Child Sneaks Food...

Because she has mentioned that she eats when she is bored, try getting her into activities that will keep her mind off of food. You know how it is when you get too busy to eat. This sounds like it is a habit so it will take a little while to alter her behavior. Try to be patient! Spending time with other girls who are active it a big help as well. If possible, try not to make a big deal of it. It may be difficult at first. When she leaves at the end of the summer, hopefully you will have gotten her to the point where she doesn't want to go home and resume those habits.

I too would be concerned that she is well on her way to an eating disorder.

I understand that she is overweight and you are right to be concerned about that. However, I am concerned that in your effort to rectify the symptom (her being overweight) you are taking too much control of the situation and not putting enough of the emphasis on teaching her to make better decisions. I have never been overweight in my life, but I most certainly could eat more than both my parents combined well into my 20s. My parents would tell me that I couldn't possibly still be hungry, but I was and I ate like a horse. However, my parents never restricted what I ate.

I would avoid juice. As she is overweight, I would not want her to drink her calories.

I agree with another poster who said try to have healthy food always available (and none of the bad stuff). Smaller more frequent meals might help with this. Further, with few exceptions, you can snack on fruit or vegetables all day long and not take in a significant number or calories. If she is bored or would like something sweet, grapes or other fruit would be ideal. Baby carrots and celery are also good.

Finally, defintely get her medical situation checked out, but I think you need to dial back to portion control efforts. I think you are in danger of forcing her eating where you cannot monitor it and are teaching her that eating is something of which to be ashamed.

In addition to checking with a good pediatrician and dietician, here are a few ideas that may help:

How about offering more small meals and healthful snacks interspersed more frequently throughout the day -- instead three large meals with two snacks? She may be really hungry, as well as bored -- and denying the appetite will only create more of a problem with "sneaking."

Try lots of different kinds of foods, with different textures and tastes -- as that is often more interesting and satisfying to the mouth and eye than trying to fill up with water or eating the "same old" stuff. While staying with you, she may discover a lot of new foods that she likes.

Avoid juice -- or dilute it with water -- to cut back on sugar and unnecessary calories.

Make sure that everyone at the house sits at a table when it's time to eat, so that the meal or snack is the focal point of attention.

Try to eliminate distractions (like TV or reading) while eating, as lots of people quickly fill up without realizing what is "going down."

Your daughter might also satisfy some of her cravings by learning how to prepare/cook her own food or plan meals. Get the kids involved in finding recipes, grocery shopping, planning meals and choosing different snacks she would like to try. Go to the library and check out some of the great cook books just for kids. There is even a lot of stuff on the internet designed for children/families. When everything comes ready made (either from the fast-food restaurant, or from the cook at the house!)kids can get the idea that it's "food on demand." They also need to learn to appreciate the actual costs of food -- in terms of money spent to purchase it and the work (or life)expended to make it.

Learning how to choose and make nutritous food is a habit you can model and teach early -- and one that will last a lifetime. Since many people are large or obese due to genetic factors beyond their control, it would be a shame for your daughter to come to think of food as a problem, an enemy, or some sort of contraband that she has to sneak and feel shame for taking.

Bon apetit!

She has the beginnings of an eating disorder. I speak from experience as someone who's dealt with it for 17 years. I started right about her age doing the same thing. I now help others with eating disorders and addictions (a typical combination).

I would get professional help, but most importantly, get her physically active with a mind-body sport like Pilates, Yoga, or Martial Arts. She needs to learn how to appreciate herself, her body. That will increase her self-esteem.

~L.
www.notaboutfood.com
www.accesspilates.com

I would bring it up when you see the doctor about the thyroid, definitely. If there is the involvement of an eating disorder, it may be better for her to have the doctor suggest that instead of you guys. Best wishes. This is a delicate but important situation, as you obviously understand.

