Circumcise

I am a mother to two, healthy, happy, clean, intact boys. After reading up on information on all sides of the issue, my husband and I chose not to consent to circumcision for our sons. They are now 6 and almost 3, and we have had no issues with cleanliness, phimosis (overtight foreskin) or difficulty toileting. We do not regret our decision at all, and many other parents I've met have made the same decision for their sons.
I learned there is no special care required for an intact penis, and the boy himself should be the first person to retract the foreskin to prevent tearing of the tiny frenulums that attach the foreskin to the glans( kind of like the frenulum under your tongue.) As the foreskin gradually loosens it will retract easily by age four or five. Some parents worry about the little pearly white pieces that are revealed during the loosening process, but I learned it's not dirt, it's just the skin cells that are shed and they wash away, no big deal.
I also suggest reading the information at www.mothering.com, but there are also some other sites. Admittedly, they offer a case against circumcision, at www.intact,org and www.nocirc.org, I believe, so maybe they will seem biased to you. But honestly, afte reading everythihg I could get my hands on while pregnant with my first son, I started to see circumcision as a strange and painful cultural custom with roots in ideas I was not comfortable with. For example, my family isn't Jewish, so I have no religious reasons for circumcising. And since it was started in the U.S. in the 1920's as a way to stop masturbation (and was touted as a cure-all for everything from hair loss to eczema) I felt like it never has been a legitimate medical issue. Now we're cultural obsessed with cleanliness, so that's the reason we hear about most, even though being intact is probably cleaner. You might be interested to know that the American Academy of Pediatrics (which is typically a very conservative organization) no longer recommends routine infant circumcision. My own pediatrician's sons are intact, and he does not perform circumcision. He says for him, it violates the Hippocratic oath ("first do no harm") and removing healthy, functional tissue is not an appropriate surgery to him. It was also interesting for me to learn about the fuction of the foreskin--I'd always been taught it was merely "extra," but I've since learned that the glans of the penis is actually a mucus membrane and is not intended to be constantly exposed. It's like removing your eyelids and leaving the eyeballs exposed to constant germs, etc. I actually think having some covering over the glans is cleaner and healthier, especially in infancy with diapers and early childhood with sandboxes, frogs snail, puppy dog tails--you name it. It also preserves additional sexual function, as you will read about.
The procedure of circumcision is traumatic--a board with velcro straps called a "circumstraint" is used. I think a three-year-old is much too old to be subjected to that sort of trauma, even if he were under general anesthesia. Because it's important to build trust with your kids--especially your children who come to you through adoption--it seems to me like your son is too old for your to consent for him on this issue. It's his body; he could choose later, but if you celebrate his normalcy and wholeness, I doubt it will ever be an issue. The numbers in the U.S. for circumcision are dropping radically--ten years ago it was about 50 percent, but now it's even lower as more parents are questioning tradition for tradition's sake. Also--my first son was at a children's hospital for a couple weeks after he was born and all the pediatric urologists there recommended against circumcision. One of them has a son who is ciscumcised and a younger son who is intact, and the younger boy asked his older brother "what happened to you?!" So it's not the issue we might think it is. ;) That doctor said he told his boys that he was always learning as a doctor, and he always tried to do the right thing for his boys, and when he learned better, he chose better.
I'm sure you'll do what's right for your family. Good for you for wanting to learn more. Good luck!

4 moms found this helpful

Dad here so understand that in terms of my opinions...

First of all, WAY TO GO on choosing adoption!

I am circumcised, our son--whom we adopted and at birth--is not. At least you're not using that ludicrous "he won't looks like dad/brother/uncle Tim" argument. (Soap box alert--if dad only had one arm does that mean Junior has to have his arm lopped off?)

