Children in the Delivery Room

OK...it's been a long time since I did the baby thing myself but when i went through it with my daughter this past year, I know that NO ONE other than myself and the baby's daddy was allowed in the room when the actual time came to push and the arrival of the baby (and even before that point, the hospital was VERY strict on the noise level and the number of visitors) that was hospital policy. We are militay as well and I sympathize with your situation. Have you spoke with your Ombudsman? I used to be an Ombudsman for 2 of my husband's commands and I know that there are wives in the support group that are more than willing (including the Ombudsman herself and sometimes Captiain's or Master Chief's wife depending on your command and their persoanl situation)to either go with you and stay with you while you are in labor while your husband stays home with the children...OR they will come to your house and stay with the children so your husband can be with you and stay completely focused on YOU and not trying to entertain the children in the labor/delivery room. I definately would not have the children in there as I remember what my daughter went through (she was in alot of pain before she agreed to the epidural) and I remember myself being hooked up to a lot of monitors and wires and that would be scary for a child as young as 3 to see their mother like that (I used to teach in an elementary school and I cannot imagine some of my students your daughter's age being present either). That's just my opinion though. Please...check with your Ombudsman and have a heart to heart talk with her and I am sure she can come up with some wonderful advice and possibly a solution that would be benefical to everyone.
Good luck!
L. B

1 mom found this helpful

There are a lot of great answers here is a different idea!
I'm not sure about your financial situation though there is a set of head phones that a lot of people use on airplains to block out noise!! There the BOSE headphones I think there around $100.00 though? My soon to be husband while traveling to Afganastain uses these and while he is studing with his roomates around they also connect to other electronics, t.v.,CD / Tape player Ect. When turned on there amaizing. I' know you'll do ok There is always someone else watching you too and will help you do what is best!

Good Luck, andCongratulations,
V.

1 mom found this helpful

You mentioned you were a military family. If you see a military doctor, talk to them about it. When i was pregnant they told me if you need any help Family Advocacy can help. alsoif you have any friends that would be willing to sit in the hallway with your son while you give birth. Or if you are going to Portsmouth, just make sure you have your baby during the day cause they have child care center there. lol

I have a stepson who at the time of my son's birth was 6 and we lived in a different state from his mom. He happened to be down when I went in labor and the hospital would not allow him to be there while I was in labor, they said no one under 12 because all attention needed to be on me and the baby. So I had to send my husband off at 2:30 am to take my stepson home and hopefully rejoin me later in my delivery. Lucky for me my husband returned when I was 9 1/2 cm. dialated and got to see our son be born. I am pregnant again but we have moved to the town where my stepson and his mother live. Anyhow my question is have you checked with the hospital to be sure they will even allow your children to be present? Hospitals have their own policies on children in the delivery room. Also if you get to have them there have an epidoral, stadol will do nothing but make you tired. I really wanted to do without but I had abnormal contractions (5 mins long and 10 mins apart!!!) and the stress of wondering if my husband would return or not! So I asked for stadol so I could still feel everything just not as harshly, but it didn't take any of the pain, I just felt drunk and tired! I wish you much luck and if nothing else, maybe you could make arrangements for family members to alternate visiting so someone could stay with the children while you are in labor. The hospital I had my son in allowed children to return once you left the labor/delivery floor for the mother/baby floor.

I considered this when I was getting ready to have my second. I thought my daughter would do fine since her favorite show was baby story. However, what you can't count on especially because you don't believe in pain meds is something going wrong. There were a lot of complications in my delivery, and even when my daughter was brought into the room after everything was okay she was still really bothered by a lot of things. Good luck!

