Close Spacing Between Siblings

My sister and I are 4 years apart and didn't get a long at all while growing up. It wasn't until she went to college and we no longer lived under one roof that we got along. I also have a sister that is 9 1/2 years younger then me and I get along with her better then I get along with my older sister. Closer in age is not always better. Hope this helps! Good luck.

My Boys are 4 and 6... they are 21 months apart. Sometimes they are best friends, then in the next hour they are fighting. They go at it everyday! I am always asking them why they have to fight over such meaningless things, but it doesn't stop them from fighting. Its quite annoying. lol. Either way siblings are going to have their differences, no matter how small or large the age gap is. Tell your husband to just focus on taking care of all of his kids. If the older boys start to pick up on dads feelings they may not want anything to do with the younger one. Just focus on doing things as a family, having them help with the youngest. Let them play with him. There is almost 6 years between my oldest son and my daughter. My son LOVES his baby sister! He is always playing with her, holding her, hugging, kissing and making sure she is ok. Its really cute.

I have seen the other questions and I have to ask, are the responses really going to change anything? Are you going to give the baby away? Are you considering having another baby?

I ask because I struggled w/ these thoughts too, but in the end, it is what it is.
There is almost 5 yrs. between my children and I wanted no more than 3 (yrs.), God didn't have the same plan.
I am the older sister of two brothers 4 and 6 yrs. younger than myself. They have always been very close even though they are as different as night and day. As kids it was me against them. Now as adults we are all close.
That being said I have two families of cousins w/ large gaps between children and they all seem to do just fine.

I also wonder if your hubby is suffering from some kinda PPD.
Gently remind him that all this worrying over what can't be changed is taking away from the very thing he is worried about.
Go out and enjoy your new family of 5 and the rest will take care of itself.
I am sure there are good and bad examples all over the place so it is just best to focus on the good.
Like I said I have struggled w/ this too, so I'm gonna go take my own advice now. ;)
All the best to you!

I have answered your husband's questions before, and I am very sorry to learn that all of the great stories people have shared have not helped him feel better about this age gap. Is there any chance that he may be suffering from PPD - some men do (in fact, recent studies have found that many men do). He seems extremely focused on the age difference, which is something that cannot be changed at this point. Lots of people have answered his previous questions with great stories of large age gaps, and it doesn't seem to change his mind or make him feel better. I don't know your husband like you do, but if you think there is a possibility that he may be experiencing a somewhat irrational or obsessive anxiety (one form of PPD), he may need to see a doctor. Good luck.

Oh my gosh...this is too funny. I am the 2nd oldest of five and we are all about 2 years apart. I don't know how my parents survived us growing up! But it was awesome at the same time. I think it completely depends on the kids an now the ages really. I did not like my little sister until she was about 12..I know that sounds awful, but she was so babied and it drove me NUTS!! Now she and I are the best friends! She is 6 years younger than I am. My older sister and her are really close also, and they are 8 years apart!! And we have two brothers also that are between me and my younger sister. I think it can be easy or hard either way you look at it and just make sure that the baby is included in family things and don't make the older ones be like parents to him (stuck babysitting for free just because mom and dad want to go out :)...)

Family chemistry has little to do with age, and EVERY child in the same family has a different set of parents! The ability to love/tolerate/co-exist can fail or succeed regardless of ages. There are siblings very close in age who can't stand/don't know each other, and siblings decades apart in age who are the best of friends. And vice versa...

Your husband is harping on all the wrong things! I wonder what the issue behind all this needless worrying is?!

The question should be DO you want another child?. It;s not about the kids. Is mom ready and wanting another child? Mom's get the bunt of everything. DO you want more than one small child to take care of in your 40's? Or do you see yourself slowing down and enjoying what you already have? It is a personal decision.

I answered your husband's question before, but here is my input again.

My husband has three sisters, and he is closest to the two who are farthest away in age. His oldest sister is 5.5 years older and she was in the delivery room with us when we had our son. His youngest is 9 years younger. He is very protective of her, and she is one of his favorite people in the world! When we started dating, he wanted me to meet her right away - she was 14. His other sister is only about 2.5 years difference and they did not get along for many years. They get along ok now that they are adults, but they were not that way growing up, and he's still closer to the other two.

There is a lot of research on this topic. Maybe a librarian could help you find some books that would help your husband let go of his fears. For some reason there are still beliefs that only children are worse off than their peers (I know the little one isn't an "only" but I think your husband's fears are that it's what the experience will be like). My husband's little sister is the most mature, successful, happy 21 year old I have ever met! I really think that it has a lot do with having older siblings whose advice was easier to take, and who advocated for her and mediated when their parents went through a divorce. There is a lot to be said for much older siblings!

I have seen many children perfectly happy when there is such an age gap.
7 years is NOT that long. It is foolish to worry about anything that hasn"t happened, and it only serves to make you crazy. Just be sure that you socialize the little one with his playmates and do plenty of family activities together. There are plenty of things that will have appeal for all three in one way or another. There is a 6-year gap between two of my granddaughters...they are able to share a room right now, and can play with dolls and so on. I would say that if your husband has any concern, it should be to make sure that the younger one is able to enjoy his own age, and not be wanting to grow up too fast. Some give and take among the children will help to make this happen.

