So this is a follow up to the post about my MIL. My MIL and I have not been on speaking terms for a good while now. DH and MIL came to blows a little before Christmas when MIL was threatening me. He has not spoken to her since. MIL does not call or acknowledge DS (He has his own cell phone) for Christmas. This was a weak attempt to "punish" us for cutting her out of our lives. A couple of weeks ago, she sent my DS a text message saying that she was going to send him a little something but because she hasn't had much money lately, that it was going to be small. (MIL is caring for SIL, BIL and their two children exclusively) He did not respond.
About a week later, we get a certified mail "letter" addressed to my husband for pick up at the post office. I wasn't entirely sure it was her "gift" but the last few times she has sent anything to DH or DS she tries to ensure that I do not and can not sign for it. (I guess she thinks that I will throw it away.) Well, I mentioned it in passing to my husband and left the card on the table for the remainder of the week. Due to our schedules, it is very difficult to pick up mail within their hours because we work a way's away. I was not going to concern myself with this because it obviously had nothing to do with me. Bottom line, it ended up getting returned. I don't know if my husband just didn't want to bother or if he was trying to send a clear message to his mother. We didn't discuss the letter and I forgot about it. That is until yesterday...
Youth hunt is this weekend and DH took DS on a trip. I did not expect to hear from them all weekend. I get a strange call from DH. He asks me if I ever picked up that letter from the post office. I replied that I honestly had forgotten about it. Well, DH's half brother (who is only 15) sends him a rather scathing, hateful text about how we returned DS's gift. He cussed at ranted at DH for 23 text messages. DH did not respond. When they figured out he wasn't responding, they began texting my phone and then my son's cell phone. I have never heard such foul, ugly, hateful, hurtful things. I deleted them from my son's phone as I hope he never sees them. My husband says to ignore, igonore. We are doing that, but I am furious that this woman would allow her teenage son to cuss and threaten a grown man.
We didn't return it, but we didn't jump right down to the post office to pick it up either. Nevermind the fact that she was trying to send the cheapest, thoughtless gift to our son. Not because that's all she could afford, she was using this as a dig to hurt DH and DS.
It's obvious we want nothing more to do with them. We are trying to sever ties the best way we know how, but this crazy behavior is making things VERY difficult. Does anyone know if you can block numbers for Iphones? I would die if my son had intercepted some of this woman's crazy banter. I am trying to do this without him knowing about it before they get home this afternoon. We have AT&T service. Thanks for any advice and help.
Let me clarify-The last "gift" she sent was less than $5 and the card had stuff spilled on it and was partially ripped. She spent more on the mailing of the gift than the actual gift just to say that ONLY DH was allowed to sign for the package. It really hurt my DS's feelings when he got the used gift and tattered card. I want her to stop with this all together. It would be one thing if it came from a place of love, but it's not.
Block their numbers - call the cell phone company if you have to. Call the police non-emergency line and ask what else you can do. Just continue to ignore. Any escalation on their part, especially if you have contacted the police, is going to reflect on them. If you have to, change the phone numbers. I would think you can do that without charge, especially if you tell the phone company you are receiving harassing phone calls/messages.
Well this all started because......
You all did not figure out a way to pick up this certified letter. Actually your husband did not pick up HIS certified letter.
Take ownership of this and just have husband inform her that HE just forgot. It is the truth. He does not have anything to hide..they either believe him or that don't. No hidden agendas.
They want a fight. They live for this stuff..
Instead stay above it and act extra civilized by behaving maturely.
Do not et them know you all are angry. Instead treat them as though they are obviously confused.
Husband could say.
I am sorry for the confusion. I have been so busy working, I just kept meaning to go to the pst office, but it opens and closes while I am at wrk.
I can tell you all have assumed the worst, but honestly we are fine, just super busy.
Ignore their crazy behaviors as though you did not notice.. Stay out of the drama... Ignore it.. I promise it will so baffle them... They will not know what to do.. And you all come off as gracious and stable.
I have and do live this life.. I have these people on my life. I have learned that indifference is a great way to drive people the most crazy....
But make me seem/feel in control.
Could've just picked up the letter without giving it to your son. I probably would've done that just to avoid anymore confrontation.
Your DH chose not to pick up the letter, knowing it would start some $h!t. . It's his job to clean up the mess now. You shouldn't even be involved.
