Can't Keep up with the House!

Ok, so this might sound odd, but my 4 year old can totally do our laundry. For some reason, he has always LOVED sorting laundry with me. We do our laundry all in one day, so we have a lot at one time. We sort it into piles on the floor, dark colors, light/bright colors, pinks/reds/oranges/purples, and whites/grays in their respective piles. And he can do it, all by himself. He has learned what colors go on what piles. He takes loads to the washer for me, I help him put in the detergent/fabric softener, and he will put loads from the washer into the dryer, and take loads from the dryer to my bed, where he helps me fold things that need folded. His folding is not perfect, of course, but he tries, and for washcloths or towels, I leave them as he folds them, cause it's just so darn cute. Sometimes the washcloths are rolled up like logs, sometimes folded in halves, sometimes quarters, sometimes more. But just so cute and precious. I know I'll soon miss the days when my washcloths were all very creatively folded. :)

Please note that I am supervising all of this. But he is at the point where he knows the whole process from start to finish. I don't let him operate the washer or dryer, of course, but he does know what needs to be done and he does his part. And he loves it! He feels really accomplished doing these big, important jobs!

My point to this is, your kids might be able to help with some basic chores. Don't underestimate their abilities!!

Otherwise, you have gotten some great advice here!

5 moms found this helpful

You got a lot of great advice, but I'll add mine. At one point, my Mom had 6 kids 9yrs and under, and I had my 3 just abut your kids' ages. It's crazy, huh?
Right now, being a Mommy means taking care of your kids' emotional needs as well as physical. That baby needs holding, the other kids need play and reading, and cuddles.
Make a list of the things that MUST happen every day to keep you from feeling overwhelmed by your house. In my case, it was laundry, vacuuming and dishes. If I could do that every day, at least I didn't feel like the house was "dirty".
Then get your hubby on board for a couple of the other, not necessarily daily" chores- dusting, floor mopping, changing bedding, picking up the yard, wiping down the toilet, etc. The truth is you CAN'T do it all, and he can help with some of it. That may change as the kids get older, but for now, you need a partner.

Use separate laundry baskets for each family member, and let the kids "help" fold (they can separate clean laundry into each basket and even carry the basket into bedrooms). Use boxes with picture/word labels so they know what toys/items go into. And make clean up a game with a fun kitchen timer or some music ("Oh no! Hurry! We have to finish putting these away before the song is over!" Laughter and tickles help).

Set up a sched with your husband to take 20-30 minutes a day to pick up without any distractions (he's on parent duty!), and just make a routine of sweeping through the house as quickly as possible. Take advantage of easy-wipe cleaning products, fabric refreshers, etc, and give everything a quick pick up. It seems overwhelming, but if you do it every day, it's amazing how little time it really takes.

But ultimately, the best thing you can do is remember that in another 6 months or so, your baby will be sleeping more, and things will get easier. And as your older kids mature, they will be able to help more and be responsible for picking up after themselves better. This too shall pass... so enjoy their babyhood, and don't worry too much about the house! I actually miss the days of having crushed Cheerios in my carpet!

4 moms found this helpful

Me neither!!! I looked into flylady also & although I don't use the program the way it's meant to be used I found some things useful & like her philosophy about Finally Loving Yourself... that's where you get the FLYlady name. She says you're not cleaning your home you are blessing it.. its just positive thinking I suppose.
Anyway you really do have your hands full. Maybe you could hire a cleaning person at least once a month or more. You have a lot of other thing to do with attending the children anyway. I suggest simplifying & decluttering as much as possible. Keep half the toys put away and rotate every 2 weeks. Teach the children early to clean up after themselves & if there's a hubby in the picture he can help too. My husband doesn't help unless I tell him a specific thing to do. Then he's glad to. I just don't tell him when or how to do it. If he helps you go on and on about how much you appreciate it, he'll get the point. (True fact: couples who share housework have more intimacy, due to less tiredness and resentment.) Do what you can, be realistic and just survive it. Everyone says it gets better when the children are older. I have a 4 yr old and babysit 2 2yr olds and oftentimes have drop ins. My house is always a little messy, just so you know you are not the only one.

