Child with ADD?

Having taught preschool and Kindergarten, it seems to me that if the teachers haven't had any problems, it is not ADD/ADHD. It may be a control issue with you at home instead. My own kids have gone through this at times. Sometimes it is a stage that some children go through and others do not. My boys are the oldest and one has been in a "smart-aleck" stage on and off since he was 8 (now 12) and the other one, my 10 year old, never has had a problem with that. So my theory that 8 yr old boys can be obnoxious and smarty-pants doesn't apply to all boys or JUST boys either. My 10 yr old though, when he gets extremely frustrated, gets VERY angry and out of control with his emotions. This doesn't happen very often, and neither of my boys displays these problem behaviors at school very often. Actually, I always get compliments on how sweet and respectful all 3 of mine are, and then laugh when I get home to their "real" personalities! :)

You will have to be VERY firm with him, and CONSISTENT. Outline for him (with a chart if you need to) what his problem behaviors are, and what the consequence will be for each infraction of the rules. Kids need boundaries and want to respect their parents and teachers, but they WILL try to test your limits. Sometimes it is hormonal changes, even at young ages, and sometimes they are going through some kind of anxiety/stress that you aren't aware of and they may not even be aware of. Occasionally it may be a food sensitivity...Hopefully, this is a stage that will pass quickly and he will respond to your authority.

God bless you raising your young ones without their father! I too have suffered some anxiety/depression in the past, but I can't even imagine how difficult it must be going solo! But God is making you strong for them - let your weaknesses out when they are asleep! ;)

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K., Please don't automatically assume it's ADHD. He is a 5 year old little boy, who is a little boy. I have a 6 year old and have the exact situation on my hands when it comes to tantrums and a potty mouth. I refuse to allow that label on him. Little boys have lots of energy. They want to wrestle, hunt in the woods, play in the dirt, catch bugs, chase dogs. I read your husband passed away. I am so sorry. Please know I say this with respect, but are their any men in your life who can help you? Little boys need male role models. I don't care what society says. I worked at a home for boys and I saw that a lot. The boys who had men in their lives (uncles, brothers, grandpas, cousins) did much better. They have to have their masculinity affirmed by another male. He must have that male outlet - to be able to freely embrace being the type of boy he is. He is not bad, but if he is living with a woman and a sister, he is likely feeling out of place not knowing how to function as a male. You can, and must, get on his level and play what boys play. Also, he is old enough for structure and you have to provide that. Are you calmly and consistently giving consequences for his potty mouth or his aggression? You both will benefit from consistency. If you made a chart showing him how good behavior will be rewarded and how bad behavior will be consequated, that will be a good tool for YOU. It will define it for you and you will be free to simply follow it and let it speak for itself. As for you...are you involved in any social activities or support groups? Church would be a wonderful place for this. It will allow others help hold your hands up and support you and it will teach all of you how to live this life successfully. God can deliver you from your anxiety and depression. He created wonderful medicines that are tools to help clear your mind and order your thoughts. But, He also created community because we were never meant to do this alone. You need friends; your children need friends - good friends. God desires you go forward and do it bodly. He can heal the pain, the loss and the feelings of abandonment. You do not have to stay in that place, but you cannot get out alone. Also, the reason your son does well in school is because there is structure and it is predictable and consistent. If you bring that into your home, you should experience success as well. I will pray for you. Please update us and let us know how you are doing.

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ADD/ADHD cannot be identified until a child is in school. Coodos to you for getting on top of the tantrums now! Time outs work best for us. For each time he says a potty word 4 min time out and the time out does not start until the crying stops. He needs to sit and think about what he did to get into a time out. just remember when you put him in time out, you get down on his level tell him why he is in time out and leave, if he gets out you take him back to the same spot, no eye contact no words and start the time out over. Its hard but he WILL get the message after several attempts! Don't give in! and make sure everyone taking care of him is on board with what ever dicipline you choose.

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IGNORE tantrums. If you have one, too, it only reinforces his -- AND turns into a 'fighting match'. Stay calm and don't get emotional (I know it's difficult, but NOT impossible). Read some stuff (or listen, he's been on NUMEROUS Christian radio and TV programs) something by Dr. Kevin Lehman (or Leman). He's wonderful!