The older child would learn a lot about the facts of life by watching you have your newest addition. That could really be a wonderful experience for her. On the other hand, the baby is going to be a big distraction to both you and your husband. Even if you don't have family in the area, you may have friends. If I were in your shoes, I would first go to my paster or someone equivalent that could be trusted. If you have a hard time trusting people that you don't know very well, I would suggest you perhaps, get a young adult or older teen, to keep your child in the lobby. That way, they are close by and your husband can check on them from time to time, but there are no distractions in the delivery room.

it depends on the hospital, if you are going to Portsmouth, count on getting a sitter for the actual delivery. They will persuade you to do so because the experience may cause trauma to your older child. I know from first hand. But as far as before the birth, you can have your older kid in their as long as visiting hours are there. You can check other area hospotals, i don't know of the other policies. i hope this helps. I have three myself, and would strongly suggest to not have them in the room until after the baby comes. It would be too much for your seven year old too. I know it will hurt her feelings, but maybe you can get a friend to sit with them in the waiting room until the baby is all cleaned up and you've had time to recuperate. That would be my suggestion to take stress away from the situation, not add to. I'm pretty sure that they will be more excited to see him all cleaned up

K.-

I saw all of the great advice you recv'd. I had a similar situation with my 2nd (4 months ago). I have a 3 1/2 yr old and did not want her to see me in the OR (I had a c-section). It is too scary for her especially if there were complications and I did not want her to get lost in the shuffle.

We had a teacher from her scholl come over and play with her at home. It worked out GREAT. What about one of the kids teachers or possibly a sub from their school?!?!?

Best of luck to you and lots of health and happiness for you and your growing family!

Hey,

First off, CONGRATS on your third little one! I think your kids will do fine in the delivery room. Just prepare them! Make sure you tell them what to expect and about the pain, and blood, and all that. Are you going to a hospital. A birthing center is the best for family deliveries! I went to midwives and they were all about kids being there to witness the birth.

My daughter was 10 when I had my baby and she was there.

And dont get pain meds for their sake. YOU can DO IT without. there is no reason to get them if that is not what you want. My daughter saw me do it natural.... oh and for the record- when I had my first daughter, also without pain meds, my sister was there, she also witnessed the birth of her friends baby who had pain meds- she said it LOOKED easier without the pain meds. She liked how *I* knew what was going on, I knew what to do and when, and I recovered easier and quicker. It made her also try to have a drug-free birth.

Good luck with any decision you make.

Hi K.!
My name is T. and I am 24. In September, I had my second little boy! I delivered at Chesapeake. I had the same problem as you! I don't know anyone here in VA, so I had noone to watch my older son, who is five. When I went to the hospital we took him with us, not knowing what we were going to do. We took a portable DVD player and also his gameboy! The first night, I didn't have the Baby, so my son, Tyler, layed on the floor and watched DVDs until he feel asleep. In the morning I was ready to push. First off, they had Tyler leave the room with his dad while I got the epidural. Then when it was time to push, Tyler stood up by my head and played Zelda on the gameboy until the baby came out. Then he wanted to see the baby. He did want to come look when they started stitching me up, but his Dad kept him pre-occupied. Tyler also stayed at the hospital the next night with me as well. I must tell you, that at the beginning we did not know what to say to Tyler about how we had the baby. The nurse asked if we had prepared TYler for what was about to happen. I told her that I honestly did not know what to tell him. She asked if she could tell him something. Of course I said yes. So, she asked Tyler if he knew where my bottom was. OF course, being 5 he said, her butt?? The nurse says yes, by her butt. Tyler says ok. Then she tells him that there is a special place down near mommy's bottom that Mommy can push the baby out. Tyler seemed very content with that answer, as to where the baby was going to come out. ALthough a few days later he said, "Mommy, I can't believe that Caleb came out your butt!" It was really funny and we told him that it wasn't my butt, but another special place near there. And he said oh yeah, he came out near there. All has been well and he really hasn't asked about it since and my son is now 11 weeks old. So it can be done, you just need a few things to keep the kiddies busy! I hope this helps you!!

i myself would let them be there but ask a nurse to pull a curtain or s/thing during the actually delivery that way they are still there but won't see the frightening stuff. bring games and other stuff heck they might not even pay attention. good luck

I think the kids will be fine! Many families have small children with them and have had no problems. I do have one piece of advice. I had both stadol and an epidural when I had my son (total wimp when it comes to pain :)...and the next time I will only do the epidural. It hurt like hell going in but saved my sanity. The stadol, though, made me VERY out of it and sleepy. I barely even remember several hours of my labor which is unfortunate because I was not in any pain. I think that you should probably skip the stadol so that your kids can interact with you while you are in labor. The epidural is a good idea I think because you'll be calm and your son will be able to see that having a baby isn't scary. Good luck!

