Can We Have Another?

I wanted a 2nd child immediately as well. My husband kept saying, "Let's see what it's like with one kid first." Well, I am pregnant with baby #2 due in May and that means the boys will only be 18 months apart. Since we are having another boy, I said to my husband that I want to try for a girl and he says, Let's see what it's like with two kids first." See, you never know. :)

I'm 33 and my brother is 6 years younger. we have always been very close. I was Mama's little helper with him and it gave me a sense of responsibility. To this day we are great friends.

Remember that you had 9 months of bonding with this baby while you carried her, your husband has had 3. Technically, you have known her for about a year. It is so important to let him establish his fatherhood. I have four children all 2 years a apart and it is great. Enjoy your beautiful baby girl's first year and then start trying, I bet you will feel more comfortable when the next one comes and your husband won't be put in a position to make his wife happy by just giving in. You never want to have him resent you for doing something you both are not ready for. Good luck and God bless your sweet family!

I know how you feel. I have 2 girls 3 years and 4 months. Right after I had the last one you are so in love with the baby that you want another. I also wated my girls close together, not a year.......but 2 years and it took a while to convience my husband so now they are almost 3 years apart. It seems good because my oldest is so helpful now. Plus I had her potty trained for six months before the baby came. When you are sure you are ready let him know how important this is to you and if you wait to long you might regret it later, but be sure that's what you want. BIG PIECE Of ADVICE, make your decision when your daughter is about 5 to 6 months and crawling. It is a whole new world. The day that happens it gets 10 times harder. The day my 1st daughter started to crawl I was so happy at first and by the end of the day I wanted to cry. It was then that I decided there was no way I could be pregnant yet. I know you are so in love with being a mom and want more but give it just a couple of months, they are so easy at this age.........just give it a few months and you might say to yourself what was I thinking. Good luck.
S.

PS only child too, I understand the life long feeling that you got cheated because you never had a sibling to play with.

My daughter is ten and a half months old. I had a wonderful time being pregnant. No morning sickness, my husband spoiled me day and night during my pregnancy. It was great! So yes, about the same time period, that you are experiencing I wanted another baby.( when my daughter was three months old) I think maybe it is all these hormone changes we go through that makes us want another baby so desperately. I would look at my daughter and think to myself, "Wow, this is great! She is beautiful and perfect. I want another one just like her." But I have had time to reflect and think there will not be someone else like her even if it is a brother or sister. She is unique in every single way. And also the pregnancy experience is unique with each baby. So I would like to say to you, A., be patient. The right time will come. The good thing is that your husband is saying he does want another baby but not right now. Enjoy your little one. Enjoy her every movement, her little smiles, her laughs, everything. You are so lucky to be a stay at home. In my case, my husband stays home. That is the way it has worked out because of our financial situation, and we do not want any other person to take care of our children. Take your time. My husband and I plan to try to get pregnant when our daughter turns one, which if everything goes well as planned our daughter will almost be two when our second child is born. My husband and I have talked about having children too close together. There can be negatives to that also. Both my husband and I have siblings who are close in age and we both say that we felt resentment towards our siblings because they took our parents' attention away from us too soon. So that might be something you have never experienced if you don't have siblings. Believe me each child wants his/her parents' attention. But then again you stay home, so it might be different. Maybe you should ask your husband when he DOES want to start trying and explain why he wants to wait unlike you. I hope this helps to see things differently.

My two are 18 mos apart and I wouldn't want it any other way. My husband wholeheartedly agrees now, was not crazy about the idea when we (unexpectedly) became expectant parents so soon after our first one. That was 17 years ago, our two are in high school now.

In addition to the two of them playing together as little ones, there are many other benefits. They not only do things together, they go through things at the same time.

Planning family vacations is easier, they are both interested in the same things at the same time. Driving them to school is easier because they are only a year apart -- grammar school, middle school, high school. Going back to school (& work) myself became an option sooner because my two were up and out at the same time. My kids share inside jokes, and while they run with different groups of friends now, they look out for each other and warn one another against trouble that only other teens would know about.

Two in diapers is no big deal when set against the many advantages of having children close together, especially when the advantages include happier, safer children.

Actually I am speaking from more than 17 years experience, I am 47 and have 4 sisters. Who am I closest to? No surprise: My relationship with the sister who is 18 months younger than I am is so much closer than -- and very different from -- the one I have with my sister 5 years younger. There is a level of attachment that only comes from living the same thing at the same time. Plus, a gift to the next generation is that my kids have cousins their same age.

It sounds to me that you had a happy, healthy first pregnancy and if you take good care of yourself I don't see why you can't have a happy healthy second one. Being a younger mother has both genetic and physical advantages that outweigh the idea that your body needs recovery.

Anyone who tells you that you need to spread your children apart so that you can give them each 100% undivided parental attention is not looking at the big picture. In addition to being offensive to parents of twins, it takes the focus off of the real goal: The goal is not "having a baby" it is raising a good, happy, healthy new human being. Parents who look at parenting as their only contribution to their children are missing a lot. You propose giving your daughter a life-long companion -- a gift that keeps giving for 90 years!

I wish you all the best.

I grew up with my sister, two years apart almost to the day. We are still close friends. I tried to space my natural children two years apart as well. They were friends as well, had mutual friends, and still have a great time together when they are able to see each other. In contrast, I adopted a set of four siblings who were born very close together -- especially the two oldest who were only 11 months apart. The sibling rivalry was a disaster. My second husband has 3 children who are one year apart, and actually they are not nearly as close as my 2 year apart children. So my experience would be to have children reasonably close together, but not too close. When they are too close, they compare each other in everything. When there is a little distance, that is not so much the case. I do think children with at least one sibling are better off. I have two grandchildren who are only children, and I don't think the intense attention that an only child receives is always positive. Good luck with your family.

S. Toji
Irvine California

I have it both ways, and really prefered the longer time span. Our plan was to have two very close together. I had an awful first pregnancy. When my son turned 6mo, I couldn't imagine getting pregnant again so quick. I was nursing and hadn't even got my cycle yet. Didn't get it until he was 11 mos. which is when we got pregnant again. (I nursed him for another two months, which probably wasn't the best thing to do as it is not really the best for a pregnancy - but he was weaning and not nursing consistently.) So they are 18 mos. apart - not as close as we planned, but almost. I feel my son got the shaft in his toddler years as their was then always a baby to take care of. Nursed my daughter for 15 mos. Due to their birthdates they are a full two years apart in school, which is a blessing. We then remodeled a home (which took awhile) and thought we were done, but I decided I wanted one more at least. Well we had twin girls. My son was 6yrs4mos, my daughter was 4yrs8mos, and I LOVE the gap. The older two really were a big help and everyone seems to get the attention they need. I nursed the girls for two years and my body has never been the same since them. I can get my husband to give in on just about anything. But this decision is really something you want his complete buy in on and support. I wouldnt rush it for yourself or him.

