Cell Phones, How Old and What Limitations.

My oldest got his at 10 when he started staying home and youngest got one at 9 when he started staying home. My oldest only talks to people that have the same carrier and was not allowed to text till we got on a family text plan when he started middle school and had unlimited texting. The mail rule with texting is he is not allowed to delete texts till I have read them. If he does and I find out that is grounds for taking the phone away. He has to stop texting about 10pm (he's 13 now) And texts his gf a lot but her mom and I both moniter them. My youngest only talks to family on his and will text us once in a while but only family as well.

My daughter is 11 1/2 and has had a cell phone since she turned 8, mostly to communicate with her dad (who lives out of state) and me when she rode the bus to school.

I guess the "basics" that we have are:
- She knows that she can't text or play games during meals (except that I've been known to harvest some watermelons on cityville during dinner. because otherwise they spoil and you have to start over again!!!! lol).
- She knows that she has to have homework done, room straightened, hamster cage clean, clarient practiced etc before text or facetime with friends.
- The INSTANT I say "I need you to" she gets off the phone - unless she's talking to her dad or my mom - then there is a bit of leeway.
- I know her password and if she changes it she tells me immediately.

I DO monitor her texts and calls and her browsing history. Not as much as I used to, but still some of the time I will glance through what she is doing.
** A good way to do this is to have him plug it in every night to charge it IN THE KITCHEN OUTLET. That way YOU have access, HE doesn't. It will cut down on the words with friends activity at 11:30pm when they should be sleeping!!!!!

Just my $0.02

My only rule was their friends had to have them too. I found with my older kids that if they had someone to communicate with they did not lose the phone, it became a part of them.

Obviously if you have limits on your plan then they are limited to that. My daughter had 500 texts a month and went over that once without realizing it. She had to pay that extra 80 dollars that month.

I would never think to breach my child's trust by looking at texts or listening to messages. Besides if you are prone to doing that they just delete everything right away so you learn nothing anyway. Anytime you read on here some proud mom who caught their kids texting what ever and they put an end to that and junior never did that again. Trust me junior did it again, junior just never got caught again.

Oh my younger two are 11 and 13 and will be getting phones this summer because they want to ride their bikes out of the subdivision so they need them for safety.

our son was 12. We chose this age, because he started middle school & was walking home by himself.

Our rules were: no phone...at all....after 9pm, even on the wkends.
**No phone present at mealtimes.
**No forwarding "spam" jokes/msges without 1st showing us the content.
**No loaning his phone out...which included letting others play games on it. We had several episodes where his friends played online games & racked up the bill. We also had an episode where our son couldn't sleep & searched for wallpapers.....boy, was that a bill! (this was before "unlimited" plans."
**For the 1st year, the phone was for emerg only. No random calls.
**Texting was an issue...simply because of the sheer #s. It was not unusual for either of our sons to hit 500 or more. With today's data plans, I don't even look at the #s now. :)
.......there were more rules, but we lightened up as he matured. :)

& as for the snooping, absolutely, YES! I was the one in charge of clearing out the phone. I did it at random moments, & my son was mad until he found out that I used to do it to his big brother's phone too. & honestly, it just taught them to clear it out themselves "before Mom saw it". Definitely NOT a win-win situation.....but still let them know that as Mom, I was still in charge. (insert eye roll here, please!)

We got my son one last year, at 11, only because he was riding his bike to football camp and I wanted a text when he got there and also, in case of weather.

We don't impose any limits, only because he NEVER uses the phone! Well, hardly ever. He was using it to text the other night, but he was sitting right next to me, and yes, I did snoop! Be prepared for what you might find.

My son is 12 now and apparently asked a girl "out" but got denied! YIKES! I'm still learning how to deal w/a 12 yr old boy...much harder than I thought it would be.

My daughter has had a phone since she was 10 or 11, but also, because she was getting dropped off at choir practice in a not so nice area and we were carpooling w/other parents, so I wanted her to be able to reach me. She's the one I have to remind to get off the dang phone sometimes! Thank God for unltd plans! haha!

Also, we don't have a land line, so if the kids are ever home alone, they have phones.

Our kids shared a trac phone for a few years. On my son's 14th birthday he got a phone of his own. To hear him tell it - he was the last in his class to get one, but I know that wasn't the case. We found it to be very convenient (for us!) for him to have one and our daughter got hers the next Christmas (even though she was only 11). It only cost us $10 a month to add her to our family plan...and once we realized the convenience of it...it was a no brainer.

