Co-sleeping?

I co-slept with both my kids, and still do with the youngest (we are preparing her room). I'm totally for it. When they were very young, we used snuggle nests (available at Target and BabiesRUs. We did the crib and cradle with the first and were so exhausted! We did the cradle at first with the second. Because I breastfed, I knew that cosleeping was the ONLY way I'd get rest. I'd nurse in the middle of the night (sometimes fell asleep) and them moved them back into the nest. Finally, they grew out of the nest.

One thing that I found helpful was to put baby between us in the King Size bed and each had their own blanket/sheet. That way I didn't have to worry about one of us pulling the cover over baby's head. My kids are VERY secure and it helped a lot for the toddler terrors in sleeping.

We were ready for DS to move out at age 3. He loves to sleep w/animals, and got a new dinosaur at McDonalds that I wouldn't let him sleep with because it was hard. I told him that if he slept in his new bed, he could sleep with the toy. That did it! Yes, we did have nighttime visits for awhile. Daddy or I then started reading to him, lying with him on his bed, and he'd fall asleep in our arms. Once asleep, we left (he knew it) and made sure the nightlight was on (plus monster spray done). But we always told him that if he was sick or had a bad dream, it was OK to come let us know, then we'd take him back to bed and rub his back to sleep.

With my daughter, who is 3, it's going to be fun. She's so looking forward to her own room. She has been sleeping with her brother when she wants to and enjoys it (as does he). In fact, she told me today as we both needed naps, "Mommy, I don't want to sleep with you anymore. I'm a big girl now!" She was very serious, and I told her we were almost ready (Christmas surprise).

I had a sister whose baby died of SIDS, sleeping in his crib in the next room. I may get flamed, but in looking at stories and statistics, I fully advocate co-sleeping IF IT WORKS FOR YOU. It is your baby. Do what works for your family. We have a great pediatrician, but I don't agree with all of his advice, and have been proven right time after time. It seems that if you compare apples to apples, as far as population percentages that do both, the number of babies who die in cribs (from SIDS or other conditions or defects in the crib, or other accidents, like climbing out issues), is proportionally higher than the number who die in cosleeping. Just take all precautions you can. Evidence has also shown that babies will automatically be in sync with your breathing. Dr. Sears has great supporting info on it.

Oh, and by no means am I saying you need to do it for 3 years. That was our choice, and what worked for us.

HTH. Let your intuition help you with your decisions. Listen to others, but don't always heed. Don't let someone else tell you how to raise your babies. I was the perfect parent...before I had kids.

2 moms found this helpful

I ended up co-sleeping in exactly the same way that you did, and it worked really well. We did it for about eleven months. If you're super-concerned about safety you could try some sort of co-sleeper, but the precautions you're taking sound good as well.

In terms of the transition to crib, we did have a few nights that were difficult, but it wasn't huge. In the beginning I would put him to sleep in the crib and then co-sleep for the rest of the night after he got up to feed. We decided to make the transition to no more night feedings when he was 11 months old, and it only took two nights to get him adjusted, and he hasn't been back since. I wouldn't want to co-sleep forever, but for the infant stage it was lovely and precious beyond belief.

Blessings!

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Hi there. We "accidently " co-slept for a while with our daughter too. It worked great for me because I was nursing every 2 hours and really needed to be near her and get rest myself. I loved it but hubby didn't sleep at all because he was so worried about moving and waking her up or rolling over her etc. We learned that cosleeping had to work for everyone. So we did it for a while (2-3 months) and than moved her to a crib. By then I was ready too. I think it is understated what a shock it is for the mom to be physically away from her baby that long. I NEEDED to be close to her and don't feel bad for needing that too. Plus breast feeding and motherhood is SO demanding. You gotta make your own rules and figure out what works for YOUR family. I learned not to tell my doctor things like that and to trust what felt right. It is hard to get them out if you make it a habit but you can do it. I'm glad we got our daughter in her own bed by 3 months because I think she'd still be in there! Plus it was really hard on my marriage. Good luck and above all trust yourself.