No, circumcision is not *medically* necessary at birth unless there is some sort of penile/foreskin defect. Our first pediatrician (in New Mexico) said that if a boy doesn't have *chronic* UTIs by age 2 then he'll be fine. Soap box again: one of my favorite things to recount is that the UK decided to remove circumcision from the list of payable procedures covered under the country's national health plan. So doctors would still perform the surgery--and make no mistake, it IS surgery--BUT the parents would have to pay the bill! Yeah, the rate of circumcision plummeted to single-digit percentages the following year.

As for the hygine issue, the USA, Isreal and Arab countries are the only ones that circumcise on a wholesale routine basis. Penises are not falling off men and boys the rest of the world over! Besides, as I tell my friends...I've had to clean out fecal matter from our 4 month old daughter's vaginal folds just about every day compare with never when it comes to our son's foreskin. BTW you *do* know that you shouldn't even try to retract his foreskin at that age, yes?

You need not be concerned about him looking different than other boys. Many school lockerrooms have private stalls nowadays and even in the communal ones at school or the Y, boys are going to me more concerned about whose is bigger or who is growing more pubic hair etc. (Trust me on this) There will be less emphasis on who is cut and who isn't.

Parents Magazine, June 2008 issue, page 38
"Fifty-six percent of boys in the U.S. get circumcised, according to a new survey. But there are vast regional differences: Midwesterners and Northeaterners are more than twice as likely to circumcize their sons as Westerners." (The West includes Utah)
Circumcision rate by region:
Midwest 75%
Northeast 65%
South 56%
West 31%

My final soap box moment...as far as I can tell, he's perfectly healthy? No frequent (ie more than 7) UTIs last year? Well then why even consider the surgey? Better yet...are you also considering having his tonsils removed? How about his appendix? Unlike the foreskin, medical science hasn't fully understood the purpose and function of those organs.

Off my soap box. Be prepared for arguments both for and against circumcision. But really, IMHO the only argument for that I can see as valid is if it's medically necessary *right now* or for religous purposes.

4 moms found this helpful

There is no medical reason to do it, I know you have a lot of response, but this is a hot topic and a decision and in the end it has to be your decision. I have 4 boys and 3 girls, and circumsion was never an option for me, doesn't matter that daddy wasn't done. Here are my reasons why (both sides)...

1. They will look like daddy....how many boys walk around looking at their dads penis?
2. It is better for hygiene.....so long as they bathe every few days what hygiene issue is there?
3. It is cleaner......once again a bath will take care of that.
4. Less infections.....statistically not true both sides have about equal issue chances, once again a bath every few days take care of it there is only a 1.8% difference.
5. Will be embarrassed as he gets older.... about, but not quite 50% of the population isn't circumcised.
6. Girls will find it gross...as you can see many woman don't have an issue with it, and if they did it is going to be a lot harder to pick a man who isn't and they could be missing out on the man of there dreams.
7. They won't remember something that happened at three or younger.....there may be no lasting scares, on the outside, but many people can remember that far back, especially if it is traumatic. Lots of molestation victims remember from that early on, even if it isn't a physical memory they are still traumatized none the less.

Here is a good sight to take a look at.....

http://blogs.webmd.com/all-ears/2006/08/circumcision-unki...

Whatever decision you make good luck!!

3 moms found this helpful

You know, he's three and there is no medical need, why make him go through a surgery that is not everwhelmingly benefical?

America is the only country that routinely circumcised babies without religious persuation.

When you read your research, pay close attention to where the fact are coming from. Is there motivation to say one thing or another? You wouldn't expect an in-house study of Nissan to come back saying Nissan is substandard to other cars--it'll obviously come back saying Nissan is better and safer.

Circumcision, by itself, with only 3 a week brings in enough money to provide over $40,000 a year. How much do you make in a year? Consider this when looking at England's standard of circumcision; prior to socialized medicine when physicians were paid based on individual services approx 98% of male babies were circumcised for medical necessity, yet, by miraculous intervention, after the switch to socialized medicine, the rate fell to less than half of one percent. How could that be? All off a sudden the need for circumcision practically disappeared?! Yet we find no outburst of cancers, we find no concerning or alarming rates of infections for which the World Health Organization has intervened.