4 moms found this helpful

Does your husband help you with some of the household chores?

I'm a working mom, so I have to try to keep up with things in the evenings/weekends, and it's tough with a 4 year old (tomorrow) and a 2 year-old.

My husband have naturally evolved over time to split the chores around the house. I do most of the cooking and kitchen cleaning (dishes, floors), laundry. He always takes the trash out, does most of the vacuuming, helps me sweep the floors. He's getting better about identifying that things need to be done (like wiping down counters) and is always good about helping when asked.

We got some cabinets (with doors to hide contents) and some colored bins from Target and keep a lot of the kids' toys in there. The colors of the baskets indicate the contents. Green = coloring books/crayons, Blue = Transformers/Legos, Pink = kitchen toys, etc.

As far as the rest of the house, I think it depends on your threshold for what "needs" to be done. I like order and organization, but I realistically can't do it all. So, I've learned to live with things not exactly like I like them.

Your 4 and 2 year old are probably old enough for simple chores (bring plates to the sink, putting clothes in the laundry basket, etc).

I was wiping down windows a few weekends ago, and mine (same ages) thought it was SO much fun to help me. They didn't really help, but it kept them occupied while I was trying to get things accomplished.

If you can swing it, have you considered having a cleaning service come in once/month to help with some of the larger things that you just may not be able to feasibly get to?

Good luck! Hopefully, it's just pressure you're putting on yourself vs. being an actual issue.

3 moms found this helpful

oh man I am with you!!! I have an almost three year old and a four month old and man, it is crazy to keep up! I feel like the job of caring for the kids takes ALL my time. But one thing I have done that has cut down on my cleaning sooooooooooo much was gone to paper stuff for eating during the day. I got paper cups, plates and utensils for me and my oldest son and my kitchen is sooooooooo much better! I actually found these little animal plates and bowls at walmart for like 1.75 each for like 30. I got myself just the old cheap styro foam plates and plastic cups. WOW, what a difference. I use real stuff at night for supper bc the hubby likes to eat on china, but all day I just use throw away stuff. I will use the same cup several times and also utensils, but if things get overwhelming I can just chuck it all. I am so much happier now:) Of course I realize that I will not do this forever, but while my babies are young, it sure is great. Plus my three year old really loves the different design on his plate everyday:) Also, I was reading that if you kitchen is a wreck you are much more likely to eat out which is ultimately more expensive than using paper goods. Also, I bought this huge tub for the living room for like $15 at wal-mart. We just throw all the toys in there and can have the living room look reasonable in 10min. Now laundry.............that is a whole other story!!!!!!!! Good luck and hang in there, you are so not alone!

3 moms found this helpful

I would try:

(a) getting a carrier for the 6 month old and wearing him/her around so you can have your hands free. My son loved the Moby-style wrap (we made one ourselves with 5 yards of jersey fabric) and the Baby Bjorn at that age.

(b) let some of it go. I clean for health/safety (basically, germs!) and let the clutter wait til the kids are in bed. Even then, I just kind of shove it into a corner because I know the next day it will be out again.

(c) enlist the toddlers help. I agree with Lee, if you make chores fun and involve them, they are happy to help. My 17-month-old picks up his toys and even picks up random items off the floor and will put them where they belong. I get him involved in laundry and also will give him a cloth to dust. You could try giving your kids nontoxic (like Greenworks) wipes to wipe down kitchen, table, etc. Really, it can be fun for them!

That said, our house is never completely clean, but parts of it are at certain times! I think that's all you can hope for with little ones at home.

Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

It ell my 5 and 3 year old that they have to pick up their toys before we leave the house, eat dinner and go to sleep. Any toys left on the floor will be thrown away. They wont believe you, so you will have to grab a bag and toss some items in the bag (trust me, they will go running around in hopes of getting to the toys before you do). I then placed the bag of toys in the recycling bin. They both cried for a good 15 minutes, but all I kept saying is they had a choice and they chose to not clean up. I eventually moved the bag of toys to a different room and eventually pulled them back out but the kids still think that the toys they left behind are tossed out.

I also bought a Roomba from Bed, Bath and Beyond so that takes care of my vacuuming. I let it run 3 times a week and now just tell the kids that what ever it touches is gone. If the Roomba breaks (and they usually do within a year), I simply return it to Bed Bath and Beyond and pick up a replacement (they have a no hassle return policy). The machine runs over $200.00 so it should last heck of a lot longer than a year so I don't feel guilty.

Also, check out flylady.com. But the most important advice I was told was not to clean up during the weekends, but to try to straighten the house up little by little throughout the week and leave the weekends for fun time. I now do laundry several times a week and never have to worry about it during the weekend.

Good luck.

3 moms found this helpful

I think the previous post was a great idea! Also, I think you should cut yourself a little slack--3 kids under 5 is a TON of work!! No one is expecting your home to be a show place--I think as long as the house is safe (no choking hazards, ect) and the basics are handled--dishes, laundry--that you its fine!! You have one of the hardest jobs ever! Raising 3 little people is difficult enough without the added pressure of keeping the house in pristine condition. With that said, I am a big on a neat freak and I do plop my 2 year old in front of an episode of dora every afternoon to speed clean my house, but I have one child--not 3!! Take a deep breath, and relax--don't beat yourself up about a few toys--ok, a few million toys ;) Sooner than you think, this time will be up and you'll wish you had savored this time with them instead of stressing about housework.

3 moms found this helpful

As a fellow FlyBaby, I have to tell you that finding FlyLady was a Godsend to me...you can find her by Googling FlyLady, she also has a facebook page...may sound crazy but it really helps! No one would have ever been able to tell by looking at my house Pre-Flying that I was a perfectionist and that was why things got so out of hand, there were just so many times I felt if I couldn't do it "all" or to my :standards" it just wouldn't get done...now I know I can tackle anything, 15 minutes at a time = ) Look into her! She is amazingly not judgemental, encouraging...and best of all its like having a free support network = )

2 moms found this helpful

Is there a teenager in the area that you could have come over to watch the 4 and 2 year old for an hour, 3 times a week? You could put the 6 mo old in a Ergo or Bjorn carrier, and do a little housework. You could offer the teen $10 or so. When my son was born, I had my 11 year old niece come to stay with us for 2 days. I took care of the baby and she did laundry, made sandwiches and did the dishes. She was a big help!

Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

I agree with Flylady--just jump in and start where she is.

HOWEVER, remember this: I know it seems a LONG way off, but one day when your kids are grown & out of the house, you might miss the cluttered years.

I am a clean freak but it's overwhelming sometimes. I also know that my son will remember my time spent with him more than how organized his room is/is not. Keep it in perspective. I like to say I clean to the point where we don't all get typhoid. lol

2 moms found this helpful

I had to do a few things to get myself together. I tried that flylady.com that so many people recommend and she was just too much for me, but I liekd the basic idea behind what she does. So I had to get my own system. First I made a schedule for myself, wrote it down and hung it on the side of the fridge. I try to follow it and I try to put no more than three chores a day on my schedule. Of course there is the every day stuff - dishes, food prep/cooking, clean up kitchen. But Mondays I thoroughly scrub my kitchen and dining area, water all the plants and mop floors. Tuesday I clean both bathrooms, vacuum the house, and clean up the office...etc, etc. This helps me stay on track and not get overwhelmed with days of housework. I try to make it where I can do all the chores while my kids are napping. And larger chores, like laundry, are only done on their day. Thursday is laundry day. I do all the laundry in one day and that's it. Before I found myself doing laundry ALL the time. Yes, occasionally something is needed or wanted and I do a load here or there, but it is nothing like before. And we have a large dog, so I have to vacuum more than once a week, so I also vacuum on Saturday. But other than that we do not have chores on the weekends, we reserve that for family time.