As far as I know, having wanted to block someone, there is no way to block anyone. If it's really turning into a hassle your best bet is to, at the very least, change your son's phone number.
As for you and DH, either continue to ignore or send a very simple text asking her to please stop, keep your text messages and if they do not stop you can file harassment charges.
As for her allowing her young son to talk to your DH that way...remember, they are brothers first. The age matters little when it comes to siblings arguing. I'm 41 and have a 21 year old sister and a 19 year old brother....and we fight like siblings not adult/child.
Getting issued new phone numbers might be easier.
You could try this:
http://reviews.cnet.com/8301-19512_7-20102542-233/how-to-...
i don't know what to say. you either cut the ties completely,or you don't. if you do, there is no communicating whatsoever. if you do communicate when it's convenient then you just have to continue to do so, and not pick and choose when.
as for the gift? who cares.
First off, if it were "banter" then it would be lighthearted back and forth chatter. That's not what's happening. She and her family are harassing you and that's against the law. You now have texts proving it. I would file a police report.
If you're going to sever ties, then you have to choose not to care what they do. That means that even if they send something to the house then you don't open anything. Intentionally send things back with "return to sender." Don't allow your son to open mail from them. You have to behave as if they don't exist, as if they're dead. After you file harassment charges against them. Each and every time they harass your family.
Sorry--still wondering why someone with little money would send a grandchild a card & check/gift card OR even a gift certified mail.
Obviously not the cheapest choice.
Sounds like you all have control issues.
If she wants her grandson to have something, she can re-send.
If your son is responsible/old enough for an iPhone, he is aware of this craziness.
Sounds like your husband has the right idea: ignore.
Mom:
I am truly sorry. This situation sucks like no other. I don't know what caused the riff between you and your mother in law - but man - it's bad.
I don't know how to block phone numbers on cell phones. I am sure it's possible. This is what I found when I googled "how to block numbers on cell phone" http://www.ehow.com/how_###-###-####_block-cell-phone-num...
You need to stay out of "his" family dynamics. Which it sounds like you are doing. This sounds like a "bait" where the mom most likely used her son's cell phone to say what it is she wanted to say....she sent it to your son's phone knowing you would read it. Pretty freaking immature if you ask me.
I applaud you and your husband for being on the same page. This has got to be a tough situation to be in.
Good luck!!
Call the police and file a harrassment complaint.
I have an app on my cell phone called 'block it' where I can block phone calls... not sure about texts.
I'd just continue to ignore. What's that saying?? Don't feed the trolls.
ETA: I forgot to tell you not to try to explain. Never JADE, justify, argue, defend or explain. It won't help and just prolongs the interaction.
Yeah, they just wanted to yank your chain by doing the gift thing. When you didn't play their game by omission they were furious.
You are doing the right thing by ignoring. When you do that you take away mil's favorite past time. She will find another victim, probably his brother, who will feel the pain and squeal. He will try to drag you back into the mix and save his own skin. Wait for him to reach out in a more humble mannor.
I haven't found a way to block my I phone. Probably some money to grease that wheel. My mil's ring tone is that alarm tone! You can guess how I get along with her. I haven't talked to her in about 8 months and haven't seen her in over 2 years. She has Borderline Personality Disorder. Look it up on BPDfamily.com. You will find lots of info on setting boundaries in the lessons there. Good luck!
Call AT&T, Im sure you can block a number, but they can just text or call from another phone. What would be best is just to change your sons phone number. I would leave your and dhs number the same and just ignore ignore ignore. If she sends anything else in the mail, just return it. I would suggest your husband send them a text or letter explain this to he sure there is no confusion. 'Because of your inappropriate behavior, we no longer want contact with you. Do not attempt to contact my son or my wife again. Both of their numbers have been changed. I will no longer be returning your texts or phone calls. Any packages or letters you send will be returned.' Something like that should do the trick. They will respond with nasty texts and calls which he will then have to ignore. We are going through something similar with my mother, people like her and your MIL thrive on attention, if you stop giving it to her, she will eventually get bored and find someone else to bother. Good Luck!
Yes, you can block calls from your iphones, and I think it's like $2 a month. My husband and I just changed our numbers, which is easy to do. Sorry about your husband's mom. I know what you are going through. We have to cut off ties with his family, because it's so dysfunctional. My MIL does nothing from our sons either.
How does you husband treat his MIL?
