32 answers

Child Invited on a "Mom"trip

My sister and I recently started planning a trip together. I have 3 small children and have never had a vacation, even an overnight trip without them. That is 8 years! We are planning a beach, escape winter type of trip. Today she tells me she feels bad that her 14 year old daughter will be home rather than away with us. She wants to invite her along. Great. No it's not the end of the world, and she's not young like my kids but it will entirely change our vacation. As I mentioned this is a very rare luxury for me. They on the other hand go on at least one vacation a year as a family. Hawaii, Dominican etc so it's not like her daughter has never been anywhere. Am I wrong to be resenting this?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks for all the replies, and yes I think it's too late to do anything about it. I agreed to her changing the plans so it is what it is. I need to learn to speak up for myself or pay the price. I just didn't want to offend her by saying no... Oh well. Soon I'll be sitting on the beach enjoying myself and out of the snow!!

Featured Answers

It's not wrong to want it to be an adult trip. It's not wrong for her to want to take her daughter. It is wrong for her to change the dynamics without asking the other parties but if you say "Great" without saying "That's great and it would be great for her to come since she is 14 and not a little kid but I am really looking forward to an adults only/sister getaway. Can we plan something else with her later?"

9 moms found this helpful

I don't think you need to feel awkward about this at ALL. You deserve to have adult time, without filtering what you say. I filter around children and a vacation to completely let down and let go, you deserve it!!

"I love (said 14), but I'm so looking forward to adult time. I just feel like I need this trip to be just adults. Love to include her next time..."

I would resent it big time. Protect that adult time!

Add: I love my daughter and include her on so much, but I'm that much better for her because I get that time for me.

9 moms found this helpful

"Sis, I was really looking forward to an adults-only trip. It's something I haven't had in nearly a decade. As much as I love Niece, I really want to keep this adults-only... SISTERS only. We can plan another weekend where we take Niece along. It's not that we're leaving her out this time. We're leaving ALL of the children out AND the husbands."

She can either accept it or not, and if not then you can plan the trip with a friend.

7 moms found this helpful

More Answers

You're wrong IF you haven't told her.

Meaning if you say "Yeah, okay, great" and then seethe in secret... That's wrong.

Meaning tell your sister

A) you want it to be an adult trip
B) you haven't had a vacation in 8 years (people who go on yearly vacations often forget not everyone does)

11 moms found this helpful

Even at age 21 it would change things. I do not talk dirty around my son and he is 21+. But, with an all girls trip, of course you wanna talk without the filter.

She's your sister. Tell her how you feel!

I envy that you and a sister would take such a trip. I could not/would not with my 2 sisters.

10 moms found this helpful

It's not wrong to want it to be an adult trip. It's not wrong for her to want to take her daughter. It is wrong for her to change the dynamics without asking the other parties but if you say "Great" without saying "That's great and it would be great for her to come since she is 14 and not a little kid but I am really looking forward to an adults only/sister getaway. Can we plan something else with her later?"

9 moms found this helpful

I don't think you need to feel awkward about this at ALL. You deserve to have adult time, without filtering what you say. I filter around children and a vacation to completely let down and let go, you deserve it!!

"I love (said 14), but I'm so looking forward to adult time. I just feel like I need this trip to be just adults. Love to include her next time..."

I would resent it big time. Protect that adult time!

Add: I love my daughter and include her on so much, but I'm that much better for her because I get that time for me.

9 moms found this helpful

I would totally feel the same way. It puts you in an awkward position because if you say nothing, you don't get what you were really hoping for and spending a lot of money on, but if you do say something it may put a damper on the whole thing. I don't know your sister or your relationship with her, so maybe it will be fine? I have freinds who have done things like this before. I'm sorry but it's irritating to me that some people just can't bear to be away from their kids every now and then. Like if they have fun without their kids they can no longer claim to be the wonderful, giving, selfless matyrs they make themselves to be. Ugh!

8 moms found this helpful

"Sis, I was really looking forward to an adults-only trip. It's something I haven't had in nearly a decade. As much as I love Niece, I really want to keep this adults-only... SISTERS only. We can plan another weekend where we take Niece along. It's not that we're leaving her out this time. We're leaving ALL of the children out AND the husbands."

She can either accept it or not, and if not then you can plan the trip with a friend.

7 moms found this helpful

I think sister needs to get over feeling badly that teenager has to stay home. I have two teens and I have had sisters weekends every year without them since they were probably 3 and 7. I think you should tell sister that if she wants a getaway with her daughter, to please go ahead and take it, and that if she should decide at another time to do just a sister's getaway, without any kids at all, to let you know. I don't understand feeling guilty for doing something without your kids and thinking they're entitled to everything adults get.

6 moms found this helpful

No, I don't think you're wrong in your feelings. However, instead of being resentful I'd just be direct with my sister (at least I hope I would) - "I really need an adults-only trip so if you can't go without dear niece [whom I love to pieces btw] then I'm going to head to a spa by myself."

Do not give up this chance to have a retreat. My mom and I did a "mom's retreat" (no kids or grandkids) a couple years ago and it was wonderful!

6 moms found this helpful

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