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Hi J.,

Ok...I have quite a bit to say about co-sleeping - I completely advocate for it and have some research on why co-sleeping or bed sharing is beneficial.....BUT, I also believe that there is not a right a wrong way to the sleeping issue. What it really comes down to is being an authentic parent and doing what you feel is best for YOUR family. Before I give tell you some findings on co-sleeping or my experiences with it, I want you to ask yourself some questions...and really take the time to not just think, but feel your answers....because this is what will be true for you....no matter what kind of advice or suggestions you get from everyone else.
So first, what is an authentic parent? It is someone who parents by thier own inner truth. Someone who lives as they parent and parent as they live. An authentic parent listens to their children and truly listens to thier inner wise mamma/pappa to do what is in the best interst of thier child. Now, most parents want to do what is in the best interest of thier children. It's not about who loves their child more, or what parenting style is best. As long as children are living in a safe nurturing and loving home, every parents is going to have thier own belief about parenting based on a variety of factors. This said, How are you being an authentic parent? Even if you receive tons of advice from Dr's, family, friends, other moms on co-sleeping or breastfeeding, or whatever....are you really willing to stay with your truth of how you want to parent your child? It is so easy in our culture to be swayed to particular beliefs. It's so easy to feel guilty or worry about whether we are doing the right thing or not. It's easy to be confused. When you let your baby sleep in your bed, do you FEEEEL that you are doing the right thing for her, you, and hubby? Where do you feel it in your body when she is sleeping with you compared to sleeping in her pack-n-play? Are you willing to deal with the consequences that may or may not come later when transitioning to her own bed? What is the worst that could happen? Can you deal with that? Imagine her being 2 and not wanting to sleep alone, or needing you to lay down with her until she falls alseep, or needs a car ride to fall asleep (all so very normal by the way:)...how do you feel about that? Do you think it's wrong? Why or why not? Are you willing to just NOT worry about how the big girl bed transtion is going to be and just embrace what is happening right now? ...You'll cross that bridge when you get to it thinking? And when you get to it, will you cross it with love and compassion and listening to what she needs, what you need? You'll know what to do next because you'll listen to your inner wise mamma. Not the judgmental one or the worried one, but your truth? There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for advice and for other's experiences. But understand and check your assumptions to why you are asking.
Here are a few tips taken from an article in Mothering Magazine on being an authentic parent.
1. Find a supportive health-care provider
2. Find a group of like-minded parents. **I add that having friends who also don't parent like you is just as great...we really do learn from eachother and it helps us understand and respect differences.
3. Make efforts to stay educated about your choices.
4. Do not feel obligated to discuss your parenting choices.
4. Try to understand where your critics are coming from.
6. have compassion for those who disparage your parenting choices.
7. Find creative solutions to conflicts.
8. Stand your ground.

If your parenting choices are truly not hurting your child and dare I say, benefitting them? ....then you will feel empowered and own your way of parenting. Parents who decide to co-sleep or bedshare often find themselves seeking out "alternative" ways of raising children...from extended nursing, delaying first foods, making own baby food, education, how and what you eat, play, and other choices. It really isn't all seperate from eachother...it's a way of life, a way of parenting...not to be different - and who cares anyway right?, but to truly be the kind of parent and raise your family the way you and your husband desire.
I was going to give you some stats on co-sleeping, but then I feel I would just be trying to sway your opinion....something I don't want to do. Plus my response is getting quite long:) If you can find a July/Aug 2008 issue of Mothering Magazine, there is an article on co-sleeping. Undertand that it is one womans' perspective and Mothering Mag. is geared to "alternative" parenting style...but if you really want to co-sleep because it feels right to you, then the article will validate what you already know and feel.

Much good energy to you and your family. Embrace the moments and embrace the chaos:)

In peace,
A.
mom of 4, Birth and Parenting Mentor
www.birthingfromwithin.com

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I have a 2 1/2 YO and we coslept for two years. Transition was my DAUGHTER's choice. I am responding because a lot of people have said transition is so hard. It is only hard if you force the child before she is ready. co sleeping is totally safe and comfortable. I love waking up as a family. My DD sleeps next to my bed now and it is so easy when she wakes up to climb in bed with mom and dad in the morning.
I would only suggest cosleeping if you are willing to wait until your child is ready to sleep in her own bed, because forcing transition is stressful for everyone.

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If you are cosleeping which I will be honest I am not a big fan of mostly because of safety reasons, there are special bedding esemble for you to put on your bed for this. it is like a little cradle for the bed that protects the baby from accidents. This way you can still have baby and bed and still have peace of mind. Check @ babies R us online and baby depot also another good place is jc penney online.

1 mom found this helpful

co-sleeping is awesome and the most natural thing in the world!!! we have been doing it as a species for a million years and as you have learned, everyone sleeps better. we do it around here! a great place for safety advice is go to www.mothering.com and click on the "discuss" tab, which gets you to the forums. there is a "nighttime parenting" forum that is all about cosleeping and how to do it!

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I am a HUGE supporter of co-sleeping and it sounds as if you already know it's right for your family. I have 3 girls and I kept all 3 of them in bed with me despite being told everything from I was going to suffocate them to I was going to ruin my marriage. I think it makes children MORE secure in the long run to feel the comfort of their parents at this young age. You will get more sleep and she will sleep better knowing you're there. Go with your gut and do what's right for you!!!!!

Hi J.,

I like your attitude. I co-sleep with my son, and my husband has moved to another room, and we are all fine with that, although my husband and I look forward to sharing a bed again in the future. You don't need to share a bed to make love, or even have a regular cuddle and a chat. I think we all need our sleep the best way we can get it, and I don't believe in cry-it-out, especially since the alternative feels right to me, too.

My old roommate and I did a lot of research into mums rolling onto their babies, since that was her college thesis and I was helping her out. Basically, we don't - not unless there is something interfering with our instinct (research shows that there is a special part of the brain that stays active only in mothers co-sleeping with small infants) - such as drugs, alcohol or a sleep-related illness. With dads it's different - they don't have that special part in their brain, so with them there is more risk, although it's still pretty minimal. If your baby sleeps between you and a barrier on your side of the bed, then that should be safe, as long as there is no way she can get stuck in the space between the bed and the barrier. Oh, and if either of you smoke, then it's better for baby not to co-sleep with you.