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There is a book called "Healing The New Childhood Epidemics: Autism, ADHD, Asthma, and Allergies" by a guy named Kenneth Boch. The library might not have it, but you could ask them to please buy it so you could borrow it. The book has tons of information about understanding these issues.

Other than that, you might try reducing or removing from your son's diet things like: dairy, wheat and gluten and other highly allergenic foods.

MOst of all, sounds like you have a whole lot of responsibility and could really use some support for you. Taking care of yourself is very important, as we all know. But sometimes it's easier said than done to give ourselves what we need. Perhaps you can find support from friends, family, or community/church groups?

Hang in there.

Please check out www.feingold.org. Feingold is a 30 yr old non-profit organization whose purpose is to inform the public about petroleum-based artificial ingredients (food dyes, preservatives, etc.) in our food supply. These harmful additives cause ADD, ADHD, OCD, and many other emotional, behavioral and physical side effects. Feingold is a leading authority on this subject and they have helped thousands of families over the years. They were a Godsend for our family. Best wishes.

My six year old son was diagnosed with ADHD. He is very hyper, overly emotional at times, smart mouth at times, ect... We had him on an ADHD medication for 3 weeks until I researched it and read the side effects it can cause.

I know some people will totally disagree with me about this...but...if want to try helping your child out with out having him labeled adhd or medicating him you can try what we have done. We give him a really good multi-vitamin daily, fish oil, and an herbal supplement called calm child. We have found the combination of these to work great! If you want to talk more about this please feel free to email me at ____@____.com

K.

i know this can be terrible for mom and child but if he is ok at school,daycare ect... and can be calm and concentrate. then its not adhd. he is acting out with you for attention. children will push their limits with us. maybe try and find something really fun he likes to do at home. try and be very patient and spend some extra time with him. he may be felling left out because of your other children. many things could be going on just try these few things i hope they will help you. patients patients patients the hardest thing for us sometimes.

I'm so sorry about their father. I'm sorry about the anxiety and depression. I battle these conditions also!
I would suggest checking out the website: Loveandlogic.com
They have good parenting techniques. I don't agree with everything, but lots of good stuff! There's information for different age groups and a program on ADHD. I think it's called Calming the Chaos. Even if he doesn't have ADHD it might help. My daughter has signs of ADHD, but I don't think I'd medicate her. I think there are a lot of symptoms of ADHD that are a part of life and our personality. I haven't checked out the program Calming the Chaos yet, but I have listened to some CDs, read some stuff & used other techniques and it's great.
God Bless

If he is not a problem at daycare then I doubt its add. If a kid can control it in certain situations then they can control it all the time. My 4.5 yr old has bouts of tantrums too. Sometimes its just a bad day, sometimes its a bad 3 weeks. If he's upset and crying I hold him and talk softly to him. I also taught him when he was wround 2.5 to take deep breaths to help calm himself down and I remind him to do that. If he's throwing a fit because he's mad at me or I won't let him do sometimes he screams, sometimes tries to hit, and usually runs away from me. He learned at 2 yrs old that we do not give in to temper tantrums so he doesn't bother with the whole laying on the floor kicking and screaming bit. When he tries to hit or screams back at us, he goes straight to time out, sometimes kicking and screaming. He may throwing another fit once in time out by yelling more, and hitting or kicking the wall. He stops the fit after 1-4 min. Then his time out starts (1 min for each year he is old). THen and only then do we go in and speak to him about his behavior. From the time he was about 18 mths we agreed and established that we do not give in to tantrums. Its a sure way to absolutely NOT get what he wants.

K.,
if your son can stay still long enough tp play on the computer and good at school theres no wat he has add and most drs wont even think about dignosing a child until 6 or 7 dont mean to be harsh but it had to be said

tear

You need to figure out whether he has ADHD or is just being a rambunctious boy. Go to the mental health center or your pediatrician or the health department and ask for the name of a child psychologist who can test him. Or ask the school system if they have somebody who can do it since he's old enough for pre-K. If he does have ADHD, you need to get him into treatment. If he doesn't, you still need some help in dealing with 3 kids while having anxiety and depression. GOOD LUCK!

