Chasing Baby

L.,

As I read this, it seems that more than one issue pops up. So let's go with the obvious first: your son's desire to go his own way. I hate to say it, but this is most certainly the definition of the toddler stage--finding out one's limits, seeking independence and taking another step toward becoming their own person. Each child manifests this differently. Some kids are very acquiescent while others are 'suddenly' a whole other person. I've got a toddler myself and wonder sometimes at who he is. Toddlers are mercurial (their moods change constantly), and one book that might help you understand how *normal* your son's actions are is "The Science of Parenting", an easy-to-read book on human brain development and how it affects emotion and behavior.

Having nannied for years, I have worked with several children who do what you described. I have one word for you: bring a STROLLER with you. Everywhere. To the mall, library, even in the parking lot at the store until you get him into the cart. He has two choices: "You may hold my hand or you may ride in the stroller." When my son runs into the street (big game!) he is immediately popped into the stroller without a lot of discussion. "Little boys who run into the street must sit in their stroller while mama does her work." It has taken me a few months, but he's starting to get the message.

At that point, nothing more needs to be discussed. We parents often overtalk things. The idea is do what needs to be done. Yes, it sucks when our kids are tantruming in the stroller. Guess what, every other person in that store either has 1. had that screaming child at one time or another or 2.been that screaming child. Take deep breaths and remember that this too shall pass. It really, truly does.

One reason our children limp out and struggle is because they are *biologically and developmentally trying to get away from us*. This doesn't mean that we are bad parents, this has to do with their own self-motivation for independence and autonomy. Give him opportunities to run outdoors, at parks and other open areas. Baseball fields are great for this.

Another thing to consider is precorrection. This is just the practice of explaining to your son what is about to happen and what is expected. I would advise against asking a twoyear old to make any agreement to behave. There is a reason that we must legally be 18 before we are on the hook for binding agreements. Nor do I think that punishment is the answer. Both of these techniques can blow the situation out of proportion, either by forcing a child to commit to actions in the future--(2 y.o. live it the present)or to take away everything good about the trip. Are library books a "reward" or just part of your trip? Making something exciting and dear contingent upon impulse control is truly making it too hard for your kiddo, and this will end up with misery for both of you. That's why I suggest finishing what you are doing and then leaving. The library is not unfamiliar with toddler meltdowns, and forcing our children to stifle their emotions (even ones that are unpleasant for us) will inhibit their ability to feel their emotions are "okay" later in life. Even at this age, we can provide empathy with boundaries in a way that helps the child feel secure and loved, even when they are sad or frustrated that they cannot run around or do as they please. "I see you are very angry and I need to finish up here." Respectful to both of you.

The other thing I would encourage you to do is to relax. From your description, it sounds like you are trying very hard to do "the right thing" for your boy. Remember that kids begin to give up naps at this age, so stay flexible and introduce quiet times when you feel the time has come. It's easy to become a bit rigid as parents when we are so worried about consistency that we forget that they are growiing and changing!

My best to you and your little boy!

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Your last sentence was your answer. You DO need to buy a child harness and strap him in every time you go public. I know there are people who freak out about this and think there is something wrong with it, but I believe that my child's safety is the top priority. I also went through this stage with my daughter where she wanted to take off and run away from me. The harness kept her in my vicinity, but I still had my hands free pretty much to do other things. In the beginning, there may be some balking from the child about it, but be firm and consistent. "This is the only way we are going anywhere, because Mommy loves you too much to let you run free when you dont mind." As your child grows, you will know when it is no longer needed, but those 2 to 3 year olds often do. You have to come up with a ready response to those people who will come up to you and be horrified that you leashed your child. I dont remember what mine was, but I recall being solid about why I was doing it. I loved my baby and did not want anyone to steal her or for her to get into a dangerous situation in that quick flash of time it takes for a toddler to take off. There are plenty of other people, generally Moms, who will support you and know that the child is not traumatized by being on a harness and leash. And you may still get the limp baby routine, even on the end of the leash, pick him up, keep going, dont take off the harness. He will get it soon enough that it is staying until you feel he is developed enough to mind you when you speak to him. Good luck, hang in there, those can be challenging years, but they set the platform for the rest of his life.

