Cannot Travel for Christmas Anymore

Oh my! 14 hours?! I thought our 2.5 hour trip was bad! I cannot believe you've made the trip every year up to this point. You are a saint.

The only thing I can tell is that you have to do what is best for your family. If MIL freaks, she freaks. Maybe try to go once every three years instead.

Is husband on board with not going? That will make or break this plan! Get him on board and have him do the telling. I am the planner in our home, but when it comes to telling the in laws something, I make hubby do it. They are his parents, and I don't make him do the telling to mine!

Can she come to you? That would be a lot easier!

Merry Christmas, and GOOD LUCK!

ETA: Forgot to add - I wouldn't tell her in person while on this year's trip. Wait until March and have hubby break it to her!

ETA: LOL @ Christy and the extensive sighing! haha!

5 moms found this helpful

I agree that you should wait until after you're back home to have the conversation. Christmas is at my in-laws' every other year as well. I was online the day the Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday dates went on sale for Southwest last year. The site was so busy that by the time I could even get on, the tix for Christmas were $250 each. While we could afford it, my husband agreed that it was outrageous for a 1-hr flight and went with my suggestion that we travel over New Year's instead. It's so less stressful without having to deal with Christmas travel. Dealing with the gifts is another huge pain, from shippping gifts (and having to wrap everything there) then figuring out how to get everything back. Plus, we really loved waking up in our home and having the santa experience with our kids on christmas morning. He told his parents after our experience last year that we will never travel for Christmas and we'll be in OH the following weekend. His parents understand, so it may not be as traumatic as you think (and my MIL would be one to freak as well)! Good luck.

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Seems like you have done your part..... now it is her turn. Go in with a wonderful idea and exciting plans to really build up the next year on how your getting her too you. Even if that means hubby gets the MIL and brings her down for you. The longer you wait the harder it will be.....just have to do your best to get it planned now so the expectation is not there all year long. That is all I can think of this early in the morning .... LOL...... Many blessings for your Christmas Season.

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I think Kim R hit it on the head. DO NOT bring it up this year at the holiday celebration. Maybe show how exhausted you are and a sigh a lot when you are packing up the gifts to leave, etc (lol).
Discuss it much later, but early enough that she has time to adjust her plans accordingly and come to terms with the fact the traditions are a changin' - Keep Calm and Carry On this holiday. Enjoy it for what it is - the last year you have to do this:) Yippee!

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invite MIL to YOUR home next year. Remind her what it is like to travel in a car with 2 kids and everything else...

tell her that you want your kids to wake up in THEIR beds for Christmas and it would be GREAT if they would join you at YOUR HOME...

Make sure your husband is on the same page...however, doesn't sound like he will be if he wants to wake up at 3AM to get on the road!!! YUCK!!

if she doesn't like it? tell her - I'm sorry Mom, this will be our last year at your home for Christmas. WE really want the kids to wake up in their own beds and traveling up here is just too much on the whole family.

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Unless there are health reasons she can't travel, or unless she is caring for a spouse who can't be left alone, etc. your MIL can come to you every other Christmas. If she can't afford it, which would be understandable if she's on a fixed income, offer to pay for her flight (and for a nice hotel near you if you don't have room). Those costs, added up, probably are going to be less than gas, meals out when on the road, Amazon shipping, and STRESS for you. A 14-hour drive each way? That would be a non-negotiable no for me.

I figure the folks who are not dealing with kids can be the ones to travel. Some older folks just cannot possibly imagine the idea of a holiday that they themselves do not host, but you may be able to sell her on this by pointing out that she would not have to cook or clean at all. If she has other grandkids living in her area whom she says she just must, must be with at Christmas, well, point out that it's only every other Christmas, or every third one, or only until your children are older. Or say that you will briing the kids up for a great summer vacation when there is not the pressure of presents, potentially awful weather to drive through, etc. Does she really want her family on the road for 14 hours with every other nutcase driver in lousy weather, rushing to get to her?