And just for perspective on infections: the average female baby is FOUR times as likely to contract a urinary tract infection than a male child with his foreskin...but nobody freaks out over little girls.

In the end, you need to trust your motherly instinct...it doesn't matter one wit what any of us say...for it or against it. What matters is your little boy. Does he have the right to choose to give up a piece of him or is it posing such an imminent danger that it must be removed for the safety of his health?

3 moms found this helpful

Oh, please don't do that. He is just fine and it will be extremely traumatic for him to go thru that type of pain at his age. Circumcision is not necessary at all- it's cultural. You can find people with opinions on both sides, but there really is not scientific evidence that it's hygienically better or worse (unless he has generally bad habits like not bathing for weeks). It's such a sensitive issue and he's not any more likely to have a problem than your other son. I say let him be and just love him!

2 moms found this helpful

I have three boys and none of them or my husband are circumcised. My middle boy- now 7 years old had a problem with chronic infections on his penis when he was about three. The urologist treated it for months, stressing that a young child does not need to undergo circumcision unless absolutely necessary. He said that there are more risks with have the circumcision done that is worth it and the boys are fine without this procedure. After several months of treatment, he was fine and the doctor said it was good he never had to undergo the surgery. My oldest is 12 and has never had a problem as far as "looking different" or having other problems. There are a lot of boys that are not circumcised these days, so I don't believe that will be a problem. They just need to be taught how to clean themselves properly and they will be fine. I don't recommend putting your son through the pain and possible side effects of the surgery if it is not absolutely neccessary. Hope this helps!

2 moms found this helpful

Hi K.,

My son is almost 18. We opted NOT to circumcised because God thought it should be there. Plus, my husband (I know he was kidding) said that he felt a lot of pain when he was circumcised as a infant.) LOL.
My boy has had no problems. Also, I think it is a help for a young man to keep himself pure. Not that it makes them self conscience but that they are special.
My hubby also says that he had wished that his mom and dad had not done that to him, as he would have more to have fun with. Men, I tell ya.

Hope that helps you to decide.
Cath

2 moms found this helpful

Listen to HC! He is right on. I don't even believe infants should be circumcised. To do so to a 3-year-old seems cruel and unnecessary. There are many good resources online and elsewhere that can guide you and your husband in caring for and teaching your son to care for his intact penis. Glad you asked this important question!

2 moms found this helpful

I have 2 sons, neither of which are circumsized. It has never been a hygene issue and my kids only bathe about twice a week, unless they are really dirty (like in the summer it's more often). There are glands that naturally clean out the penis when children are young and the skin should never be forced to retract. Sometimes it takes up to 10 yrs for the skin to be retractable, other times it can be done at 2, but you can cause major damage by trying to retract it. This day in age, alot of boys are not circumsized, i don't think he will have self esteem issues. We now know that circumsision is totally unneccesary and to put him through that at his age for image purposes is not worth it in my opinion.

2 moms found this helpful

Circumcision is genital mutilation - your son will remember this for the rest of his life. If he chooses to do it for himself when he's older - great. I would not do this to him now or be prepared to face serious psychological issues.

2 moms found this helpful

Don't do it! I have a friend who was circumcised as an older child, and he was totally traumatized by the experience. If your son hasn't had any problems so far with infection, etc., I would say that it isn't a necessity. My son was circumcised at birth, and it was a difficult healing process...I would not have done it if I had known how much trouble it would be for him (and us). He is fine now, but it took until he was about 13 months old before the skin finally stopped trying to re-adhere. Save your son the pain and suffering and let him remain intact...especially because at age 3, he is used to his body being that way. You can teach him the propper cleaning techniques, and he will get used to bathing. Most other countries don't circumcise their boys. It is mostly done for cultural reasons in the U.S.