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What's wrong with putting a harness on him? Walk around for a bit with your arm in the air and see how it feels...it's not that comfortable and yet that's what we expect our children to do when we have to keep hold of their hand, because their arm has to go up in the air to reach ours. And think about this: a wrist to wrist hand holder actually gives the child more freedom to walk around but you're still totally in control. We always had our toddlers on hand holders (don't actually know what those wrist to wrist things are called, but that's what we called them) and they were NEVER a problem to take in public: mall, farmer's market, the fair, etc.
I know the majority of people who read this will think how barbaric to leash a child like a dog, but who cares? I think it would be scarier to have my child hit by a car than to have my dog hit by a car. And this will really throw those folks for a loop: we kept one hand holder hanging on the same hook as the dog leash, so when it was time for a walk, everyone could be safe and protected. And why should my dog have more freedom to move about than my child? I promise you this: if you can get passed the "What will people think?" stage, you and your toddler will be more happy and relaxed on public outings. And if the major downfall to having your child on a "leash" is that he'll be happy, calm, well behaved and a pleasure to take in public, then so be it!
Good luck,
MKS

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It's partly the age. Limp baby syndrome is hard to deal with, I totally understand. What I do is if we are out, just pick them up calmly as possible and walk out to the car, and go home. If we're at home, I just walk away very calmly. They only can be limp for so long, you'll eventually get them to do what you need them to.

One suggestion though, for the Library, If you look online at their websites, you can browse books there. I go to the county libraries, and my routine is, look online, select the books I want to look at and put them on hold.

The library notifies me when they've put a book on hold for me. Then, it's just a quick run in, look at the books, decide which to check out, and which to leave (if any). I check out, and return the books I need to. Makes it much faster, and more tolerable for my 20 mo old. HTH

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Hi L.,

I sure hear your frustration! Aren't 2 year olds loads of fun?

Seriously though, 2 year olds are at that age where they tests boundaries over and over again just to see if the limits that parents put in place still exist. They thrive on the security that comes with knowing that the boundaries are consistent, no matter what hijinks they try to pull. Thast's not to say that the stunts they pull aren't scary, because sometimes our kids will pull things that will give us heart attacks, but unfortunatly, that's all part of being a 2 year old.

With that said, you may need to be a bit more clear on the expectations when you go someplace. For examlpe, when you go to the library, when it comes time to check out the books you can say to him "Mommy needs you to stand next to her while she checks out the books. If you run away, we will leave and the books will stay here." And be prepared to leave. Same goes the department store. Tell him if he runs away/doesn't hold your hand, you'll leave, then follow through. He's not going to be happy about leaving, and he'll let you know he's unhappy, but it's as necessary part of the process.

Be prepared for the behavior to get worse before it gets better, but he'll eventually get it. It just takes time.

When it comes to crossing the street, or similar street issues, my motto is safety first, and there is no compromise, EVER. If a child is unwilling to hold my hand or does the going limp routine, then I have no problem picking the child up and carrying him across the street even if he is kicking and screaming, end of discussion. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, and I hope I don't sound like I am criticizing you, because that it not my intent, but I don't want to take the risk of my child getting hurt. You really need to be very firm on this with your child, and use a no nonsense tone of voice with him to get your point across. He needs to understand that you mean business on this.

Anyway, I hope this helps. Good luck! Enjoy your 2 year old!

1 mom found this helpful

My son is almost 22 months and is starting the behaviors you've described. Frustrating! I did buy a harness (a little monkey whose arms and legs wrap around and buckle, and the monkey head peeks over my son's shoulder) and I use it occasionally - crowded days at the zoo, aquarium, and the airport. It lets me look "up" for those few seconds without fear of him disappearing into the masses. "Monkey" rides in the stroller basket when not in use.

