Charity Birthday Advice

Dear S.,
First off, I think that it is a great idea and I have quite a few friends who did do it with their kids and it was the parents idea, not the kids.I think we live in a society that is very self centered and its ideas like this that help kids (and adults) think about those who aren't as materially blessed as we are and also become a little more other focused. IT would also be a GREAT thing for your son's friends to learn from too.

Here's what I would do -

I think the first is to discuss it wiht your son. Talk to them about how you think it would be a cool idea to maybe give kids who don't have toys (elaborate on that) some new things. I would still tell him that he'll still be getting gifts from you and your husband and family. I would also encourage you and your husband to do the same, like a cool family tradition.

Then I would brainstorm with him different charities that are out there that help kids (homeless shelters, Ronald MCDonald house by Children's, Children's hospital, Crisis pregnancy centers) and then let him pick where he would like to donate stuff to.

Then I would visit that place, talking to the organization before hand. I know if you go to the ronald McDonald house or a crisis pregnancy center or William Beaumont Royal Oak, they would be very happy to encourge your son, show him around and really empathize what a help his donated gifts will be. I would include on the invites what he wants his friends to bring to donate. Take your cues from him after he visits.

Maybe even let him take pictures at the place so he can show his friends where the gifts would be going. At 8 he would probably be happy to be able to take pictures and be "in charge" of knowing what kind of supplies they need.

I would also have the gifts come unwrapped to the party (that's what I've seen anytime I've done or attended a party like this) and then let your son go with you to drop it off. I'm sure you will all walk away with a good feeling from helping others and being able to make a difference in the community. I know that almost all of the parties I've gone to wtih kids who have donated their gifts, the kids have beamed iwth joy and pride when dropping off their gifts and have willingly and dillgently wanted to do the same the following year. All my friends who have done this always take their kids out for ice cream or something after dropping them off and make sure to really affirm how proud they are of their child for helping others, etc.

I would also make sure to bring the addresses and names of the kids (tell the organization NOT to put the names on ANY mailing list) and ask the organization to send out "Thank you" to the kids. Kids love getting mail esp. from someplace "official"

I have done this before for my own birthday party a few years back and it was a huge hit. There's lots of online wording available for donating gifts. I also have been to quite a few parties where the parents have done just what I suggested. I would like to say that the kids have not been traumatized at all nor will they grow up and be on Dr. Phil explaining how their entire life was ruined because they didn't get 20 gifts on THEIR birthday. They didn't cry for long durations and they certainly weren't lacking in gifts (they still got family ones) but they did gain a deeper apprecaition for all that they have, learn about charities in their area, see the value and blessing in helping others and got that wonderful "feel good" feeling from helping those around them.

I applaud you for thinking about doing such a thing and hope that you go for it, if you still feel that's in the best interest of your family. If you do, PM me. I would like to send your son a bday card thanking him for caring for those around him = : )

5 moms found this helpful

S.,

Asking an 8 yr old to have a charity party might be a little more than he is emotionally able to do right now. You could just casually bring it up to him. He might be great with the idea. Or maybe you could ask his friends to bring one small treat for your son, and bring a canned good etc. Some people do it for an animal shelter, so they can bring old used blankets, towels, dog/cat food, treats etc. Much less expensive for the givers.
If all those ideas don't seem to be going over for you child, you could do a reverse charity party. By that I mean, for each gift your child gets, he picks out one of the toys he has outgrown and he donates those to charity. Better yet, you could encourage his friends to bring their gently used clothes, toys etc to donate. Sorry if I'm throwing too many ideas your way. If all else fails and he's just too young for this idea, set an example. On your birthday ask friends to donate to a certain charity instead of giving you gifts. In any case, Happy Birthday to your child. You're generous spirit is setting such a great example. S.

3 moms found this helpful

What a fabulous idea. My sister recently did the same thing, sort of. Some people still chose to bring gifts. Explain to your son his gift is to have the people who love him and like him around him celebrating his special day. Sharing goods times, food and cake. That although your family fortunately are OK right, some families can't afford to feed themselves or their pets.

