Co-Sleeping Issue

I know so many people are afraid of somehow suffocating their children if they co-sleep, but that simply doesn't happen unless you are taking some kind of drugs or drink alcohol heavily enough to affect your normal senses fairly strongly. If you've ever had a cat sleep on your bed, you know just how much that tiny animal can keep you from moving at all! But even more, when we nurse our babies, and sleep with them in our arms or right next to us, our breathing and other senses attune to one another. You may find yourself waking when she stirs or wakes--but just enough to pop a breast in her mouth and go back to sleep. Snuggley, yummy, cozy for both of you! Yes, it does, or can, lead to them forming a preference to sleep with you longer--but why not? If it feels good--and it does, there is nothing wrong with it! I promise, the more you struggle with this, the less sleep either of you will get, when what you are really doing is fighting against a natural desire to be close to you and to be physically in touch. I also promise, she will NOT still be sleeping with you when she is a teen!

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I used a bassinet that hooked to the bed, so he was literally in arms reach, but safely in his own bed. When he was older I used it as a pack and play I think its called Arms reach co sleeper and can buy them at babies r us. They also sell a mini one.

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First of all, the studies show that it's nearly twice as safe to sleep with your child than to use a crib. Sure a few people have suffocated their babies. However, WAY more babies have died from crib related deaths. No matter where your baby sleeps there is always a risk of death.

The same mechanism that keeps you from falling out of the bed will also keep you from rolling on your baby. If you don't fall out of the bed, then you're fine. :)

There is a comment below of a woman who has a friend that co-slept and the baby died. Well I have met several women that have had babies die from SIDS, which is REALLY rare when you co-sleep. So from my experience I am seriously against cribs, which I call abandonment cages.

Something to think about.. Do you like to sleep alone, or with your husband? Can you imagine how scary, cold and alone it must feel to be alone and unable to move? Your baby knows what's best for her. Touch is just as important to development as food and clean clothes. Please, sleep with your baby, she'll be better for it.

Good luck!

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If you're really worried about rolling over on her, you can get a barrier, co-sleeper support, they sell them everywhere (Babies r us,etc) It prevents you form rolling & her form rolling, I'm sure you've seen them. Also make sure that she sleeps next to you not inbetween you & your husband. But I have to say, I think people are way too worried about co-sleeping, I would actually be worried about putting her in a crib. I've read a few articles that found that babies breathing is actually better when next to mom & it decreases the risk of SIDS...they need the physcial contact & that seems to be what she is asking for. Read Dr. Sears, he explains why co-sleeping is so necessary for both baby & mom. The only instances that I've ever heard of where a baby is suffocated is when the parent was on medications that made them sleepy, drunk, or on other drugs. Please sleep with your baby, I know you are trying to do what is best, but there is something to be said for providing security to your little one all the time, not just during hte daytime. Your baby is probably waking because she feels you are not there & gets anxious, this could lead to even deeper insecurities when she is older. Good luck with everything. One day she will get up & say that she want to sleep in a big girl bed.

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M.,

I fully agree with you for your reasons for not wanting to co-sleep, I have the same ones. We did a crib/bassinet in our room for my younger child, and I nursed both kids in bed some nights. I don't know how many nights I woke up in the middle of the night with my son (now 5 1/2) still in my arms in a nursing position, sound asleep; or my daughter (now 2) in the same position. I would just get up, put them back in bed and wait for the next feeding to fall asleep while nursing yet again.

Both of my kids never seemed to have a co-sleeping issue. And, they sleep in their beds no problem, unless they have bad dreams. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Our mother instincts seem to be able to protect these little ones fabulously even when we're asleep.

Hope this helps,
M.

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Hello M.,
I'm a mother of twin girls and I can tell you it's natural for them to wake up every 2-3 hours for about the first month or so. Your first child sounds like she was wonderful! I had my girls in co-sleepers in our room and let them sleep in our room. When they would wake up I would feed them every time and it would help them go right back to sleep. At this age the only thing they do is wake up when they're hungry. If you're delaying your babies eating time then that's probably what's affecting their sleep. When they reach 2-3 months they should be sleeping a little longer and from the moments in between staying awake a little longer. The "nap times" will start to decrease but become longer durations. If you let them naturally sleep on their own time schedule it can be rewarding. Hang in there! You're doing great!

