have the willpower to stick to your guns, this will work.

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Hi K. L.

You can get a baby swing if you don't have one. Make sure you get one that can lay back and will sit up when baby grows. This works great. You can also go to Baby's R Us and get a special blanket that can be put in bed with you so that you don't roll on baby, but then you don't have to get out of bed, which will allow you to get more sleep. I know it is hard now, but it does get easier as they grow.

I hope this helps.

T. B

1 mom found this helpful

Let me guess....you are breastfeeding. My son was EXACTLY the same way! I was nursing him & (I found out the hard way) he wasn't getting enough to eat. In fact, all of this went down at about 6-7 weeks. He is now 4 months & doing much better.

Try feeding your son every 2 1/2 to 3 hours. For example you start to feed at noon then again at 3 pm (that is considered 3 hours). It is so important you stay on top of this schedule...it's hard in the first couple of months of life but it does get better.

If you are nursing, try nursing in bed (or laying down). Once he is full & asleep you can try putting him in the crib. If he starts fussing when you put him down & he is still partially asleep try the pacifier to settle him down & get him back to sleep.

I hope this helps.....

All the best,
T. R.

We used a sleep machine for our daughter when she transitioned to sleeping on her own.
It's nice now that she's older too b/c it blocks out background noise during naps.....the only downside is we have to travel with it now!
Good luck!

Hi K.,

When my daughter was born (now 13)I bought a lulaby tape and wore out a tape player. The tape had a light heart beat and you could hear the boom-boom through the Twinkle Twinkle and so on. Another thing is a relaxtion tape with waterfalls or wind or whatever. The experts all say to put them to bed still awake but tired. Hope this works.

L. Smith

When I was pregnant I swore I would never take my son to bed with me. It took months before he would do anything that resembled sleep without me holding him and then he had to be in his swing. I bought the sleep bear, a baby mozart cd, the "No-Cry Sleep Solution" book, lavender bath wash, etc. In the end, the only way I got any amount of sleep was letting him sleep with me. Everytime he woke I offered to nurse him and went back to sleep. It was hard to get used to at first but I got much more sleep that way than laying him down in his crib and traveling to his room to calm him everytime he woke up. (at 6 weeks old there is NOTHING wrong with comforting him and not letting him "cry it out"- how cruel) When he was about 10 months old he started sleeping in his crib. If you're feeling guilty about letting him sleep with you or other people disapprove- don't. You are his mother and you are the only one who knows what is best for him. But if you want the "No Cry Sleep Solution" book- don't waste your money, you can have my copy.

Put a hot water bottle in his bassinet to warm it up and take it out before you put him in. Also you can pop his blankets in the dryer so he can have them warm.

When he cries do you pick him up right away? Also, try letting him fuss while you make his bottle. This tires him out and keeps him on some sort of a schedule. He made need more substance with his formula. Do not feel guilty ...It is ok for him to fuss himself back to sleep. IF all of his needs are met...he will be fine.Check with your pediatrician and ask when you can start giving him very thin cereal. Also, calming music may help him sleep...It worked for my grandson.

T.

I used a method called Baby Wise. The book is actually titled on becoming baby wise. It basically teaches you how to put your child on a sleep, eat, wake schedule. It took a couple of weeks to get the hang of it but was very effective for us because he learned what was expected at what time. he still occasionally cried but not for more than a few minuets.

K.,

I sympathize!! My son was similar- he would not sleep in a bassinet, but he would sleep in his room in his crib. My daughter would not sleep anywhere but in a swing or in her carseat until she was 4 months old- so we went through a lot of D batteries for her swing and she spent the other sleeping times strapped into her carseat. Now, the books will tell you it is best NOT to have them sleep in a swing because the motion makes their sleep less effective. I decided a less effective sleep was better than no sleep at all (for her AND me!). Then, when she was four months old she was old enough to "train" to go to sleep in her crib. (FYI- just keep him strapped into the swing or the carseat so there is no chance of him rolling himself out.)