40 YO mom married 12 years, 9 yo son, 8 yo daughter and 3yo twins

Hi, A.,
My sister and I are 18 months apart and we have a very close bond; however, my husband and his brother are only 14 months apart and they do not have a close bond and never have. My point is that having children close in age doesn't guarantee that siblings will be close while young or in the future.

I don't know how old you are but you probably have some time. I think it's really important to listen to your husband. Although you will be staying home and caring for the children, having another child places a great pressure on both spouses...time, energy, finances. If he's not into having another child now, he will be resentful and it will not be good for your marriage or children. Just my thoughts. ~S.

I have two boys that are fourteen months apart. I found out I was pregnant with the second when my oldest was six months. I love that they are close in age, it is challenging though. My only thing about the whole matter is that my first pregnancy was wonderful, and my second one was extremely hard. I guess I am just saying that every pregnancy is the same, and you still have to think about how you are going to watch your lil girl (she'll be in the crawling and falling stage!)...I wouldnt ever take back having my kids so close, but just be prepared!

I've heard 2 really good and opposing theories. My experience watching my friends has been that #2 adds a fair amount of marital stress, so I'd get hubby fully on board by discussing your thoughts and ideas with him :)
1 The closer they are in age the more cohesive the family unit. They will have similar interests and needs and the 4 of you will be focused in the same areas.
2 If you spread them out a bit you will be able to focus on your daughter during this intensive baby phase when she really needs as much time and attention as you can possibly give her, then she will become more independent and you can do the same for the second child. You are less likely to have a difficult pregnancy if you allow your body to heal. You will not disrupt nursing in a young infant if you wait a year or so.

Oh my gosh, so I had to respond.....I am an only child who desperatly wanted a brother or sister!!! I didn't have any family close to my age. I have a 9 year old (from when I was young). My husband & I got pregnant after we got married & had a baby in March 2006(my 2nd baby, husbands 1st). Right after 2nd baby's birth I was ready to have another one. I am still not sure how since I was extremly sick from the time of conception through my labor not to mention the worst possible labor. My husband said "some day, but not anytime soon." He told me not until our baby turned 5! HUH! I knew there was no way I was waiting that long! Well once he saw our baby, who was 5 mths, interact with another baby that was it! He LOVED seeing how they interacted. The babies personality will start to develop more & more each month that my husband wanted another. He caved in & was ready for another! I was SHOCKED & knew it was a now or never (since my first started throwing tantrums at 9 mths)! Well 16 months later after baby #2 baby #3 arrived. It was the BEST decision we ever made! My husband is so in love with the set of 2 he wants to wait a couple of years and have another set of 2!!! Taht REALLY shocked me! We always laugh how my husband is now a baby lover! Everyone said that the first 6 mths are the hardest, and I agree. Now they are 7 mths & 23 mths and they already play cars together!!! It's AWESOME watching them interact! My 7 mth old loves to stand up against the couch to play for hours a day! It is much easier now! Good luck! I think your babies personality will persuade your husband! =)

Dear A., I know how you feel. I loved being pregnant and the whole experience of being a mother. It sounds like your husband is asking for some time with you. Men don't always say "me too". He realizes how much energy a new baby takes. Give your body a little break. I got pregnant with the second son on the first son's 1st birthday. They are 21 mos apart and have always been very close (Now 42 and 40). So happy for you, Aunt Maddie

My children were born 19 months apart and are very close. However, your marriage is a parnership and until both of you are comfortable with the decision, it is good to wait. Understand that some people do not respond well to pressure and it may be time to back off and let your husband have some time to get in sync with your wishes. Children are special and need both parents adore them.
CindyR

Be patient and give your husband a little time. It would be far better for your marriage and family to have a little patience, than to push it and have it possibly become an issue that drives a wedge between you. You did say your husband does want another child, so that's a good thing. Even if you wind up having kids that are a couple of years apart in age, they'll still be there for each other, and still be close. Some husbands need time to adjust to having a baby. I think if you show your husband you respect his wishes and needs, he'll do the same for you.

My advice...don't confuse your childhood experience with your child's experience. Studies show that a 3 to 4 year wait between children is best for all, and especially the older child. She needs time to finish being a baby. Her time now with you is precious and valuable for her. When a new baby comes she will not get all that attention. Also, if you wait she will be old enough to be excited about the new baby. And, one more note...two babies in diapers may not be as much fun as you think...give it time and enjoy her for all its worth.

mother, grandmother, great-grandmother.

What about giving your first child some one-on-one attention before you decide to have another one? The time you share with her is invaluable and you won't be able to concentrate on her if your body is dealing with pregnancy so soon after delivery. I think you should give it more time.
Good luck.

My doctor told me that you should wait at least a year before getting pregnant again so that your body can heal after having your first baby. Aside from your health, your baby still has so many fun and exciting milestones to hit and if you're pregnant or have another young baby too soon, you'll miss out on the fun because you'll be so tired. Our children were born 26 months apart and 29 months apart. They're the best of friends (all three of them) and the timing was perfect for us. I don't think that there is a "perfect time" to have another baby, but I think that having them too close would just be too tiring. You have to think about having to carry two babies, change two babies, feed two babies, take two babies out in public, etc. and they wouldn't even be twins. :) Good luck with whatever you decide!

I think the last thing you want to do is make your husband resent your children. When we had our daughter, my husband had a difficult time adjusting to his entire life changing. It was very difficult for me as well. You don't sleep, your energy and time is zapped by this child, and especially when they're babies, all this is multiplied. I know many women who loved pregnancy and having a baby, but I was the opposite. I felt like my life was sabotaged and it was the hardest time in my life. Not everyone adjusts to this easily.

I think you've got to keep open communication about this with your husband, so that he welcomes another child. I know many fathers who end up resenting their children and their wives because it wasn't completely their decision.

FYI, my daughter is 3 now, and a lot more enjoyable to raise, now that she can do a lot of things on her own and communicate more easily. I love her like crazy, and she's very close to my husband too.

IMO it's not good for your body (or your first baby) to have them THAT close. Give your first baby some important one-on-one. Ask your OB what is the healthiest time after having the first baby to have a 2nd. Your body still has to recuperate from the first pg. I remember a friend telling me that the March of Dimes recommends waiting 17 months to start again. That's how long it takes your body to recover from the pg. Lots of families have children 2 years apart at the children are very close. I wanted mine 3 yrs apart and ended up being 4 yrs apart. My son is 7.5 and my daughter is 3.5 and they are VERY close! I'm happy with that time difference, but you don't have to wait that long. Be patient and enjoy what you have now.

Hi A.,

I agree with a lot of the other moms who responded with their advice. Give your body some time to recover. Pregnancy is very h*** o* our bodies. Give yourself at least 9 months between pregnancies.

I would also think about your husband's feelings at this time. Having a new baby can really be overwhelming for new Dads. Their lives are changing so much and so fast. Maybe he wants to get used to being a dad of one before he becomes a dad of two?