Anyway...house rules

1. Phones must be in the kitchen no later than 10pm (or earlier if you're headed for bed before 10). Don't want their sleep disturbed by those kids (and there are plenty) who will call after midnight. If you don't - you lose the phone for the next 24 hours.

2. No internet connection on the phones. None. Just asking for trouble IMHO.

3. No grades below a B - or you lose your phone until the grade comes up. If the phone is distracting you from your primary job (school) - you lose it.

4. No calls or texting during meals - whether at home or at a restaurant.

5. Yes - I will check any texts that come in between 10pm and the next morning at breakfast when the phones get returned.

If you're giving your child a cell phone at age 12 then if it were me I would block all text messages and anything else except the abiity to talk on it. Keep the charger in the kitchen or living room and the only time they touch it is to use it when they leave the house to let you know they may be late or going to a friend's house, or for you to call to let him know it's time for dinner, etc. Then when he's in the house is goes back on the charger and isn't touched. Yes, you check online and see what calls he's making, not just to protect him but to follow how many minutes he makes. Doesn't matter if you have unlimited minutes. He needs to learn not to rack them up. Kids tend to go hog wild when they first get a phone so set your rules and keep them firm. There's no reason for him to have access to a cell phone any more than this. As he gets older the reigns loosen. At this age it would be used like a walkie talkie, that's it. If they need to make a phone call he can use the house phone or walk down the street to see their friend, lol.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

My daughter has had a cell phone since her 8th birthday (she will be 10 this year). She rarely uses it at this age since none of her freinds have cell phones so we don't have too many rules for her with it. 1) We do not have a texting plans, we are charged per text, so we urge her not to text or to do it very rarely. So far no problem, but as I said, her firends don't have cell phones. 2) She must take it with her (fully charged) anytime she goes somewhere without us. 3) She must be careful with it. We bought a cheapie phone and if it is broken we will only replace it with a cheapie phone. (recently she accidentally left it in her jeans pocket and it was washed so we spend $20 on a new one).

We got our DD one for her 12th birthday too. At 10, in 5th grade, she wanted one, but not too many of her friends had one, so she moved on pretty quickly. At 11, first year in middle school, 6th grade, so many kids had them, she was just crazy on us about getting one. She had to wait until August before 7th grade (her birthday).

Oh yes, we have rules.

1) Cell phone stays turned off up in our bedroom on 9PM on school nights, and whenever we go to bed on weekends (usually 11-12ish. Otherwise she would be up until 4am, no kidding. My husband caught her once up talking when he got up for work, and she was fairly crabby and disrespectful when he told her to go to bed. So now we have weekend/non-school night limits as well.
2) No phones at the table during dinner or at a restaurant table until everyone is finished eating and we are just waiting for the server to bring our bill.
3) No phone in the morning on school days until all ready for school responsibilities are confirmed done.
4) No agenda filled out (school planner) no phone.
5) No phones or screen time (family-wide rule) on school nights from 6:30-8. During this time her phone sits in the kitchen. She may answer a call just to tell the person she will have to call them back at 8.

We have taken the phone away when school work was forgotten or grades dropped until she could earn it back.

If her school catches her with it during school hours (they must be in lockers shut off until after school) they take it for a week and only return it to parents. She would never chance breaking that rule!

Most recently we discovered she was able to up her minutes using her phone and they would just charge our credit card! Thank goodness Virgin Mobile removed the charges and switched in now so it shuts off after her allotted minutes and she does not have authority to order more by phone.

I do not read my DD's texts, but I sure would in a heartbeat if I had a good reason to suspect there was an issue.

how old: grade 9 minimum age.
No camera on phone, a pay as you go with a contract only for numbers that you as a parent have set, mom, dad, 911, and so on. And NO texting, kids tend to text during class, even if it's "not allowed" they have ways of hiding it.
And, no snooping, it eliminates the child's trust in you.

My SD got hers at 10 and SS got his at 13 (he was first). I think 10 is too young and if he gets it at 12, make sure it's a tool and not a plaything. He doesn't need bells and whistles. He needs a phone that calls home when practice is over early. Let him earn things like internet access and unlimited texting, IMO. Have it charged somewhere you can see it, like the kitchen, where he 1. won't lose it and 2. won't be on the phone after bed time. Like a car, I think a phone for a tween is "theirs" in possession only. YOU control it at the end of the day. Too many texts? Downloaded a game that cost you $400? Turn it off. Not the end of the world. Follow the rules? Maybe get an upgrade at 15.