You can try other things too- be creative. Do you have a pack & play? Remove the bassinet attachment and see if he will sleep in the bottom part- sometimes the bassinet attachments wiggle when the baby moves, my son would not sleep on those, but he would sleep in the bottom part. I imagine when he sleeps on your chest he is on his tummy and when you put him in the bassinet he is on his back. They do make these cushions that you can lay your baby in that keeps them on their side- maybe he would sleep better that way (they sell those online at One Step Ahead and maybe at Babies R Us too.) These are just some ideas. Maybe one of them will work for you! Good Luck and hopefully Happy Sleeping!

P.

My son really enjoyed the wedge. It helped him stay confined. I have heard alot of good things about the Miracle Blanket. I bought it and my son HATED it but I have friends that swear by it. Alot of times, you just have to let him cry for a couple days until he realizes that he will be ok w/o you!!!

As hard as it is you need to stop letting him sleep on you.
He will cry for awhile but he will get used to sleeping on his own. Put him to bed and sit and read to him, be close to him but don't pick him up. Than slowly move yourself further away over time(middle of room to doorway) til he is OK going to sleep on his own. It's really important that you help him to be able to self calm or you will never be able to leave his side.
Good Luck and you are not a bad parent to let him cry awhile.

The no cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley is a great book or La leche League leaders (www.lalecheleague.org) or meetings help a lot with sleep issues. Don't worry if you are not breastfeeding - LLL is a great resource for the nonnursing mom too. Many people think LLL is militant, but it is not true. They help the mom with whatever the mom wants to do. Celeste Yoshinobu and Amanda Mankowski (LLL of Lubbock leaders)are such great mothers who can help anyone accomplish their wishes, and they will follow up with you to provide support. Good luck - my heart is with you.

Have you tried puting him down to sleep while he is still awake? Babies sleep patterns are different from when they get older...they don't fall into a deep sleep right away.

Another thing to try is to place him in a boppy pillow or in his car seat, or a swing, or something that holds him in a more up-right position (this helped my son as he had acid reflux and when he would lay flat he spit up)

Hope this helps!
L.

I had the same experience with my 2nd baby - she did not want to sleep in the bassinet. I had to gradually wean her into the bassinet and it took about a week. Your newborn has spent 9 months inside of you and only knows the comfort of you. Your smell, feel, and sounds are all he knows and brings him comfort and security. You can try taking a shirt or other clothing you've worn that has your smell and use that as a "sheet" in the bassinet to bring your smell there. Also try using some of the current sound machines or recording devices to record your heartbeat and play that for him in the bassinet. Some bassinets have a co-sleeper feature that allows you to lower one rail so that the bassinet is an extension of your bed on the side. We had one of these and it was a sleep saver for me! It also had lights, mobile, music, and vibration features that I used here and there to help my babies sleep. Keeping your hand on him in a co-sleeper bassinet, bringing your smell and sounds into the bassinet will help him transition into the basinet more easily. Hope this helps! J.

My firstborn was like this. He wouldn't sleep unless held, and I ended up sleeping him on my chest, too. I am a light sleeper. I don't know whether his reflux had anything to do with it, or whether he just needed the added comfort, but I note that when he started getting medicine for the reflux, he didn't need to sleep on us anymore.

When a baby is sleeping on the chest of an adult, his head is higher than his stomach. During the day, perhaps carry him in a sling or a Baby Bjorn, so he's near you, and at night, try elevating the front end of his bassinet three inches or so and see if that works...?

The other thing is that little babies don't regulate themselves as well as older babies. Sleeping on you might help him with this. But he *might* grow out of this on his own once he's three or four months old.

Good luck!

Cosleeping is an issue so is mom's need to sleep. Each family has to find their own pattern that works for them. Babies like sleeping with mom because they know the sound of their heartbeat as well as their personal smell. Spend the day wearing an old t-shirt then place it in babies crib at night. Your smell may just be what he's looking for. Also you could tape you heart beat (if you have a stethascope?), to further comfort him.
Wishing you many nights of peaceful sleep.

