I was a former pre-school teacher and then a kindergarten teacher and I cannot tell you how many "Bobby's" I have had in my classes that pretty much derailed and disrupted almost every activity we planned or tried to execute in the classroom. One year, instead of one child like this, I had about five of them going all at once. Considering the money I was making versus the work that I was doing, I'm sure you can imagine how it feels to be a teacher in one of these scenarios.....it stinks. However, people become teachers because we love kids, we love to teach them new things, we want to make a difference and be a positive influence in a child's life....among many other reasons. This Bobby sounds like he may not have boundaries and discipline at home and is probably not being parented very well. When he comes to school, the parenting then falls onto the teacher's shoulders because this kid does not have the structure and discipline learned from home. This is a tough issue because a teacher is really NOT the parent and if she spends most of her day dealing with poor behavior and having to redirect or discipline a child too often, it takes away from lesson plans, activities, learning moments, and one-on-one time with students as well. Kids will always act up but there is always going to be 1 or 2 who are consistently exhibiting poor choices and behavior due to poor parenting, lack of discipline at home, impulse disoders like ADD/ADHD that are not being tended to.....etc. It's always going to be there no matter what. This teacher you have may be newer but you've heard her talking to Bobby's parents and she also took the time to talk to you. She knows what's going on and is trying to communicate to the parents for help. That's what she should do. It is up to you to instill in your son that copycat behavior or "following" children that make bad choices is not acceptable in your home and never will be. Bobby needs to lose his luster real quick and needs to be an example of what not to do ......or consequences for your son need to be put in place at home. Are there any other mothers that you know and can speak to in the class? Are they having issues with Bobby too? If so, help this teacher out by setting up a parent meeting with the Assistant Principal or Principal of the school and let them know about your concerns with Bobby and that he has become a household name. DO NOT throw this teacher under the bus when you talk to her bosses. The issue at hand is the child and his parents....not her. Pre-schools and Private schools are funny because it is a numbers and dollars game. They need the numbers of kids to make money to support the school. Hence, it is often a struggle to get a Principal to remove a disruptive child from the school unless they really cause a ruckus. I know the system well and I've seen majorly disruptive kids be allowed to remain in a school for years if enrollment is lower than usual. Public school is different as they will take more action and have harsher consequences for the kids that misbehave. If you want action fast on Bobby and want to help this teacher and your son, take the issue up the ladder and if you can get other parents onboard, it will help. Tell the Principals that this kid is really presenting a problem and that you feel it is time for some intervention with the parents and the child on a higher level. Ask for a plan of action to be created and a time line on when to expect results. Also broach the subject of Bobby being removed from the school if things don't get any better within a specific amount of time. If you pay for this pre-school, you need to get action and have your child in a safe learning environment....not a behavioral free-for-all. You should then see some things being done rapidly to get control of Bobby and also get his parents doing the right things at home. Most of all, teach your son at home that there will be a Bobby in every class, every school, every job, and everywhere that he goes in life. That doesn't mean he saddles up with them and becomes a nuisance too. Lead by example.....not follow the leader. Upgrade your son's good choices and your ability to parent him correctly. Downgrade Bobby and his parents inability to teach their son how to behave. While his teacher is busy doing this all day in her class, you guys need to continue the lessons she is trying to teach at home. Keep communicating with the teacher and with your son....good luck and be prepared for all the "Bobby's" that are out there in the world. There are MANY!