Like with being online in general, or being trusted to go where they say they are going, I wouldn't look at texts daily, but I'd let him know that it's an option.

Funny? Both sks have had phones where the speaker died. Before they were replaced (not on our plan so they had to wait for their mom...SD is still speakerless). They could hear us but not talk. So we went to code. "Press 1 button for yes and twice for no. Do you need a pick up?" It's actually kind of funny. If we didn't hear the last thing, sometimes SD will frantically hit lots of buttons to get our attention before hanging up.

DD had been getting out of bed a lot so one frustrated night I told her "knock once for yes and twice for no." SD cracked up.

My 8 yo daughter has been asking for a phone for about a year now. A friend of hers at cheerleading has one. We don't feel that she is responsible enough to have one yet. Also, none of her other friends have them. Dad said 10, and we would talk then. We also told her she has to be able to learn her home, and out cell numbers before she can have one. I know the phone stores them, but those are numbers you should know.
I think snooping depends on your child and your definition of snooping. Reading every text message, no. Checking the web history, yes. Unless you have a reason to I think part of being old enough to have a phone also means being old enough to be trusted. In the beginning I would want to make sure they weren't abusing it, but that's it. I agree w/the mom who said Jr, never did that agin...wrong! Jr never got caught again! Kids learn that super fast. If they know your a snooper, they will get rid of everything asap! Better to build trust. I like the idea of having the charger in a neutral place like the kitchen. Many kids do stay up late on their phones. And I have to even tell my husband no phone at the dinner table! Of course it's up to you to set what ever texting, calling, internet limits you feel best on the phone. Good luck! Let us know how it turns out!

My SD got one when she was 7, but it was only because she went from mom's to grandma's to our house a lot and she needed to feel secure that she could call a parent at any time. At that time it was a 4-button phone with pre-programmed numbers.

For her 9th birthday she got a texting phone, but was only allowed to text mom, dad or grandma. There were no other numbers in her phone. At age 10 we loosened up the reins when some of her good friends got phones but we caught her texting late at night and she even prank-called someone so we put parental controls on her phone.

We can shut off her abilities to use her phone at any time on the internet. We can restrict the times she can use it (and we do, it shuts off at 9pm) but we can call her at any time and she can get ahold of us during the shutoff times. She also has a minute limit and once she passes it she can't call or receive calls from anyone except those on her "safe" list (mom, dad).

She knows the purpose of the phone is for her to get ahold of her mom or dad (or me) and it's a privilege to be able to text friends. I like that we can shutoff her ability to text/call friends but the phone still works for calling/receiving calls (or texts) from her mom, dad and me.

I or her dad only snoop on her texts if we suspect a problem. There is also software you can get where you can see all texts, even if they've been deleted. So far no need to do that!

Good luck!

Personally, I think 12 is a good starting point, but I think it depends on the child. My 11 year old grandson has had one for over a year, which I never agreed with. He really doesn't use it much now, but did in the beginning. We have just become a society that connected more through technology, unfortunately. Call the cell carrier to find out which blocks can be placed on the phone. Limit the initial usage and let him earn any extras.

My DS got his first cell when he was 8 for Christmas since legally he was able to stay home by himself. He is a very responsible kid and we also have no land line. Turns out its cheaper to have him on our cell plan than it is to have a land line. Anyway. He had a cheaper phone not smart phone. We have an unlimited text plan so he can text but since none of his friends have phones he only texts me. He can not access the internet, I blocked that. WHen he first got the phone he would hit the wrong button and accidentally sign on to the internet. He has to have it with him whenever he is somewhere alone without us. He's never lost it. He is very careful. We upgraded him to a slightly nicer phone a few weeks ago when his upgrade came up an when he's 12 we'll probably get him a smart phone. It gives him a sense of comfort/confidence since he can always get a hold of me and I him. Also, 911 is amazing on a cell phone. He accidentally butt dialed 911 and they knew where he was in a bowling alley to within about 50 feet because of his cell signal. And no, I don't snoop. I trust him. I may change my mind in a few years based on his behavior but right now I trust him. He also has Aspergers and is a total rule follower as part of his routine so I am not too worried yet.