As for transitioning an older baby to a crib - well, why should you? Why transition them at all until you are all ready for the move? Well, actually, there is one reason I can think of - older babies move around a lot in bed, but then, if you save the money for the cot and just buy a bigger bed, then you've got a good chance of getting away with it. If both your husband and you agree that co-sleeping is working for you, then advice from a doctor who's basing his/her judgement on what OTHER families do is irrelevant.

I am co-sleeping with my 18-month-old. He starts the night in his own bed in a different room (by own choice), then comes to my bed when he wakes. I get a good night's sleep, so does he and so does my husband. When I can converse with him a little more (say in six months to a year's time), I'll explain why I want him to stay the whole night in his own bed, and we'll gradually get him to stay there until, say, 6am. It might seem a long time to commit to having a littlie in your bed, but I like it, I'm getting enough sleep, and my son is happy, relaxed, trusting and confident.

Sorry to go on so much but this is something I'm pretty passionate about! I hope whatever you choose works out for you!

It's mostly a matter of preference. We choose not to do it because we like our privacy. We co slept with both kids till about 6 weeks, but after that, we put them in the bassinet right next to the bed. Just as easy for breastfeeding, but a WHOLE LOT safer.
It is very dangerous to co sleep. Even with barriers. SIDS rates are much higher with kids who co sleep.
Our daughter was in our room till 6 months and our son till 4 months. They are both in their own rooms with no issues. They are both in "big kid" beds and had very little troubles with this transition.
As a couple, you need that alone time in bed with your husband. At least to be able to talk and unwind at the end of a long day caring for a baby. It's great your daughter is the center of your life. It is an exciting time. But you just need to make sure, if you choose to co sleep, that it doesn't become a habit for any of you.
I know a couple whose 4 children still sleep in their room! The kids are between 1 year old and 7 years old!
Set boundries as soon as you can. Yes, she is young now and I think for the first few months till everyone gets used to parenthood, it is ok. Just break the habit before it starts.

I would strongly suggest you keep the baby in the pack-n-play and out of your bed. My best friend just lost her baby (2mos old) by co-sleeping. She was exhausted from breastfeeding and rolled over and smothered the baby. She is devastated by this and her choice to co-sleep. It only takes one time and one bad choice for this to happen.
Please consider what other options you have. A pack and play is the safest option and you can keep her near you.

You've already got a lot of responses, but let me just add this: Maybe around 3-4 months consider having her start her night in her room and then when she cries bring her to your bed for the rest of the night. Evenually she will start sleeping through the night and you won't be asking us later how to get her out of your bed.

My babies were also in the co-sleeper for the first few months and yes indeed they woke up all the time and being that they were in the room with us, I just picked her up. You will find that she will sleep longer by herself because you are not bothering each other with those little night movements. Hope this helps!

I co-slept with both of my kids and they handled it fine. I am not that heavy of a sleeper, and I was never concerned with rolling over on him or her. (You just know you won't.) Each one of them got to a point around 5 months where they got antsy in my bed, so I put them in their crib. I had no issues--a little fussing, but pretty much right to sleep and 10-12 hours straight. For me, I feel like that security early on was what my kids needed. They've both always been great sleepers through the night.

I co-slept with my first born child because it was what was easiest for us at the time with both of us having to work and all. We used the baby positioning triangles to keep him from rolling off the bed, but we also had him in between his father and I and we just used separate blankets on ourselves for a while. It definitely made it so that I was not as tired for work with the night feedings.

It was a difficult transition from the co-sleeping to the sleeping in his own space, but it was a necessary change at 4 months old. We decided at that point to transition him to his own room and crib. We needed some us time desperately at that point and so we made the choice. I would stay in the room and comfort him until he was sleeping and then put his favorite animal which was in his bassinet at the hospital by the top of the crib and swaddle him in a blanket I had been holding for a bit so it had my smells on it. I also warmed up the spot we would lay him in with a warm water bottle or a warm towel made with rice in the center to warm the spot.

He was sleeping through the night at 2 months and we waited till 4 months because we wanted to make sure he was sleeping through consistently. If you warm the spot with something, like I did, always make sure you feel the spot to make sure it isn't too warm before laying your child down. I never got the stuff I used too hot, but I always felt the spot just to make sure it was not too hot for my child anyhow. Take care and always do what is right for you.

Co-sleeping is a personal choice, so don't let anyone tell you it is wrong. My second child never wanted to co-sleep and liked his personal space and luckily, I was able to become a SAHM when he came along. I let my kids decide which was best for them though. There are challenges with both ways of doing things. Neither one is right or wrong.

Take care and remember to do what is right for you and your baby. This is your family, nobody else should be in your decisions. You and your husband decide what is best.

D. P.

I have five children. We have co-slept probably the first year with all of them. I was nervous at first but I slowly began to realize that I am very aware of my baby in the middle of my bed. I am now co-sleeping number 5 who is 6 months old. While I don't believe I am sleeping as good as I could be, I do enjoy the ease and convenience of having him right there when he wakes and wants to nurse.