I do not have any advice, but I will warn you that you have to take care of this now. I talk from experience and my daughter is 17 months old and still sleeps with my husband and I. Her room is upstairs and she has never slept in her room or her crib. Everyone always told me just to let her cry and I was like no way. I tell you now I wish I had.

K., Maybe on of these idea might work, or all.
When you put your little one down put something in the basinet that smells like you, your shirt for example. A source of heat (wet/dry heating pad lined of course). One of those teddy bears or machines that make the womb sounds helps too, my son likes the sound of the waves of the ocean. Make sure he is bundled up in a receiving blanket the closeness of the blanket when make him feel secure.
Hopefully either all or some of these ideas work, good luck.

A.

Dear K,
Have you ever seen the happiest baby on the block? It is an excellent investment, also I don't know if you swaddle him, I bet your baby would love it.
A.

Yeah I never planned to co-sleep myself but that was how my son was because we held him so much so by 6 weeks he was spoiled and I couldn't bear to just let him cry. I also felt so exhausted and we did not move him to his bed till like 14mos then 2 mos later my daughter was born. Now they are 3 years and 20 mos so I finally get my bed back! Good luck.

My son was the same way and I tried 7 different pacifiers and finally found one that did the trick.
Good luck
J.

i still sleep with my 9months old daughter but it's hard when i put her down for a nap cause she wants me to hold her when she sleeps, but what i do is when i'm carrying her and she's still sleeping i have both hands on her back then i put her down and slowly pull one hand at a time away and put a small blanket rolled up on each side of them so they feel like they're still being held, but not near their head in case they move they're not going to sufficate

Your baby misses your smell and mostly your heartbeat. Listened to it for none months, lying on your chest is the next best thing. Try one of those Sound Machines with adjustable volume, tempo etc.

My daughter only wanted to sleep with me holding her, until I put her in her infant carrier. I also found that the wedges that keep them on their sides work well too. You may have to just let him cry it out for a several nights and then he will be fine. You can go in and check on him, P. his back, etc. but don't pick him up. After 3-5 nights he will be fine and so will you.

K.,

I had the same problem with my son when he was that age. He wouldn't lay in his portacrib to allow me to do other things in the house during the day. For awhile I ended up packing him in the baby bjorn snugglie or he was in his swing moving he was ok. At night I finally got one of those noise makers that I kept in his basinet and then moved with him to the crib. It makes the sound of the heart beat, ocean, rain etc. I believe it was around $20 at Target. The best money ever spent!! It was a miracle!! My son used that thing until he was around a year. He started to mess with it, so I removed it from the crib and I kept music on all the time while he sleeps. I've found when it isn't on he doesn't sleep well. To this day it still works for me too! I don't know if that will help...

good luck!

Try the HeartBeat Bear. You can find it a Toys R Us, in the infant supply section. I had the same problem with my daughter. Try it both awake to asleep, and after her has fallen to sleep. Good luck

Hi K.,

I have a 15 week old little boy, so I can totally relate to the sleeplessness. There are two books that saved us in the early weeks. The first is The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp (there is a DVD, too). He uses five techniques to help relax babies during their first 12 weeks of life, which he refers to as "the fourth trimester." There were many nights where his techniques got me a few hours of sleep, and thus, sanity.

The second book is The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It is fantastic and has a section specifically for newborns (birth through 4 months). We started using her recommendations for a nighttime routine around 7 weeks. Our son was sleeping in bed with us a lot and was sleeping for 3-5 hour stretches. Now he sleeps in his co-sleeper (the Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper attaches to your bed so the baby can be close by for easy feeding and soothing, but is not in your bed) and has 8-10 hour sleep stretches, wakes up and eats and sleeps for another hour or more.

I really believe these are great tools, and I was happy to have an option besides "cry it out."

Good luck!
A.

