Changing High Schools for a Child That Does Not Fit In???

He's old enough to have an opinion and some say in the matter. If HE wants to change schools and his parents are on board with it then I think that's all that really matters.
And some kids NEVER fit into the high school scene. I had a friend with a son like that, very bright but he thought high school was ridiculous and that his fellow classmates were idiots (can you blame him, lol!) Once he got to college he absolutely thrived :)

What does he want? I think the question is WHY doesn't he fit in? There is no guarantee he'll do any better in a different school. Is he too intelligent for the other kids? Too quirky? Is the depression causing social issues? Switching schools may not make him suddenly fit in with a particular crowd in school. At 16, he is really old enough to manage his own social life (I have a 16 year old). He should know what his interests are and be involved in activities that center around his interests, where he will be exposed to other teens with similar interests.

Well I think the question is: What's different about the school they want to switch him to? How will it benefit him?

My daughter changed schools in hgih school, not for that reason. Her grades turned around instatnly and she found a group of good friends. It was much better for her. It was a slower paced, country school. She got to leave her mistakes and embarassments behind her and start over.

I was totally a no-fit in my highschool except for my honors classes. The 30 of us were aliens to the rest of the school. I didn't need a big school or a small school. I needed the group of 30 other smart kids and the insulation of our little corner of the school to find my place.

Bottom line - who knows, but maybe. Hopefully this kid will find his place in the world with the love and support of his family and friends.

He should be given a say in it since it is his education they are dealing with but it could be what is best for him. Being able to start over. I wish my parents would have let me do it when I was in high school my high school years were TERRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I trust you mean next year. Switching this year will be disruptive, period.

I've seen a lot of depressed kids over the years as a teacher. They often stop completing homework, withdraw socially, and perhaps experience panic attacks, IBM, frequent absences and a host of other things. I am glad he is seeing a counselor. Hopefully the person is a good fit. The therapist will determine whether he has situational depression or chronic depression. If situational, perhaps a change will be useful. If it is chronic, a change may be pointless without training in overcoming social anxiety.

He needs to find his interests and then the kids with similar interests will come. Does his school have a robotics team? The tournaments are fascinating and fun. Science Olympiad? Drama? Debate? Art? The Go Club?

I feel for him. Teens can be so self conscious. I hope the outcome works for him.

Large high schools can be very challenging. My two stepkids both opted out of the big high school in our district for a 400 student magnet school partway into their junior years. They both fit in there much better. The teacher's knew them, the instruction and guidance was more individualized, the building was less imposing, and the groups of kids smaller.

I think a shy depreseed kid who has problems making friends should be in a smaller school where the teachers can take more time with each student. You would think a bigger school would give him more opportunity to meet mroe kids but it just means he will be lost in the sauce. The teachers do not have the time. Get him in a smaller school where the teachers can watch the classes better and head off any problems before they excalate out of control

Let him switch. Sure, an adult could find someone compatible in a large space like that, but for an adolescent kid, once you've got a social identity, you're stuck with it. So if you're, say, the nerdy kid no one likes, you can't change identities unless you change schools. Cliques, even the geeky smart-kid clique, are hopelessly impermeable. With a fresh start, he can sort of regroup himself -- take on new taste in music, clothes, etc., and make friends during that first week or so when kids are friendly and polite to newcomers.

I have one who does not "fit in".
Academic derby or the debate team.
math team
sports, my daughter does swimming, it's individual but you're still on a team.
Does he play an instrument, violin, trumpet? Look into the band and orchestra, if he plays piano look into the jazz band.
Chess club
Robotics Club
FFA
FBLA
Engineering club or society
Does he want to move? We moved right before my son's senior year and again before my daughter's junior year. (military) Not good.

The only school I would move him to would be a math and Science academy, usually those are boarding schools, IMSA is one in Illinois. There is one in Raleigh, but for NC students Michigan should have one.
Is he taking courses that are challenging, Engineering, AP, Dual Enrollment?
Does he want to fit in? Or does mom want him to fit in more?

1000 students is really small. Our last four high schools were all around 1200-1400. As a sophomor, my daughter knew almost every sophomore, junior, and she is not social.
Extremely smart kids sometimes don't know how to fit in. Changing schools just teaches them that if they run into problems in life then it's OK to run away from them.
Maybe have him take community college courses at night and graduate with an associates degree in two years from the high school and the junior college, then move on as a junior to a four year university.
Get him a job at a legal office or some place technical, Radio Shack, Best Buy,
Here;s a thought, have him ask that girl in the corner to prom next year, you know the one, the bookworm who has no friends. IN high school one of the geek boys with a pimpley face, our valedictorian, never went to prom, I had to ask some sophomore I didn't really know. Had Chris asked me, I would have gone with him, but he was too scared to ask anyone. 10 years later he was an anesthesiologist for a very large hospital in Illinois, making a very nice paycheck. He's now head of the anesthesiology dept. At the U of Chicago he found his place Your nephew will too.

Well, is it because he is very socially awkward? Because if so, then he will likely fall into the same rut in his new school. If he has some real social awkwardness, than perhaps his parents and counselor can work with him on that. He would likely thrive in a science driven charter school.

If he is being bullied a lot, or going through major depression, then yes, I would find him a new school. One with some math/science/chess/leadership clubs or something that he can start fresh in and that will hold his interest.

