Co - Sleeping

Hi K.!
How wonderful to hear from a new mother who has learned the joys (and restfulness) of having your little precious one with you all night long!! You have learned that your baby's need to have you close does not go away when the sun goes down :o)
Did you know that, in spite of the AAP's recomendation to have your baby sleep in his own bed, that 80% of Western parents have their babies in bed with them for some portion of the night. In the rest of the world, it is the norm!

I will share what we did, but remember that you must do what works best for your family and your baby.

While our babies were little, they were never out of my sight. They slept naps in a portable crib in the family room so I could constantly check on them or in my arms, in a sling, etc., and they slept the night in our bed, next to me, their breastfeeding mother. Once they were old enough for me to be okay with them being out of my sight, about 4 months, then I would put them down for naps in their cribs. This way they woke up in their rooms and learned that this was a happy place to wake. I always responded to their early fussing - I wanted to let them know that I was going to be there to meet their needs.

At night, they slept with us until they were crawling, around 6 months (when safety became an issue). I would then nurse them to sleep (perfectly natural thing to do, btw) and lay them in their crib. That would allow a little bit of time in the evening to take a breather, talk to my husband, etc.. When they would wake for the first time, I would bring them to bed and they would stay there the rest of the night. Whether that was 1 hour or 5, that is what we did. For some reason this kept them from crawling off the bed. It was at that first waking that they seemed most active. So, if they did that first waking in their crib, then they didn't seem to crawl anymore the rest of the night. I don't know why.

As they grew, over the next couple of years, they would sleep longer and longer stretches in their rooms. Of course, there were times when they slept with us more. Babies' needs will ebb and flow like the tide. There were lots of nights when they wouldn't come in until 4 or 5 in the morning, and we would nurse and cuddle and sleep until 7 or so.

Eventually, they would sleep the whole night in their rooms. This didn't happen until they were in a toddler bed - which was great because then they could get up and come in on their own! We always welcomed them into our bed whenever they wanted to come. Each of them stopped coming in at different ages, around 4ish, I think. Now they are 7 and 9 years old. They don't want to sleep with us anymore. :o(
A few weeks ago, our daughter (7) slept 3 nights with us ( I don't know why, she just needed to). My husband and I just relished those fleeting moments with her!!

Their babyhood is hard, exhausting, and seems long, but it will be over before you know it, and you will be longing for those nighttime cuddles! I have to beg my son for a hug these days, but he still holds my hand! I am hanging on for dear life to those little things, I know they are growing up! Enjoy their littleness, their need for you, and all the cuddling that they need - even at night!

Here are some resources. James McKenna is a medical anthropologist whose research has focused on sleep sharing around the world. He has a sleep lab where he studies the benefits of shared sleep between mothers and infants/children.

His book is "Sleeping With Your Baby: A Parent's Guide to Cosleeping", James J. McKenna, Ph.D.

Here are some web sites where you can read more:

http://www.naturalchild.com/james_mckenna/

http://www.platypusmedia.com/jimmckenna_interview.html

I also recommend anything by Dr. Willam Sears such as;

Attachment Parenting: Instinctive Care for Your Baby and Young Child by Katie Allison Granju, Betsy Kennedy, and William Sears

Nighttime Parenting: How to Get Your Baby and Child to Sleep The Baby Sleep Book: The Complete Guide to a Good Night's Rest for the Whole Family (Sears Parenting Library)

The Baby Sleep Book: The Complete Guide to a Good Night's Rest for the Whole Family (Sears Parenting Library) by William Sears, Martha Sears, Robert Sears, and James Sears

Nighttime Parenting: How to Get Your Baby and Child to Sleep by William Sears

The Fussy Baby Book: Parenting Your High-Need Child From Birth to Age Five by William Sears and Martha Sears

The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley and William Sears

Don't worry, whatever you do, they won't still be sleeping with you in high school - I guanantee it!!

Blessings!~

1 mom found this helpful

FANTASTIC advice from T D. :) I did the same with my boys- It was much better to feed them as soon as they woke up. They never ate to fall asleep and they took a full feeding instead of falling asleep in the middle. I'm a strong believer in schedules. I think that babies need them (and so do I! I know what times I can schedule things). Starting with naptime for a week is also great advice. If he's already in his crib for naps, go ahead and start the transition to crib. Good luck!

Try putting him in his crib once he is asleep, instead of sleeping with you the whole night. If he keeps awakening, one of you might have to sleep in the same room in case he wakes up and be right there to pat him back to sleep. If he takes naps during the day. Put him in the
crib.

Hi K.,
I co-sleep with my one-year-old, and am happy to continue to do so until he wants to move out (although I think I'll be encouraging him out when he gets to 3). Because he goes to sleep several hours before we do (he really did not like staying up with us while we had dinner!) I put him down in his cot first, by doing the bath, breast, brush, book routine and then go for a short walk with him in the sling until he falls asleep, then move him gently to the cot after he's gone limp-limbed. When he was younger I would rock him and nurse him until he was floppy and then swaddle him, which stopped him from startling awake. In those days he'd sleep at least five hours! Oh, for the good old days.... just joking!