Doctors will always advise against co-sleeping because if something goes wrong and you were advised by them they're afraid you'll sue them. You should do what you believe is best for your family.

As far as safety, like I said I am very aware of his presence. I wake if he rolls or even just flings his arms. He is 6 months old now. Following basic safety precaustions, don't co-sleep if you're intoxicated, on medications that cause you to be drowsy or if you ae a heavy sleeper that rolls often. You can google co-sleeping and read more about saftey measures you can take.

As far as transition. I currently have 4 children who sleep in their own beds every night. ALL kids, co sleepers or not, will have trouble sleeping on their own sometimes. My 5 year old still wakes sometimes and climbs in bed with someone else. This is okay with me as I know in general he is a good sleeper. Remember YOU are the adult and your baby will do what's best with your gentle guidance and love.

I love co-sleeping with my baby!

We are happy co-sleepers with two :). We spend our time together during naps and after bedtime. We both love snuggling with the kids. Walmart has a nice bed rail for $18 that helps a lot with safety. Here are some great co-sleeping links :)

http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsleepthrough.html
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp

Hi--My family used co-sleeping for many years. We had four children spread out over 12 years and there was usually one in the bed with us during that time. I would recommend that you read "The Family Bed" for suggestions on management and safety. We always put the baby in the middle of the bed, between dad and mom rather than at the outside. All of our children learned to sleep alone by the age of 4 and we needed to be creative about finding alone time for mom and dad, but we felt it was worth it. Good luck finding your best plan.
D.

Absolutely! We went from all 3 in a Queen bed, to adding a twin bed to our bedroom for nighttime and naps on a blowup in her bedroom. Now she's 5 and enjoys her twin bed in her own room. When it's cold or she's not feeling well she'll crawl in bed with us. Last winter, we all slept in the same room (dogs also) so we only had to heat one room.

Bottom line for us, why make any member of our family sleep all alone if they don't want to? Every child has their own preferences, and when they don't enjoy it anymore, you'll all know.

As the overriding piece of advice, You need to do what's best for you and all of your family's sleep and sanity. If you're really concerned about the roll over factor, they sell special little mat type things with a soft border. Honestly, a rolled up bath towel worked fine for us.

Enjoy ALL your time with your baby as they grow up so very fast. As someone else mentioned, our daughter is now in a charter Waldorf Kindergarten and is thriving fantastically!!

Happy holidays!

Wow, shame on your Dr. I hope s/he was at least diplomatic about her/his response and wasn't harsh about it. I say shame on the Dr because s/he should have just said, "here's what I've seen with other patients." My son and I co-sleep and he sleeps in his crib without me just fine, too. He is 5 months old and I also started co-sleeping on accident. I had always known he would sleep in our room in his own bed until he started sleeping through the night...mainly because I know that if he was in his own room I would just end up sleeping on the floor or in the glider because I'd be up every few hours. We have an Arm's Reach co-sleeper in our room, but we never put the side down and attach it to the bed...it's basically set up just like a pack and play. Anyway, he sleeps in his own room in his crib for naps. Then, when we put him to bed for the night he goes down in his co-sleeper. For his first nighttime feed (usually around midnight) I nurse him and put him back in the co-sleeper. Then for the next feeding when I'm barely conscious he stays in bed with me. We have a king size bed so I just move my pillow all the way to the middle of the bed so there's lots of room between him and the edge of the bed and I also contour my arm so I can feel if he tries to roll. He has never ever tried to roll in the middle of the night...now when he's ready to be up for the day, that's a different story! Co-sleeping really works out great for me because I am getting more sleep. My husband sleeps in our guest bedroom (not because of the baby...because he's been having some sleep issues related to breathing) so I can't really say what it's like with both of us in bed....he has slept in the bed when I've co-slept with the baby and it wasn't any different at all...but we also have a big bed. I say if it works for you, keep it up! You'll be happy all around. If you're worried about transitioning later on then just make sure that baby sleeps in the crib for naps right now. Give her ample sleep time away from you. Then, when she starts sleeping all the way through the night put her in her own bed. I'm sure everything will work out fine....good luck!

Hi J.,

When my son was an infant, I also co-slept, too. Every night, he would sleep on O. side or the other (depending on which side I needed to nurse on). He would wake up and I was just so conveniently there to pop it in and feed him. When he was about six months old, when his feedings slowed down to only once a night or so, I would start off with him falling asleep next to me. After his nightly feeding, I would transition him into his crib (which was in the same room with me at the time) so that he would wake up in his crib every morning. Eventually, it got to where I would just feed him while sitting on the side of my bed and lie him down in his crib once he fell asleep in my arms after the feeding. I would just wake up that O. time and again scoop him up and feed him while sitting on the side of my bed and put him right back in. I think co-sleeping is perfectly fine, as long as you transition him into his crib (or pack-n-play) at a rather early age. My son was fine and didn't have any issues. I'm now pregnant again and due in March and plan on doing the same routine as I did with my older son. I hope my experience has helped you somehow. Just keep in mind that everybody has their own personal view. Some think it's okay while some thinks it's not okay. Just remember that YOU are MOM and YOU are choosing how to raise your child, not your doctor or anyone else at that matter (besides your husband, of course). Good luck and let us know what you've decided to do.