I also keep a dry erase board on my fridge. The evening before I write down all the stuff I need to get done the next day - errands, chores from the schedule, chores that pop up, emails that need to be sent, playdates...whatever it is. Throughout the day if I remember something I add it to my list. Then as I get things done check it off the list. If my day goes a little crazy and I don't get everything done, I love seeing what I did finish. And I can just carry over what didn't get done to the next day. The other added bonus to the list is that my hubby finally started realizing how busy things get and he also started realizing how many little things he was asking me to do...all those "honey can you" s add up to a lot of work sometimes.

I have a big wicker basket I keep in my living room. The kids are allowed to bring stuff out to play with and the basket gives us a place to stash things a little more neatly and there is less argument about cleaning it up. My hubby calls before he leaves his office...my son knows that after this call he has to pick up at least five things out of the basket, so it gets emptied (or close) in the evenings...we are starting to teach my daughter this as well. There are days where he whines or argues a bit, but since the mess is compacted into the basket it seems like less and therefore he cooperates more :)

My house is never spotless. It's always a little chaotic, but with these changes I made last year (when my youngest was about six months old) I feel less stressed. The house is not a showcase, but at least it's presentable...friends can stop by without me standing in front of the door blocking the way, lol :). GL!

2 moms found this helpful

I would suggest a sling to wear your baby during the teething process. This will leave your hands open for the preschoolers. Then think of what they can help with around the house. Dusting, putting clothes from washer to dryer, gardening, putting plastic dishes away. Make a list of all of this. Sing songs during cleaning, turn the tv off and turn on some kids music. Have a little lollipop for the child that can put the toys away the fastest (toddlers are so competitive). I like Jennifer's idea on the babysitting idea. Most YMCA's have babysitters that are certified... check them out. Use that time to organize. I found that once I was organized, I was able to clean faster. Make it a goal... look at taking 3 days per week, 4 hours per day to have a sitter over while you organize. Do this for two weeks. Clean out old food out of the fridge, go purchase containers at Walmart/Target without the kids, get a filing cabinet for important documents, take those old clothes to the good will. Make those goals the night before, but make sure that you have time to do it for the next day. Example is if you plan on going through all your clothes and taking them out to Goodwill - divide it up into two or three steps and days. Break it down.

I hope this helps :) I feel your frustration though. It took us months to finally get settled in our home - but once you are organized, cleaning is easy :)

2 moms found this helpful

Clean one room per day and don't worry if it takes a month. Let go of having a terribly clean house and just concentrate on feeling organized.......de-clutter. Clean the hard stuff once a month on a weekend so that your husband can babysit (or at night!).

On laundry, here is the 5 minute rule. Wash and dry then set the stuff to be folded down where when you walk by you will see it. Stop every once in awhile, but only do as much as you can get done in 5 minutes. It will get done but you won't look at that basket and think "I've no time!" if you know you are only going to spend 5 minutes on it. And, don't try and do it all in one day. A quick load most mornings keeps it under control.

Confession: I stopped folding underwear and just put it in the drawer.....who is looking?

2 moms found this helpful

Go to flylady.com. I usually clean my house based on some version of this site. It's a super organized way of cleaning. Check it out and good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

I think you need to hear what I needed to hear a while ago. There is a difference between a dirty house and a messy house. When you have children and a home that are lived in, mess is inevitable - piles on the counters, toys on every surface (which it sounds like you do a good job of getting the munchkins to help clean up at night), paperwork not yet filed or dealt with....that's life with kids. Just because you stay at home, doesn't make you wonderwoman! You do your very best to keep up on the dirty part of things, and then you cut yourself a yard and a half of slack. If you're loving your kiddos and doing your best without stressing yourself to the max I say you're doing awesome.