I had the same issue with my daughter so I allowed her to sleep with us until she was 8 ½ weeks of age. If she wasn’t attached to me, she was in her swing, so I was at least lucky enough to have that outlet/lifesaver. Let me start out by saying that everything that I read stated that you can not spoil a child too much within their first 12 weeks of life and that they can not self sooth until after 8 weeks of age. All bad sleep habits begin to form beyond 12 weeks of age. So I did everything that I could the first 8 weeks to prevent any crying which is almost impossible because of their immature systems, especially around 6 weeks (6 week peak). I started out by moving her swing into her room and putting her in it for her naps and to sleep in at night. After about 3 nights in her swing I moved her to her crib but still aloud her to take naps in the swing. She did cry for about 25 minutes straight (which felt like an hour) that first night that I moved her to her crib. She hardly ever fussed when going down for her naps and would pretty much give us the signs telling us when she was tired. Every night since that first night she cries/fusses anywhere from 2 to 10 minutes and its lights out for the rest of the night. After 8 weeks of age, it's actually natural and healthy for them to cry themselves to sleep. I finally weaned her from her naps in the swing at 4 months of age when she started trying to roll to her tummy in it. At four months of age she also started to wake up with a smile on her face. She wakes up at 5:00 a.m. and talks to herself or goes in and out of sleep until we go in and get her at 6:00 a.m. I read the book Baby Wise and am a strong believer in it. At 5 months of age, she still takes 3 naps a day and has been sleeping through the night since 3 months of age. She goes down anytime between 6:30 and 7:30 p.m.

I hope this helps and gives you some “hope”.

http://www.askdrsears.com/amby.asp

I highly reccomend the above link. It's a great motion bed. Most babies will prefer to sleep with mom. It meets their emotional needs as well as instinctual needs. on www.askdrsears.com there is also a sleep forum you could join.

I know of one mom that bought a bassinet for the bed. It's like a little mattress with firm sides, you can get them from target. She had her baby sleep in that and then put bassinet in the crib gradually, starting with just naps and then partially threw the night, etc...

My 4 month old would only sleep on me or my husband for the first couple of months. It was really hard!!! So I know how you feel. I used a boppy and about 4 pillows to make a reclining type chair in bed. I still co-sleep, but he sleeps on his own pillow now.

Good Luck!!!!

Are you nursing? Well either way, make sure that baby is fed and burped, they wake up alot when they need burped or they are hungry. Swaddle him up and lay him down. If his belly is full and he has no gas, he will go to sleep. It seems like these sleepness nights will never end, but they will. Welcome to motherhood!

Hi

You probably have a lot of books as a reference, but try this one: "Healthy Sleeep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth.
This book was the most helpful one for me. I really like the fact that he seperate each stage of a baby life and explains the differences. At each stage and age the child has different patterns, problems, etc... so he takes into consideration these issues and helps you plan a healthy sleep habits. For example on page 205 he says that "at 6 weeks (your baby age) all babies are most fussy, cry most, and are most awakeful..."

Get the book, you will learn a lot from it.

My baby started to have a healthy sleep at 8 months old only! Had I known about this book before we would not have suffered so much.

GOOD LUCK and HOPE THIS WILL HELP YOU TOO

M.

They have a teddy bear out that makes the same sounds he experiences from laying on you. This was made just for your situation.

I agree with Priscilla and Shannon! I think that the transition from your warmth, to a cold crib, is NOT very welcoming!! If you lay a heating pad under him, that might help.

My husband was adamant that he wanted our oldest son to sleep with us. I didn't want it, but I gave in. Let me tell you, he slept with me until he was 2, AND I NEVER got a peaceful night's sleep because I was always worried about smothering him!