Its definitely a good thing that you're looking into this now. She is easily on her way to an eating disorder and I can imagine that being an overweight 9 year old isn't easy for her. I would absolutely bring her to the doctor and discuss diet and excerise options with him/her. Try making exercise a fun family outing so that she doesn't feel like she's being punished for being overweight. Try to keep all unhealthy foods out of the house. Even though the rest of you aren't overweight, she needs your support so having those bad foods will just tempt her and frustrate her. A more difficult thing will be to discuss this issue with her mother since I assume she will be going back home and she will need to continue on a healthy path. Get as much info from the doc as you can and stress to her mom how important a healthy lifestyle is for her young daughter. Being overweight can lead to so many health issues, but also bulemia and depression and with the hardships of growing up these days, she doesn't need anything else against her. Again, way to go for already looking out for her. She's lucky to have a step-mom like you in her corner.

I haven't read all the responses, but it sounds to me like your step daughter is seeking attention and comfort from food. She may be very lonely and confused- and the red flag is that she admitted that she is bored when she eats.

This may be a huge responsibility for you to take on, but since you are so caring and want to help her, one suggestion I have is to find a fiction book that is written at her level that may deal with her pre-teen struggles like overeating, or divorce- ask a librarian to help with a few selections. It can be easier to identify with characters when the truth is too painful to admit, or even to difficult for her to put into words. She is still very young.
She seems like she is open to talking, which is excellent.
You (and possibly your husband) should read the book before giving it to her, or suggest that the two of you read it together. This has the potential to keep the communication open, nurturing, and loving. You may be able to identify with the character yourself, from when you were her age struggling with another issue, then gently ask her if there is anything she can relate to...
This is just an idea, but it may also cure her boredom and foster a new habit, as well as build trust, compassion, and love for you as a significant role model in her life.
I admire your willingness to help her be her best. Always keep your tender heart- especially towards children. :)

It sounds like you are doing the right things. I would definitely talk to her doctor but not in front of her. I have noticed with my kids that they respond well to positive reinforcements instead of criticism. They are also more willing to do things that I am doing. So my point is... I eat really fun healthy snacks that they help me make. Sometimes it is celery sticks with peanut butter and raisins to make it look like a lizard or other snacks that we make into animals or faces. I found kid cookbooks that have all sorts of ways to make food fun. My girls love this. We also play outside all the time. Summer is the perfect excuse to do this. When we are active, our minds are distracted from eating. I have an overactive metabolism that rarely lets me feel full. I am always hungry and unless I am doing something, I am always eating. Playing with my girls keeps me in line. If I am doing anything that requires me to think and use my hands, then I am less likely to stop and go eat. Good luck!

Hi S.!

My niece was/is in a similar situation she is also 9 years old and overweight. My sister noticed similar behavior in her daughter and that she was sneaking food. When she was asked about the missing food, she would lie about it. My sister found food wrappers and juice/soda bottles hidden in her room. My sister doesn't allow juice or soda in the house, so as a result my niece began stealing small amounts of change from my sister to purchase these things at school. My sister, of course, was concerned and ended up getting a referral from her doctor for a counselor/dietician. One of the questions the doctor asked my sister about her daughter's behavior was whether or not she would shy away from groups of kids her own age, which she said may occur because other kids her age may be smaller in size.

Anyway, the doctor recommended a support group for my niece that consisted of other kids like her where they can talk, participate in activities and also follow a more healthy diet.

My niece did not like going to the doctor and is fighting the whole process, but my sister is trying to be as supportive as possible and trying to take her daughter's feelings and concerns into account.

The other ladies gave excellent suggestions about other food options and activities.

You are definitely a great Mom to be concerned and wanting to get help for your daughter. If nothing else it is a good idea to get to the root of the problem, whether it is a thyroid problem or something else.

Good luck!