I think families get far, far too wrapped up and invested in "We must be together on Christmas DAY. It must be Dec. 24 and 25. The children/grandchildren must be physically present with grandma/grandpa/cousins/whomever." The calendar date of Christmas is "sacred" only in a religious sense; there is no reason whatsoever that families have to be in one place at one time to celebrate it; celebrate whenever you like and in a way that does not make you dread and hate what should be a calm and rejuvenating time.

2 moms found this helpful

My only question here is how would the kids feel about it?

When I was younger, almost every year we traveled the 11 hour or so trip to MS for Christmas. It helped that both sides of the family were in the same area, so we did Dad's side on Christmas Eve and Mom's side on Christmas day.

I know that the years we stayed home and had our grandparents come to us I just never felt that it was quite as special. I always missed going and visiting with everyone.

Amazon didn't exist back then, so my parents bought and wrapped and traveled with all the gifts - which were abundant. I never really thought much about my gifts being mixed in with the rest. And my parents never wrapped Santa gifts, so they were probably packed in a suitcase.

We almost always traveled overnight so my brother and I would sleep in the car and we didn't have to stop and pay for a hotel. Mom and dad would switch off driving.

It also sounds like your husband needs to step up more to help in getting everything ready to go. I do remember my mom getting really frazzled as we were preparing to leave.

Check with your kids - if they don't care or want to stay home, then do it. If they would be disappointed to not have their tradition, then I'd say keep plugging away.

2 moms found this helpful

I wouldn't have a big dramatic conversation this Christmas. As tempting as it is to get it off your chest that you won't be doing it any more....you need to handle this in a calm, almost businesslike way. When do you all usually start discussing holiday plans/logistics for the trip? 2-3 months BEFORE that time next year, have your husband call or email with a firm, formal invitation for them to come to YOUR house for Christmas. Do not apologize. Do not rationalize or explain. Just issue the invitation and go from there. Good luck! :)

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I would talk to her before the next trip (in 2 years, right?) and figure out what the lay of the land is then. It may be that you can convince her in October of that year that Winter Break would be better for all of you. I also like the idea of inviting her down, too.

1 mom found this helpful

I would wait until after the holiday to tell her . . . but you are absolutely reasonable to want to stay home with your children while they're small (and they won't be small much longer).

I would invite her to our house, and if she gets in a snit about it - oh well! I would be nice and gracious, but I wouldn't bend any further.

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Would your MIL be willing to come to your home for the holiday's? I think it would be easier for her to travel then you and your hubby taking small children on a long trip. I wouldn't say anything until after the holday, maybe bring it up in conversation that it is getting harder to travel with the children.

1 mom found this helpful

Even if you still go after Christmas I am thinking she will want to do Christmas after Christmas! Its never easy to tell people this. You might just say your not able to make it next year. See how she takes that then after that holiday tell her you are unable to make the long trip. I find that if you dont give reasons to people they dont have a way to "fix" it and make your reasons dissapear or seem fixable...they some what dismiss your reasons so they get what they want. If anything you could meet half way at a hotel, stay overnight and have Christmas. Sorry everyone is so far. I complain about my 3 1/2 hr drive to family.

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This may or may not be helpful, but just say "no." I did from the first Christmas when it came to traveling to see my family (something my dad actually supported from the word "no") and last year I drew the line about even going to a big family thing in the middle of Christmas day with my husband's big extended family (all adults for the most part, my kids were miserable and hanging on us ("when can we Goooooo", I was exhausted, and it was just not a fun way to spend Christmas). My husband and stepmother actually go drop in at that gathering for a bit on Christmas, but I have refused to make everyone dress up, load up, and go now. It's sort of getting back to my Christmas roots because we always wento church and had a big extended family Christmas Eve, and then never went anywhere for Christmas until my parents divorced and we had to shuffle around. Last Christmas was a much happier affair that had some of us walking the beach in the afternoon, others napping after the present explosion, and some who wanted to be social going downtown and doing that. My in-laws have been surprisingly supportive and understand that I am just done by Christmas. Sometimes the older generation has to be gently encouraged to give up some of their ground as you create your family traditions at your own house. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I'm almost in the same boat. Fortunately our drive is half that of yours. We've also been alternating. I am totally stressed and freaking out. Not doing it again. My sister practically begged my parents to come to our house this year because it's a shorter drive for her and easier for me. They just don't want to! They have no reason other than every other year we are supposed to be at their house.
So we decided we won't bring it up on this visit. My sis and I had already decided we would go, no reason to put a damper on this year. So our plan is to wait a year and 9 months or so before telling them. Unless we are specifically asked. You might want to do the same and wait until the fall before Christmas to have the discussion. We are just going to tell our folks that we don't want to travel any more at Christmas and would love it if they would join us.
Good luck!!