I have a 5 year old and a 6 month old. We began with the co-sleeping with my 5 year old when he was born, but by the time he was 6 months old we put him in a crib in his own room as we had a queen bed and he liked to sleep sideways and no one got any sleep (he woke up every 2 hours until we moved him to his own room at 6 months- ugh!). Even when he was put in a crib at the food of our bed evertime he moved we woke up and vise versa so he went in his own room. Everytime he cried I picked him up until he stopped (without turning on a light or talking to him or making eye contact). That went pretty fast.

Now our 2nd is in bed with us - a king size this time and at 6 months we have no plan on putting him in his own bed. Many people see a benefit to having family beds- the kids grow up to be more secure & independent (look into Waldorf) - so listen to your gutt feelings - you know what is best for your baby, be careful (no blankets & a safe rail or whatever) and be mostly careful if you drink before going to bed - you would be less likely to realize if there was a problem. Good luck!

Safty: you can purchase one of those crib along side bed deals. I am sure you have seen them.

What we did: we would just put our son in between us. (We have a king size bed though) anyway, he would lay in between our pillows but, we would be on the edge of the pillow near the seam towards him so he could get caught under it.

Our experience: we transitioned our oldest son to his crib around 18 months. ( I was pregnant and could not sleep with a toddler tossing and turning) anyway, it took 3 nights. (He was use to sleeping in his crib for naps) We kinda did the crying out method but, in a way we were ok with. The first night we did our normal routine and then we put him in his crib. He cried for 2 mins and then we went into him relaxed him and did it again. We never went over 2 mins though. After going in approx 5 times I think he was asleep. When he would wake we did the same thing. Like I said it took about three nights. The great investment we ever bought is a crib music toy. I think fisher price makes them. After he was use to his bed he would still wake sometimes at night and through the baby monitor we would wake up to his music playing. (we would always turn that on for him before we left the room) He is 2 now and still uses this.
Now, with that being said...he is 2 now and sleeps with us off and on. We dont feel him come into bed with us. We just wake up and there he is. We need to break him of this habit again and in the past when we had to break him of coming into our room it would only take one night of being firm and saying no go to bed and walk him back to his room.

We have a 9 month old that sleeps with us. We do the same thing with him. he sleeps in his crib for naps and for 1/2 the night and then around midnight he cries and we bring him to our room only because he sleeps much more sound. When our toddler comes into bed with us (after we have already brought the baby to bed) he knows he sleeps at the end of the bed so they do not collade with one another at all.

I feel like this works for our family. Everyone gets to sleep and it is so wonderful to wake up together! With that being said it leaves NO TIME for my husband and I to be alone. SO, yes cosleeping has its pros and cons!

Good Luck.

Maybe a happy medium would be a "sidecar" co-sleeper unit. There's a great one made by Arm's Reach that we used from the first night we brought our beautiful daughter home until she peacefully transitioned to her crib at 9 months.
It allowed us a more genuine co-sleeping experience than just having a bassinette beside the bed, but gave us an extra measure of comfort to know that we couldn't possibly roll over on her during the night. It's also very easy to keep blankets away from the baby but still stay covered yourself with a 'sidecar'.
It attaches right onto any standard bed (and we have a king-size, so don't worry there) and sits at mattress level. I'd definitely suggest getting the full-size one rather than the mini, because our daughter certainly would have grown out of the mini before she was ready to transition to her crib... the full size IS more expensive, but worth it. (I got mine on e-Bay for $100 used, and it worked just great, so that's a possibility if money is a factor in your decision.)
BTW -- To end the worry over blankets, try a "wearable sleep sack". HALO makes a great one for newborns that keeps them safely, snugly swaddled all night!
Best of luck!
-- A. (SAHM to 13-month-old Sonia Eden)

I co-slept with my son until he was about 6 months old and then began transitioning him into his own room and crib. We don't have any problems. However, I know other people who can't get their child to fall asleep unless they are in the same bed. Have you considered a co-sleeper? It's similar to a pack and play but fits right next to the bed and has one side open. This way your daughter wouldn't be in the exact same bed with you and you could more easily keep the covers off, etc. My son definitely slept and nursed better when he was right next to me until we started sleeping through the night.

Congrats on your little one :)

I know this may sound crazy, but....I raised two girls who are now 18 and 19, both in college, very well-rounded young ladies....AND having them sleep alone in their own space, is one of the reasons they are so independent! Sounds crazy, I know, but really it's true! I was given so much advice when they were born, but my mother told me it was not good to have them sleep with us and she was so right. I have numerous relatives who did not do this and have regretted it! When the girls were born, they were in the same room as us but in their bassinets, seconds away from me, which made it easier for me knowing they were so close. I, too, thought about the safety issue and why have the added pressure of that when being a "new" parent is pressure enough? Believe me, there are so many other ways to show love to your children. Just a few words of advice, ultimately you will do what you feel is best for your situation, but always think to the future when raising your children. Best of Luck!