Well, for mine, you cannot get any closer that a minute apart--unless maybe seconds. As my 3 were growing up, my son was closer to one sister. As they got a little older, the closeness switched so he was closer to another. Also, there was a point that the girls would exclude him. My girls have had points that they can be the best of friends and we have moments I want to lock them up because they fight so much. But I know that if anything happens they will bck each other up faster than you can blink.
I have a sister 4 yrs older than me that I really have not been close to--closer to the one 9 yrs older. I have a brother 4 years younger that was a royal brat growing up but we played and got along great. As adults, we back each other up and I know I can count on him for anything. I have a friend who was born when her brother was 8 and her sister was 3. She has not spoken to her sister in 3 yrs because of her sis personality (everything is someone else's fault), but her bro is her best friend.

As your baby gets older, you will see a change in the relationship with the older ones. But that is totally natural. Dad should take a deep breath and embrace his boys and let things change as they will. I know, much easier said than done.

My sister and I were 2.5 years apart. She HATED me till after she got married (and grew up). I have friends that were graduating kindergarten, eight grade, and high school all at the same time (sounds like your age range), and they are the best of friends. They all live either with or near each other and spend lots of time together.

Hi M., I have a sister who is 10 years older than I am and we are very close. My sister is very kind and very nurturing so it was never a big deal for her to let me hang out with her and her friends and, even though we did attend different schools at different times (middle school, high school and college), she still made time for me and cared about what I was up to.

I also have two children who are 14-months apart and they are close as well but they are competely different from each other and are constantly bickering. They can't agree on anything -- what type of cereal to eat for breakfast, whether or not they want to watch Sponge Bob, whether or not they want to go to the park. It doesn't help that they are a boy and girl; maybe if they were both boys or both girls, it would be easier. But they both have different temperments and that can be a challenge sometimes, not to mention the fact that we had to go through the volitile toddler stage at the same time with both of them -- ugh! I was very worn out back then. But they are close -- they just bicker a lot.

Hope this helps give you some perspective on the situation.

I have both negative and positive things about close in age gaps and large age gaps. I am the youngest of 5. My oldest sister is 12 years older than me and was out of the house in college before I was 7. I didn't know for the longest time that she was even my sister because she was never home when I was young. Now we are very close, but I feel like I missed out on growing up with her. When your older the age gap doesn't seem to matter as much.

Now my sister that is only two years older than me is another story. As kids and teens, we fought a lot but also had good times together. I think because we were close in age, we competed against each other for attention, friends, etc. I was always in her shadow in highschool which was difficult at times.

You didn't say whether your third child was a boy or a girl which I think will make a big difference regarding their age gap. I personally feel if your third is a girl, you won't have any problems with the gap. If the third is a boy, you might. What 10 - 13 year old is going to want to play with a 3 year old. Girls are different. They will want to play mommy to the little one or play games.

If he is really concerned, you could always have a fourth so the two younger ones are close..lol

As your youngest grows up he might feel a little distanced from his brothers, but I don't think he'll be lonely. He'll likely grow up similarly to an only child, finding friends in school. I think it all really depends on how you treat each child as individuals and as siblings, understand that your older boys aren't going to to want a 'baby' following them around all the time and hanging with their friends, but you want them to understand that he's going to want to be just like them because they're older. If you want your older boys to be more involved with the baby set them up with an hour of play time with the youngest. Legos, coloring pages or quiet reading time, something calm and simple. They're not going to want to so limiting them to an hour might be a compromise. Maybe helping them know that the little one needs them to teach him things, like the names of bugs or other silly boy things it might make being around him more appealing.

My husband is a good 20 years older then his youngest sibling (eldest of 5) and the age gap between her and her next older sister is 14 years. All the older siblings adore the 'baby'. They help out mom and have a good relationship. it's a little different between my husband and his littlest simply because we don;t see her very often. She knows he's another brother and she likes him, but the bond and relationship is different.

My brother and I are 4 years apart and we fought like cats and dogs. I hated him following me everywhere, but I was older and so 'cool' to him. Once I got older and realized he needed me and that I was a role model, that cleared a lot up.

Good luck.

My husband & his brothers (twins) are 22 months apart, when we started dating, he talked to both brothers, by the time of our wedding a couple years later, he only wanted 1 in the wedding & didn't talk to the other for a while. Now the one he didn't talk to he is close to (he's even the Godfather to our oldest). My husband & the twin he's been talking to for well over 10 years do not talk to the twin that was in our wedding.

My mom has 4 sisters. They are 60, 59, 57, 49, & 40. They've all gotten along (besides the typical sibling stuff). The 57 y/o & 49 y/o probably had the hardest time when they were little (probably b/c the 57 y/o was suddenly not the "baby" any more) ~ she was fine with the 40 y/o. All in all, they've all had their spats at some point or another, but they are super close & depend on each other a LOT.

My brother and I are 4 years apart and never got along as kids. He would literally torture me until I was a teenager and he moved out. My parents would leave us home alone and I would lock myself in whatever room had a lock on it until they got home, all the while he would be pounding on the door telling me to come out or he would kick my a**!! I was terrified of him, and my parents had no clue because I was scared of what he would do to me if I told! He was a well behaved kid other than that, he just hated me for no reason. Now that we are adults we get along just fine, we are not super close or anything, but there is definitely no hatred whatsoever towards each other.

We are not THAT close in age, but I really don't think that has anything to do with your children being close or not. I know tons of people who are close in age with their siblings and do not get along. My dad and his brother were only 18 months apart and NEVER got along. I have a 2 year old and due to have another baby in a few weeks and I am not expecting them to be close just because they will be 2 years apart, I think it has more to do with personalities of the children. Try not to worry too much about this, there is nothing you can do about the age gap between your children. No matter if they grow up being best friends or worst enemies, the age gap has nothing to do with it.