I tell my girls I have a "cleaning time" and I fly at a certain project. And when my husband comes home on Thursday nights he's on Daddy duty so I can do the actual cleaning stuff. My best suggestion is to give yourself room to survive this stage, before you know it your kids will be bigger and you'll miss it (or so I hear haha, mine are 3 and 1).

Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

I have the same problem, I have a 3yr old and a 1yr old who is HIGH needs! He has been sooooo time consuming. The best thing I can recommend it to buy an ERGO baby carrier, I LOVE it..... don't buy any other one, I have tried other ones and they all hurt my back, this one is specially designed to carry weight on your hips thus no back pain. I even carry my 3yr old when she needs some extra mommy time and I have to get some stuff done. I just throw my son in and keep working, funny thing is when he sees it he cries and doesn't want in but once he's in he always stops crying and is good for at least 30min at a min. I have carried him for 2 hours once and he's fallen asleep a few times as well. They are a little over 100.00 but totally, totally worth it, I wish I had not gotten a cheaper carrier with my daughter when I really wanted the Ergo.... read about them they are great and have enabled me to get so much more work done around the house !

1 mom found this helpful

Schedule, schedule, schedule! :) I know its a hated concept, but its the only way we get any sort of sanity in my home. I divided up all the chores and assigned them to each day. Then I set schedules for the girls naps (3 and 9 mo) and tried to plan life around these. Figure out what time of day you have the most energy and then plan their naps around that time if possible (for me its the morning), that way instead of collapsing when they go down, you can get something done and then relax when they're up. Hope this is helpful, our household has only 2 bedrooms, so I have to either put girls down on opposite schedules or use our room for naps too, but either way we figure it out. :)

Best wishes!

Oh, and recruit some help getting things cleaned up to start off with, maybe over a weekend, and then it will be easier to do one task a day. Also try to do one load of laundry a day, if that works for you, otherwise it can be a marathon day of just laundry (although that's how I prefer to do it).

1 mom found this helpful

If you can afford to have someone come into your house to clean, I highly recommend it! My husband and I decided that this was a priority so we spend the money weekly or every other week, depending on how our month is going. It helps so much.

1 mom found this helpful

I own an insurance agency and have 3 kids so my house is not "clean". We do the best we can and if someone stops over and there are dishes and dirt on the floor, we don't care and neither do they if they are our true friends! :o) That being said, the best thing that has helped me is one word: DOWNSIZE!! Get rid of ALL the extra stuff in the house you seriously DO NOT need or use or really love or sentimental value. Especially the kids toys, they can get out of hand very quickly. And your kids are young enough that you can send them to grandma's, grab some garbage bags and go thru everything and give it all to Goodwill. Then try to keep up with it. Don't stress the small stuff...and it's all small! Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

www.flylady.net

Her website has really helped me form routines that fit our family life and my house is never more than 15 minutes from company ready. I didn't think this would be possible, but it really is!

You shouldn't have to clean all day long and if you work on a daily routine, your little ones will learn how to help you keep the house clean by your example.

Even better, the website and daily emails are totally FREE! Take a few minutes to check her out and look at the new member area. Do the baby-steps and you'll be on your path to peace. Do not try to do everything all at once or you will crash and burn and that won't help your peace of mind. Trust me, I know from experience. LOL! =)

C..

Check out Flylady.net

Ah, yes! Why can't mothers have the ability to go without sleep so they can get everything done? I had four children in five and a half years, so I know exactly what you're talking about.

Don't expect a four-year-old and a two-year-old actually to help very much. They can't be adults. They need to go through the motions, though. For them it needs to be a game, not serious business. It'll be a while before they can really learn about being responsible.