The reason I say pets is, my sister had all of my niece's guest bring a can of cat food to donate to a local cat rescue.

What is yours sons favorite, dog or cat?

Just an idea. Good luck. D.

2 moms found this helpful

S.,

I have 5 boys and for birthdays we have always discouraged gift-giving. They invite children over for the birthday celebration, with food, and cake. But we always request NO GIFTS PLEASE. They recieve plenty of gifts from us and their grandparents. We want the focus to be on enjoying the company of people they like to be around.

As for the wording of the invitiations: We would love the pleasure of your company at (childs name) Birthday celebration. Please come at (time) for food, cake, and playtime (or games, or waterfight, etc). We are requesting NO GIFTS PLEASE, but if you feel you need to bring something we are making donations of (cash, toys, etc. Whatever would be appropriate here) to ( name of charitable organization) celebrate (childs name) birthday.

2 moms found this helpful

Coming late here, but I've had many no gift parties for my kids. I do it this way - we can do gifts if they want a small party (5 or less very close friends). If it's more than that it's just TOO MUCH STUFF. We have lots of close relatives that give our 2 children gifts too. 15-20 gifts is a ton of stuff.

I would just write "No gifts please!" on your invitation. If you'd like to do a charity party (I have been to kid's birthday parties like that), I think you can also write on the invitation "If you'd like, please bring a donation for the food shelf (or whatever your cause is)" I think this is becoming more common these days. Kids parties these days tend to get completely overblown.

Anyway - good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

I think it's a great idea, I have a friend who did this - but the difference was that her child suggested it - it wasn't pushed on her. To get it to work you need to get your son on board with the idea. You could add something like this to the invitation - "In lieu of a birthday card, please bring a book to be donated to the local (shelter / children's hospital, etc) and feel free to write a message of encouragement inside the cover". It would still allow for your son to receive presents, but will allow for everyone to really feel good about the donations as well.

1 mom found this helpful

Okay, I apologize if you have another response like this - didn't have time to look through them all this morning. My MOMS Club is doing food bags for the homeless that we carry in our cars to give to the people who are holding the "Homeless, Hungry" signs. The bags are all shelf-stable food (so you can LEAVE it in your car until you come upon a friend in need) with canned foods that have pop tops (No can openener needed). We include fruit, veggies, starches, and proteins. We also include hand sanitizing wipes, napkins, plasticwear, and toothbrush/toothpaste. All in all it's a little over 2000 calories (enough for 1 day for one person) and it costs less than $10 per day. (Less if you get donations or good sales.) :-) If you would like to see how we did it we have a blog:
http://momshelpforthehomeless.blogspot.com/?zx=4f741c63d9...
Please be sensible and do not put yourself or your kids in danger in your attempts to help.
Even if you don't use it for your birthday idea, can't hurt to be charitable ALL year! :-)
Hope this helps!
:-)
Jen

1 mom found this helpful

I'd definately talk to your son about it and explain the importance of charity. Some kids don't have what he does, etc. I don't think I'd go this route for a birthday but more power to you if that's what you want. I think the guests will understand if you just tell them no presents please.

I think the more important thing is teaching charity everyday. Perhaps volunteer at a soup kitchen and see if your son can also help, then he could see first hand that helping people is rewarding and fun. Maybe get some canned goods together to donate. Something that helped my daughter was showing her pictures of kids living in poverty. I then explained about what these kids life is like and how lucky she is to have the things she does. It helps alot to have a visual for them.

My daughter is also an only child so I totally understand the difficulty sharing! We regularly go through her toys and donate old ones to Goodwill. To make it easier I'll let her choose between a few things that she supposedly can't live without and she can pick one or two toys to keep rather than give away. Heck, if it makes it easier maybe you could give a couple of his old toys to friends of his that have less than what he does. That way he can see firsthand how happy it makes him and others when he shares.