I commend you for wanting to address these issues early. I'd say talk to his dr., but first do some research on your own because you know your child better than anyone. Have you matched up his symptoms to those of adhd? You didn't go into a lot of detail, but I'd like to suggest you also research Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) - you can google it. I had never heard of this when my daughter was 4, and I wish I had. She has this and we are getting help for it now, but I wish I had done is sooner (she'll be 9 in March). When she was 4 I knew she was a handful in a way other kids weren't, but she was my first and I thought it was a phase.

I'm not saying this is what your son has, but just offering that you look into it. Most people haven't heard of it. When you first read the symptoms, it sounds like just a bratty child, but it really is an emotional disorder. There is help through behavior modification.

Whatever you find out, you are so right for looking into it. Trust your instinct. Good luck!

www.anxietynomore.co.uk/

I suffered from the same anxiety and depression. Luckily the above website gave me the recovery I searched for. Check out the blog on the website, and read his book. If you can feel better about you then kids are much easier.

I wouldn't jump the gun and say he has add or adhd. Girls are different than boys. My girls will sit for hours and work on tasks like coloring, bead sorting, puzzles. My son can not sit for more than 2 minutes without needing to get up an move.
If your son is fine at school it leads me to think he does not have a condition.
Try talking to his teachers, ask what tecniques they use for dicipline and rewards and see if you can incorporate something similar into home life. If they work at school there is a good chance they will work at home too.
You mentioned that you have issues with depression and anxiety that are so bad they are keeping you from working. I would hope you are seeing someone for therapy? If so ask about some parenting classes or books you might read or talk to the school and ask what suggestions they might have.
Good luck.

K., as someone already said, you need, first of all, to establish if your son does, in fact, have ADD/ADHD. You mentioned your parents put you on meds when you were young. Was this for ADD? The condition does run in families and one of the keystones doctors look for in children with ADD is if a parent has the condition.
It is entirely possible your son has some other disorder or is just a temperamental kid trying to find his place and identity by testing his limits and emulating others (the potty mouth at daycare, for example.) And bear in mind, it could just be that your kids are so different, he seems to be hyperactive by comparison.

There is a readily traced line of ADD in my family and I know the problems it can cause, from lack of attention to being overly attentive (hyper-focus on something).

Does your son have a difficult time taking orders or following instructions? If so, make sure you get his undivided attention and make eye contact when you talk to him.

Don't give him too many tasks at one time. At the age of 4, one at a time is probably all he can handle. As he gets older, 6 or 8, double the load but never more than 3 things at a time. That seems to be about the attention span limit for us! When he gets older, get him in the habit of writing things down he needs to remember.

There are many alternatives to medication and many ways of dealing with ADD. There are also a number of websites dedicated to the issue.

Remember, in the case of ADD's - patience isn't just a virtue, it's an absolute necessity!

Good luck to you.

Hi-My son was diagnosed with ADHD at 6, just 5 months ago. He is doing much better now on meds.
Definately get your osne evualated. Some peditricians can do this, if your doesn't you'll have to find a ped. phys. May take a while to get an appointment though.
My sons really wasn't obvious until he went to 1st grade and had to read and write daily.
As for advice on tantrums, I really don't have much. I wouldn't say my sone had tantrums regular. This leads me to think that your sons could be something else or 2 things combined. It takes lots of patience and unfortualtey time.
Good luck.

children react to our moods and anxieties, he might have add, but there is ways to "control" add, start with his diet, when he gets esp hyper, look at what he has eaten eliminate it and see if that helps, different kids react to different foods, my son reacted to red dye and whole wheat still can't have and he will be 31 on the 10th, on the other hand my granddaughter has a problem with chocolate makes her hyper esp at night, there are medications but i would try diet first or medicate until you get a balance, he may also not be chalanged enough you say he is really good with computers you might have a genius who needs more challenge might also try counseling this might be a delayed response to the loss of his dad, i know how hard it is to be a widow as i am one too be 5 years in april, hope this helps and know i will be praying for you and your family

Hi K.,

I have to say that it isn't true that an ADD child can't focus on something they are very interested in(like your son on the computer.) Yes, they can. Those who don't know should study up on it.

