April 18, 2009,
K.W. asks from Upland, CA on April 17, 2009
Clingy 4 Year Old
i have a 4 year old daughter who is extremely clingy. she follows me around the house, even if she is playing with her toys she will stop to follow me. if i am taking a shower or using the restroom she comes in and asks me what I am doing.if i sit down she will try and sit on my lap or hold my hand. she has to constantly touch me or be near me.if i try and leave the house she runs after me and demands to go with me. she also clings to my husband but not as much.i love my daughter but i dont know if it is natural for her to cling to me this much. any suggestions?
S.H. answers from Honolulu on April 17, 2009
Is this something new for her? Or was she always sorta clingy?
Try getting the book "Your 4 year Old", "Your 3 Year Old", "Your 5 Year Old" etc. You can get it from www.amazon.com
It's a good book series describing EACH age-set and their characteristics. It's very useful, to give parents insights on their child. Each age has its quirks and blessings. But we can't always read their little minds. So this book helps.
Did she just turn 4 years old? Or has she been for awhile already? Or is she almost 5? The reason I ask, is that at each age juncture or age-change, children can become clingy or have "growing pains" which also include emotionally as well. So something to keep in mind.
Or, has she been under stress lately? Or a change in home life/school life/problems/recent traumas/ or anything you don't know about? These can also make a child more clingy.
Also though, a child's "bond" with their Mommy also changes and goes through transitions and evolves at each age change. I see this in my own daughter... who can be a REAL clingy little girl, although very independent overall.
I know it can be irritating and grating.... and hard. As a Mom, we don't like to feel irritated at our child... but MEGA clingy-ness can tweak us too. LOL
Anyway, have you just tried and talking with her? Maybe she is simply needing you more now, for whatever reason. Just talk and let her talk stream-of-thought kind of talking and don't correct her or judge her. Lots of time, little girls have SO many emotions and thoughts in their heads... and they want to connect with us. At least that is how my daughter is. So I always make a time for her to just let her talk about anything under the sun. And she just needs me more sometimes... depending on her moods.
My daughter is also like that... depending on her moods. She likes to touch me, hold my hand, hug, sit on me... etc. But well, that is the way she has always been. So in my case, it is not a new or different behavior for her. But as she's gotten older & per her maturity, I've just verbally talked to her about it. But the thing is, in school and most times, she is SO independent and a very confident little girl.
I don't have a real answer, just that I can relate and perhaps, try and find out what is bothering your daughter if anything...
All the best,
3 moms found this helpful
J.M. answers from Los Angeles on April 18, 2009
I like the response from SH. I concur. I'll just add,that my Granddaughter use to be this way.She'd come over to visit often,and would follow me around the house like a little puppy.She wouldn't let me out of her sight.I couldn't help thinking,that she felt a bit insecure.That she was afraid she'd be left alone and forgotten.She eventually grew out of it,but not until she established playmates.Toys get boring,when your a child. Little ones imaginations will stretch so far,then they yearn for communication,or A playmate. Nothing can compare to human contact. Its stimulating,and comforting to any individual,but especially to a toddler,who's rapidly advancing intellectually. It would be beneficial to you and her,if she had a little friend to play with,or she were to be part of a play group of toddlers her age,for a few hours a week. It would help her feel more social,and more secure.I wish you and your darlin daughter the best. J. M
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L.S. answers from Los Angeles on April 18, 2009
Natural. Just support her as much as possible. Get "Your 4 Year Old" and read it, as well. This is a phase that will pass.
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J.L. answers from San Diego on April 18, 2009
Hi K., I love the name Skye for a little girl. Herer's my advice,OK first of all, never allow a child to demand, that's giving a child power they were nevwer meant to have. You said you lke pedicures, and shoping, when you do these things have her stay home with daddy, this way you have your me time, she will learn that she will be just fine if she is not clingy to you, also each time you leave and come back home that will help build her security that mommy will always be there. My daughter now 20 kind of went through something like that when she was 3, and then 4 she did the opposite, and became very independent in playing by herself, or with her brother, wanting her space when she cleaned her room, this won't last for ever, and when you use the rest room lock door, some things we need our privacy. Hope this helped. J. L.