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Here's a really good article to check out: CO-SLEEPING: YES, NO, SOMETIMES? at (http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp#T071005?utm_sour...) ---only some of the link is underlined so you have to copy and paste the whole link to get to the correct article.

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Those fears are common fears. There are things you can do to mitigate the dangers of an adult bed like making sure you eliminate the gap between the headboard and the top of the bed, remove pillows, don't pull up the blankets all the way, and purchase inserts in which your baby can lay while on the bed. Also, big no-no's are drinking or taking drugs, smoking, and try to be healthy (i.e. don't be too overweight as suffocating the baby is more likely to happen if you are).

We co-slept with our son for the first six months before transitioning him into his crib. It was AWESOME. And eventually I was even able to figure out how to breast feed while in bed lying down (didn't really get this worked out until after the third month). I felt hyper aware of his presence in the bed so I probably didn't get the best quality sleep but I was able to respond with lightning speed whenever he did wake up and want to nurse.

You have to do what works best for you and baby. If you have been pleasantly surprised with co-sleeping but are worried about the dangers, I'd suggest possibly borrowing or purchasing one of those bed attachments you can get so that your baby can be near you but not in the bed.

Good luck and congrats!

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I never co-slept with my two older kids, unless I fell asleep in the middle of the night holding them after nursing! Now with my daughter our third and last child she slept with us every night until she was four months. I never intended for it to work out this way, but it was easier and I also knew this was our last baby.

You can buy a "V" shaped pillow that allows you to sleep in more of a flat position. I did this and cradled her in my arms, this way I didn't take the chance of rolling over on her. She didn't sleep between us, she slept on my side of the bed and we never had a problem.

The dr said their sleeping habits are really formed at about 4 months, I was worried about spoiling her. But, really I spoiled us because when we moved her to her crib we both missed having the time with her before we fell asleep.

One trick was she always slept in her crib at naptime so she was familiar with it and the transition was seamless.

Good luck and enjoy your time nursing, it is such a special bond. I nursed my first 6 weeks, my second 7 months and my last 1 year. The night time feeds sure were easier with her in our bed!

T. :)

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Try a co-sleeper like you can get at Target. Theyre great because the baby can sleep right beside you and you can practically roll her in and out of the sleeper to nurse and then back in when shes done and you barely need to be awake. This also helps them with learning to sleep in thier own bed. We co-slept for the first few months so i could get some sleep and the baby got into solid sleep paterns and now she is in the co-sleeper 75% of the time (the rest i just love to have her beside me sleeping or waking up with her in bed)

Good Luck!

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I started the same way! Afraid to co-sleep because I sleep so deeply, yet really needing the extra sleep co-sleeping provides. I ended up co-sleeping with my daughter for about a year. She slept pretty well until she was 4/5 months in her own crib or pack-n-play. Once we started co-sleeping, everyone got more and more quality sleep. One of the things my husband and I tried to do was put our daughter between our pillows. We would spread them apart on the bed enough that if my daughter was between, she could easily turn both ways without her face being in a pillow. That helped me feel better about not rolling onto her, but also helped me feel that she had ample air. We did that for about a year and when we found out we were expecting again, we started the transition out of our bed. We went from completely co-sleeping to my daughter in her own full size bed (without rails) in her own room in about 2 months. It wasn't a hard transition on any of us and my daughter was just over 18 months when we started. We wanted to get through the holidays first since we weren't sure how hard it would be. She's slept in her own bed for over 3 months now except the 3 times she was particularly sick (stomach flu, super high fever, concussion) and after she was feeling better, it was straight back to her own bed without issue.

There's no judgement in this, but my basic thought is that if you're too sleep deprived to parent, then something has to change.