It should be noted that the harness isn't a dog leash: if you jerk monkey's tail with your child attached, you will knock your child off his feet, backward. You will certainly earn dirty looks if this is the case. I have found that I actually get more smiles from strangers when my child is happy wearing a monkey backpack (enjoying his 3-foot circle of freedom) than I do when he's screaming and struggling in my arms.

My son is *slowly* learning that there are two options (even when wearing monkey): hold my hand/push the stroller, or ride. Sometimes neither of these is acceptable to him, so then he rides. Screeching, but safe.

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L.,

PLEASE!!!! don't buy one of those stupid leashes for the kids. These are little people, not some kind of pet to be jerked around.

That being said, his behavior can be changed, and fairly easily. If he doesn't listen and do as he's told he doesn't get his freedom. If he throws a tantrum, which he will, leave. This has worked for my now 5 year old, and is working on my 2 year old.

It goes like this in my house: stay with Mom and Dad or you go in the cart/stroller. If you throw a fit we leave the public area and go straight home.

Both of my kids love their freedom of movement and caught on quickly to what was expected of them. The other thing that works is red light/green light. Red: stop, Green: go, Yellow: slow down/walk, Purple: come back, Blue: Here comes Daddy to get you :)

Hope this helps,
M.

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I got a leash, for number 2 (of 4).

He had no sense of staying near mommy, and I was disabled by a back injury and literally *couldn't* catch him if he ran ... I had to hope he got interested in something and stopped. Obviously, not acceptable, safety-wise.

Interestingly, with both #2 and #3 (who had rebellion escape issues, due to her parents separating), only two(?)ish, maybe three, times of using the kid-leash and they didn't really try to escape anymore--because I was very clear that if they *did* try to escape, they would have to wear the leash again. And I did do what I said I would.

And I didn't use it to "drag them around," I walked with them holding their hand like I preferred, but if they dashed, then the leash--around their torso and my wrist--would stop the escape. Which was key from the safety point of view.

Now I am mostly recovered from my back injury and I just make sure I have a very firm grip on hands. Or use the not-as-looked-down-upon-but-it's-still-actually-a-leash method of keeping the runaway risk strapped into a stroller or a shopping cart. Same idea, really. (Really, it's a bit ridiculous to look down on a leash if you have ever used a cart or stroller as a containment device, isn't it? Kids hate them just as much, if they want to be running.)

If my older kids are being a problem (on a walk or in a store), I require them to keep one or both hands on the cart/stroller handle/mommy's beltloops--depending on the type of their inappropriate behavior (wandering off = one hand, grabbing stuff off of shelves = both hands).

If you do decide to try the leash thing, the current social taboo about them (and yes, you will get oh, so nasty glares--remember, if you choose the leash, that you are choosing it because you think it is the best way to keep your child from running into the street or getting lost in a department store, or whatever is the reason big enough to face the social scorn) ... anyhow, the current taboo about them means they are hard to find at stores that cater to people with strong aristocratic social assumptions (or who would like to think they have such assumptions ;) ). I found mine at Kmart, and it is a solidly constructed, carefully designed to fit safely on the toddler/small child leash.

OK, that's my countercultural Mamasource for today (sigh).
Good luck with solving the running away!

I think he is testing you to see how much he can get away with.

I suggest that you give him two options (every time you go somewhere). Either he can be a big boy and behave and walk with you properly, or he can ride in the stroller. When he pulls the limp baby trick, calmly pick him up, walk back to the car, get out the stroller, plop him in it and say "maybe you can try again next time".

Around 2 and a half, my son became obsessed with what big boys do... "big boys don't wear diapers", "big boys don't sit in carts or strollers", "big boys don't sit in highchairs", etc. It worked out well because I told him that if he didn't want to sit in the cart or stroller he had to walk with me and obey, and if he didn't want to sit in a highchair, then he had to stay in his seat. Worked (and still does) very well!