1 mom found this helpful

we did this with my daughter who just turned 7. She got her main gifts from her family (high ticket items..DS, American Girl Doll, & New Bike). She had invited 30 kids, and we asked that each child bring a bag of cat and or dog food, to be donated in her name, to Operation Kindness here in Carrollton. We got over 30 bags of food, and the shelter was VERY greatful. The parents thought that it was a great idea! Now, I made sure this is something that my daughter really wanted to do, and she did. She was very porud of herself, and we are VERY proud of her. It teaches her and her friends an improtant life lesson..to give back to community. Besides..do the kids every play withe everything that they get for their birthday? Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi,
I had a "baby shower" birthday party for my son when he was 13. Kids love babies and I explained how there are babies born everyday to mommies that don't have the nicer things for their babies, so in lieu of presents for my son he received these wonderful baby items. We called the local Women's Center, Elizabeth's New Life Center, to find out what items to ask for dependent on their needs. They were so appreciative of the thought. It not only raised my son's awareness of children in need, but it also was a good reminder to him and all his young friends that if they do not make good decisions in these coming years that they may be the ones looking for help as a young teen parent. All the kids were very surprised to see how much it cost just for 3 little baby t-shirts. It gave them a learning opportunity into what it might cost to raise a child. I hope this helps. Have a great birthday party!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi S.,

I too, am a service-minded mom. I'm not sure what I think of the birthday idea. I do think birthdays are for celebrating, and the focus should be on him. In the past, we have had "no gift" birthday parties to remind my girls that it is more important to have friends than presents. They responded to that very well! Not only that, but they know they have enough already and don't need more. The parents loved the idea as the economy was getting tight also. What we did then was gather up their unwanted toys and books and clothes and donated them to a local donation center. I think having them help load and drop it off helped them to appreciate what they have. They then could imagine how the kids would feel when they received those things. It was a teachable moment, for sure.
I think it is a wonderful idea to want to help, and he should be a part of it, I just think he should be able to have a regular birthday party. Part of the fun is his guests being able to hand him a gift and see him open it. There are so many other charitable things you can do with him also....soup kitchen work, pet shelter, food pantry, cleaning up roads, etc... to really let him see the needs around him and to feel a part of his community.
He may not be enthusiastic at first. All kids are different. Some are more self-centered than others, and some are just not mature enough yet. It's not a natural thing for most kids to want to give to others. It is taught, and it takes time. Give him plenty of time to understand and most likely he'll turn out to be a very compassionate kid!
I applaud your efforts! Whatever you decide, I'm sure it will work out just great, as your heart is certainly in the right place.

J.

1 mom found this helpful

Are you kidding? Sorry. Wow. I can't imagine how you'd get an 8 year old to give away all his gifts. I will be watching to see the wisdom of this group on this one!

S.

Hmm, I've never heard of this for a child's birthday, but what I would suggest is that you compromise on that plan. Instead of having the friend's parents make the donation to a charity, have him go throw his toy box and find games and toys that are still in good working order (no missing pieces and still looks nice) and donate the old toys to a children's hospital or to another organization that can get them to kids who don't have toys. You could also try having him donate half of his new toys to a charity and letting him keep the rest of them. Good luck and happy birthday! (My brother turns 21 on Aug. 21st and I have no idea how that happened either.)

I agree with the previous person. I think it is very important to teach him to give to charity, but I don't think his birthday is the best way to do it. (It's SUPPOSED to be his day about him.) If you still want to do it, though, maybe you could have him pick only a set number of new toys (say 5) from his party to give to charity (as opposed to all). (I do agree that 20 toys would be A LOT of toys to be getting!)

OR, even better - you could let him keep all the toys from his friends and suggest that the present from mom and dad be a charity. World Vision has great catalouges (you can look online) where he can choose an actual item or service to be donated (like chickens, immunizations, or a soccer ball).

There are websites that have great ideas for how to help others - like work in soup kitchens, send cards to the wounded soldiers, etc. Maybe you could try one of those with him.

I admire your decision to teach him this. Kudos to you, Mom.

