R.A. asks from Wayland, MI on June 15, 2008
I am looking for help. My bestfriend of 25 years just told me she has Cervial Cancer. It is Mild to Moderate. I have lost all four of my grandparents to cancer. I am just lost at the thought that I could lose her. We have been there for the birth of eachothers kids, and her husband is over seas fighting for our country. She has 3 young kids, and I am lost at how to help her. I have not even been able to being myself to call her since she told me. Anyone with any advice on this? Her doctors are not going to do anything, they want to wait for 6 months and do more biopsies. But I have a bad feeling about it. Please, anyone with adivce I need it. Thanks for Listening.
M.B. answers from Detroit on June 17, 2008
Listen,listen, listen. She needs support. Someone that doesn't try to fix everything, tell her what she should do, or what she could do better. She needs a sounding board. Do research and give her info. Network for her. Bring dinner, watch her kids, have a girl friends night out. Laugh together. My best friend had breast cancer, I did these things, she told me it was her best medicine. Don't hide, she needs you and you can be there for her.
D.H. answers from Detroit on June 16, 2008
Is it actually cancer, or is it dysplasia? They may have said pre-cancerous cells. It seems that if it were cancer they wouldn't wait 6 months for more biopsies. And the "mild to moderate" sounds like terminology they use for dysplasia. If it's dysplasia, it can be treated fairly easily. Alot of women have the pre-cancerous cells, and they have many ways to treat that. It doesn't include chemo or radiation. The best thing you can do for your friend is just to be there. Help her with her kids or around the house. The worst thing you can do, if it is cancer, is to worry about the worst. People with cancer need to have a positive outlook.
Hope everything goes well.
1 mom found this helpful
B.J. answers from Detroit on June 17, 2008
Call Her and let her know you are there for her, even if you are not sure what to say. I think options should be researched, I don't like the waiting for 6 months!
D.R. answers from Detroit on June 17, 2008
My advice to you is to BE THERE as much as possible, call her as much as you can. See if you can't talk her into going to another doctor to get a second opinion....and after that to another doctor for a 3rd opinion if you don't agree with the diagnosis.
Ask her if you can do anything to make her life easier, if she will let you. See if she would like you to go to appointments with her to offer moral support. Don't be gloomy and overly sympathetic, she isn't on her death bed.
Most of all, don't take no for an answer. BE THERE for her. Don't lose touch because of your fear of watching her go through these hard times. BE THERE for her!! Thats what best friends are for!!
I recently lost a good friend to a similar medical problem. And she wouldn't let anyone see her & she cut herself off from the world. I knew her the same length of time and you and your friend. And I regret NOT making a nuisance of myself until she would let me help her. I didnt get to say bye even. Although I did go to her funeral, it was a closed casket since she would have haunted us all if it stayed open!! She was the VAINEST person Iknew. LOL
Anyway, just BE THERE FOR HER!!
Good Luck to you & I will say a prayer
that yur friend gets the best medical
A.V. answers from Grand Rapids on June 16, 2008
I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Cancer is such a scary word- and yet these days there has been so much medical technology that there is hope that comes with this diagnosis. I pray for healing for your friend. You have the unique perspective of having gone down this road with your grandparents. First, you probably have knowledge of the "lingo" that goes along with cancer which might be a great help to your friend as she asks questions of her doctors, etc. You also probably understand better than most of us the emotional turmoil of going through a cancer diagnosis and treatment. Overall, as hard as it might be- your friend needs to hear your voice. She needs someone to weep with her and be scared with her and just have someone to walk beside her in this. It's going to be hard- I'm so sorry this trial is in your life again! I pray that God gives you the strength to have endurance you couldn't muster on your own. Take care & God bless!
T.C. answers from Detroit on June 17, 2008
I know how hard this must be on you after losing loved ones to cancer, but stop and think about how hard this is on your best friend. I know you aren't turning your back on her because you are here asking for advice....but she doesn't know that. To her you are probably letting her down in a time that she needs you the most. It may take everything you have emotionally but you need to call her. Sounds like a second opinion would be a good idea and maybe you could go to her appointment with her. That way she has a support system and you might also have a better understanding of what she is going through. I have had pre-cancerous cells more than once and I lost my mom to Leukemia. It's scary and I don't know what I would do if my best friend wasn't there for me.
F.W. answers from Detroit on June 17, 2008
Please don't feel that you have to say or do something in particular for your friend, just be there for her. Tell her you don't know what to say and that you are worried about her health. I'm sure she will understand why it is hard for you, considering what you have gone through with your grandparents. I have to wonder though, with the treatment plan, if she has cancer, or atypical cells on her pap smear? Education is key to understanding what is going on, so I suggest you look up cervical cancer and early detection web sites. This knowledge may relieve your concerns, and then you will be in a better position to be a friend to her. Take care.
S.S. answers from Detroit on June 17, 2008
R.- In Oct 2007 I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. My best friend made it a point to come and see me every week. She also would try to bring things to cheer me up every week. Whether it was some ice cream or some old letters we had written to each other years ago. After her visits, I would always feel better. I think right now just being there for your friend and cheering her up could work wonders, especially since her husband is gone. Also, if you could, I would volunteer to go to doctor's appointments with her, in case she doesn't want to go alone.
I guess the only thing that worries me, is that her doctors do not want to do anything right now. I think I would get a second opinion. Also, I went to a lecture on cancer back in March and they said that cervical cancers is now one of the most curable cancers. I think the survivial rate was up in the 90th percentile. So I don't think you have to worry too much about losing her, just be there for support:) Good luck:)
K.S. answers from Saginaw on June 16, 2008
Cancer is a very scary word. But cervical cancer is very treatable if caught and monitered early. It seems like the doctors have caught it in the very early stages (good!) My mother had cervical cancer in a later stage. But they removed the cancerous cells and she's never had any problems. I had some precancerous cells and the doctors performed a LEEP. They watch me closely and I've been fine ever since.
I agree with keeping a positive outlook for your friend. Do some research and reassure her. Just be the same towards her as you've always been.
Thoughts and prayers,