I had this problem with my daughter when she was that age. I ended up using the harness. I later found a wrist harness at Babies R Us that I could put in my purse. I told her why I was using it every time I put it on her to drive home the unwanted behavior. I would carry the wrist harness in my purse & when she started to think running away & hiding was fun again I would just catch her and put it on again. After a few months, I would give her a warning I would put it back on if she didn't behave & bring it out of my pusre & show her I had it. That was usually enough to stop that behavior once she was old enough to understand.

Clearly defining your expectations before you go some place & the consequenses if he doesn't follow the rules also helps & you must follow through with the consequense you gave right away with out getting mad.

My daughter used to hate grocery shopping. so I got all the essentials (perishables) at night when her dad was home. I planned this very carefully. I told her my expectations before we went into the store, when she acted up I ditched the cart to a cahier, telling them these groceries need to go back (non perishables) so they didn't have to hurry or loose money. I not only left the store & went home, she got a nap because she must be tired not listening to mommy.

Don't worry about any looks you think you are going to get for using a leash or harness. Most people who have had kids looked at mine & say "I wish they had those when I had kids." My husband fought me on the harness until he herd those positive comments, then he was putting it on himself becuse he liked th safety factor.

Don't worry about other people you are taking care of the safety of your child. Besides that harness helped my daughter keep her front teeth on more than a few ocassions she would be walking & start to fall & I would pull up on the harness just in time to stop her face from hitting the pavement.

I think that sometimes it is okay to have a harness on. Ours is really cute and is a teddy bear back pack. I don't use it all the time, just when safety is the biggest issue. My daughter just turned two the end of May and does seem to need it less and less as her understanding gets broader. She has always been a very athletic child and loves to run. We go hiking all the time and are a very active family, so I think it was difficult for her to understand what environments she could run in. So, I have tried to give her several acceptable outlets where it is okay to run. I definitely saw this behavior worsen when it was cold and rainy outside and we were not getting out to the parks to play. I also have to add my daughter loves her backpack and you can tuck the little leash into the backpack so if she is doing a good job of staying by me, I just tuck that in. I definitely agree with some of the comments about leaving when their behavior is inappopriate, but I don't think that always sends the right message. It can also teach them, when I act out we can leave the store, which is sometimes what they want to do anyway. I definitely think finding entertaining things to do for my daughter while shopping has also helped us. The actual check out line is the most challenging part of the shopping experience for me, so I am always trying to find something different to entertain her while we check out. I think also positively reinforcing when they have met your expectations seems to help out a lot.

What you have there is a 2 year old! First of all his behavior (and yours) are totally normal. It is an extremely challenging time for parents and children. At 2 1/2 we are just starting to get beyond the craziness, here are a few things that we did that you can put into your pool of resources if you'd like. Different things work at different times with a 2 year old but it's very important to continue to reinforce good behavior and set of firm consequences for negative or dangerous behavior.

In parking lots or crossing the street we require our daughter to either hold our hand or she must be carried. Because she is 2 and wants to walk or run everywhere, being carried is something that she hates. Even still, she has pulled the "limp baby," as you call it, in the middle of the street/parking lot, or pulled her hand away and ran off. Of course in any situation where there is danger you send the message that your child is in danger by how you react. My husband and I immediately pick her up, take her to safety and in a stern voice say, "DANGER. That was dangerous, don't you ever run away from mommy/daddy like that!" She didn't understand everything we said but our tone of voice and prompt action in the situation clearly sent a message that we could see reflected in her startled expression. It didn't stop the behavior right away. 2 year olds are creatures of impulse, we are just starting to get to a point where our daughter is beginning to control some of those impulses.

I also tried to let her know what the plan was before we got out of the car so she had an idea of what we were about to do and what was expected of her. Always remind remind remind your child what is expected.