I know i'm late reponding but here is yet another idea :)For my daughters 8th birhtday she had a Birthday Wishes party, which is an organization that provides birhtday parties for homeless children. I included their website and information with her invitations, along with a don't feel obligated to bring any gift, but if you do, please bringa gift to be donated for a child age 0-16. You can print invitations from their site (i think) www.birthdaywishes.org. close family still gave her gifts, but her friends brought gifts that could be donated to homeless children - and some people made cash donations in her name. It was her choice to have a big party and i told her that she had to pick a charity becasue no matter what you say people feel obligated to bring gifts!!! I gave her some choices (cradles to craoyons, toys for tots, birthday wishes) she chose Birthday Wishes because it was her birthday (7 year old logic i guess!)

Teaching children about charity is fabulous! with everything they are given YEAR-ROUND, it is great to teach them that...and therte are plenty of opportunities to do that YEAR-ROUND. A birthday, however, at the age is still an incredibly exciting thing (just had one for my daughter a week ago and it she has been talking about it since Spring!). In my eyes, she is still a little girl who is not "too-cool" for celebrating and being excited. I really think asking for gifts to a charity is a bad idea for two reasons. First, a bithday is such a special thing that happens once a year and is their only "me-day" (it is not a holiday that every other kid is celebrating)...it is their day to literally "celebrate" the day/the moment they were born. Second, it is somewhat pushy(?) to dictate how another person/kid/family should soend their money for his birthday. I know my kids still get very excited about picking out their friends bit=rthday gifts and are always dying to be the first to have their gift opened because they are so excited about "giving".

Personally, i would choose another venue for teaching my child this lesson about charity. If you feel an uncontrollable need of your own to teach him this on his birthday, maybe tell him ahead of time that you think he should choose ONE of his gifts to doante to a needy child (or even use a gift card that he will undoubtedly receive to go pick something out).

There is a reason he would not be thrilled/on board, he is only 8. My two cents is let him have his one day of the year to himself and choose another way(s) to teach him about the many forms of charity. Just my two cents...

At this time of year, City Team Ministries is looking for help supplying the poor with school supplies. Every year our Church helps as well as other churches but the need is even larger this year. I suggest you contact them on how to help.
F.

I think you could help him with his charitable duties in a different way. Go work at a shelter, donate his time at church, donate his time helping an elderly neighbor with yardwork....there are lots of ways to teach our little ones to be charitable. I think he is too young to understand that HIS birthday might fall into this category rather than being about him on his day. One day a year CAN be just about him.

My thought is that charity is not giving up your own happiness. He is eight, and an eight year old wants the party and gifts and fun that accompanies it. Now I agree, you could encourage him to donate old clothes and toys that he no longer uses to a charity. You could suggest that if he receives more than one of the same gift that he donate it (that is what my kids do). You can teach charity on so many other levels: Toys for Tots at Christmas, food bank donations, help a neighbor with odd jobs, etc. Charity should be something you teach a child to appreciate and enjoy, not loathe. Charity should feel good, like you are giving, not like you are losing or having something taken from you. Maybe you could request that everyone bring a canned good to the party to be donated to a local food bank, and then you could take the items and a birthday cake (a treat in addition to the other food) to the food bank for your son to deliver. That makes it a win-win situation. He get a party and gifts AND he is charitable.

Hi S.,

You and your family are so fortunate to do such a thing. If you are religious, I will strongly suggest you pray first and allow God to give you the words to say to your son. and also to show him pictures of less fortunate kids so he can get an idea.

I am excited about your family because my husband and I are reconciling our marriage since a year in half. We also have been married for twelve years.