You do need to simplify as much as you can - declutter and make everything as easy on yourself as possible. A friend of mine once even shocked her husband by getting her beautiful long hair cut and substituting a cute-but-easy short style. She told him, "I'll grow my hair back when all the children are over eight years old." :^)

I recommend you check out www.flylady.com. It's an organizational system for the organizationally-challenged (like me), based on the Sidetracked Home Executives program from years ago. I took that course back in the '80s and found it *very* helpful, so when a friend told me recently about this twenty-first century update of it I signed on right away. You get a lot of help and encouragement right over the computer - you'll find out what you can accomplish in very short time periods and feel better about your home and your life. And it's FREE. (There are products, but you don't have to buy anything.)

It's good for children and husband to help around the house, but it's also a good feeling of success when we figure out how to get things done ourselves.

But before you get online again, go hug your children!

P.S. Just read some of the other responses. With the Flylady business, as with any sort of advice, the idea is for you to learn what you can and adapt it to your own life. If you decide to try it, start with something that catches your interest. You don't have to have their daily schedule, but their daily schedule is better than no schedule at all. And you'll figure out what sort of routine works best at your house. I recommend trying the timer business, anyhow.

If your toddlers can get the toys out...they can put the toys back. When mine were little, I told them they had to pick up after themselves or the items would go in "the bag" for an undetermined amount of time. I had a large garbage bag that all toys that were not picked up would go into. They would not get it back for a long time. At one point almost all the toys were in the bag and they had nothing to play with...oh the tears! It worked. As for you...relax, I am SURE you don't want to think back on your days with your toddlers wishing you had spent more time cleaning etc...the housework will always be there but they are little for such a short time. Savor it!

Children grow up all too fast - enjoy them! Do what you can when you can and don't sweat the rest. Try to get family to help. Hold that fussy baby while there's such a strong need. Priorities!

I know the feeling, I am so stressing most of the time. I hate clutter. I have 4 children, ages 7,6,4 and almost 16 months... on top of that we homeschool. My youngest is sometimes pretty needy but I think I need to start putting the blame on myself... I have a schedule that I made that I KNOW will work, if I stick to it. The kids help when I ask them too. I have 13 rooms (including the basement) that are to be kept up... not including outside (i.e. garden etc.) so I know things can be quite overwhelming!!
Someday when the kids are grown and moved out, and our houses are imaculate, we will miss the mess I am sure, just to have our kids home again! It is odd to think now, but just ask around!!
God Bless ya

Oh A., I so can understand! I have a 4 year old, 2 year old, and 9 month old :)

What is helpful to me is to do little things that serve as multi-tasking. For example, I clean the bathroom (toilet and sink) while by big two are taking a bath. I wash dishes while they're all eating lunch or just after dinner (we don't have a dishwasher...gasp!...I know).
I also learn to let a lot of things go.....tough as that is sometimes. My house is clean, but definitely cluttered and most days I can't seem to keep up.

Do you have a baby carrier (moby wrap, sling, Ergo, etc) to tote the baby around in? My sling is my lifesaver most days - keeps me hands-free for the big two, haha. I have an adjustable fleece pouch from www.kangarookorner.com

I've also heard great things about flylady.net. I haven't tried her myself....oops.

Hang in there, Mama! You're doing a great job of loving and hugging babies!

I have an AWESOME girl that I used when I first moved into my house. She helped me get everything cleaned and organized, put in the proper places and was so nice.
Healthy Homes cleaning and organizing is the name of her company and she is thru this site - Mamapedia.
She is located in Waterford, but she does travel out of the area.
Look it up, or let me know and I will find her card with her number on it.
Good luck, C.

I saw that someone else posted this, but I wanted you to know that I felt the same way about a month ago and someone suggested Flylady.net. Check it out! It has really helped me a bunch!! My house is not perfect but it is loads better then it was. And, more importantly, I feel much better about myself and the house. Good luck to you and try to not be too hard on yourself! :)