2 moms found this helpful

My feelings are only my feelings and I know you will go with whatever you feel is right for your situation. I think you would damage this poor little guy by having the surgery. It is very painful and the older he is the worse it is. The extra skin is there for their protection. It is very common in all the other countries and all is well there. I decided to not have my last son circumcised and he is 7 now and all the fears I was told have not come true. He is different from his other 4 brothers and his father but when I found out how uncalled for this proceedure was I was not going to put another male through this process. I have not and will not regret this decision. I do regret going with the flow with my others and having them circumcised. What pain they had to go through and for what? Good luck!!

1 mom found this helpful

Wow LOL! I almost feel silly responding there has already been so much posted I could only read half of them, however it is an important decision and I thought I would pass on what I know :) My son is not circumcised, and like one of the others said I didnt even realize it was something that was done lol. Anyway, both my midwife and my pediatrician were not recommending circumcision although they gave us the info to make the decision. My husband is circumcised and we were afraid he would think its wired being different from Dad, but he has never said a word about it and is now 9, also never had any problems with not being circumcised. When he was in head start (I worked there) for safety reasons the kids bathrooms didnt have lock doors and alot of times the boys would all go in together to use the bathroom and there was a mix of boy who were and boys who weren't circumcised ~ I dont think it fazed them in the least. I think in this age range it will be like 50/50 so he wont be odd or anything. Just learn how to take care of it and let him know. (send me a message if you want me to go in more detail, but your pediatrician can help too) I do feel it may be hard having it done now that he is three. I'm not sure how you can let him know its ok, and why its happening could be traumatic. Anyway, best wishes ~ hope it works out no matter what you decide.
S. :)

1 mom found this helpful

Please do not circumcise your 3yo. A good friend of mine had to have her son circumcised at the age of 2 for medical reasons, and it was extremely traumatic for him. He just didn't understand why his penis suddenly looked different and hurt so much. My son is circumcised, so I am not anti-circ, but it was done when he was a newborn. Neither of my younger brothers is circumcised, and they are perfectly normal, happy people, and it certainly hasn't negatively affected them. They never had any hygiene issues with not being circumcised. The only thing I would suggest would be perhaps having your pediatrician show your son how to properly clean under his foreskin. Good luck with your decision.

1 mom found this helpful

You have received a lot of info about circumcision. We chose not to do it with our now 2.5 yr old son and have had no problems (my husband is circumcised). I have a friend whose son had a problem with the circumcision where the penis would retract and get stuck. It was sort-of like it never healed. He is now 6.5 yrs and has had to have several painful doctor visits to have his penis extracted--pulled back out. (This included slight ripping of the skin each time!) Talk about traumatic! My opinion--DON'T DO IT!

As for bathing... children do not need to be bathed every night. If it is such a battle, make life a little easier on you both and do it every other night. My 2.5 yr old started liking bathing even more when we started taking swim lessons. Now he practices swimming in the bathtub. Or... let him/help him take showers. At three, there should be no pulling back of the foreskin for cleaning (that happens later and he should be the first to retract because he will stop if there is any discomfort) so really he just needs a once-over with soap and a head scrub.

Good luck with your decision!

1 mom found this helpful

We did not circumcise our baby boy. After reading up on both sides of this issue, it did not feel right to us. And we started to wonder if this was even our decision - to permanently change his anatomy. I guess I'm telling you this because as more people choose not to circumcise, the less parents will have to worry about the whole "looking different" thing. Kids are going to get made fun of no matter what body parts we consider removing. I've read some good tips on how to handle it when boys in the same family look different from one another. www.mothering.com is helpful for the argument against circumcision. It can be a tough thing to consider. Good luck with your thoughts.

A.