When my second son came along, we agreed we weren't going to do that! It took him about 2 months to get used to sleeping in his crib! Sometimes he would cry for a long time, but we persisted! Let me tell you, life was so much better! Both of my children have VERY different personalities!! My youngest always went to bed at EXACTLY 8pm, woke up at EXACTLY 7am, NEVER got out of bed at night, and NEVER slept with us! He never fought us when it was time for bed because he was tired!My oldest would go to bed when we would and would want to sleep in all morning. Once he was in his own bed, he would still come into our bed when he wanted to.

I hope this helps! It's not easy, but it was worth it! Let me know if you have any other ?'s!

J.

K.:

You have not stated whether or not you are breastfeeding. This is important because breastfed babies feed more often than non-breastfed babies and this may be one reason why your child wakes more often during the night. Your son is still very young and babies do not sleep a full night until after age 6 months (breastfed or formula fed). I would not advise placing a blanket in the crib or basinett because loose items in a crib can cause SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). Instead, you can change some of your daytime rituals to help create good sleep patterns. During the day, you can carry your child in a baby carrier such as a sling or Baby Bjorn product. Studies show that babies who are carried are more secure and cry less. Take an infant massage class which helps to relax baby and parent. The massage also helps the baby have deeper sleep patterns. Since your baby is now 6 weeks old, you can pump your milk (if you are breastfeeding) for night time feedings and let your partner take a turn at giving your son a night time bottle feeding. It is also important for you to take naps when your baby is sleeping. Get your friends to help you with household duties while you take your nap. Continue to swaddle and sing to your son.

I am a certified infant massage instructor, childbirth educator, and doula. I know that you are not fond of co-sleeping, but all of the studies show that kangaroo care (sleeping on the chest) is a best practice for both infant and mother. It sounds like you need support. I hope you join a new mom support group in your local area and other support networks such as the La Leche League. Good luck to you!

A. D.
____@____.com

Hi K.,

My name is C., and I have 3 kids...What worked for me was to place a wind up clock in a soft blanket, and put it in the crib with the baby. The tick tock will be like your heart beat. I d think they sell a plastic heart that makes a thump thump beat, it might work as well. Hope this helps...

Cath

Hi K.,

I know co-sleeping is hard, I'm on my fourth co-sleeping, teething, baby right now, and sleeping has become a luxury- Again! But having been through this a few times, I've found that it is well worth the time. Your little one is still very young and needs to feel your presence. Sometimes putting in the extra time now, will help him be less clingy later. I know many people choose the "cry it out" method, but I encourage you to stick it out for as long as possible. He is used to being in your womb, imagine not having that security anymore. That doesn't mean that your partner can't do some of the holding too! I don't have any practical advice, because I've always chosen to bear with it. But I do recommend Elizabeth Pantly's book, she has a lot of good, practical methods without compromising the baby's sense of security.
Good luck to you and congratulations!
-E.

Have you tried one of those beds that attach to your bed? I am a doula and one of the things that have worked it to put a warm heating pad in the bassinet for a few minutes before laying your baby in there so the bed is warm and not cold. Try that and see how it goes!

S.

K.

I see you have gotten alot of ideas from all the helpful people here. My son had really bad reflux so we started with him sleeping in the bassinet so I could keep a real close eye on him.....he would always end up in bed with us. He hated his bassinet and I was losing alot of sleep. I believe we where keeping each other awake when I wasnt holding him, but holding him all night on my chest just wasnt going to work. I finally decided to put him in his own room at around 8 weeks. To my surprise he loved the space in his crib and he did sleep better, after a few long nights. He is 7 months old now and sleeps great. I do believe you should do something right away or it could be a habit that will be harder to brake later. Its ok to put him in his crib and use a monitor to listen to him. Of course you still lose sleep the first few weeks, getting up and checking on every chance you get...but that will go away and you both will sleep a whole lot better. Good Luck

K. ~

Have you tried putting something of yours for him to sleep on while he is in his basinet? Something like a shirt so that his basinet smells like you. Or have you tried padding around him with blankets? Maybe he feels insecure while he's in there.