Give yourself some time. Enjoy every moment with your new baby.

Hi A.,
As the mother of a 13 year old son who is still buging me to have a brother or sister, I just want to share with you that I waited til he was two to start trying again at 36 years old and experienced secondary infertility. By the time I was aware that there was a problem, my age was too advanced for my egg quality to be high, so I only miscarried and never had a second child. I would say that the decision to have another child is one that is shared between both parents, but depending on your age, I wouldn't wait too long. The truth is men can have children anytime, but women only have a window of childbearing years and I'd hate to see you miss yours as I did mine.
All the best,
B

My husband and I agreed on 1 yr. So we would start trying around the baby's 1st birthday. This way the baby was walking and my body had some time to recover. If you want your kids close together this is what I would suggest. Pregnancy is h*** o* your body. I have 4 children, all close together, and by the time I got halfway through my 4th pregnancy my body was not so happy anymore.
As for your husband, the two of you should sit down and talk. Listen to each other without judging or getting mad and maybe you could come to a compromise on how soon to have #2. He needs time with you. Babies are wonderful and the best thing you and your husband can give them is happy parents. Happy parents=happy children.

Hi. Mine are 21 months apart and it has been great! I did have to "convince" my husband to have the third...our second was 2 when we got pregnant with her, so they are almost 3 years apart. I would have to say that the older two are more compatible with regard to being interested in the same things, etc., but as the years go on, I can see that all 3 sisters LOVE to play with each other! No matter when you can "convince" him to have another child, it will be GREAT! Incidentally, I did do some "extras" to get him to concede LOL

Oh girl...enjoy your little one while you still can!!! Write down every moment...I would suggest waiting till she's at least 2. I have 4 kids, 3 boys and a little girl. The boys are 1 year apart and let me tell you that was the most challenging time of my life! I can't even remember all the cute and new stuff the boys did...when you that many kids you just "do" and try to get thru the day with out pulling your hair out! BUT I wouldn't change it for the world.

I was one of three children. I am now a mother of two young woman, 22 and 19. I have many friends with children. What I have seen clearly is three years between them makes a huge difference in how they see themselves, their siblings and the world. You have time with both. As they get older it seems they are best friends. If you look at the literature, it says three years are the best. ( I wasn't looking, it just happened that way) Enjoy you daughter, don't loose this precious time with her worrying about the next. It goes by in a blink of an eye. Enjoy the three of you for a while. Hope that helps.

I think it is great that you want to have another child, But if your husband is not ready, I think you should give him some time and try not to push him into something he may not be ready for. I have 3 children. My first 2 children were 20 months apart and all those two did was fight for the most part. They are now 17 and 15 years old.My youngest just turned 9 years old and he is the baby. I love all my children very much and glad to have them. Remember they cost more and your husband will love you no matter what you decide but the two of you have to make the decision as a whole. There is still plenty of time to have a child early enough even after 6 months of age with your first. It will be lots of fun when your first one reaches the terrible 2 s. But really kids are a blessing in its self.

A little about me:
I'am 37 year old working mom with 3 great kids.

I was totally in the same position as you are in now! When my daughter was 5 months old we got pregnant with twins! My husband was really reluctant to begin with and then to find out we were having twins was insane! I ended up miscarrying when I was 51/2 months pregnant! It was devastating! We decided to wait and I finally got pregnant when my daughter was a litte under 2! I couldn't believe the difference in pregnancies! I was really sick this time and it would have been impossible to do if my daughter needed the constant attention! She was really able to listen and play next to me and snuggle on the couch when I went on bed rest and all of that! Now my son is 7 months old and my daughter is like a little mommy! The bond they have is amazing and I wouldn't change it for the world! Anyway I realized that God has his own time frame and that if I had gotten my wish, both of my kids would still be in diapers, which is harder than it looks, and one would be just crawling, which is also harder than it looks because you never ever sit down again, and my daughter would be going through the terrible two's which was so much harder than I ever imagined!

So the moral of this story is that I personally feel that it is better to wait and spacing your kids two years apart is still really close in age! Besides you are both parents and it is harder for men to bond anyway, so if he isn't ready imagine how hard it would be for him! Just food for thought! No one can make this decision for you but other mom's do know what it is like to have 2 and it isn't easy, but it is very rewarding when the time is right!

hi. M.
give your self a break there having another kid that short apart is could be furstuating. my advice is to wait at less until your baby turns 1yr so that your body be rady to carri your second child.enjoy learning everithing a baby needs the firts year. a'm a mother of 3 kids & there are abiout 1yr and 10 mnts apart and for experience i most of the time donot have time for my self.but at the end of the day when all the kids are a slip you have that moment in wish you miss the up and runing againg. your husband need to enjoy this moments too so give your self time and then plan your next baby.
hope this helps.

God bless

Hi A.
I hear your desires. I too, would love to have another child and my son is already 3 1/2, HELLO. LOL> Right before I read this, I was praying about having another child. My husband and I didn't know each other, I got prego we got married and I too had the best time being prego. I loved it so much and my son saved me. He is truly a blessing straight form God. Aren't they all! Anyway, what I am feeling, is that you need to enjoy your little one now because these are the moments that pass by so quickly. I wish Branden was a baby again because I want another and when we do that, we miss out on what we have and forget the blessing, not that you are, I am just saying what I feel. I feel that I need to live in the moment with my son and u know what if it is meant to be by God it will be. You probably will have another when the time is right. I know your feelins probably come from when you were growing up, but there is still time and it is a lot of work taking care of a child. Emotionlly, and physically. It can be draining, especially for stay at home moms, like us. My husband and I have had a very rocky marriage and selfishly I could've made it happen a year ago but fighting infront of one is enough , u know and he is going to Iraq soon and my life is an emotional whirlwind right now. Love your little one and cherish her. The best we can give our children is Love and Time. I hope that helps.

I had a similar childhood, only I was 5 years older then my oldest sibling. I always felt in the middle, too young or too old. My 3 younger siblings are all about 2 years apart, and I remember them always being close. Even to this day they are close. I always knew that when I had children I wanted them to be close together so none of them would feel "left out" My daughter and son are 2 years and 1 month apart. And I didn't do it on purpose...lol. They are still too young to tell if they are or will be close but I think they will be, even over the fighting or any jealousness. I would suggest...go with the flow. You have another child when it is right for both you and your husband. I don't really know if that was a suggestion but when I read your question I thought of my siblings and I. Even kids a little bit apart can be close.