If you can get to a child psychologist (perhaps through social services?) they can give you some wonderful tips on how to help your child, whether he has ADD or not. While it's true that he's too young for meds, the way you handle him at home will go a long way toward making both of your lives less stressful. I hope you are able to get help for yourself as well, after all you have gone through. My prayers are with you.

All my best,
D.

It doesn't sound like your child has ADD/ADHD if your child is a delight at school. He may be feeding off of your own anxiety and depression. You'll be amazed at how children pick up on what's going on. It may be that your child needs to have a more structured environment with activities and consistent loving discipline(which would explain why he is a delight for the teachers).

I know that keeping busy with something positive is the best medicine for depression and keeps children too occupied to find trouble.

How do you normally respond to him when he is having his tantrums?

K., you need to get yourself right first. If you are having anxiety and depression.. so are they. Each child handles each circumstance in life different. You cannot compare their levels. The potty mouth is coming from something he is seeing and hearing. They dont make up those words, they have to hear them somewhere. One technique with the temper tantrums.. dont fight with them, just carry them kicking and screaming into the bathroom and stick them in a cold shower.. still dressed and all. It shocks them and is not abusive. Seek counseling for you too. Get a job and be proud. There are many programs to help you if you have no family to fall back on. God bless you K., I pray for you and your children to get the help you need. Find a good support group, hopefully, faith based. Life is tough enough without God, but with God, all things are possible. No, I am not a religious freak, I just know where God has brought me and the help He has given me when I ask and believe.

hi and happy new year.
boys and girls are very different ...always will be.
boys need lots of space and time for physicalizing their energy.
children often have to stay still and quiet in school and that causes lots of pent up energy.
the side effects of adhd medications for such a young child are rarely spoken of, but in this crucial time of organs and bones and the brain forming, these strong chemicals can have a huge influence on your childs wellness.
i had 2 children with add/adhd and it takes lots attention and effort to help them to stay off of medication...its well worth the dedication, though. one day at a time. have the child tested, if you want then sign him up for some martial arts with a compassionate teacher. adhd is a new invention. in the old days, when everything was a natural occurance, we had a lot more tolerance for different behaviors and personalities among us. we need to re-grow that tolerance, if we want to thrive and be happy. keep your eye on the long-term health effects always for these precious ones. it will help them to stay balanced and real when life gets tough.

Read Easy To Love, Difficult to Discipline and I Love You Rituals by Dr. Becky Bailey. I am not at all a fan of parenting books or magazines and typically shun self-help books but what she says really does work and it really does make sense. My personal opinion, as an early childhood specialist and mom, is that we often diagnose ADHD too early - especially in boys and some behavior modifications can do a world of good without label or medication.

Video games and TV contribute big time to ADD and ADHD behavior. Sitting still for either one is because the screen changes constantly (every four seconds on average for TV) and is very stimulating for their brains, hence they are able to sit and vegetate for hours on end. For every hour a kid watches TV a day (and I assume the same for video games) he is 10% more likely to be diagnosed with one of the disorders. But if you look at a kid who is watching TV, you can see that he looks like a vegetable. It's the worst thing for kids, and the first thing I would stop to begin correcting his behavior. The second thing would be to check out John Rosemond. His website is www.rosemond.com. His weekly newspaper article is on there. He's written a number of books as well, any of which would guide you in your parenting skills and give you many ideas. Best of luck to you, especially doing it on your own as a widow. You might turn to family/inlaws for help during this difficult time.

Hello K., I have heard that vitamins and a healthy diet help tremendously with ADD/ADHD. I have some information that I can e-mail you on that if you are interested.

Also, if you would like to consider a home business ... you can take a look at my website www.BizForMomsOnline.com

Take care and best of luck, D..

you just described my daughter. we have tried everything with her and shes still aggressive talks dirty and just doesnt listen! we are having her tested for adhd soon at the bengham child guidance center. its here in louisville but they are supposed to be really great i would suggest giving them a call