I may be wrong about your son, but newborns like to be snuggled (they were being held tightly intrauterine), so when you lay them down, all of a sudden they are let "loose" and it scares them. If you wrap them in a baby blanket before you put them down, they still feel like they are being snuggled and don't startle awake.

Congratulations on your son! Thank goodness the hard part is over! I had the same trouble with my 7 month old son when I tried to lay him in the bassinet. I have co-slept with all three of my children and I personally love it but my husband never seems to get much sleep. What I finally started doing, around 5 months old, I started putting him in his crib after I nursed him and he was tired or asleep. I would lay him on his belly and let him cry. After a while, he got used to it...in about a week and sleeps now 3-4 hours at a time. Not perfect but getting there! Do what's comfortable for you and take it day by day. Remind yourself that you only get this precious time for a short while...enjoy it.

In my own experience, I started putting my baby in playpen next to the bed. It was one of those playpens that have the attachment to keep kids higher up. I put him there and kept talking to him and holding him with both hands, letting him know I was still there. Then he'd fall asleep. If he's sleeping through the night, then it will be ok that he stays in your room. Then if he wakes up, don't hold him,just put your hands on him, caress him, talk to him etc. Over time use only one hand and your voice, then just your voice until he doesn't need that touch anymore, at least to sleep. And then try not talking either, just watch him and at some point he will learn to sooth himself (we all learned to sleep on our own eventually). When this happens, I think it would be a good time to take him to his own room.
That's what worked for me. Now my son is 4 1/2 and sometimes he just puts himself to bed.
Good luck!

All four of my little ones slept with us for varying amounts of time. We are snugglers here. Also, we keep a small crib next to my side of the bed. That way, I can hear them stirring and settle them back to sleep. I got them used to their own rooms and beds with naptime. I found toddler beds around 15-18 months a charm since they don't feel trapped. We joke our kids' first phrase is "I'm stuck!"

COngradulations on being a first time mom! I remember when my twins were that small... I don't have any adivce regarding how to transisition because my kids didn't sleep in bed with us. But my niece did sleep with her parents and her dad (who isn't very big for a guy 160 lbs) accidently rolled on her in a way that dislocated her shoulder and caused some permanent damage that took a very long time to heal. A co sleeper may be a possible solution? GOOD LUCK

Hi K.. Congrats on the little one! My second son was a little clingier than my first, and he wanted to be close to me all the time. I'm not a fan of co-sleeping. I'm actually the opposite. My kids were kicked out of my room at 3-4 weeks old! =) But because my second wanted to be with me all the time, I put a shirt that I had worn in his bassinet/crib with him so he could smell me. I placed it under his sleep positioner so it wouldn't be a suffocation hazard in his crib. It worked like a charm!

Oh man, I wish I could have told you about www.miracleblanket.com when he had colic, but it sounds like he could still benefit from it for sleeping!

It's GUARANTEED to work. Check it out!

Hi K.,

I don't know how handy you or your husband are, but my cousin had this problem so they fashioned a makeshift crib that sat right up next to the bed. It was a crib on three sides and it sat right up next to their bed so it was like the baby was still in bed with them, this made transition much easier. What I found with my one daughter is that she hated the crib mattress, when I found one that had cloth covering instead of the noisy uncomfortable plastic lining I had no problem putting her in her own bed. Also, something that is really good for colic if your son still has occasional problems with it or you have a child in the future with it, is Gripe Water, I'm not sure where you might find it around here, possibly an English import store or online, but it works great. My third daughter had colic in the worst way and not even the strongest prescription at $60 an ounce helped. Good luck and God bless.

D.

Hi K.. I just typed a whole long response to you, but my computer erased it. :( Anyway, to give you the short version... I know exactly what you are going through, and you absolutely have to try the Kiddopotamus Swaddler blanket. It's awesome and really helped us out. :) You can find it at Babies R Us and Baby Depot. I think there is also a more expensive one called the "Miracle Blanket." It's wonderful!
Good luck!
~M.

Hi Kristen,

From what I've read, I don't think your child actually had colic. All babies, from about week 2 - 6, are fussy in the night time because neuroligically everything was starting to connect in his brain and that makes them fussy/upset because they're exhausted from all the work they're brain is doing. Your little guy just had it going on a little longer. If he had colic, the fussiness would have been all day and all night. I have a 6-month-old and she slept with us too because it made breast feeding so much easier. At about 3 months, I wanted to start making the transition to her crib as well, mainly b/c my husband's alarm clock was waking her up. So, what I did was I put her in her crib for her first nap and let her get used to that for a while (2-3 days), then added a nap and so on until I started putting her down at night in there. It worked great for me. Also, the co-sleeper advice is really good. You can buy those online, or at USA Baby. And, I would highly, highly, highly recommend the miracle blanket. It truly is a "miracle" for swaddling. My 6-month-old still sleeps in it, just with her arms out now. Most importantly, go with your instinct. Do what feels right for your family. And, do what allows everyone to get the most sleep. Good luck!