May God Bless You and Your Family,

Mrs. V. A. Coleman

My daughter has been invited to several of these however they weren't until she was 10 or so. I don't think the age is the issue here and it is an excellent idea. Try to think of a charity where your son can actually be involved with seeing others receive these gifts so he understands how fortunate he is - maybe a shelter for abused women and children or a pediatric hospital ward. I think the reward he gets from actually giving the gifts will effect him more than anything. When it comes to convincing your son tell him you are having a normal family b day party where he gets gifts from the parents and extended family and you are giving him a party to celebrate with his friends and have a day of fun with them. However,there are so many kids out there that don't get even a "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" acknowledgement or hug from thier families and you want to do something for those kids so the theme of the party will involve buying a gift for those kids to give them a happy birthday too. It is very difficult to get children to relate at this age but I also believe it is the age where we need to make them aware of the world around them. The more he can be involved with this the easier it will be. As far as the invite - most my daughter received simply said in lieu of a gift for the b day girl please bring "..." whatever you want to put there - which will be donated to "..." to help those in need. Other parents won't (or shouldn't) have an issue with this. You and your son will both feel so rewarded after doing this wonderful deed for those in need.

I think this is an AMAZING idea! Every year on my daughter's birthday, I alwasy think, does she really NEED any new toys? And the answer is no... You can always try talking to him about it and if he's dead set against it, you can try the route that some suggested of having him go through his old toys and give away the number of toys you'll expect he'll get as birthday gifts (for example, if there will be 10 friends at the party, have him choose 10 old toys to donate). But I don't think it's unfair to discuss the idea with him to have the new gifts go to charity instead... I feel it's a very important thing that we teach our kids how lucky they are and that not all children are so lucky. It seems that too much of the current generation feels totally entitled and things like this help break the cycle (in my opinion). Best of luck!

I, too, am interested in this answer. With 2 daughters, we have more than enough toys in our house. I started with my oldest daughter with "her friends" when she turned one, to do a book exchange. Everyone brought a wrapped new book and took turns picking a gift out of the basket. Everyone got to go home with a gift. I felt a book was much better than some toy that will just get thrown in the corner. This still works for her "Friend" parties and she'll be turning 5 soon. I would like to do the charity type thing as well, but didn't know when to start it. I want her to understand the meaning/purpose of it.

hey S.
that a hard thing for a 8 yr old to do .but what i have done in the pass is before my girls birthday they go thur there toy and stuff and make two piles one of stuff that still in good to great shape that they don't play with anymore and the other that are stuff they still play with the piles need to be = or the give away pile needs to be bigger then we take the pile of give away to a shellter.and my youngest gave half of her birthday money away this year on her own

Ok how about having him donate some of his older things, in good condition, so he is not getting a lot of new things and also having all his old thingss.

I love this idea, but I think it is something that should be done at his suggestion, not yours. Sure you can coax him a little, but he needs to be excited about it or this party is going to go over like a lead balloon. I think I would spend some time doing other volunteering and charitable activities, and work up to this when he is a little older. Birthdays (and pressents) are really big deals to kids this age. My 6 3/4 year old talks about her birthday plans (whose coming, what is the themes etc.)almost 3 or 4 times a week, all year!

S., I think you have to be very careful about this - and my advice is don't do it. It's your son's birthday - not yours - and all kids love to open presents. It's his celebration. Also, when you ask other parents to bring a gift for charity they think it's odd and the parents are strange - I'm concerned you'll get a reputation as a strange mother. Saying that, of course it's a great idea to help other kids less fortunate. What about agreeing with beforehand that if there are any presents that he doesn't like or has doubles of, that these get donated to a shelter. Or, you could ask a couple of family members - who might be more understanding - to make a donation to a charity on his behalf. But please let an eight year old boy have presents at his party. The only party where my son went and they asked for no presents, just a charity donation, all the parents brought a gift for the child too as they felt so bad for the child. Good luck - Alison

This is such a sweet idea but I can't imagine this being a happy experience or memory for a child at this age. I wouldn't do it. It's more of an adult thing and will probably backfire. God bless you for thinking of it.