Ok.. I have not read any of the respondses to this but here is my take..

I haev 5 kids and all 4 of the kids before were there when we gave birth to the 5th. My youngest at the time was 3.. PREPAIR PREPAIR.. watch all the TLC shows that show moms giving burth to babies.. talk to him about it.. explain to him that you will be doing that soon and you want him there... let him knownow that you might cry a little or get upset like mothers on tv..

let him know it does hurt and tell him like.. "remember when you wrecked your bike and your leg hurt really bad but after a few minutes it didnt hurt any more" The best thing I could have done was just all this!! IT was a family thing and brought us all so close adn helped bring the kids even closer together!!

I did not do this with my first 4 kids and wish so much that I would have.. My baby is now 5 and my oldest is 17 and it is still very muched talked about and cherished!!! And the meaning of life is so much better and understood to them all!!!
Good Luck hun!!! Hope it all turns out well!! PS make sure you try to prepaor your 7 yr old to with him.. try to get everyone involved!! I promise you wont forget it!! And try not to take to many meds because youw ant to be able to remember everything to!!!See if you can get someone with a cam corder int here to record EVERYHING it is wonderful looking back at ours and seeing the kids cry when the baby took her first breath and so forth!!!

Just my .02 cents worth!!
Good Luck!!
S

[s.. if you have a neighbor close by you trust have them there if possible just in case of something going wrong you can have them taken out and talked to and kept calm just in case!!

Alright I have never had this dilemma, we do have five children and I am feeling your anxiety. We are now three states away from our families and I understand the feeling of being alone. The only thing I can suggest is have an epidural and pack a bag now of your sons favorite toys (he'll miss them and be excited to play with them when he gets them back at the hospital) and snacks and some things for your daughter also. Most hospitals have room in the labor room for family and I would let your children hang out with you but when you get checked for dilating etc.. have your husband take both children for a walk. Also when it is time to push have your husband take them out again, by having the epidural you will be fine on your own to push and not be in pain. I can understand the emotion of wanting your husband to be there when the new baby comes into the world but your other children are not old enough to witness this yet. As for your daughter being sad about not seeing her brother, she will be right down the hall for her new sibling that is arriving. I hope everything goes smoothly and congrats on your soon to be new bundle of joy!!!

I see that a lot of the moms think it would be okay to have the kids in the delivery room, but I have to disagree. I've had two babies, both without drugs, and it seemed extremely traumatic for my husband. I can't imagine that my son, age 3 when his brother was born, could have been anything other than traumatized by seeing me in the intense pain of labor and delivery. I just don't think it's a place for children. Another mom mentioned asking around to the other military families for help with your children, this could be a good option. Also, maybe you could talk to your OB about scheduling an induction (not ideal, I know), and then your mom or someone could plan to travel to you.

There's a lot of blood and stuff the kids really don't need to see, but I guess if you prepare them...no, they just really don't need to see that stuff. You should probably see if there is someone around that would be willing to at least sit in the waiting room with them especially the 3-year old. Birth is a traumatic experience. With my 3rd I bled so bad even my husband had to leave the room! So, I would at least try to find someone to sit with them during the actual delivery.

Hey. I have also have a 3 year old son and I am due with another boy in Dec. but probelly sooner and we plan to have him be at the birth we might and probelly will have him go to the waiting room with my mom while I push and we plan to have him spend the night while we are there. I have also had my son watch TLC'S Baby Story and it has helped him understand alittle about whats going to happen. I wish you luck with the birth. B.

Hi K.,
I have 3 children. My oldest who was 5 at the time was in the delivery room when I had my second son. He didn't sit at the doctor's view of course, but he was in the room and didn't have a problem with it, oh and I didn't have ANY pain meds because my second was premature and we didn't have time for any even if I wanted some. When my 3rd child was born, I was kind of in the same situation as you are, I had a little family around but they didn't really WANT to keep my 2 boys while I had my girl. Both my boys, my oldest was now 7 and my younger was 13 months. They were both in the room for the birth, but our problem was that the hospital wouldn't let them spend the night there. My family finally came and got my boys so my husband could stay the night with me at the hospital, but had to leave early to get the boys in the morning. My oldest thought it was neat to see his siblings born. And again I had no pain meds, I never wanted any to begin with and stuck to it. I think it's ok for your kids to be in there, it will be a good learning experience for them not to mention bonding time. Just keep them up toward your head so they can't see what's REALLY going on. If you go into labor at night, they may laydown and sleep! I hope you have a fast and easy L&D and you get things worked out with your children! :)