Hello S.:)
It is great that you're contacting a doctor, but I will tell you my story anyways...
My family never had good eating habits. They did cook from scratch, but used a lot fats, bad carbs and sugars.I was always a big kid, but it was even with my height,so I was not overweight. By the time I started school(all that sitting), it caught up with me and my parents started limiting my food intake. The thing is,I had 7 years of bad eating as much as i wanted, so when suddenly there was a limit I was ALWAYS hungry, because my stomack was soooooooo stretched out. I started sneaking food. First it was out of hunger, and later it developed into a food addiction.And having a fat gene did not help either (by the way both of my parents're skinny, but grandmothers are overweight).
Still to this day I believe that my family did not transition me from one eating habit to another the right way.
Through all my struggles i found that it is not how much you eat it's what you eat.(as a teenager I developed anarecxia and went from 200lb to 110(5'8)by eating alot of(only)......apples...I am sure if I would be eating donuts the result would not be the same. Now I am not suggesting that that was a right way to loose weight, it messes your head up).
Your stepdaughter had 9 long years of developing habits(not just eating) so I am sure change can not be made overnight.
What I found the best for controlling hunger having something every 2 hours.Sometimes if I feel hungry after an hour I'd grab and apple/cup of natural apple sause/cup of skim milk or something like that.
My kids eat when they are hungry,I just give them healthy choices. You know we stayed with my inlaws in the beginning of this year and they do not eat healthy . After just 2 months I could not button my 3 year olds pants that were very big prior to that. Well we've been back home for 3 months now and he again needs a belt(nothing changed but the kind of food he's been eating)
Please make sure you read the lables though, because lots of
food that apper to be healthy has lots of additives in it.(and they say that artificial sweeteners actually make you more hungry).
Activity is very important too.Riding bikes, swimming or just taking a walk a family after dinner can make a world if difference(by the way I played every sport that there was as a child and walked everywhere(lived in a city), but it still did not matter cuz I was sneaking so much junk late at night).
Also talk to your stepdaughter,about feelings, school, friends,if she gets teased, missing mom (my parents were too busy with work, so I just "talked" to food:(...)
It is wonderful that she has a stepmom that cares(I am sure you have a lot going on with your youngest being "2":))
Wishing you the best!!!!!!!!!1

Hi, S.. Have you tried getting her interested in a hobby such as scrapbooking, dancing, sports, etc. If she is eating because she is bored (a habit that I have as well), maybe she needs something to keep her occupied. I think that it's good that you're getting her checked out. You might want to ask the doctor to suggest a good nutritionist/therapist who can talk to your daughter to get at the root of her need to eat so much.

Hi S. W,
The first thing I thought of while reading your request is, maybe you should get your daughter into some activities for the summer, like swimming or tennis or something that she enjoys. Then maybe she won't be bored durring her down times and meal times and snack times will continue to be structured. I'm also thinking maybe since coming to stay with you if her friends are not around now, the summer activities would introduce her to new friends to talk to and do stuff with.
I'm not a mom yet, but hope to be really soon with the help of fertility drugs. I want to then be a stay at home mom as well. Good luck with your daughter.

Hi S.,

Your child needs professional help.

Contact your local children's hospital.

www.chkd.org

Get into a support group for moms.

www.kidspriorityone.org or ###-###-####

Hope this helps. Good luck. Thanks for caring about your child. D.

First, S., you are right to be concerned, you are a good parent to be taking action, and get that thyroid checked! SM's ideas are terrific.

Also, get your stepdaughter out of the house immediately. Is she in any summer activities? That doesn't have to mean camps, though it can. Is she away from her normal friends if she's with you "for the summer" only? If so, she needs activities with other kids to keep her from being bored and eating, plus she needs physical action -- exercise not only burns calories, it actually can suppress appetite for a while after exercising. How about lessons (what's she interested in? Tennis, swimming, soccer; maybe something more unusual like archery or fencing? If it interests her, go with it)? Or even arts or crafts lessons -- try your local community arts center or county recreation centers. She needs to be occupied and interested. Can you take her to the playground regularly?

While at home, she also might respond well to having more responsibilities around your house. Don't make her feel this is punishment--make it an honor for her as the big kid. Find something she really would like to take responsibility for, like helping with your toddler or weeding the garden and then planting gorgeous flowers she made a special trip with you to choose for herself (that's physical activity!) etc. Maybe pay her a little for "extra" chores that go above and beyond keeping the house going.

