Clingy 10 Month Old

Updated on March 08, 2007
J.J. asks from Los Angeles, CA
6 answers

My 10 mo old son is so clingy! He is a good baby although he wont let me put him down even for a second. I surround him with toys, but he'll cry & wont stay put if I walk away. I have tried letting him cry for awhile to see if he would stop and learn to preoccupy himself, but then he will get LOUDER (to the point where he's gagging) so I pick him up to soothe him. (I feel guilty when I have to let him cry, even if it's only for a minute) I have tried talking to him while I walk away, telling him "I'll be right back", or that "I am right here". But that doesn't seem to work. I've even played with him in his play area, then went to sit on the couch where his play area is in the living room, and he would rather climb up onto the couch to be with me. I love the attention & believe me he gets a lot of it too, but sometimes it gets too overwhelming, because he wont let me walk away to even use the bathroom. My other children were not this way, so I don't know what to do because I can't get anything done. He just wants me to constantly hold him. And believe me to keep the peace, I just have to. Any advice?

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K.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

just remind yourself its a phase and it will pass

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L.R.

answers from Sacramento on

Hey J... I just went through that with my 9month old... you just have to get through it one day at a time.... I know its tough listening to them cry but sometimes that is the only way to be able to get anything done and your son will realize eventually that you are not leaving him forever just for a few minutes... Hang in there...

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K.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

I went through that with my oldest daughter and what I had to do was just let her cry. I took her to her grandparents house or a family member house and left her. I stop picking her up all the time and feeling guilth for her crying. Kids are only going to do things you allow them to do.

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C.N.

answers from San Luis Obispo on

Dear J.,

I finally had to just put the play area away and let my son's toys in the room and have a basket ready to put them in when he wasn't using them. You may not have had a clingy baby before. The baby does it because of his individual needs. He will give up the need for you when it is right for him, and by the way, the best way that young ones communicate is with their bodies. So touching you is very important to him. Just saying that you will be right back doesn't really reassure him right, why don't you say, I am going to the kitchen, do you want to come with me, and offer your hand or pick him up.

It is just the way that babies are. So don't worry that you are harming him by giving in right at this age. Now, crying is not a bad thing, and doesn't hurt them to do it. My two great grandchildren were cry babies, for sure. So I have had to listen to a lot of crying in my lifetime with babies and I haven't lost my hearing yet. I say that they deserve an Academy Award sometimes because the crying is so fierce and sorrowful. Cute, huh?

Just think, in two more months he will be one year old and do something different.

C. N.

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D.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi J.,

Do you have any pets? If you do not, I would try getting a gold fish or some pet that is not more overwhelming than you not having "me time". I was my children's entertainment for the longest time, until I finally told my husband that I am getting a dog. He was not an animal lover like I am, but I had to do something. It worked. I gave each one a responsibility for our pet. That did wear off and I did end up taking care of our dog. It gave us a chance to concentrate on ourselves more. I also got a animal toy that repeated my son's words when they spoke to it. Maybe a playmate will be the answer. Then you will have two to look after.

I don't know if you have anyone that you can leave your child with, but leaving your child with a trusted person for a day or two will get him over the abandonment phobia. It is normal for a child to want their parent around. It is healthy for your child to know that you will come back for them. Play a game of hide and seek with him. Like everything else, he will grow out of it. I hope you get some work done in the meantime.

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S.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

My youngest daughter had this kind of problem. We took a Mommy and Me class at My Gym that helped alot with independent play. It took a few weeks and alot of patience but she became interested because of the stimulating environment. Pretty soon her security carried over to the rest of our life. Good luck,I have 3 myself and it is hard when one is demanding all of your time.

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