Pretty great, right?

I love the argument that it's harder to transition an older child...what about how hard it is to constantly get up with a new baby? It's absolutely biological that your baby should sleep with you--we're built for it.

As a three-time co-sleeper, I can tell you that with our oldest, we didn't move him out until he was four, and it worked fine. It was easy. With our second, we moved him out when he was two and again, easy. A few nights of staying with him in his room, praising him for being such a big boy, and it was done. With our daughter, who is 14 months old, we are just going to see how it goes.

As far as safety, we put up a toddler bed rail, and it works great. As long as you're not drinking or using drugs co-sleeping is absolutely safe. Don't you find that you are attuned to your baby? We sleep with her between us and we both respond to her movements and cries in our sleep.

One caution I have is that you don't let her nurse on you all night--my middle child ended up with some pretty major cavities from just staying latched on all night. So with our baby, I make sure she pops off when she's done.

My best advice is just to follow your heart about the right time to move the baby out. Keep her with you as long as you can! It is such a bonding, beautiful time. And it's so short. It will be gone before you know it! Get in all the cuddles you can! And as far as your husband goes, it sounds like you're blessed with a forward-thinking, understanding guy. I'm sure you'll find ways to be close around the baby, and to get creative with close time.

Good luck with all of this. Stay strong on following your heart. It will be your best guide on all of this. You know better than any doctor or friend what's right for your family!

I co-slept with both of my children and they are both great sleepers now. With my daughter it happened by accident because I fell asleep after a few weeks of sleep deprivation and decided that I prefered her to be in bed with us. With my son, he slept with us from day one. There are the safety concerns of course, but I have also heard that since you are so close to your baby you are more intune with them and could prevent anything bad from happening. I have also heard that with them hearing you breathing can prevent them from stopping breathing. Different people have different opinions.

Both of my children are great sleepers now. We have allowed my 3 year old daughter to climb into bed with us if she wakes with a nighmare or something on occasion, but the last few times she has come into our room at night, she asked us to take her back into her own bed. My son now sleeps in his own bed until about 4-5 in the morning when he wakes up and I bring him into our bed for a little more sleep. The transition was not difficult for us, but it is different for everyone.
As far as the marriage part goes, it depends on how both people feel about it. If your husband is on board, then there should be no problem. Just make sure there is still time for you two together.

I say that if you think this is what you want, then do it. There is no one right way to raise a child, even children in the same family, and each family needs to do what is right for them.

Good luck with your decision!

You might want to invest in a little bassinette that lays in your bed. They sell them at Target and Babies R Us... We had one, and in the beginning it was a lifesaver! That way you wont have to worry about the baby rolling out of the bed or you accidentally rolling over on her in your sleep.

Well first of all congrats on the baby. It's so fun being a mom. I have a 16 month old son and he's never slept in our bed. It was a rule that I had made before he was born. The reason being is you do not get much alone time with your spouse and it's very important to have a space that belongs to you and your husband.

All of my family said there's no way you can do this. I stuck to my guns and I'm very pleased. I breastfed my son until he was 14 months and it was ok. Yes you have to get up, time yourself breastfeeding and then lay her down when you are done. I'm so glad I did this, but everyone is different and I say go with your gut. I wanted to give you a different way to think about why she shouldn't sleep with you. Good luck!

J.,
Congrats on your new little girl. I have a 5 and 1 year old girl and they are the light of mylife and the best thing I will ever do!
I co-slept with both of mine, the 5 year old started off in her "co sleeper crib" so that if we wanted "alone" time then she wasnt in the bed!! She would wake up about midnight and transition into our bed.
I have to be honest though, Both of our girls have fallen off the bed at some point in co-sleeping (Which is AWFUL, to be woken up hearing your baby hit the floor.) We even have the baby bed guard on bottom and side. She now being 1 has maneuvered in sleep right through the corner! So know that that is a possibility if you sleep hard and dont hear her move.

Our 5 year old transitioned at 2 years old to her own bed, own room, I was still nursing her though and would lay down with her put her to sleep for the night by nursing and she would stay there all night.
I have a feeling the 1 year old will be sleeping with us a bit longer. Personality wise, she fights until she gets what she wants! :-)

I really LOVE co-sleeping, I get much better sleep knowing she's safe by me. sometimes when their sick, they seem to do better knowing you are close by.
I've heard it losers the risk of SIDS the first year, because the baby is so close it can actually pattern it's breathing and heart rate after yours!!
A Lot of mommies and a LOT of doctors totally disagree with co-sleeping. and I was a shy 19 year old when I had my 5 year old. I told my Doc "Listen, I'm the mom, and this feels natural and right, I'm doing it. So Help me do it the safest way possible" (which is why we ended up with the co sleeper crib for like $275

Good luck and enjoy your baby!

Hi J.-
I did co-sleeping with my son. It was wonderful. To transition, I napped with him on a full-sized bed in his room, then moved to mine when he slept. I seemed to be aware of him in my sleep. I should add that I was stone-cold sober the entire time- I wouldn't do it otherwise. S.