A.:

You need to give your husband some time! Most men take some time getting used to a new baby, usually warming up once a "personality" develops (the baby, not the men) and they can interact with the baby. Besides, most experts give 2 to 3 years as the optimal years of separation to allow closeness but not too much rivalry (although individual personalities also play a role). Additionally, you want to give that body of yours some time to really heal and prepare for another baby. Besides, don't you want to give you and your husband some time to really get into the groove and enjoy being parents to that beautiful daughter before having to learn how to juggle two? =)

Hi A.,

My husband and I have 4 children and we are expecting our 5th. The 1st and 2nd are 2 years 8 months apart, the 2nd and 3rd are 2 years 10 months apart, the 3rd and the 4th are 17 months apart, and our 4th and 5th will be 16 months apart. Having the children nearly 3 years apart is nice. The older sibling was potty trained by the time the next one came, and they could also speak by then. With our 2 last children (the ones 17 months apart)our 3rd child is still not potty trained and neither is our almost 1 year old. Is it a big deal? No! Do you feel alot more busy with 2 little ones 17 months apart? Yes. But, I feel that God has given me the grace and strength and wisdom that I need to balance the needs of all of our children. Do I think you should side with your husband? Of Course!!! Hope something I mentioned here helps. Oh, by the way, we didn't plan any of our children. They were all wonderful surprises!

Yes! I have 4 and it is awesome and overwhelming at times. Our first 2 are 15 months apart so I was pregnant when our son was 6 months old. It was hard the first year but they are 8 and 9 now and it is awesome! My husband was fine with 3 but I wanted 4 and was able to get him to agree after several soul searching talks. When I shared openly how important it was for me and that I did not want to live the rest of my life regretting not having another he came around. We have 2 boys and 2 girls and they are all miracles from God. I feel complete.... My advice, be honest open, talk a lot be sure to have dates and nuture him and if he loves you he will let you go forward. You may need to compromise a little too on the time... Good luck. Keep God at the center and everything will fall in place. S. :)

You need to find out why your hubby wants to wait. Sometimes he just wants you back in his life the way it was before the baby. He may be embarrassed he's feeling jealous of your time. He may be overwhelmed financially because it cost alot more then was anticipated having a new baby and now having another will double the expenses. Again, he may be embarressed because he doesn't want you to view him as an inadequate provider. Men sometimes will give you a second or third reason because they are ashamed of the real reason. Confronting him can make matters worse. You can remove his objections quitely by finding ways to make him feel special and find ways to take the financial load off of him. To be perfectly honest, I help Mommies stay home and work around their families schedules and it can be very lucrative. Check out my website:
http://prospertogetherwithus.com/FrancieEstes_ss3
All I know is that things will not change if you keep "Doing what your doing you'll keep getting what you've been getting" Change your actions will change his. Just an old married lady's advise. :^D

There's a lot of good advice here. I think the majority say it all: dont' do it TOO soon, especially since your husband wants to wait! Kids with ages that are too close are not necessarily going to get along super well - there's a LOT of competition. My brother and I were 18 months apart , and I actually wanted my kids to be farther apart! Not too far apart, but not as close either - I opted for about 3 years (although it ended up closer to 2-1/2 because I got pregnant as soon as we started trying, and my son was 6 weeks early!) Anyways, give your daughter all the attention you can NOW - you really wont' have the same amount of time for your second - especially if they're both babies at the same time.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Hi A.,
I'd give him a little more time. Perhaps for him the sleepless nights and all the adjustments involved in being a new parent seem to recent to start thinking about a 2nd child.
If it's part of your faith, I'd also pray about it. My daughters are two years apart and it was perfect. They are great friends and playmates, but it still gave us the break in between the two pregnancies.
Good luck!
Helene

I too grew up an only child, so understand your desire for your child to have a sibling. However my advice to you ( I have 3 sons, now aged 24, 22 and 16!) is to enjoy at least the first year of your daughters life and not be depleted energy wise during that time. Studies show that psychologically 3 years is the best time span, my first two were two years apart and it was still trying to meet both their needs individually, as they were both still "babies" but they did grow up very close with the two year age span. And I know many families who waited a bit longer and the older sibling made the adjustment really well because they felt a part of the process and welcomed the baby and did not feel like they had to compete.

Also, your husbands feelings are very important...your marriage needs to be rock solid for your children to be happy. Best of luck to you....G.

Hello A.,

I respect your experience as an only child and I understand your desire to have another child. I would say rest in knowing that your husband has not refused you another child. He just wants to wait. I would say wait as well. I married my husband after a two year breakup. In between the break up and reconnected he met someone and fathered a child with the woman. I married him although a child was on the way. Anyways my children are 10 months apart. It is alot of work with two children in diapers. I was just getting use to his son as I was experiencing my first pregnancy.
I say this because your husband is getting use to being a father. He has plans, maybe even fears he hasn't dealt with yet and now you are saying one more. So right now enjoy your daughter. Allow her to enjoy and get to know you and your husband before she has to "share" you with another child. Think about it, maybe your next pregnancy won't be a breeze and if you get pregnant now you might not be available emotionally and physically for your daughter. My friend's son is 2 years old and she is pregnant again, however, this time she has morning sickness worst than her first and she feels bad because she is not as available for her son as before.
I've said alot, but the bottomline is give yourself, your husband and your beautiful daughter a chance to bond, get to know one another and feel comfotable in your new roles before embarking on another journey. God bless.

Hi A.,
I have two little ones (4 & 2) and love how close they are. Two years apart still feels like they are close, and I treasured the time with my first to establish a good strong relationship with him before his brother came along. My advice to you is to let your body heal. Having a baby makes your body experience crazy things, and (even though you may feel just fine) it needs time to get back to "normal" before getting pushed around and stretched out. We lost one to a miscarriage between my two boys, and it was partially due to my body (that felt ready, but wasn't). That's not to say that that would happen to you, but it's better to be on the safe side. Just my opinion! Also, if your hubby is wanting to wait, he may need some time to adjust to his first child and becoming a father. It's tough on them, too. He may feel he has less of you now that the first is here, and he WILL have even less of you with two little ones to care for.

It's not really safe for your body to have another baby before 18 months have passed. And keep in mind that every baby is different. My best advice is to get to know your daughter a little while first, you'll never have this opportunity again.
Good Luck,
-K

I was pregnant with my second son when my first was only 9 months, so my eldest was 18months when the second was born. I must say that it was my husband's idea! But, it worked out great. They are best friends and are always togehter. They are 3 & 4 now and so close, I love it. In fact when the second son was 2 1/2 we got pregnant with our third! We had a daughter this last time..thank goodness! And now we are done. :)

Hi A.,

I don't know that this is the answer you are looking for. But, did you know it takes your body minimally 2 yrs to recover from a pregnancy? And if you are nursing (which you didn't mention either way) then you'd have to stop because you aren't supposed to nurse when pregnant....it depletes your body from what is needed for the new growing baby. And if that is the case then your firstborn would miss out on the benefits of all that nursing. Also keep in mind that no two pregnancies are alike. Both of mine were sickness free...so in that sense easy. But still very different.
At this stage with your daughter only being 3 months, your hormones are definitely all over the place. And you should still be watching for post partum (the baby) blues.