In places like the airport or the zoo we used a combination of a toddler harness and a stroller. We tried to make wearing the harness or riding in the stroller fun for her. The harness was used more as a tool to guard against those moments when she would just take off and run away. I never ever pulled her by it nor did I tug on the harness at all. When she was tired of the harness the only other option we gave her was to ride in the stroller, if she wasn't ready to ride in the stroller just yet then she had to wear the harness. All the same rules applied with the harness. I always would let her know what to expect, She actually still plays by putting the harness on at times. I really hated the whole idea of the harness but was scared to death something terrible would happen. I too was worried that she would hate it and I would end up pulling her around by it. But, we put it on her and then just behaved normally. Any tantrums or limp baby routines were treated the same as without the harness, she could either be carried or ride in the stroller/cart.

In the grocery store I learned that my husband and I were approaching the situation differently. When he would take her with him to the store he would allow her to run down the aisles and he would chase her. For me, I wanted her to stay right next to me until we were done. If she ever strayed too far the consequence was her loss of freedom. She would then have to ride in the cart. She never liked that option and always, still, will have a tantrum. But I just put her in the cart seat, seatbelt her in, and continue with my shopping ignoring her protests. I've also learned that spending more than 10-15 minutes in a store is too long. If I have many stops to make (for us it's more than 3 now) or I need to be shopping longer than 10-15 minutes then I try to have my husband or a friend watch her for me (we do an exchange of service rather than monetary payment) or I get a few things one day, and a few more the next.

Whatever standard of behavior and consequence you set up, always be consistent. The more consistent you are, the sooner your child will "get it".

When it comes to checking books out at the library, try browsing and reserving your books online. Or at least finding out where exactly they are in the library before you go so that will cut the time you are spending at the library doing things your child will find boring. You can read blurbs about specific books on Amazon if they don't have them available online at your library's website. You could also put him in a stroller with a couple books he might like that you may or may not be checking out to buy you some time.

Get a harness!
I too was one of the (childless) people who looked at kids on harnesses like the parents were insane.

Fast forward: now the mom of an active, very independent daughter, I got one for a trip to europe and it was (still is) a lifesaver, especially in crowded situations like the airport, mall or the zoo. MUCH better than having her trying to escape her stoller while screaming at the top of her lungs.

As for limp baby - mine does that too at times and I simply pick her up and tell her she gets to walk again when she can behave. She will scream, cry and kick for a few minutes while I carry her and then she usually gets the point and will be fine when I put her back on the ground.

Good luck!

I know it's not popular but buy a harness. I did the same for my daughter about that age - she refused to hold my hand. Granted silly as it is - I don't think we once went out with it - we worked on all the training techniques as suggested and she's pretty good.

Still she's 3 and we do put her in shopping cart because she does like to run - her favorite place to run is Staples - she did it once now thinks that is all she does.

Working on training is really hard but the harness at the least keeps them from running off - say into traffic or at the mall. Believe it or not - he will eventually learn. That being said - limp baby - doesn't matter with the harness - if you are able still try to pick him up. I've seen red light work really well but all of these take time.

Good luck to you!

L. - At only two years old I'm surprised he's down walking at all. I don't think I went anywhere with kids that age who weren't either in the stroller or the Ergo carrier. Since they don't understand the danger of being kidnapped or injured, you can't really expect them to stay by your side when all their instincts tell them to explore!

Now once you're at the library, I would let them out to look at books, be read to, whatever, but when it's time to go then baby gets back in stroller or carrier and you gather books and go check out.

Whatever the situation, fits are normal. You just need to respond quickly and consistently every time. If you're in a store you stop what you're doing and leave. Perhaps you give him one chance, so maybe head for a restroom or other private area and say, "Are we going to go home, or will you behave properly?" If it happens again then you go straight to the car. I've had to apologize more than once to the customer service employee at the grocery store and leave my full cart there for them to put away. Teenagers are annoyed, but adults are always understanding. They know that teaching proper behavior is more important than getting the shopping done.

Finally, don't despair! Every mom is in it with you and has to pass through this phase. Your son is normal! You and your husband have to be very patient and committed to the response you choose, and very soon you'll have a three year old who isn't a problem for you!

Blessings!