I would suggest that you teach him the principles that you want him to learn in a different way. Maybe have him work and earn some money and then he can choose what charity, or person in need that can go do, that is much more fulfiling I would think.
Also I think it might "ruin" part of the fun of a birthday. It's no fun for the giver to give money to a charity for an 8yr old. Personally I would probably not give a gift and not donate towards whatever cause you have designated. I am not against causes etc... and we do give to them here and there but I just think that you should let him have a regular birthday with presents etc... and teach him how to give in a different situation, just my thoughts

S.,

I'm not sure this is the best idea if it was not his idea. I think teaching him is important yes, but I think that if all of his friends get their own normal birthday parties and gifts and he has to donate his then you may end up giving him a negative view on charity which is the opposite of what you are trying to do by educating him on it. I think its a great idea to donate toys that he doesn't play with. In fact, maybe after every birthday let's say he gets 10 toys, maybe he gets rid of 10 that he currently has and those go to charity. Then he doesn't end up with millions of toys and is still donating around his birthday which is what you want to teach him and you also teach him that he has a lot and he should share with kids that don't have much. Thanks for bringing this topic up, there are a lot of people that are in need especially right now.

Have you thought about letting him have his traditional birthday party and have him donate his old toys to a charity? If you explain things to him the right way, I'm sure he will be more than willing to donate the old toys when he has new toys to play with. This may also be a great time for you to clean out your garage/basement of old things that could be donated as well. By setting this example, he might be more willing to give up old toys.

At this age, I think that if you force the "charity birthday party" you are going to have a son who resents you and feels hurt. Take one step at a time and everything will work out!

Good luck!

wow, a lot of different responses here. I love this idea. i PERSONALLY - just my opinion...don't believe in big parties for kids every year. of course, their day should be recognized at home and do something special, but i think a big party is too much. part of my reasoning is the whole gift thing. what kid really needs 15-20 gifts in addition to gifts from family etc.? i think it teaches kids the wrong thing. i think that many of the responses here show why our world is so self centered. I think an 8 year old can absolutely have a spirit of giving, and do it happily. if we have low expectations for our kids, they will meet them...

i like jessica B's answer, of having a conversation with your son about it. tell him what you are thinking. maybe if there are a few things that he wants, you could speak with grandparents, or get them yourself, etc. and then he might be on board with cutting back the excess of getting a gift from EVERY person at the party. also, i loved her idea of showing him where the gifts would go.

it might be a good idea to suggest a cash donation in lieu of gifts, because i can see how parading age appropriate gifts in front of a kid would be difficult!

also, if you present the party as one of his gifts, maybe he won't expect a lot. if he is used to having parties every year and getting a lot, it might be more difficult. but maybe you could talk up the party as a big deal without focusing on the presents.

I think it is great that you want to instill in your children the gift of giving. If you want to make this a part of their lifelong learning, it has to be done in a way that is not such a huge sacrifice for him, such as giving up the all-anticipated birthday presents. A suggestion would be to make it a theme party, such as, for example, pets, and ask guests if they would like to bring a can of dog/cat food to the party to be donated. Not instead of a gift, but in addition to. Your son and you can decorate a box for the cans, and then maybe he could take some of his own money, or earn about $5.00 and donate it to the shelter you will be taking the cans to. So he will learn to realize that giving is 1) necessary, 2) can be incorporated in to his life without taking away from what is special to him) 3) and it puts the message to the other kids about giving. I have been to parties where the parents asked for donations instead of gifts, and I have to say that donations were given, but the guests also bought a present for the birthday girl, because the guests weren't sure if the idea came from the child, or if it came from the parents and the child wasn't totally on board with it. Approach your child with something like, "wouldn't it be great to feel good about doing something for someone else and celebrating your brithday at the same time" and see how he feels.

I agree with the rest of the posters. How about donating one of his outgrown toys, clothes, books for every year he is. So he is turning 8, how about chosing 8 items he doesn't play with anymore and donating that. How about assisting an elderly person in the neighborhood with weeding, sweeping or bringing a meal. You can also take food in to the local pantrys etc...That way your son won't think you are mommy dearest by discouraging birthday gifts. He is only young once and in a couple years, these parties die down so let him have his fun but teach him stewardship & charity in different ways. Have fun!