Your husband didn't say he didn't want ANY more kids....just not right now while you have this new little one. So he's not being unreasonable about it.

My brother and I are only 15 months apart. And I can tell you from our experiences that we remember - I missed out on more of my Moms attention that she would have had time for if she hadn't (oops) gotten pregnant so soon after me. I had to 'grow up' very quickly. And my brother felt too that she just had her hands full with the both of us that she wasn't able to give to each of us had we been farther apart. She was exhausted and tired most of the time. And she was only in her 20's.
Give your body a chance to recoup....and give your firstborn the time she deserves.

My sister followed behind and her and I are 4 yrs apart...and best of friends. So keep in mind that closeness in age doesn't necessarily mean they'll be best buds....they actually might just 'bump heads'.
My son and daughter are 5.9 years apart....he's now 7, she's 17 months....you couldn't tell that they are so far apart! There is no sibling rivalry.
The way they play together keeps us laughing all the time. He has the patience a little one needs...and she's getting the attention from big brother she loves to get and it leaves no room for arguments and disagreements. My son got Mom all day. Now he's in school of course, and my daughter also, gets Mom all day now. And she's fine when I need to give time to him for homework, etc....she's there and still a part of everyone's day - without jealousy.
They both have gotten the time they needed from me - in their early stages of their lives especially, when it's so important.

Your daughter doesn't have to be an only child based on your husbands willingness for another one - eventually.

I have plenty of friends who do have siblings close in age and I can tell you it's ZERO guarantee that they will be close as they grow up or when they are all grown.

Enjoy this new beginning with your firstborn before you have to divide your time. And give your body time to replenish so that you can give baby #2 all it deserves in utero.

Good luck....I wish you all well.

T.

PS. I'm a 47 yr old Mom, married 14 yrs, with a 7 yr old boy and a 17 mo. old baby girl, both enormous blessings.

Hello there. Yes, children can be beautiful, BUT this time I would have to agree with your husband.... You baby is only 3 months right now, let's say youget pregnant now, your baby will be 1 yr old. You have to think of the following:
Your daughter maybe won't be walking yet, she will still be in diapers, just when you are trying to get some good zzz's you will have to give that up and a lot more things i can tell you, but not much space.
My advise to you would be to enjoy your daughter to the max right now, enjoy her everymove, you wouldn't want to deprive her of your attention at this early age. Why not wait a bit before you have another child.
I am the mother of three, my first two are apart by 1 1/2, by the time my daughter was born, my son was already potty trained and became my little helper when it came to attending the new baby. Even though he was 1 1/2 yr old, he became very jealous of her because he now had to share the attention with his little sister. My third & last son came 5 years after my daughter, and believe me it was the best thing.
Enjoy your daughter as much as you can....
D.

My sister and I were only 13 months apart. Way too close. We were friends when real little but as we got older we competed with each other constantly. I hated it. We are still not the closest but better now that we are adults and live in different states! I suggest having a minimum of 2 years between them. Get to know your daughter and have fun with her. Two is a lot of work. I have a 12 year old, 2 and 6 month! It's great. Good luck.

Hi A., I'm a mother of 5 and they are at least 15 months apart. so every other year we are the even family (I can remember their ages: this year they are 8, 10, 12, 14, 16 and we start the odd year in Oct.) They are close enough to be independant and great sibling friends to each other. Wait awhile and enjoy your beautiful daughter. This is the time to learn new things, because when the next few come you will be ready for them..

I totally understand what you're saying, after all you're the one who's going to be taking care of the children. I want another baby too, but my husband keeps putting it off. Our son is 18 months old and he wants to wait. The best advice I can give you is not to push your husband, after all men don't like that. Share you're feelings, be honest and take it one day at a time. Before you know it'll happen. Enjoy the time you have with your 3 month old right now, you won't get those back. Good luck.

Hello, my name is T. W and I have a 22 mon. and a 9 mon. old. My oldest will be 2 April 11th and my youngest will be 1 May 5th. After I had my first daughter my husband and I wanted to try for another. So we did and I was pregnant again when my oldest daughter turned 3 mon. We were very excited at the fact that our daughter would have someone to grow up with. But boy let me tell you when our new baby girl arrived all was well the first month but after that it was a little stressful for me because I only have two hands and one lap, and they both cried at the same time, needed diapers changed at the same time and took naps at different times. I was a stay at home mom so I was with the girls most of the time because my husband was usually at work. I do think that it's good for you to have your children close in age but at times I just want to run away. (laugh out loud) They definetly keep mama busy. If you know you have the patience then I say go for it if you can convince your husband.

Don't rush into having another baby so soon, especially if your husband is not ready. Cherish your beautiful baby girl and all the great things she's going to do in the next 12 months - roll over, sit up, crawl and walk - then there's words!! Sibilings that are 2 years or more apart still can be great friends so don't think waiting will cause them not to play well together or be close. Also once you have a second you will more than ever need the support of your husband as there'll be days when you'll want a break from them, even if it's just for an hour, so you'll want him to happily share the workload of having two kids.

Good Morning A.,
I have three children and they have been the best experience in my life and I have done many thngs. I have learned about my relationship with my husband as we have raised our children and after thirty years, we still are learning and growing within that relationship. One thing I do know is that you both need to be ready. Let the wonderful new gift of your baby fill you up. Instead of looking for more let this right now be what your doing. Let your husband see how you shine as a mother and wife and woman. The rest will fall into place as your family unit becomes the life you've always wanted. Good Luck and be the blessing to what is now.

I agree with your husband. I would wait for a little bit until you both are ready to have another one. I know how you feel about wanting to have another one right away. I would like another child so that my son can play with but I'm waiting until he is about 5 years old. The reason for that is, is so that he would be able to understand what is going on and so that my husband (who is an only child) can have time to really think it over before deciding not to have another one. I would honestly wait and enjoy your time with your daughter. Talk to your husband again when she is about 1 or even 2 years old and see what he says then. Congratulations on your daughter!

Dear A., Please give yourself some time alone with your new baby girl. MY best friend had her two girls 18 months apart. through most of her second pregnancy she couldn't lift or pick up her first daughter. everything is like a competition. they fight and argu alot. My two beautiful daughters are 5 years apart and i love it. they don't fight over friends, clothes. please give your little girl her special alone time with you, there is nothing like when they are babies. J.

Two years, four months separate my daughter and son (now 12 & 14), and that was perfect. They are still so close and have always enjoyed doing many of the same activities. A girl as the oldest is great because she was such a little mom from the beginning-- lots of help and never sibling jealousy.

I would give it some time, esp. relative to your husband. He must be taking in the big change already and coming to terms -- not the time to jump back in. And you need time with your daughter as well. I am also the mother of one year old twins and my one regret is the lack of one-on-one time with them during these crucial months.