Harnesses aren't all bad, you know. You don't have to 'drag' your son around with one. You can just keep a loose hold on it, to limit him getting more than a few feet from you.

I'm not sure what a good answer is. I haven't been able to cure the 'playing chase' with my daughter yet, either. Good luck.

Hi, L.,
My son also turned 2 on July 7 and exhibits similar behavior. He goes to a Montessori and has been going there since last Sep. In school he listens to many more things than he does at home. As soon as he turned 2 we have heard from the teachers that he is way more assertive, very willful, sometimes will pretend not to listen when his name is called. As soon as he comes home he throws a fit. The only thing that calms him is clinging to me (he is a mamma's boy when I'm around), going on a stroll, or if he is allowed to play in the backyard.
Your library incidence was similar to my trip to the play area in the Washington Mall. He kept running away to the carts that looked like firetrucks (yes, firetrucks and trains and planes are a big fascination). After I brought him back 2 times, he got really mad and didn't want to play anymore. Then, he wanted my drink. When I refused, there was another tantrum. So, I strapped him back in his stroller and decided to walk around the mall. Big fits again. When I brought him down from the stroller, he started running (and he is a fast runner) in all the stores, looked happy and thrilled. At some point patience runs out. No amount of firm words, scolding was helping. So, I packed him in the car and came home.
My son, the only time he sits still and can do that very well(if he is allowed to) for 30 minutes or so, watch his shows on TV/DVD. He also loves music a lot. Otherwise, it is constant movement. Jumping, running, throwing himself at me -- constantly. The only thing that works for him at home is the time-out chair, in which he will sit and will not get up until asked to. at school they've given him and a few others a mat on which they go and jump to get their "excess" energy out.
So, what I've been reading and have been told is that this is the age they are learning rapidly a lot of info, getting more and more verbal and sometimes things are just overwhelming/frustrating for them and hence they will act out. Also, they get very strong willed since their sense of self is emerging. They somewhat understand the "rules" yet they always don't want to play by it. So, redirecting their activities is one way to go about it. Also, this is the time, some boundaries have to be set if disciplining is ever going to work. But you know as well as I go that a 2 year old can be only disciplined so much.
What is interesting is that my son, for instance is very social and charming (when he wants to be). He has a lot of attention while watching TV and saying things, laughing etc etc, loves looking at books and being read to (will keep saying more, more books), and then this "other" behavior.
Other moms of "boys" have told me to expect this. It is normal. Once they are 3 (late 3), or 4 they get more managable.
Hang in there.

R.

My daughter is just older than yours and does the same things a little. At the library and stores in particular, one of the things I do is have her "help" me with whatever we're doing. If we're checking out books, she holds the book and puts it under the scanner thingy. She also carries the checkout receipt or the books depending how heavy they are. Same idea at the store. She hands the cashier the coupons, credit card, etc, and then gets the reciept to carry out or sometimes a small bag. If we're making a quicker trip to the store, she helps by carrying the basket. When it gets too heavy for her to handle on her own, she holds one handle and I hold the other. I have the weight, but it gives her a way to stay connected to me that seems to help her feel like she still has lots of independance.

I also offer the choice of walking and holding my hand or being carried. I make it clear that if she can't hold my hand then I will have to pick her up. I'm pregnant and due this month so I don't really want to be carrying her, but knowing that those are the only two choices works well for us. Once I started offering her the choice, she started holding my hand much better.

You have suggested your own solution, take your baby cart with you, empty. The minute he starts misbehaving, put him in the cart. Don't threaten, do. If he calms down, check out the books and go your merry way.

Actions at this age are more important than words. Make your actions calm and without emotions.

If he starts to crawl out, strap him in, leave the books on the desk--ask the librarian to save them for you. Try again in a few minutes if you can handle it or the next day if you can't. Take him out of the car and the baby cart. If he misbehaves put him back in the cart.

Remember not to threaten. Do, calmly.

PS, welcome to the twos.