Also, he needs lots of encouragement. High school bullied smart kids/nerds often turn out to be really cool college kids and future bosses! Help give him some strength and longterm outlook.

He's 16. What does HE think?

I am wondering if he plays any type of sport, musical instrument, or is involved with any clubs?

I ask because my kid doesn't exactly "fit the mold:" i.e. a has a foreign-born parent, different house rules/expectations for grades, etc., yet is quite happy in school because I found out her interests/abilities and then went all-out to make sure she has a lot of time to pursue those and hang out with other kids who share the same interests. Just my .02...

ETA: and I agree with Sue W that a smaller environment where the teachers know him may help too!

Please don't think I am being unkind here because that is not my intent.
I feel that he needs to learn to fit in. He needs to find a solution to why he doesn't fit in at school. He has 6 yrs to college graduation. Then finding or starting a job; what will he do if he doesn't fit in at work --- quit? Get fired? Give up?

The simple truth is we don't all fit in everywhere. No matter where we go or who we work with or live with there will always be times when we don't fit in or are not liked by everyone. He needs to learn how to deal with not being liked by everyone -- he needs to understand that he's okay and they are okay --- however they are different and different is okay.

I had issues like that. The school I went to my freshman year was all girls, 100 students a class. Next year, still private, coed 250 a class. I ended up doing best in the public high school 500 students a class.

The larger school helped me blend into the walls better, then I was only interacting when I wanted to.

If your nephew wants to they should go for it. Could be the best thing they ever did. or could make no difference at all. But I see nothing wrong with it if the kid himself wants to try. I'd do it for my kid if things weren't going very well at the current High School. It's a decision they have to make together though.

I went to a very large high school and was a smart kid and felt like I never fit in. The school was in Texas and it revolved around football. I remember other students always trying to cheat off of me during tests...asking to and being very blatant about it. I did have friends and joined a couple clubs. Then I went to a small private university that was ALL smart kids. Wow - what a relief. I suddenly completely fit in with everyone and made TONS of real friends and really clicked with other people. I don't know what your nephew should do, but if he is that unhappy switching schools is worth a try. Let him know that life gets better after high school and encourage him to apply to amazing universities.

Hmmm.
My son is 16 and a Junior. He went to the same school all the way K-8 and being in a rural area, all the kids for the most part moved on to the same high school. However, kids travel long distances from outlying areas that are far more rural than we are so there's quite a mix of kids. My son is a mentor and he always sticks up for kids who are picked on or befriends kids who seem to be struggling socially.

I'm not sure that changing schools would be the best thing for your nephew. On one hand, it could give him a fresh start, but on the other hand, he would be the new kid with all new surroundings and things to figure out.
What does "not fitting in" mean? What does it mean to HIM?
Every high school has nerds, jocks, partiers, etc.
High schools have chess clubs, science clubs.
Maybe he's just not taking advantage of opportunities to involve himself with other students.
Okay, so he's a "genius". Is that label putting more pressure on him? Does he think that makes him different from everyone else?
Being a teenager is difficult, for sure. I just don't know that changing schools would change whatever is at the root of his problem as far as feeling he doesn't fit in.
I feel sorry a bit for boys sometimes because they definitely can go through a very "awkward" stage, which actually, is pretty normal.

I went to my 10 year high school reunion and we were all a-buzz about the gorgeous guy who was there because we didn't even recognize him. OMG! We all just about fainted when we figured it out because we ALL remembered him, and fondly, but dang....what a difference a few years made. He'd moved away for college and was a very successful businessman in L.A. and he wasn't the same lanky, goof-ball anymore. He won the award for most changed. He wasn't a boy anymore. Seriously gorgeous but still very down to earth and a bit shy.

Hopefully your nephew will find his way. It's not any easier in life after school. I would hope his guidance counselor would be able to help a bit as well.

I certainly wish him the best. I know it's a hard age.

If he's depressed where he is, and the parents don't have a problem to relocate him, I would suggest looking for an academy or school where there are other high intelligence kids. Maybe they're feeling the same way. Or did, until they started there.

My daughter changed schools in early May. The counselors decided that changing schools at that time of the school year was a good idea as opposed to waiting until the following school year started because she had a month and a half to see if she liked it. If it didn't work out, she could have started the new school year back at her old school.

Hi Lisa,

Well, my personal opinion is that if you are average (or within the range of average.... ) that your goal is to sort of "fit the mold" of what the world expects.... In other words.... it's sort of up to you to conform. At work, you get a job and do what they expect.

I think, however, that when you have a kid that operates OUTSIDE of this average that there are some different rules.

First of all, at 16 if he's highly intelligent and being underserved at his current school.... then HE is old enough (and capable enough) to have a say in his education. If he changes schools to where there is a more rigourous curiculum and/or a "skewed" student body HE will be the one that has increased workload etc in exhange for being around other kids who don't fall into the "normal / average" bracket..... make sense?

If he were my kid...... I would look into changing schools for him. To tap into to talents and surround him with people who can support and nurture his gift. Someone who is outside the norm (either direction) has "special needs". As a parent, it's my job to make sure his needs are met.

Good Luck

I would see what he wants n maybe homeschooling

I agree with the others. What does HE want?

Also, I had to laugh. Perception is everything. 1000 students sounds so tiny to me. I teach at a high school, and we have over 3000 students, and our school isn't the largest around here.

I hope your nephew finds his niche soon.