Hi A.,

I know you are in a tough situation. I think if you sit down with your husband and let him know that you need his full attention on this matter. Explain to him exactly how you felt as a young child not having a sibling around and how much it hurt you and how you seem to already feel the same hurt for your 3 month old, then he may give in, especially considering you are the one that stays at home taking care of the child. Just let him know how much it really means to you and if is the kind of man he seems like he is, he will understand. Good Luck.

A little about me: I'm the mother of a 19 year old girl, a 10 year old boy, and a 2.5 year old girl.

There is something said for having your children close together. Trust me.

I just had my second, and the pregnancy was not like I thought it would be after my fabulous first one. If all my pregnancies could be like my first I would have 100 babies. There are 10 years between them, for various reasons - none of which are medical - so maybe my discomfort and such with the second is just because of my aging body. Don't assume every pregnancy is going to be fabulous. I don't mean to sound negative, really. As for having babies so close together, it works for some. I love having the 10-year old around to help. I can't see doing it any other way. But I have a friend who had twins 4 years ago and she made it look easier than many single birth mothers out there. My suggestion is to really work it out with your husband, have an actual plan that you can both agree upon, and then let God intervene. God loves a wife who can demonstrate such respect for her husband. And so will your husband. Those benefits are unmeasurable, let me tell ya!

My advice here having a sister just one year apart from me is to wait a little while, so the kids are two years apart in school. I say this because even though my sister and I had a good relationship growing up and played together often, it gets tricky in school when you have the same friends, and when you'd like to have your own group of friends and identity. We ended up on the same sports teams and stuff being only a year apart in school, and some of our friends were the same. I think it was harder on her (the younger one) than me, as teachers the next year would constantly compare her to me, so she didn't feel a unique identity. I think that two school years apart is better- still not such an age difference that they can't play together and grow up together, but far enough apart to have their own lives! We had rough patches in high school because of this, and found that when I went to college and we had a little space, we became better friends than ever. JUst a little warning about planning them too close together...

hubby must be on board which will preclude any blame games if things get tough, besides they often are like another kid competing for your time/attention and affection

are you prepared to cart them to conflicting ballet, soccer or baseball or dr appts etc...

also two in college or private school at the same time $$$$ most colleges dont have a cheaper by the dozen policy

when the kids are close in age the competition factor is more intense--mine were farther apart and it worked out well since one will be out of college by the time the next one will go.
my only regret in life is not having a third and fourth but age does become an obstacle

Always consider your husband's feelings and come to an agreement, as he's also the parent. You'll want his support in care-taking your kids (that is, if you're lucky enough to have a husband who will actually do his part to give you occasional respite). He needs to be ready too, in order to do this. You also don't want to put any undue stress on your marriage, as this is a time of transition for all of you. Maybe your daughter will entice him in the near future by smiling so pretty at him and making him feel like the most important daddy in the world. Then he'll change his mind.

It may seem like each month is a million years in wanting to get pregnant again, but in my opinion, 1.5 to 3 years is a perfect gap between siblings.

Also, consider pregnancy portraits if you loved your pregnancy so much. Capture the memories.

Dear A.,

I know how strong that feeling is to have another child quickly, but you need to listen to your husband's wishes. His peace and happiness is seriously important to you, your daughter and your child to come. My children were 3 years apart, and that isn't bad, maybe your husband will agree with the two year or two and a half year separation in age for your children.

It was really nice to have the first child be 3, he was able to do lots of things for himself and really enjoy his sister. They were close for all of their lives, and now that he has died, she mourns for him every hour of every day, just like we do life is so hard. Try to make your life as easy as you can. Beginning by cooperating with your husband. He
will appreciate your caring about his feelings
and respect your wishes more too.

Sincerely, C. N.

Give yourself time to heal and your hubby time to get ready for another one. It's respectful to both of you. You don't have to wait forever but a few more months or even a year won't hurt either. Your kids will be close or not close depending on their personalities and how they are raised. I have a good friend who is best friends with her little sister and they are 8 years apart. My husband and his brothers are really close and they range from a year and a half to 3 years apart. Make sure both you and your hubby are ready for the next one whenever it happens- it will make for a pleasant experience again. Talk to your doctor about what is healthy for your body too since you may want the option of having a third. :)

Hi. I'm 6 years older than my oldest sibling and 12 years older than our youngest sibling. We didn't really grow up extra close but I always managed to help my mom out. My youngest sister is going to be 8 and even now I still manage to come over and help out even with my 17 month old son. I see how it worked now because my sister loves playing and watching after her nephew. So there's a 6-12 year difference between us all, including my son. I probably would have liked to grow up close with a sibling closer in age but those are the brakes.
I'm going thru the same thing tho. I want another one almost ASAP but my husband is more keen about pushing it off till my son is older and we have an idea of the first 3-5 year expenses with one baby. I partially agree but come on, our maternal instincts are like "pop another out". lol.

I felt the same, but my GP informed me that it's much healthier for you and for the baby to wait a year between pregnancies - it takes that long for your body to rebuild your stores of calcium and other essentials.

A., Give your body some time to rest between children. Devote your time to this child right now. I had my second child 28 months after the first and my third 33 months after the second. I was in diapers continuously for EIGHT YEARS. I wanted to have my oldest in kindergarten before the second, but I was more fertile that we knew as it took us four years to get pregnant the first time! The third was and act of G-d. Do not have another child to be a companion for the first. They will be different ages, in different classes, and if different sexes will have different interests(boys and girls are very different species). If you want companionship for your for daughter as she gets older into toddlerhood, try play groups, preschool, cousins. Enjoy your child now. In fact, I think you will find that if your daughter is older when you have the next child and you involve her with child care and teach love and respect for the new baby AND if she is special in some way like STARTING school, you will find that the bond between the siblings should be less of a rivalry and more loving that raising two children close together THAT WILL BE RIVALS FOR YOUR ATTENTION. I am five, eight, and eleven years older than my siblings. I was never jealous of them and learned a lot about child care. By the time my youngest sibling was born, I had no illusions about baby care. I had seen colic, diaper rash, measles, mumps, chicken pox, strep throat, stitches, broken bones, ruptured ear drums, sprains, cuts, bruises, etc. My advice, is yes, have another, AFTER the one you have is potty trained! and can understand the concept of a sibling. I think you will find that you will be less harried, more relaxed, and able to enjoy each child more than if you try. If you still think it is a snap, I can refer you to my husband's aunt who had two boys a year apart and then a year later had twin girls. She had four kids under three. Think about that. You could have multiples the second time around. Think very carefully before you do anything. Listen to your husband, he should have some say in this too. Costs multiply too. Somehow two toddlers cost me four times the energy of one. Good luck.

We had our 3 children all back to back and I'd do it all over again just the same! The first 2 are 15 months apart but will be 2 years apart in school and the next 2 are 18 months apart and will be right behind each other in school. They are ll very close emotionally and are friends with each other. I had already stopped nursing when I got pregnant with the next baby, so that was not an issue and I think you can combat a lot of the toll pregnancy takes on your body with good vitamins and exercise. I think the thing to remember is that all the planning in the world isn't going to guarantee that your kids will be friends or that parenting will be easier one way or another. Just take this one day at a time, enjoy the journey, teh next baby will come when the time is right.