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Hi M. -

You can read my other posts regarding sleep issues/co-sleeping for more insight, but I just wanted to say that I started out the same way you have--being worried about rolling onto my baby, but the more friends I talked to who co-slept and the more reading I did about sleep studies, the more convinced I became about how co-sleeping is generally the best sleeping arrangement for both mom and baby because it meets both the baby's need for closeness, warmth, and food all night and it helps allow mom to get more rest than she would if she was having to get up even once or twice in the night. I highly recommend "the baby sleep book" by dr. sears too.

If your baby is waking up every hour, it could be that she is getting her long stretches of sleep during the day and has her days/nights flipped. It also could just be that she is craving your warmth and closeness (she was just in your womb, after all). If she sleeps soundly when she's with you (on your chest or in your arms), but wakes up a lot when you put her down away from you, then that means she's just needing you more. If, on the other hand, she wakes up that often even if you are cuddling with her, then you'll need to help her get her body in the right sleep rhythm. It may take a few days, but what you'll need to do is wake her to eat every two-three hours during the day. At this age, most babies need a late-night feeding (between 11 and 12) and then they are typically ready for a 3-5 hour stretch of sleep. If you are consistent at getting her awake for those daytime feedings, in a few days she should have her days/nights in the right order and you should not have to wake her for feedings anymore and she should sleep better at night.

Lastly, if your co-sleeping friends are telling you it's hard to transition a toddler to their own bed because of co-sleeping, you need to know that the transition of sleeping with mom and dad is a weaning process and for some kids it takes longer than others. Also, you should know that the time when a child should be weaned from mom & dad's bed is different for each child and you need to use good judgement as to when your child is ready. I've heard a lot of parents complain about how hard it was to get their child out of their bed. It seems to me that many parents mistakenly make an arbitrary decision to move their child from the family bed based on their fears that the child will be harder to wean later on or because they get frustrated and just don't want the child in their bed anymore. Don't make a decision based on fears. Your child will not be in your bed until they are a teenager. Children will naturally develop independence and only need encouragement from us as it develops--they usually not need us to push them too hard. Most kids can be weaned from their parents bed very peacefully and gently and if the child is secure in their attachment to the parents, it can be done w/o much struggle (depending on the personality of the child)--generally between the ages of 18 mos. and 3 yrs. It's especially nice if they have a sibling to bunk with at first. Most people start the weaning process by placing a toddler bed or mattress on the floor next to the parents' bed and laying down on that with the child for naps, then incorporate it into nighttime sleep. This generally works best after the child is weaned.

Co-sleeping is a long-term commitment and is one of the best tools I've enjoyed as a mother of 5. I found it even better when I stopped thinking too hard about it and just relaxed and enjoyed cuddling with my baby.

Blessings to you and your little one,
J.

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another tool for co-sleeping (when you're afraid of rolling), is a sleep nest. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_ba_9_7?url=search-alias...

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For thousands of years, all humans co-slept with their offspring. For some reason, in the past two hundred years, it is now a safety issue. Well, mostly the issue is intoxicants, so if you are alcohol and drug free, there should be no issue. Back in the 40s,60s and 70s the co-sleeping issue was started in the US after many babies died while co-sleeping. The reason was that back then all hospital births involved giving the mom general anesthesia, plus another drug compound that was supposed to make you forget the childbirth experience. So yes, when those women came home and were physically and mentally out of it for several weeks after birth due to the medication, they rolled on their babies.
Whatever choice you make is respected, I just wanted to shed some light behind the fears that have been passed down through the generations. Hope you can get more sleep either way:)

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Getting my sleep is exactly why I co-slept with my daughter for 3 months and my son for 4 months. I just got a cradle for him, and at 4 months 1 week I'm ready to put him in a cradle next to my bed. That's what I would recommend you do. Either nurse her in bed and put her back in a cradle, or get a co-sleeper. There are some that fit between the mattress and box springs, right beside the bed. Then there is the one that is a kind of mini bed that has sides so you won't roll over on it, and it keeps the baby inside. Not sure what it's called, but I saw one at someone's baby shower.