When she eats less or helps more, give her lots and lots of praise and attention. Even though you and your husband clearly pay attention to this young lady, in her mind it may still be hard being the big kid when there's a cute and attention-getting 2-year-old around. Is it possible she's stressed being away from her mom? Even if the relationship with her mom is in some way tough for the girl, she may still feel out of place and on her own, even if you and your husband are close to her. Can you talk with her about this?

The actions of shoveling food into her mouth from dishes in the kitchen literally while the family's still eating in the other room are worrying. You may end up having to remember to put food away quickly. I'd put all leftovers that I could into the freezer --it's harder to stuff yourself out of the freezer than the fridge! Since you're clearly aware of her tendency to chow on lots of what's left, cook a lot less and make it her job to put things away in the freezer or fridge (with you in the kitchen, not hovering or scolding but watchfully busy doing something else a the same time).

And do consider whether counseling is in order if all this doesn't work. Will she stay with you in the fall or return to fast food at her mom's? That's a big issue, I think. If you get her on a good track this summer, consider how to help her continue it. Good luck.

I definately think you should seek the assistance of a pediatrician and get a referral to a nutritionis for kids.

However, for the immediate time, you might try a bin of safe foods, things she can eat plenty of. Fill a bin with fruit, veggies, fat free yogurt - whatever you consider "safe." Tell her when she is hungry she can have anything from the bin she wants and don't limit how much she eats. Only control the portions of meat, sweets, etc.

In my expereince, kids who feel overregulated, are more likely to have eating problems or poor nutrition - either they become picky or they overeat when left to their own devices. You want to teach her how to eat, not control her eating. If she is overweight, it is likely due to processed foods and sugary drinks and snacks, not fuit and vegetables.

I highly recommend Dr. Sears book "Healthiest Kid in the Neighborhood" or something like that - easy and good discussion of kids nutrition.

Good luck - you are doing a good thing, but I think you probably can't do it without some research and professional advice.

I don't have a much experience with nine year olds but I have dealt with an eating disorder myself and struggled with weight issues most of my life starting around your daughter age and I have worked in the past as a family therapist. I would definitely get all medical aspects checked out but I also know that most of the time with food issues its not what you are eating it is what is eating you. De-emphasize the behavior rather focus on engaging her in other positive activities. Try to engage in as little talk about food or even the behavior. Talk with her on her level about her life and spend time with her on her activities. Let her know that she does not have to sneak food. As the behavior subsides then you can talk about about. Remember, this is an awkward situation for her, she may be having trouble adjusting to a different household and different rules.

Hello S.! :)

Instead of having the food sit out put it away as soon as you put the food on the plates. Just make sure everyone has the proper food servings. Then put in the refridge. I'm sure you will be able to see or hear her trying to sneak and get some more. Have you tried giving her more milk instead of juice? That fills up our little one if it isn't time to eat. The problem also might be that she thinks the food is just really good! She "apparently" isn't used to have a real home cooked meal every night and wants to take advantage of that.

I have to admit I used to be a food sneaker and still can be after my husband goes to work (especially since he has lost weight by just eating friut all the time)it makes me fell better too. But, then I realized (even though I am 24) I need energy. Have you tried a basketball hoop? I'm sure her and her dad would have a great time with that. Do you live near the park? Maybe 30 minutes a day you and the kids go out there and walk the track and bring an apple and water or gatorade for everyone as a snack afterwords. Just keep encouraging her to stay active sign her up for the local county soccer or tennis teams. I would let the Dr. know when you go to take her but, I would talk to the dr. in private at first bc, this is a sensitive thing her and ya'll to deal with. I would call this an eating disorder that is hard to deal with especially since there are a lot of different things going on her life (on both side of the family). That might been her way of stepping back and doing something that makes her feel good but, just try to bring alternatives to the table such as different exercises.

A little about me: I have an amazing daughter who is 5 yrs old and a husband that I feel like I'm reconnecting with everyday. Thanks to my "wonderful" family. YOU know who you are. ;)