Congrats on the baby! Enjoy these moments with her they go by so fast...I am a mother of two little girls one 3 1/2 and one 8 mos. We waited 34 months between the first and the second don't really recommend that because I got very comfortable and f orgot about all the baby stuff and all the energy it takes from you. However they are blessings and take them when you can. I love them and they are the best. The second pregnancy was alot tougher because you had another to take care of and no time to really rest. Well now to my surprise I am pregnant again with a little boy 21 weeks and not feeling it...it is way to soon. I told myself I would wait 6 mos to a year before I thought about a third and when my daughter reached 6 mos I was content however I was already pregnant. So I would wait you are probably still young and just enjoy 2 years to 2 1/2 years is a good span. Both for you and them. I wish you the best..I wish my husband stayed away from me.

Hmm - I was in your shoes. My kiddos are 12 months apart. I had 3 month old Spencer and was pregnant right away with my daughter. Both easy pregnancies. All I can say is that they are the best of friends - they are now 8 and 9 years old (2nd and 3rd grade) and these years of them being so close in age has made it so fun and easy! Things such as attending camps together and library craft days has been great! School experience has been fantastic! My difference is that my hubby was onboard - though we did have a night of tears realizing life with just the 3 of us was going to change right before my daughter came...but oh how much fun this has been! Yes, you're changing diapers and it is hectic those first few years, but I wouldn't change a thing! Know that it can be fantastic having them close together, but I agree with the other postings to have your hubby "onboard".

Hi A.. I am an only child as well, and I am pregnant with #4! That's what happens with only children! I got pregnant with #2 when #1 was a year old, and that was perfect for us. I think your daughter only being 3 months makes it too soon. It takes your body at least a year to recover from the process/stress of carrying and delivering a child. Even if you wait a year, your kids will be 20-21 months apart, and even that is really hard. I am someone who doesn't think things are hard, and I thought adding #2 was VERY difficult. #3 was easy, but two so close together was very challenging. There is no break. Someone always needs something, and the demands of a toddler and a newborn are very high. The first six months of having two was CRAZY!!!! My husband and I would look at each other and say, "This is nuts!"
After six months it became amazing, and now that they are almost 5 and 6, they are best friends and do everything together. Give yourself some time to enjoy your daughter, you will never have the luxury again of focusing only on one child, so cherish it for the short amount of time you will have it. Trust me, my oldest son doesn't remember life without his brother, so waiting a little longer will not change their bond. Also if there birthdays fall correctly, they will only be one year apart in school. Mine are two school years apart, because they are June 01 and March 03 birthdays, but my husband and his brother are the same distance apart, with the oldest born in January and my husband born the second October after that, and they were one year apart in school and often on the same sports teams. Good luck!

Dear A., I fall into the grandmother category with four daughters and nine grandchildren. My first two are 16 months apart. They are now almost 41 and 39, with 6 children between them. Lisa was old enough to bring diapers to me when I was changing Angelique and "help" with the baby. They were best friends when they were little. I used to call them the "righteous sisters" when they were teenagers and shared a room, because you could hear them making each other wrong and arguing about who was right. They are still close and to my way of thinking, two was easier than one, because I definitely got babysitters rather than wonder whether to "bring the baby" or not. I can still see them sitting together with a cup of cheerios and raisins between them, under a blanket, watching their favorite cartoons. I loved it! Warmly, S. V.

As a mom of 4, I say wait until she is at least a year old before you try. It is best for your body and gives you more time with your baby. Napping in your second pregnancy with a baby is VERY HARD!!! I'm an only child too, but you have plenty of time to make up for that!! :)

I was told, by the so-called "proffesionals", that you should be waiting at least a year for your body to regenerate, and to get all your levels back to normal. (You wouldnt want to encounter any problems or defects)..I was wondering though, if your little guy is only 3 months, why are you DYING to have another so soon? Is there something missing in your relationship? Is it the attention? I'm not sure, so I would await some responses from all the other GREAT MOMS that contribute on this site...

It's very h*** o* your body to have kids back to back. Even if you waited until this baby was 9 months old, it would be helpful on your body. It sounds "fun" to be pregnant with a second if you had a good first pregnancy, but to be honest, most woman feel the aches & pains much sooner and also show much sooner on subsequent pregnancies. I think it's extremely important to give the first baby all of your undivided attention for about the 1st year, which will still happen if you don't get pregnant for awhile. I'm not trying to burst your bubble, just letting you know that even if your kids are 2 years apart, they can still be best friends like my daughters are. If you have them too close, you might increase your chances of getting postpartum depression. Also, there are no guarantees the kids will "get along" how you imagine it in your mind. Some siblings fight like cats and dogs.

Hi, A...."cute name"

i am a mom of two kids that are 17 months apart and got pregnant with my daughter when my son was 8 months old. Yes, i too, wanted my kids close in age. My husband who is an only child and myself who has 8 brothers and 5 sisters were very different in opionions when it came to having kids! I just kept reminding him of the benfit of my son having a sibling, and them being close in age! He finally gave in and now he couldn't imagine life without her and my son......we actually tried for a third and me, having diffecult pregnancies, lost the baby and then we decided two was enough!it was diffecult at first having both in diapers at one point but life is great now. Their a grade behind each other, fight like cats and dogs but that just means they love each other and have alot in common!! Remember remind him of the benefits...good luck!

I would listen to your husband and wait a little while. Your body needs a little bit of time to heal from your pregnancy and delivery with your daughter. However, I can understand how you feel. My husband and I have two children. We have a two two year old son and a six month old daughter. After my son was born, I wanted to have another baby right away but husband wanted to wait at least eighteen months. However that didn't work out. When our son was 10 months old, I found out that I was pregnant with our daughter. At the time, I thought that it was great, howvever, because I got pregnant again so soon after the birth of my son, I had a few minor problems related to not letting my body heal completely from my first pregnancy and delivery. There is also the financial part of it. If you guys are well off finanically, then that is one thing, however if you're not you should wait until you have a little bit of money saved up before you have another baby. It may sound like forever, but waiting until your daughter is two or two and half is your best bet. Plus it gives your daughter time to be the baby for a while. Trust me. Having two kids that are younger than two can be draining sometimes.And one more thing, the rule of you sleep when your baby sleeps doesn't apply when you have two.

give it a year and then try to have another that way you never have to do formula because you can go straight to milk and doctors suggest giving your body 1 year to recover. The babies would be 2 years apart which is really nice. My girls are 27 months apart and although as I look back on it I think "What was I thinking having them that close together". It was a hard 6 months after baby #2 was born but they are 5 and 3 now and are so close I just love it. Good luck!