If the baby sleeps by herself during the day, once she starts sleeping through the night let her sleep in her own bed and you shouldn't have any problems transitioning.

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You can get co-sleepers that fit in the bed and protect your baby more from being rolled on. I can't remember the specific name of the one we used, but you can Google them. We also have a king bed, which gives everyone more room.

Also, we co-slept until our baby was almost 6 months old, then moved him to his own crib once he was eating only a couple of times each night. He moved to his crib without a fight, and within two weeks was sleeping through the night--and I mean 12 hours straight. I think the co-sleeping was actually interfering with his sleep as he got a bit older and more aware, but I'm happy we did it for his first few months.

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Hi M., here is one answer: http://www.babydelight.com/ It is the Snuggle Nest that is like a bed for a newborn that you put in your bed so the baby is safe. Here is another paby product. The stoy I read says this is the best bath tub for a baby under one year and bathing in this before bed will relax your baby better than a regular bath in a regular bath tub and make them sleep longer because they are more relaxed. I haven't treid it, just read the story: http://babyproducts.about.com/od/bathsdiaperspotties/tp/e...

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You can co-sleep without actually being in the same bed. You buy a baby bed that's called a co-sleeper. I think that you could also use a regular crib. One side slides down and the placement of the mattress is adjustable. I haven't seen this done but I think that you could lower or remove the side rail and then position the mattress at your bed's level. I suggest that you put something heavy on the floor against the legs so that the crib won't slide away from your bed.

I adopted and so never had a baby to practice with. My grandkids co-sleep with me still mostly because there is not another bed. They have co-slept with their mother in a king sized bed. They have also slept in cribs bundled in their car seat and cribs alone. Their mother did whatever worked at the time. I don't remember them having difficulty adjusting to sleeping in their own bed full time when they were toddlers.

I've never rolled on top of either grandchild even when they were just a few weeks old. Even when I'm in bed alone I sleep primarily on one side of the bed. My mattress is firm enough that my body doesn't make a deep dent that would encourage me to roll over or them to roll down next to me. I don't usually roll over while sleeping. I do change from one side to the other while seemingly staying in one place. I don't usually wake up when I change positions either. These are some things to consider when you're making a decision. If you have just a double sized bed, especially if the mattress is soft, and which leaves very little room in which to move I might not consider co-sleeping.

I've also held a baby in the crook of my arm while we both fell asleep. At some point I would move them away from me. Frequently I was unaware that I had done that.

I have rarely heard of a parent suffocating their baby. The couple of times I've read about it occured when the mother was overweight and also drunk or stoned. Neither happened in Multnomah County. As one mother said, most mothers are aware of their baby in an unconscious way.

I've found that there were times when I was a child and when my foster daughter was young that co-sleeping was the only way I got any sleep. Of course, foster parents are not to allow foster children to sleep with them. I understand the reason for the rule. Smothering is not part of the reason for the rule. I did frequently violate it. My philosophy is to do whatever works in the best interests of both the mother and the baby/child. When one's working sleeping is a priority.

Another thing I've done with my grandkids is to rock them in a recliner so that I was able to comfortably sleep. When I was a teen overnight babysitter of a baby who awakened during the night I'd bring the crib next to my bed and put my hand on the baby when he started to fuss. I barely woke up and some of the time the baby would go back to sleep.

Since you do hear your baby wake up I would guess that you would be very unlikely to roll over on her. Add to that awareness that you are concerned about rolling over on her I guess that that it's almost sure that you won't. There is always a fluke accident and none of the ones I've seen have involved co-sleeping.

If it were me, I'd try out co-sleeping. You could also try a combination of both in their own bassinette and with you.
In the case you cite you could bring her to be with you when she wakes up and then put her back in her bassinette after you nurse. That would give you a measure of more sleep.