My son was the same way. I confined him to a stroller or shopping cart for most situations. As he gets closer to 3 he is getting better, but I still confine him to the stroller for certain situations. When we go to the park I usually talk to him before we get out of the car and let him know he needs to listen to me and stay close to me, and if he doesn't then we will have to leave. Of course he had to test me to see if I meant what I said so there were many times that we had to leave the park because he ran away from me. I remember one day at the park as we were leaving he "went limp" so I kept walking and waved goodbye to him thinking he would get up and follow me if he thought I might leave him behind. Instead he got up, looked at me, shrugged, turned around, and ran in the opposite direction to go find someone to play with. Each month though he is getting more and more reasonable. Just hang in there and it will get better. Don't get discouraged by temporary set backs. One week my son is listening and being wonderful, and the next week he is acting crazy, but overall he is getting better and better each month. He never used to run out into the street and then suddenly he did it five times in one week. One day I took him out to the car and talked to him about how big and heavy the car is and told him he would get really hurt if he were to get hit by a car. I don't know if that sunk in but he hasn't run in the street again since then. Be patient and consistent and know that it will get better!

This is harsh perhaps, but it's what I did. You suggest that most of the places are places he looks forward to going to. But when he's there, he starts running around.

My younger son did this (my daughter did a very little), and after a few times, I sat down with him before the trip and told him if he did not stay with me and behave well, we were leaving.

As I expected, he tested the boundaries. And we left. I picked him up and walked out the door with him. I've left groceries in a cart, left shopping stuff in the department store, and even left library books at the library (I just put them on a table so they could be reshelved). I've left restaurants, sometimes in mid-meal (thankfully, my husband's always been there to stay with my daughter, but my son and I have sat in the car, NOT eating and NOT going back in). If he knows and dreads the consequences, especially consequences that follow logically from what he does, he will curb his behavior. You just have to show him you mean what you say.

Good luck with this! I can't say I don't know the frustration you are feeling!

It still may take a while, but eventually he will get the idea.

I agree with Megan. Quick and consistent consequences are the key.

When my daughter was 1 1/2 or so, we made contracts before engaging in an activity where she had shown a propensity for pushing limits. It worked very well, and by that I mean that after enforcing the consequences IMMEDIATELY a dozen or so times for a broken contract, she got it and became much more cooperative. The younger the child, the more repeats you'll probably need. ;-)

Make it clear before you take him somewhere what the rules are, and what the benefit is to him for following those rules. Ask him whether he agrees to follow the rules. He'll usually say yes if he wants to go, of course. Then tell him clearly that you will leave immediately if he forgets to follow the rules.

When you get to your destination, remind him again of his agreement and the consequence just before you let him out of the car or stroller. Be sure he still agrees to the whole contract.

Once you go into the library, store, or park, he will forget, of course. Probably on multiple occasions, little guys being little guys and all. So initiate this whole process for the purpose of ultimately make your life easier and your son safer. Plan trips that YOU EXPECT to end up in limp, unhappy baby mode. They will be successful trips for you if they result in your watching for, expecting, and immediately responding to his breach of contract. Just go home calmly.

Repeat as necessary. At some point, maybe quickly since he's a bright boy, you'll get the delight of his keeping the contract and the two of you getting to do "that thing" you went for.

You have already gotten a lot of extensive responses, so I'll try to keep it as short as possible.

SAFETY FIRST!!! I didn't really like the idea of the body harnesses either. So I used the wrist-to-wrist leash with much success. Kids are smarter than people give them credit for. They will learn quickly if you respond quickly with natural consequences (running away results in some form of restraint or leaving the area) and are consistant (including your husband). I really like the idea of keeping the leash in your purse or diaper bag and making sure your child knows you have it and are not afraid to use it. Now be careful with leaving the area. If you are somewhere he likes to be, leaving is a consequence. If you are somewhere he would rather not be, leaving is a reward.

The pre-trip discussions also worked for me. I'd explain to my kids what I expected and what the consequences would be if they didn't behave. Then I made sure to follow through.