Hey K.,

My name is V. and I totally feel your pain. We have a 3 1/2 yr old son and we are due our second son in Jan. So not too long now and we are in the same boat. All my family is in Mississippi and his is in Alaska! I am a bit nervous about who I might could leave my little guy with and about the idea of him being there in the delivery room. I mean I would love to have him there, but he is very curious and I am afraid he will be into everything.!! Are you and your husband in the Columbia area?? (I dont really know where the Naval Weapons station is)! We have been here for a few months, but still really dont know anyone really well!! If you dont mind, let me know what you are thinking!!! ____@____.com
Wish I could give you advice, but I am there too!!

I had a baby last November and I have a 9 year old daughter and two step daughters. I ABSOLUTELY did not think that it was approriate for them to be in the delivery room. They hung out in the waiting area along with everyone else and played games, read, watched t.v, etc. During the beginning they came in one by one to say hello and give me a kiss, and back out they went until the baby came. They watched behind the glass in the maternity ward while the nurse gave baby a quick bath while my husband escorted them. After they were able to come in the room and see me and the baby the went off with grandparents and spent the night. They were just fine!

I'm considering having my 4 year old in the delivery room with me, just because he is amazed at the whole thing! He loves watching things on TLC showing women giving birth, it just amazes him. Now, we'll see what happens when we actually get there! I think it all depends on your children. My sister had her then 3 year old daughter in the room with her when she delivered her second child, and my neice could not handle seeing her mother in pain. That's what I'm afraid of with my son as well. He was mad at the lady doing my ultrasound because he was sure she was hurting me!
If your son is protective of you (which a lot of little boys are), he may not enjoy being in there, as it will scare him and upset him seeing you hurting.
I really don't know what other options you have, but you do have to think about the fact that someone has to be able to stand with him throughout the process, and who will do that? It's a tough situation, I hope you can work something out with some family member!

Maybe a nurse in the hospital could watch over the 3 year old in case it gets too much for him, I only have my son sean but thats what I would look into, If I was in your position or see If my Mother in Law could come up for the birth.I had a c section so only hubby was allowed back anyway.

hey K.,
congrats! i would agree with most in that it will probably be fine, i have heard many wonderful stories! I would keep in mind though that you may not be able to have a vaginal birth even though thats what youre planning. So in that case you would definatley need someone to watch them. so mabey being prepared for anything will be best! that way you can chose based on how you feel. good luck

You might want to check with your hospital policy. I know mine required somewhere beside my husband be there if kids were going to be in the hospital room. You'll need him to focus on you.

My son is 3, and I know he would be totally unprepared to handle seeing Mom in pain and poked and prodded.

There are many options out there for reliable care. You can probably even make arrangements with a local daycare center, or at least get some referrals from them. Your husband will be with them a night right?

Good luck!

Hi K. - You should check to see if the hospital has a nursery or daycare that your kids can stay in while you are giving birth. If they don't have one, I am sure they can recruit some nice nurses to give the kids a tour of the hospital. Your kids don't need to see you going through that.

I think as long as you prepare them for what will happen, (blood and all) Tehy should be fine. I think the epidural is a good idea. I had one for both of mine, my first one was very strong and I didn't feel a thing which dissapointed me, but my second one wasn't as strong so I felt most of what was happening, but was also able to talk to people fairly normally between contractions (i'm a chicken about pain) There are so many stories about what 3 year olds say about birth, and they are all funny, and the things he will tell you after will make you laugh. They that things in stride at that age, and I think he will do just fine. As for your 7 year old, it's an experience she will never forget, and I think she will be able to help alot with your son. Just have her hold him (like a hug if he needs it) and her telling him everything is ok, and you telling him should re-assure him. I hope everything goes well. And I think the idea about having a nurse on stand-by if he does need to go out is a good idea. Let him meet her beforehand and interact a bit so he will feela little more comfortable with her, and don't you worry about a thing but your new baby. Good luck!