I think that holding a baby as much as she needs is important for their emotinal development. I also think that being snugly bundled can give the illusion of being held. Being bundles and in a car seat adds to that sense. Another reason for using the car seat is that it's possible she is waking up because of respiratory congestion. The car seat raised the head so that mucous drains more easily.

i have always been against co-sleeping with a newborn now more than ever...my friend had 3 children a 4 yr old girl, a 2 yr old boy and a 6 week old baby boy, she still nursed her 2 year old and her 6 week old...last month her 6 week old passed away tragically, either her 2 year old came in to nurse and suffocated the baby or she rolled over and suffocated her baby!! not sure wich happened but jeramiah is now in heaven and my friend blames herself!!! this could've been avoided!!!PLEASE if anything came out of this little boys death let it be to help another infant not die so tragically! it's hard to lose a baby to sids or something unpreventable, but the guilt and shoulda woulda coulda's stick with you for life!!!

All babies are not created the same way. And co-sleeping with a newborn baby is just too, too, too dangerous. As you mentioned, you are a heavy sleeper and your bed is full of nooks and cranies where she could snuggle into and not get enough oxygen. (SIDS occurances seem higher when babies can't get a clear air exchange, sleep on their backs)

I know you're sleep deprived, but it won't last forever. After you change her diaper and nurse her, swaddle her well before you put her back in her bassinet/cradle. Also make sure she is nursing completely, don't let her just suckle for 10-15 minutes and quit, keep her awake long enough to nurse on both sides, getting her tummy full, remembering to burp her when you switch sides. Air problems could cause her to wake and the need to snuggle maybe due to stomach cramping, etc. At for those times she wants to snuggle, but not nurse, have Dad/Jason get up and rock her.

I wish you all many sweet dreams!!!

There is a very easy solution to your problem :) I had the same one and with my new baby I bought the arms reach cosleeper. Now I just nurse her in bed (sitting up, propped up with one of those reading pillows...unfortunately am unable to nurse lying down) and then after she is done nursing I keep her upright on my chest for a little bit snuggling with her and letting the milk settle then I gently lift her into her cosleeper right next to me and she sleeps GREAT!!! She is only 9 weeks old and is already sleeping 6-8 hours on a regular basis YAY! My first baby didn't sleep for that long until she was 1 and a half years old! I think it makes a big difference with her being next to me. I think she can tell that her mom is right next to her and it makes her more comforted. But the beauty is that she is not used to being in bed with me so that later when I want her to go in her crib she will be fine with it I hope....I plan to put her crib transitionally in my room once she outgrows sleeper then move crib to her room once she does good sleeping in it.

I think a cosleeper is the perfect solution. I have the bassinet cosleeper and wish I would have bought the full size one. BTW everyone I know that co-slept with the baby actually in the same bed with them is still sleeping with their 2-3 year olds and are miserable.

ALSO if you are a heavy sleeper it is your job to keep your baby safe you need to have your baby in a seperate space.

GOOD LUCK

I ALWAYS started my kids off in their bassinet or crib. Then if they woke up to nurse and they fell asleep and I fell asleep, then they slept with my until one of us woke up. Sometimes the baby would wake and I would just roll over and I would switch sides. I always thought sleeping was the most important thing. I never really had issues with separation from cosleeping, but I also started cry it out at around 6 months - best thing I ever did with all of my kids. So worth two or three nights of crying to have a lifetime of solid nighttime sleep.

We did part time cosleeping with our son until he was one y/o then we committed to full-time cosleeping. He's now two and we are all very happy with the situation. Like someone else said, I have a lot of confidence that my sweet boy will decide to move out of our bed and have no desire to push him until he's ready.

Cosleeping with an infant is nerve-wracking. You can make sure your bed is safe by putting it on the floor, make sure no pillows are around your baby's face and we slept with two twin comforters, one each, so our son could sleep without covers around him. We also used one of those sleep positioners in the bed to keep our son on his back and provide a barrier to protect him.

Truthfully, you KNOW that your baby is there. You just do.

Cosleeping means side lying for nursing, which means MORE SLEEP. I work 12 hour shifts and when I went back to work after mat leave, cosleeping saved me. I couldn't have been safe at my job if I was up and down nursing all night.