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I don't blame you! I have several friends who do this insanity, and I was a kid raised doing this insanity, and I say LET THEM FREAK OUT! Tell them to come to visit you. Figure out a time over the holidays to visit if she won't come to you on Christmas, but she's being completely selfish to expect you to pack everything -including your kids -and take them away from THEIR home on Christmas. Stick to your guns!

1 mom found this helpful

So I think 3ish Christmases ago my husband and I were watching dr. Phil. It was a holiday show and robin & he talked about how they participate in everything except the week of Christmas. That is their family time. Both my husband and I hate traveling for the holidays. Our families are in 2 different states and both families will get pissed if we spend even an extra half day with the other one. So we declared (after Dr. Phil gave us strength) that we will no longer be traveling for the holidays period. We gave both families a years notice. We did come up to see both families during the year and then spent christmas at home with just us. It was wonderful. After Christmas we spent one break with his family and one with mine. They got over it. Even if they were not happy we let them know this was about our family and whats best for them and the was no point in arguing about it.

The other reason why I am no longer wiling to go up is it's freaking freezing in MI, I moved south to get away from snow and I don't want to deal with it if I don't have to. It was negative 16 degrees there the last time I was up in winter... Just do not function when it's that cold. Good luck! I think as long as you do go and see your MIL during the upcoming year she should get over not seeing you at Christmas.

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I think it's a little late to back out now. I am sure it's a hassle, and hard to manage. Changing plans now, especially if you are supposed to leave tomorrow, probably would result in a lot more stress then going itself...

Be careful what you wish for. We made the same trip every year on Christmas afternoon to visit my family in PA. It was tough but once we got up there, my child and pups were so thrilled to be there to play in the snow and visit with the grandparents. Our arrival made my parents so happy since children bring a new light to a holiday that can be quite sad for older people. My Dad passed away almost a year ago and Mom bought a house locally. We will no longer be making the trip to PA and it pains me. Christmas will be very different this year.

Christmas is about giving......even if it is a hassle and inconvenient. Some day you will be the grandparent looking forward to seeing your loved ones for Christmas. Merry Christmas

i agree with talking to the kids, they might look foward to that trip so much and if you do it another time of the year or have them come to you theyd miss getting to know other nearby relatives and cousins in the area.

Can you fly? If we didn't travel we would never see either my folks or my husband's family. They come to us as well but it's just reality for us. It might be less stressful to get a pet sitter for your dog rather than to put him in a car for 14 hours. We are shipping our gifts back (we did last year too). It is cheaper and easier to pack a box and ship than to check as luggage (plus then you need to lug it around).

My in laws and family in general understand we like to have Christmas morning at our own house. We always do christmas with in laws either right before or right after or they come and sleep over here. I also have 2 dogs that I have never kenneled. They're my babies too!
Good luck, have the conversation whenever it is comfortable for you. No rush, you're still going this year. So you have time!
Know that you are in the right to not want to travel outside your home for Christmas day!

I wouldnt tell her now that you will not come in 2 years.. things change, In 2 years the kids will be older and easier, you may not have to kennel the dog in 2 years. I know it is overwhelming to pack everying to travel.. but dont announce now that you wont come in 2 years.. but I do like hte plan to go after christmas.. the best of both worlds..