Cancer - Waukegan,IL

The BEST thing you can do is to be there with them and make them feel every moment of being alive.

I was diagnosed with Stage IIA Hodgkins almost 2 years ago, a few weeks after my daughter's birth and the day before my son's second birthday.
I had a good prognosis and have luckily been cancer free for almost 18 months.

Regarding clinical trials and extending life as long as possible - please make sure that's what she wants. Chemo is very hard to go through. Sometimes, especially in terminal cancers, the wishes of the patient may not be to extend life. Regardless, I hope she makes the decision that is best for her based upon her wishes and her desire to fight.

One of my friends just learned her mother is terminal from stage IV, recurrent breast cancer after being clean for almost a decade. She has a 2 year old daughter who she desperately wants to know her grandmother.

Celebrate the life, be there, start helping her immediate family and remember the toll of cancer goes well beyond the time in treatment, the passing of the family member.

When I was in treatment, I was mostly worried about my husband and my children if I didn't complete treatment successfully. The people who are left behind after the patient passes are often as effected (if not more) by the cancer.

I received a second opinion from Northwestern as well - excellent facility. Seek 3rd and 4th opinions if needed. Not all Oncologists approach things the same way.

I'd also recommend getting involved with organizations such as Imerman Angels (imermanangels.org) based in Chicago who provides networks for not only patients but also for family members coping with cancer in their lives.

Best wishes!

1 mom found this helpful

I'm so sorry! Having lost my father to Leukemia, it is very difficult, but we had a long time to prepare.

My brother in law lost his dad recently and it was very quick when they discovered how sick he was.

The made a slideshow of lots of happy memories, family members wrote letters of memories and encouragement, and when he was well enough, they would take him out to create a few last happy memories with the family. Maybe go and have professional photos taken with everyone.

All you can really do is be there for them and support them and encourage them to be open about it and embrace the good times.

1 mom found this helpful

Dana and Denise's answers are phenominal. Watching my mom pass away from cancer was the hardest thing I had to do in my life. I recently read a book called "Final Gifts" after my mom had passed, and it helped me with giving me a better understanding of where an individual may be at when confronted with this, as well as the support people in their life. My mom did everything to live, including a clinical trial, which she said was very tough on her, harder than the chemo and if she had the choice would not do it again, but that was her decision, and everyone reaches their own choices based upon where they are in life and prior experiences. One thing that people would say to our family is "if you need anything let me know." The thing I appreciated most were the people that "just did" and didn't ask, like bringing over meals, etc. Just being there for your husband is so important. I am so sorry that this is something you have to experience, it is nothing I wish on anyone. One thing that stood out to me that one of my mothers doctors said to her when asked how much time she had was, "That is between you and the man upstairs, I can't be for sure." Stay positive.....

C.:

My heart goes out to you and your family, I just went through this my Mother who passed last June 27th. It is hard, but the folks at Our Lady of Good Counsel in St. Paul, MN really gave us some great support. I will give them a call and ask them to send me info. Out Lady is a strictly a terminal cancer center for Low-income people. They help us a lot.

A couple things to remember is His Aunt will eat less and less, do not force them to eat. If they are not hungary, they aren't hungary. Treat them with the same dignity that you do now. Ask them questions about their life, what did they enjoy about their kids growing up, document this. Get any Family History that you can. I found out after my Mom passed that she was in the Top 5% of her class. And I was really close to her.

If you able to take her a trip that she has wanted to make, do it. We took Mom to Harlingen, TX to see a couple of Friends. It was a tough trip as we had some issues with her Health, but we did it!!!

It you would like me to send you the packet of info, please email me. I guarantee that the info is really good.

I will pray for you and your family.

S. H

You need to look up Monavie....its a drink with the acai berry in it ....I'm not saying it would "heal" her nor do they claim that either but there have been studies done where the juice actually took a cancer cell and made it into a normal one....I used to be a distributor but being a mom of twins I just didn't have the time. If you want more information send me a message and I'll put you in contact with someone but you can also check them out as well they have a website I think it is www.monavie.com There are alot of knock offs out there so be careful and yes it is quite expensive but when its your life I guess price doesn't matter much and since its stage 4 I don't know but its worth a shot I suppose.

Definitely ask about drug trials. My grandfather died of a from of leukemia that it turned out the hospital offered him an experimental treatment for which has since been so phenomenally successful that it is now the standard treatment. He was afraid to try it. No one really talked to him about "what have you got to lose?" on the subject.

Also my mother in law is a breast cancer survivor when they didn't think she would be. One of the things she did was cancer focused juicing diet with tons of raw plant material included.

Other that that, be there for them, help with what you can help with that will be less painful to you than a immediate relative. And be willing to talk honestly about the situation, while living what life she can to the fullest with her now.

There are nutritional IV's and high dose IV Vitamen C treatments for Cancer patients along with chemo or radiation. there is a clinic in Atlanta called immune therapies that can give consults and treatment. My Mom went there and they truly helped to lengthen her life. She felt much better and stronger when she got the nutrients she needed. Peace

I just read a book called Eating Pomegranates. It is a memoir about a woman who had breast cancer. It talks about the experience of cancer, surgery, chemotherapy and how she was feeling about the entire experience. I really enjoyed the book and felt as if I had a better understanding about the process. It was an eye opener to me. It might help you to understand what she might be feeling.

Be present -- mentally, physically and emotionally -- as much as you can, for your husband, his aunt and her family. Be real about the situation. Show and express your love to her while you still can. Offer to help out with stuff that will make her & her families life easier/better/more meaningful.
Sorry you are going through this. I lost my stepdad to esophageal cancer so I know how you feel. Take care.

Hi C., I am very sorry your family has been stricken by this awful disease. My mother was diagnosed with cancer January 09. My four sisters have never held up very well in time of turmoil and I had to figure out how to deal with this. I am a photographer, so I found some photos that helped me reflect on the vacations I have with my mother every other year. I canvas printed three photos. A bloom "Love is patient", A flower "Love is kind", and a flower with a dying flower "Love is forever". As well, I framed a simple photo of a lit lamp post and a doorway to put by her bedside. In my view, the light is hope. Thankfully, after 6 months, my mother is cancer free, however I had to deal with her death prematurely because I felt I was going to have to be there to hold my sisters together. So my advice to you is if you can find something that will bring him peace that may remind him of his aunt, that would be nice. Maybe a photo shoot of the family while she is still feeling well enough to do so. Best wishes.