Get the book No Cry Sleep Solution.

my 2yo daughter still climbs into bed with me. we have coslept since birth. she does go down in her own bed for naps and at night before i go to bed. i have the crib in my room. she seems to be ready to move the bed out and we will do so soon. i was very flexible with helping her and snuggling her to sleep until she was around 8 months old and then we started a routine. she knows the routine solid now and that definitely helps. basically, it all depends on how flexible you want to be and your child's personality. when i started helping her fall asleep on her own it was tough and spent time on the floor next to the bed each night waiting until she was almost asleep, each night moving closer to the door. i started off practically holding her while she was in the crib then moved to just patting her back until just being in the room was enough. it was a lot of work but i just wasn't comfortable with other methods and ultimately whatever works for you and your child is what is best.

About your son sleeping with you! My daughter is almost 7 and my son is 3 months old. Let me tell you as a Co-sleeping Mom, stop now. My daughter was 5 before I could get her to sleep in her own bed all night. My son, I let him sleep with me while I was breast feeding and now he will only sleep in his crib for an hour or two then he ends up in bed with me. I wish now that I would of just let him sleep in his own bed since I miss my husband because we sleep in two different beds (he is 6'7.) Now I can't be away from my son. If you can start trying to get him in his own bed even if it is only a few hours.

HI K.,
How wonderful that you have seen the wisdom of sleeping with your baby! Why force him out? Perhaps you might want to consider letting him decide when he is ready to leave your bed. My last 3 babies slept with us and left our bed when they were ready. There is even a great book on this topic, "The Family Bed". Not sure if it is still in print, but it is a great read and worth hunting for! I would never change that part of my life...how nice it would be to have one of my children snuggle up against me again while I sleep! :) Enjoy every moment while you have it. All too soon he wont be there. Blessings to you...

Have you tried a swaddle blanket? The Miracle Blanket worked really good for my daughter when she was that age. It helped her to feel secure and supported even though no one was holding her while she was sleeping.
Also, as far as the fussy time that you experienced, that was a completely normal thing that most every baby goes through at that age. My pediatrician told me it happens in the late afternoon-night time and starts a few weeks after birth and lasts for a few weeks. Don't worry about it, it was normal.

We co-sleep and love it! Conner is 16 months and still sleeps with us, though I have done nothing to try to move him out. If you like him there, then I wouldn't worry about it! The book the no cry sleep solution by elizabeth pantly has some great solutions if you do what to move him out, though. We will probably get conner a big boy bed when he is 2 or so, and let him slowly transition when he is ready.

Happy first mother day! :-D Congratulations on your new little one! I have 4 children under 4 so I am pretty used to getting babies to go to sleep. I hope I can help somewhat...

I always like to start with naps and blankies. I'm a big believer in "blankies"...however to reduce the risk of SIDs, you should look into getting a tiny square of thin (stuff you can breathe through), VERY soft material. Wear the blankie in your shirt for a little while so it has your "scent" on it. Then try to learn your baby's natural sleep cycle--he should be fitting into a sort of routine by this age naturally--watch for sleep cues like rubbing eyes and getting fussy. Put the blankie in the bed with every time. Eventually he will equate the blankie to sleeping.

Start by easing him into a nap schedule in his own crib. "Typically" a schedule that works well for kids at this age (or at least they did for my kids) is wake up, eat, play, nap 1 1/2- 2 hours after waking, wake up 1-2 hours later, eat, play, nap 1 1/2-2 hours later, sleep for 1-2 hours, eat, play, nap, eat, play, eat, sleep. (As a general rule of thumb, it is BEST if you teach them to fall asleep without eating so that you don't have to feed them everytime to get them to go to sleep--not always possible, but helpful--so I always fed mine right when they woke up instead of before they fell asleep). So an example would be wake at 7, nap at 9, wake at 11, nap at 1, wake at 3, nap at 5, wake at 6, bed at 9.

Once you get naps regular in the crib (about a week or so), work into bedtime...

Tips for bedtime...It is best if you can put him down sleepy, but not asleep so he learns to fall asleep on his own. Once he is asleep, don't go right in and the first sound. Turn your monitor down low if you use one--you'll hear him if he really needs you. I like to wait 3-4 minutes before going in (or wait for the "panic" cry)...my rule of thumb is when I hear him fuss, I go to the bathroom. If he is still fussing when I am done then I check on him. Sometimes he will go to sleep on his own and if you go in it wakes him up too much. Don't turn on any lights when you check on him (same thing). Don't make eye contact (I read somewhere it is like giving them coffee...jolts them awake!).

Hope this helps!

Hi! Try moving your crib right next to your bed...same height, crib rail down...when the baby falls asleep transfer him into the crib...you can always reach over and touch him if he gets fussy. After a while, you can probably move the crib out of the room! Hope it works.