Like Jaime those are good points. For me, my children are 4 years apart... they are close and good siblings to each other. It is not necessarily that the closer in age they are, the closer they will be. It is the way you raise them and nurture them about being siblings to each other and how special they are. Keep in mind, that your wanting another baby "now" is coming from you own experience, being an only child. But please don't feel "desperate" about that... you don't want to inadvertently put those feelings onto your child/children. Whether you have a baby now, or later... they will STILL grow up together.... and as Parents, just nurture them as siblings and celebrate that no matter what ages they are. That is what we do with our children... and they just love each other so much and care for one another in their own special way and are close to each other. THAT is what is important... not how far apart in age they are.

On the other hand, my sister and I are close in age... but we did not grow up feeling close to each other. It was a LOT of rivalry. It was only as adults that we got close. So you see, age is not the factor in how close 2 siblings will be.

Remember also that you grew up with your cousins and were close to them. That is indeed special and you have sentimental feelings about your cousins... but they are "cousins"... in other words, they were not your "siblings"
and you did not grow-up with them day in and day out in your own home and had to share everything and deal with everything constantly and go through the constant growth "phases" and stages of development with them and your parents. You did not have to share your parents or your home or your toys or other things with them in your own home and family life EVERYDAY 24-hours a day. Know what I mean? With cousins, this is a different kind of relationship and connection. But, as "siblings"... actually growing up TOGETHER... this is another kind of relationship and dynamic... it is an "everyday" interaction and this is immediate family. Just a thought. So, you might want to think about that.

You are also a first time mom, with a 3 month old. So, you have yet to experience "tantrums" and developmental phases that blossom forth the older they get, and the different aspects of any baby or child. So really make sure that you want another baby RIGHT AWAY and see if that is really what you want. The baby will take 2 to raise it, since you have a husband ... and your Hubby is ambivalent about having another one right away. So, take that into consideration. I'm sure you wouldn't want your Hubby to just "give-in" to your "pressure" about having another baby right away... then it wouldn't be a "team" effort or his choice. He would just be doing it to "please" you, or make you not pressure him about it anymore. It would be "your" choice to have a baby. You see? When you have another baby, you want it to be born into an accepting atmosphere... not one with tension or stress or resentment or marital discord.

No matter what, don't feel pressure about having another baby, or try to get hubby to "give in." You don't want resentment to creep in, or irritation about it. You want baby making to be fun. Just talk with him about it, without pressure. Really try to reach a calm and peaceful place in yourself about it... and in good time, it will happen. Keep in mind that you want to be prepared to have another baby... it will be busier when they are closer in age. Not only for you, but for your Hubby too. Each person has their own ideas about that. Perhaps as a way of discussion, show your Husband these responses you get back, and you can both talk about it. You will see all points of views.

Good luck and take care!
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

agree with SH

you did enjoy being pregnant and thats GREAT I hope you get many more ;-) whenever the time is right

but the only child thing was YOUR experience

AND you didn't have the sibling thing to KNOW who much you might have actually hated it!
i did, in some ways BTW and only in our 40's do I discover just how much rivalry my younger sister STILL feels toward me!

I am closer to to the sister farther away in age.

Suggest you enjoy and raise this baby first before landing yourself with 2 toddlers etc etc especially is that's what your husband wants.
It will be more rewarding for you and her, I fancy

Hi there! Gosh there is so much to say about this, I think I will bullet out my experience rather than write a paragraph...
1. I felt just as you did with my first born, but am glad I waited till my first was 14 months. Even that was hard.

2. My body was not quite ready for another pregnancy, so the second one was much harder on my body and me then the first. I did not feel nearly as pretty and happy like I did the first time around and I also ended up with a hernia...no fun there.

3. I was shocked with the arrival of the second, some may be better prepared, but I was overwhelmed by the responsibility of two babies. I can remember a day where we ran errands, they both pooped, they were both hungry and they were both tired and crying and I was so overwhelmed. I took care of them, but I had to choose which one to help first, and I did not like that at all. My older was still too little to understand, and I felt most concerned about her emotions being old enough to see it may appear that I was choosing the baby over her.

4. I truly enjoyed that first year alone with my first. With your second you are always distracted and busy, so you don't get to relish in the first year the same way, but,I also missed (meaning cannot remember much) much of my first's transition to toddler because I had a lot of morning sickness and then had an infant, so her transition there is a blur, while with my second, her newborn to a year is a blur, but her transition to toddlerhood has been so much fun to enjoy. My older is in prek 2 times a week which allows us wonderful one on one time. When we have our third, my oldest will be in kindergarten, my youngest will be in prek 2 days a week, allowing me some quality alone time with my third.

5. Mine are 23 months apart and if you want them close, I think that is a good space. Very hard at first, but now they are very close. I have heard people say closer is easier too though, I just cannot comment on that because it has not been my experience.

6. Ultimately, I think if you know you are going to have another,then what is the rush? I would not recommend pushing your husband into something he is not ready to do. That will put a strain on your relationship and he may feel forced. Enjoy the beautiful daughter you have and maybe ask him if he is will to revisit the idea of a second when your first turns one. He may feel more ready then and that will be better for both of you. My husband was great with both our girls because he was ready for them. Sometimes, if a man feels forced, he can back off because he feels resentment. A second baby should be when both of you are ready together, it is best for your children and your relationship. I know you are so in love with your daughter you cannot wait to have another, but my advice would be to wait, love your daughter up, and know you will have a second when both of you are ready and the time is right.

Ultimately,you cannot control the relationship your children will have and having them close together does not guarantee closeness between them, something else to keep in mind while making your decision.

Best of luck to you with whatever you decide to do :)

My husband and I got pregnant when our son was 7 months old.
hubby wanted to wait till my son was 5 years old to have another child. Yes my little girl was an unplanned pregnancy but now three years later he is in total love with our little girl, has been since day one. Because we only wanted two children he has told that it was a good thing that they are so close in age. It was hard for the first six months. My kids are best friends! If we seperate them they always ask where the other one is. And now that they are 4 and 3 we are out of diapers, bottles, and the baby stages. Tell your hubby to call my hubby...he'll convince him!

Hi A.! I am a mother of 3 children; two boys, 17 and 16 and a girl 7 and have been married to the same wonderful husband for 22 years on the 28th of February! I also wanted my children very close together. There are pro's and con's to the situation. Yes, my boys had each for many, many years; but once they started to gain their independence it was hard because they had the same friends and this is particularly difficult when you are looking for autonomy. With all the other teenage drama (hormones, independence, and other social issues)it is one more thing to help them grow through. But from a mom's point of view. Looking back I would have given more time to getting to know and bond with my first child before introducing another child. Time goes by so, so, fast and before we turned around we are getting ready for our oldest sons' senior year. My son's are about 18 months apart. If I can encourage you to wait just a tad. Enjoy every waking and sleeping moment with your little girl, because time will truly fly by!