This may sound a little weird but since you have boobs and I would guess that is where he likes to lay his head you can try rolling up a small towel and placing a shirt of yours (that you have worn so it smells like you) over the towel and laying him on that so it is similar to how he lays on you.

Hope these help.

Good luck!!

K.

In all honesty, your son is still VERY young and not many mamas of a six week old get much sleep. Well ALL lose sleep with a six week old. I think it's the name of the game. But I, too, would recommend Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution." I did not read the sections for very young babies like you have, but I did read the parts for older babies and the book saved me! If you can't find the book, contact me and I'll send a link. The book lets you set the pace for how to deal with your sleep issues and describes a lot about infant sleep to help you possibly isolate the problem, if there is one.

Even Ferber, who promotes Crying It Out, would say your babe is probably too young to use his system. It can sometimes take time to find your pattern and figure out what works. It's hard, I know!

Hey!! Congrats on ur baby first of all!! My son had a lot of health problems when he was first born, and so it was terrible all around... I REALLY wanted to cosleep and we did when we could, but he was in a lot of pain most of the time that seemed to get worse when he laid down with me, and, just like yours, woke up instantly when I put him down... EVERY TIME!! THis may be terrible, but we had to get some sleep after about 2 months of taking turns with it, and he loved his swing. LOVED IT!! He would sleep in it in the evenings while we cooked dinner or whatever. So, what Is tarted doing is putting the swing next to my bed, and baby einstein on the tv. He would fall asleep in the swing, so I didn't have to worry about setting him down and him waking up, and stay asleep until he needed to be fed. With him, at that point, a big part of it was sitting up made his tummy feel better, but he is now 18 months and will still sit outside in a swing forhours, and scream every time I say its time to go in!! Anyways, a lot of people have been appalled and said they would never do that, but I had to get some sleep, and he was right next to me so it worked really well for us!

Ok K., I'm a K. too. I have b&g twins and my son slept with us until 15months of age. But we also didn't mind it until he grew.

(I wrote all this thinking your son was 6Months. 6 weeks is easier- no pillows though, instead use swadling blankets.)

Try: (The baby should sleep in another room)
1. falling asleep with your son in his room a floor a futon matress works well.

2. Sleep with his blankets, pillows, animal, whatever you are keeping in his crib.

3. do the above for 3 nights, then on the fourth night start moving him into his own crib. When he wakes up, consistently pick him up and rock him til he stops or bring him back to bed and put him back in his crib for as long as it takes. this can happen over and over again all night long. Stay up all night long and do not change the next day's routine. On your fifth night you will have won the battle because he will be too tired to fight and so will you.

4. bed training will still continue- consistently be there for him. but be consistent on bed time, that he is in his room, that he sleeps in his crib, but you can snuggle and pick him up if he fusses but you have to stay in his room after bed time.

5. At 15 months I figured out that if i just listened to soft music and rocked him that eventually he just got that he wasn't leaving and willing went to bed.

On Subsequent Nights: I suggest a bedtime routine, for us,
its bath, playtime, book or bottle, brush teeth, soft music, bed time (9:00pm). It is okay for them to cry for a while as long as they are not sucking air and becoming hysterical it also wears them out. Stand your ground the less you go in the easier it will be tomorrow night.

Sometimes my son still wants to sleep with us and he is also a twin so from conception he hasnt been alone. His Dad doesnt seem to mind so much on those nights and I sleep on the couch and will move him in the middle of the night.

There are many different methods to bed training. This has been ongoing for me and it seems to only get better and you will eventually sleep again.

(I wrote all this thinking your son was 6Months) 6 weeks is easier- no pillows though, instead use swadling blankets.

I know that pediatricians recommend against this, so I am only going to tell you want we did with our first daughter who is now two. She would not sleep on her back or side. She would wake up at night flailing her arms and screaming. We started putting her on her stomach to sleep and never had another sleepless night. Went she would wake at night she would feel the bed under her and she would go right back to sleep. We started doing this when she was about 6 weeks and after that she slept 8-10 hours a night.