And I'll also add one more thing at the risk of major criticism. Talking nice and calm all the time is over-rated in my mind. Sometimes you have to bend down, look your child in the face, and talk VERY firmly. One time my oldest started running away and a car was coming. Out of reflex I screeched "STOP". He reacted to the sound of my voice more than the words spoken and stopped immediately. I explained to him that Mommy was very scared when he ran off and told him that car could have squashed him on the road. He never ran away from me again. My second son is more of a risk taker. Sometimes I'd have to talk to him with my teeth clinched. Only then would he get the point. If I didn't his reaction was "So what, the fun was worth the consequence."

As with anything in parenting, you have to experiment to find something that works to match the personality of each child. Children will always test boundries no matter how old they get. Find what works and use it regardless of what others may think or say.

Oh L....as you know, Sam started this long ago and that is the very reason we don't go anywhere without a carrier or stroller.
We actually have a borrowed backpack leash thing, but haven't tried it yet, since we started thinking that for Sam it would probably end worse than our normal options.
From what I hear (on my other mama boards and irl) this is totally normal at this age and most of the people I've talked with about it say it usually gets better by 2.5, with your consistent "discipline." Which, I know you two are doing.
I feel your frustration and can at least commiserate with you, even if I don't have much, if any good advice. ;)

We had a body harness that we used as a consequence if kiddo wouldn't stay near as required. Basically we explained it as:

For safety you need to hold mommy's hand, if you choose not to hold mommy's hand and run off you will wear a harness so that mommy can do her job and keep you safe. When you prove to me that you can walk and hold hands as necessary then you can try it without the harness again.

The harness wasn't used instead of the required hand-holding but as an addtional security tool should the running off continue to happen.

You can do the same thing with a stroller, we have an unbrella one that folds up and can be carried over a shoulder on a strap. You just pop the stroller open and place the little one in it if he doesn't stay close as requried.

It's great to see that he's developing his independance but I know how scary it is when this creates a safety/security concern.

Good luck!

You've gotten a lot of responses already, but most of them seem to be to just buy a harness so I thought I would respond with a different opinion.
I do not agree with leashing your child like an animal. I don't believe it teaches them anything.

I agree with the taking the stroller places. That's what we did. Except to the stores that have carts. Then we just carry the kid in and put them right in the cart. There are certain places we give them the freedom to roam and the chance to prove they can follow directions but some we don't. In the store, it's just not an option until they are a bit older.
The stroller is a life saver! Don't want to behave? You'll have to sit. Still don't want to behave? We'll leave. That's the best thing you can do. Not always. If the tantrum isn't too bad then we just ignore it and keep going, but if it gets really bad we leave.

The reality is that with a 2 yr old, it's just gonna happen. They don't have the ability to reason the way you do as you get older. Bad behavior is gonna happen and tantrums are gonna happen. Also, enjoy 2 because it's nothing compared to 3 and 4! Seriously!

I agree safety first..I just don't agree with leashing your child.

Obviously your 2-year old LOVES his freedom! I would get the little harness for him, with the leash that attaches to your arm. This has saved my children from being run over in the parking lot, because AS SOON as my attention was diverted, my youngest would take off like a jet into the oncoming traffic! 2 yrs old is the worst! This same child was almost run down in the street by a patrol car!! It's either that or stay home.

Some people look at the harness and leash like you're treating the child like a dog - but better treated like a dog than run over!

I agree with the other posts.. Get a child harness with a leash. They really do work well and keep your child safe. I think it's better to let them walk and have some freedom rather than being forced into a stroller everywhere you go. Another thing that I did was let my son ride his tricycle when we were out walking. He would stay right with me if he was on his bike. What your child is doing is COMPLETELY normal. I think every child does this at some point. Good luck!

Use a stroller in the dangerous public places, and use positive enforcement when disciplining. It is a 2 yr. old independence thing. He will especially feed off your frustration, so try your hardest to remain calm in the moment, it makes all the difference. My daughter was that exact same way, but we got through it!