K.,
Although it may a bit much, it seems as you have no choice. I would try and have something to occupy the 3 yr old. maybe a portable DVD player with a couple of fav movies. I have neve had any of the other children in the room with us. They have fround it hard enough to see me When I was in the hospital, so I thought it wasn't a very good idea for them. Best of luck to you.

I think you should have them in the delivery room as long as you want them there. BUT if it's because you do not have anyone to watch them, have your hubby speak to one of the married soldiers at work. Most military wives are willing to help in a heart beat. The kids are 7 & 3. I believe old enough to be with a sitter.

I haven't had an kids in L&D b/c I only have one child. However, I know a family who did and it is doable. I asked her why and how she did it. She said she talked to her three kids and had drugs. As far as the meds go, go with Stadol. I had it and it really relaxes you. You do not feel the pain of contractions just a little pressure. I actually fell asleep and when I woke up, it was game time. I know I wasn't much help, but point is that it is doable. Alot of families do it.

Hi K.,

I had 2 c-sections, but I would not have had my son in the room when his brother was born. Is there anyone who could be there to stay with the kids in the waiting room during the actual delivery? Another piece of advice I was given was not to thave the baby on the bed with me when my older son entered the room. Have someone else (your husband, a nurse, someone) hold the baby until the toddler comes in and they can present the baby to the two of you. That way, it's "our" baby, not "look who's in my place". Good luck!

I THINK IT'S GOOD FOR SOME KIDS WHO DON'T REALLY KNOW OR EVEN KNOW ABOUT THE BIRTH BUT IF U HAVE TO TAKE YO KIDS WITH U JUST ASK A NURSE TO KEEP AN EYE ON THEM UNTIL THE BABY IS BORN MORE THAN LIKELY THEY WOULD BUT IT MIGHT BE GOOD FOR THEM TO EXPERIENCE IT WITH U GUYS BUT GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING

First of all, you have to find out if the hospital will even allow it. Second, if you aren't using pain meds, it'll probably freak your 3 year old out and make him leary of his new sibling for causing his mommy so much pain. Third, women have been having babies for millenia, and it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks because its YOUR body, family and labor. Go with your gut and do what YOU think is right.

My stepdaughter is now 6 her mom had planned on her being in the room and only choose not to because she started having complications at about 6months and actually had the baby pretty early. When my husband and I have our baby we absolutely plan on having my daughter there with us. She is very excited about seeing a real baby be born she loves the TLC baby shows! Unlike you I do have family in the area who could take her out if she got scared. That might be a good idea though is to get find a fried who could miss work if need be that wouldn't mind waiting in the hall and could get either of your children if that got frightened or if they go tbored this person could walk them aroud to burn off all that extra engery they are sure to have.

Hi Kaylee,

I too was a military mom, but not as a dependant, but a servicemember. I was stationed in Germany when I had my son. My family was on the West Coast, and his father's family was on the East Coast, so I can relate not having family around.

The only advice I can give is that Even though your daughter is 7 years old I would really consider having her in the Delivery room. It can be traumatic even if it is a miracle of birth. She may not be able to handle the graphic of the birth.
As for the 3 year old, Definiately not, with the stress of the birth, your husband and you are not going to be able to handle the 3 year old fussiness and it will to much of a distraction, for your older daughter to handle.
You actually made a good suggestion about having a home birth. Have you consider having a midwife assist you in the delivery? This will help with the problem of a stranger watching your kids. Another suggestion is contacting the post Family support group, with recommendations of someone watching your kids. I hope that helps. GOOD LUCK and Congrats on your birth.

hi there. when we had our son last year, we didn't have a choice but to have my two year old daughter in the delivery room with us. like you, both our families are out west in california. so of course we didn't feel comfortable leaving her with just anyone, even if the neighbors offered. fortunately for me, i was only at the hospital for an hour before he was born. they were right about the next pregnancy going much faster!!! so while i was laboring in the l&d room, my husband was keeping my daughter busy in the hall way, which is why he almost missed the birth:) but all in all it was easier because he only had her to worry about and i pretty much took care of myself and getting through the contractions. hopefully it'll be the same for your husband:) good luck!