1 mom found this helpful

HC is right. My husband (US born) is not circumsized. The foreskin is there for a reason, as are your eyelashes and tonsils. Unless something is wrong why chop off something that was put there for a reason. As for Hygene, I'm sure women who are circumsized have a much easier time cleaning their vagina. The folds just get in the way, and trap all kinds of icky bacteria, right?! Yes, an uncircumsized penis take a little more care and cleaning. Yes, the foreskin can hold bacteria and make your son more likely to get an STD (but the rate is under 2%), but instead of mutilating is perfect penis, teach him safe sex practices and how to choose women. Afterall, circumsized men get STD's too.
When men walked around with their penis' out in the sandy, dusty climate of the eastern asia there was a necesity to circumcision, since there was not consistant access to cleaning facilities, it was is issue then. Do you have a bathtub in your house? Then he will be fine, and so will his penis.

1 mom found this helpful

hi K..

my son is 15 and was never circumcised. my fam is jewish and I never even knew I had a choice about it until my midwife asked me if I was planning on it. in fact I thought penises just 'looked' like that, see how naive I was. anyway, when he was 2ish, he got an infection and we got that cleared up pretty fast. when it had passed I taught him how to wash himself. with all the bath play he did I can tell you he stayed very clean!! when he lapsed, I just had to say, 'remember how sore you were that time when you were a tod, you really need to wash your body' and we have had no problems since. like I said, he is 15 now and I asked him your questions. he said feeling different will depend on his personality. as for his esteem and looking different, he said nothing like that has ever been an issue for him or his friends. in fact now most newborns are not circumcised and so intact boys in the locker room are the majority anymore. he said its just not an issue and no body looks or cares really. he did say though that circumcision looks really traumatic and painful and he is glad he did not get put through that.

1 mom found this helpful

My husband is circumcised but after we did some research when we were expecting our son we chose not to circumcise him.

After making the decision my husband has become more and more angry about the fact that his parents made such a big decision for him as a baby.

The reality is that in most of the world is not the "norm" to circumcise, and it is becoming much less common in the USA. In some states, your son would have more friends who 'look like him' (as if any of us really all look alike, anyway), than friends who have had the surgery.

Besides, at three, he could be traumatised. At least wait until he is old enough to make the decision for himself.

1 mom found this helpful

K.,

Very important topic. I am adamately opposed to circumcision- my reasons are; 1. it is not necessary, (Do you think your son is need of this cosmetic surgery? Since he has had no issues it doesn't sound like this would be medically necessary.) 2. it IS tramatizing to the baby (have you ever seen a baby being circumsized? It should be required that parents see the procedure at least once before making this decision, 3. I feel that it is not my decision to make. It is not my body and thus, IMO, not my place to make this decision on behalf of my son. If he chooses to get circumsized when he is old enough to understand, then it is his choice and I would support him. Just like I don't think it is my place to choose to have my daughters ears pierced- it is hers, her body her choice. I know that circumcision cannot be realistically compared to ear piercing, I am just trying to illustrate that it is a matter of principle and respect.
I would encourage you to quiet your heart and listen to your instincts. I don't think it is best to justify this procedure based on what someone else did or how someone else looks- your son is his own individual- we all have our differences, celebrate his individuality and when he is old enough to understand you can explain to him why you chose what you did.

This is a big deal and lots of questions should be asked before doing this elective surgery. IMO, the doctor should not be the only source of information, remember, they get paid to perform these procedures. I greatly respect those that choose to not perform this surgery unless it is medically necessary. Anyways, I could go on, but some information that I have found helpful in my research is: http://www.babyboy.info/birth_care.html & www.nocirc.org Also, mothering was mentioned a few times- this is an indispensible resource!
Good luck,
H.

1 mom found this helpful

Listen to H C! If at some point it becomes medically necessary, that is one thing. Otherwise, let him join the ranks of the majority of men in the world who are not circumcised. We have a daughter, but if we had, or if we end up having a boy, we will allow his genitals to remain intact--in spite of the fact that my husband is circumcised.

If he hasn't had any issues at this point, he will probably be fine.

Good luck with this decision.

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