I co-slept with my first one and it was kind of hard to transition him to his own bed but not impossible. In fact, he was sleeping great in his own bed by 18 months and then around 2 we took him to a new church with a nursery worker and then he hated his bed, I think he was afraid we would leave him. It actually only took one night to get him back sleeping in his own bed. We put him in his bed and told him he had to stay in it. We told him we were in the next room and we could hear him on the monitor. He cried for a while but we kept talking to him and he did fine. he loves sleeping in his own bed now.
Our newest one also co-sleeps with us. Everything I read says not to but it is easier. I have tried putting my little one is his crib at night and he wakes up much more often. he sleeps better when he is close to me. In the next couple of months i will try to transition him since he is sleeping longer now. I sleep better but not great because I constantly wake up to make sure he is not under the covers and that he breathing well and warm enough. I would probably sleep better if he was in his crib but he sleeps better so I will keep letting him sleep in our bed for the time being. What you are doing seems to be a good idea. There are also pack and play types of things that attach to the bed so your child has her own space but she is still close enough that you don't have to get up to breastfeed. If you are worried you may look into something like that.

I was raised in a co sleeping family. There were no fancy beds or rails. I started co sleeping with a baby at the age of 14. I had a nephew I watched over night 2-3 night a week during the summer. I asked the mom if she minded and she said sure.

Then I watched my niece while my sister worked and slept with her over night as well. I was 18 years old with her. My sister slept with her on her nights off so nursing was easier. My thing is if you are a heavy sleeper you should seek different arrangements. Also as a mom I feel we know if it is right for us or not.

Neither one of these children still sleep with there parents.

Then there are my children a 4 1/2 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. Our boy slept with us from day one until he was sleeping through the night at 9 months. He slept in my arms or on my chest. My husband was nervous but quickly got over it. I moved him into his own room. Then on rough nights one of us would bring him to bed. He sleeps in his own room still. Once in a while he will crawl in for a couple of minutes in the morning.

My daughter same thing. From day one she slept with us. She started sleeping through the night at 2 months I moved her into her own room at 4 months. She would come in some nights mostly to sleep with daddy. Yup thats right when she would get done eating she would fall asleep with me then work her way over to sleeping by daddy. So she slept in the middle. Daddy is her calming tool he rocked her most nights because he goes to bed later than I do. She has her own room sleeps there everynight. Some mornings she comes and wakes us up in the morning goes to my sides says good morning pick me up then crawls to him.

They both know they cannot come in if the door is closed. They know to knock or holler if they need us. You just need to be consistant with your choice and try not to give in.

We still co-sleep with our children and we love it! It has it moments when one is moving around too much, but we usually just kick them to the foot of the bed and it solves the problem.

Our three year old pretty much sleeps with us all night and our five year old comes in around 5:00 in the morning. Not too bad. It works for us mostly because we began to see the benefits very early on. We feel very close to our children and the memories of snuggling in bed in the morning are precious. We have spent a lot of our one on one time with our children by co-sleeping when the other is sleeping near by or already woke up and went out into the living room.

We started in very much the same way as you. We tried to transition our son when he was 6 months to his crib, but we just felt like his room was too far away from us. This arrangement has just worked for us. It has helped that most of our friends and most of our family has co-slept in one way or another, so we did not face ridicule in that area. We never told our pediatrician or sought any parenting advice from him. He is a wonderful doctor, but we feel that how we raise our children is only our decision.

There were certain people we did not bring it up around, just so we didn't have to face the ridicule, but all in all people have been pretty accepting of it. It works for us and we love it. I also feel that it allowed me to breastfeed longer, which is what I wanted. I breastfed on until 14 months old and one until 20 months. Loved it and would do it all over again.

I never worried about safety, as I usually 'spooned' with my kids. I know, I know that doesn't sound like the right word to use, but I always faced my children away from me, but held them close to my body. My husband didn't have a chance to roll onto them, as they were never not by my side. Anyway, this is long, sorry, but I just believe you should do what you feel is right for your family!!!

Hi J. Congrats on your baby girl enjoy every minute you have with her!

My daughter was never allowed to sleep with us because my husband didn't like the idea. It was partially due to how he was raised and fear of rolling over on her. We did have her crib in our room for a while.

I have a friend who's son just turned 6 and he still sleeps with her. They put another bed in the room for her husband so he could get some sleep, instead of making her son sleep in his own bed. I have another friend who co-slept with her daughter and loved it. She had a special pillow for the baby to sleep between them.

I think you just have to do what feels right for you and your husband.

I so dearly understand your desire to cuddle your baby. I felt exactly the same way but my husband was against it. And I am glad he is like that or else we'd all be in bed till this day and my kids are 3 and 4.
I agree that it seems natural to sleep with your baby; they are so little and need us! However the reality of it, is the doctor is 100% right. It is so much harder on the baby to transition later (which in the end will cause you more problems and less sleep). As well as your hubby may end up in another room.
I would just get up as needed, that's what I did. It seems hard but that's what parenting is all about--sacrifice, unselfishness. Many people aren't ready for it and don't know how to deal with it. After having kids, I give moms so much more credit---we work hard!!!! :)

Not to mention I did this a little bit with my second son and he rolled off the bed one morning when I fell asleep. Had he been in his bed-side pack-n-play, that wouldn't have happened. Also, yes, you can roll over and squish your baby. Especially if you've been up and down throughout the night nursing, you may be exhausted and not wake up after rolling on her. There was a guy who did that several months ago, I saw it on the news and his baby didn't make it.
Oh and like the other lady, my second son who is now 3, the one I co-sleep with a some, has a terrible time sleeping through the night. Many of nights he wakes up and we have to go in his room and sing him songs and sit with him until he falls asleep. My older one, whom I never co-slept, sleeps excellent. He actually asks to go to bed sometimes and never wakes up throughout the night. I don't know if there's a connection but you never know.
The baby is right next to your bed in a pack -n- play, it's not much different than them in the bed only they are safe and getting used to sleeping alone which makes everything better in the long run.
Best of luck to you.
:)

We started co-sleeping with our son when he was about a month old. He is almost two and still in our bed. I dont see him sleeping in his own bed anytime soon. I did not heed others advice when they said that it would be more difficult the older they got.... At any rate though, I love sleeping with my son, I get to cuddle with him every night! They grow up so fast!

They have devices that assist with co-sleeping. They range from pillow like things that keeps the baby at a slight angel (helps with indigestion in new borns) and has raised edges that prevent the baby from rolling over - to devices the almost connect to the bed so that the baby is sleeping right next to you but still in his/her own little bed.

They have these types of devices at Babies R Us and other baby stores.

Good luck!

Hi J.! Congrats on your baby girl! I'm kind of on middle ground with the co-sleep or crib thing. I have 3 girls and one boy and I have co-slept with all of them until they were 6 months old...and then off to their own rooms they go. By six months both my husband and I were ready to have our room back to ourselves (we are very weird about being intimate with kids nearby...yuck!)

To transition them at 6 months, I would put the crib in my room for about a week until they were pretty good at sleeping through the night and it was a little easier for me to break that night-time bond we had going. Then they are in their own room and I spend about a week with the monitor pressed to my ear and then at about 7 months old they were all sleeping through the night. I had to do a little sleep training with some (going in after 5 minutes/10 minutes/15 minutes with a pat on the back and plug the pacifier back in). All my kids are pretty good sleepers now but we still will find one of them at the foot of our bed from time to time. And my FAVORITE thing in the world is weekend mornings when they all pile into our bed and snuggle :)

My biggest advice on the whole sleep thing...make sure when you put them to bed that they are AWAKE! Do not nurse them, lay with them or rock them to sleep. It will start an awful habit to break. Make sure they are awake and can learn to put themselves to sleep. It takes a little while and a pacifier works wonders. Good luck and enjoy this sweet time.

I slept with my babies, but was chastised by my pediatrician for it. What he said made sense & although I continued to let her fall asleep in bed with me after nursing at night, I did reduce the amount of time she spent in our bed.

What he said was that it is too easy to roll over and smother your baby. He said that dads tend to be worse about this than moms, so I said that I keep her on my side of the bed. His response to that was that if I am aware enough of her in our bed (which I still believe I was), that I am probably not getting good sleep. I definitely think that was true. I didn't sleep deeply because I was constantly aware of what she was doing.

Like I said, I didn't stop letting her sleep in my bed completely, but I did cut back so I could get some good sleep as well.

My third is now 5 1/2 months and we have co-slept with all three. Our rule of thumb is that in the beginning, we all sleep better when we sleep together. When the baby no longer sleeps well in our bed, we follow their lead, and transition to the crib. With my first two, that happened at around 3 to 4 months. The transition usually only took less than a week where for the first few nights, they may have woken up more because they were trying to get their bearings, but once the crib becomes a routine, they were fine. My third is still sleeping with us, although I think she's starting to show signs that she may be ready to move soon. During the daytime in that early time, they slept better on me or with me, too, so I wore them in a pouch (I love the Kangaroo Korner adjustable pouches. I think they really like/need that closeness when they are super young. And when you listen to their cues (each kid may be different, some may not like co-sleeping or swaddling or babywearing), they are much happier, so mom is happier. Good luck!

Btw, I'm sure others have mentioned those little three sided sleeper things that you can buy to define baby's space for co-sleeping so no one rolls on them,etc. Can remember the name, but have seen them in One Step Ahead and maybe in Babies R Us. I didn't use one, but seems like if you are concerned about safety, may work.

This is totally your decision to make and what ever it is it will be the best for your family. In my opinion, the sooner they are sleeping by themselves the better you sleep, they sleep and that makes evryone happier. Our daughter was born October 11, 2007 and she started out in her own bed in her own room from day one and she is the happiest little sleeper ever. Our 3 year old son however was in our room, not our bed, but in our room until he was about 5 months and he still to this day fights us on sleepeing. It is a tearful screaming mess that usually end with him getting something taken away that he likes. Every child and every family is different, everything will work out for your family! Have a great day.