Can Not Get Anything Done

I'm pretty sure that most mommies feel like that.

Here's my story and suggestions... My situation (which is actually "worse" than most...): We have four kids... 6, 4, 2, and 1. My husband works seven days a week- no sick days and no vacation. I work four days a week. I work when he doesn't work. We play tag team- as soon as I'm off of work and come home, he leaves for work. The days that I don't work my husband is gone ALL day. We have SO little extra time.

I actually scheduled my extra time as "M. chore time" everyday. I have found things go better for me when each time of the day has it's designation (with plenty of "free-time" slots too!). I do all these things after the kids have gone to bed. My husband comes home around 10 pm, so I wanna be awake anyway to spend time with him, and hopefully I'm done with the chores. My husband also does a TON of housework, too. We both are very fair to each other about it (even though he works way more), so whenever we get a chance DURING THE DAY, we seize it, and clean-up or whatever needs to be done.

Some ways that I do things during the day are to do it when the kids are feeding themselves (yes, even the one year-old), when they are playing in their playroom with the baby-gate at the door way, when they nap (sometimes my two year-old doesn't nap...), and I also have them "help"... I give them busy stuff to do that either could actually help me or stuff to make them think they are helping... and yes, I'm referring to my one year-old as well.

It is frustrating though, when you don't have the house the way you want it. I understand. You could ALWAYS get a babysitter or switch baby-sitting with another mom. There are also places that you can drop the kiddies off for "date night" or "M. time". ...I have NEVER gotten a babysitter so I could do chores, though! there's nothing wrong with it, though. BUT You should try to not focus on what you need to get done, but what you have already done. I strongly suggest a schedule, too. I feel way more organized and accomplished with one.

Oh, and I don't know how those awesome moms that have husbands who are away on business all the time or in the military away in some other country deal with things!!!! I can't IMAGINE it, but I have plenty of friends in that situation and they deal with it! Not to mention the strong single moms, too!!! (and MANY other situations...) So, maybe thinking about other situations that may be tougher would help you appreciate the situation you are in now, in turn helping your perspective. It always helps me. I think- if they can handle THAT I can handle THIS:)

Admittedly, I don't get any time to myself where I am not doing housework or some kind of work, I take NO longer than 10 min in the shower, I NEVER get myself done-up or "pretty", my husband and I hardly ever go out at all, I find relaxing a VERY hard thing to do, we don't go on vacation, BUT I know it won't be like this forever:)

Hope this helps!

4 moms found this helpful

V.,

You are not alone. I was a SAHM for 4 years with twins and I was always felt that the house wasn't clean enough and I didn't manage to get much accomplished it seemed. BUT. There are a few things I'd recommend. Make the hubby do housework. I don't care that he is working and working hard to support his family..blah blah blah. He is still a responsible part of the family so he needs to do what it takes to keep the housework down to a low roar. I realize that your the 'primary' on housework just by nature of being a SAHM but that does not mean husbands have to do nothing.

Second, make friends. If your day is going to get pass you too often, then make sure it's not always spent doing kid things - or at least do kid things with other adults/friends so you don't feel like it's just kid time over and over. If you don't really know many moms with kids your age, join a moms group. There are tons out there and they are a great place to meet fellow moms.

Third, after you make friends (or if you already have them) arrange a babysit swap. If they are SAHM's as well, see if one or two days a week, they can watch your kids for 3 or 4 hours so you can get things done. Then, on other days, you watch her kids. That way, it doesn't cost the price of a babysitter, and the kids automatically have other kids to play with and you get some free time. You can also use some of this time to do something for yourself!!

Oh and lastly, about dinner. I would once a month, go thru my favorite cookbooks, or go on line for new ideas and create a months worth of dinner ideas. I'd print out a calendar with them on each day. I'd shop for the week and make sure the ingredients were in the house. It made it much easier and if something came up and you didn't have time for the time consuming dinner you had planned for tonight, flip it with something easier that's already on the list. ALSO, if you have the freezer space, cook ahead. Not only do we double or sometimes triple the batches when we make stuff like chili, gumbo, stew, etc. we also will cook up a bunch of ground beef with minimal seasoning or fill up a crock pot with lightly seasoned chicken and let it cook all day. After these are cooked, I'd package in smaller quantities and stick in the freezer. Both freeze wonderfully and the next time you want a chicken dinner or spaghetti or whatever, you just take some out, thaw and it's ready to be added to whatever you're cooking. I usually will take about half the chicken and shred it before freezing, since we eat a lot of mexican and I love making homemade pot pies as well. Oh yeah, save the broth the chicken cooked in and freeze that for the next time you need broth or want to make soup.

I do know how hard things can get with time management and I'm certainly as lazy as the next person, but I reached the same point as you have and really got fed up with it. My house got a bit cleaner but it never was showroom clean - but once I started getting some things more organized, it made it all better - less of a weight on my shoulders.

It didn't work for me, but there is a website called flylady.com that i've heard lots of moms rave about. It helps organize the cleaning and stuff around the house. You may want to look to see if it's something that may work for you.

Good luck, you are not alone.
Julie

3 moms found this helpful

first of all...this is how it is for EVERYONE! ;)
second...I have two best friends! my crockpot! and my cleaning service. the crockpot is a life saver...I prefer EASY recipes that can be thrown together in 5 minutes and boom...dinner is ready 8-10 hours later! try a year of crockpotting...you can find her blog by googling that title! she MAKES everything easy and you can find all kinds of recipes!
second...my hubbie and I quit smoking so I could have someone come in and clean once a week. costs about 40 dollars but to see these gals roll in and out in about an hour and a half and do stuff that would have taken me 3 days...well that alone is worth it! if you can't afford that try once a month...just to help you out a bit!
my third bit of advice ...is do just ONE load of laundry a day. it will keep you sane trust me!
hope that helps and just know that you are not alone!

3 moms found this helpful

I felt that way when I had 2 children and now that I have 6 and also babysit a 2 year old all day, I look back and realized there was alot I could have done but didn't. First off, getting up earlier is a great first step in being more organized and getting some things done before the day starts for your 2 little ones. It's amazing what you can get done with out little ones at your feet. I do laundry while watching a movie or tv show with them instead of just lounging on the couch. I got some art and craft type suppplies that they could all do and entertain themselves and at the same time helped them become for creative and independant. I always run at least one errrand while I am out when I go to storytime or some outing with them. You are fortunate enough to have your older one that still naps on occasion, so take advantage of that time. Turn your phone and computer off and get things done during that time. I know those things can be major time wasters, I used to be guilty of it. As for meal planning, the crock pot can be your best friend! Also, there's nothing wrong with occasionally doing a quick meal like loaded baked potatoes, or frozen pizzas, or mac and cheese. There are lots of good recipes out there for 3-4 ingredient main dishes (like salsa chicken which is pouring a can of salsa over some chicken breasts and baking along with rice or noodles...so easy) Good luck and I hope you find the balance you are looking for. Just remember.......this time is so short, don't look back and regret, enjoy it!

3 moms found this helpful

Welcome to the reality that is the life of the SAHM. There just aren't enough hours in the day. I've been at home for a long time - 17 years... My house is still a disaster - it's clean, but not the way I want it. My laundry is still piled - but laundry is forever... The problem? I'm involved in everything the kids do. They are in marching band - I'm a uniform mom, I help with fundraising, I am at practice for pickup. They are in swimming - I'm there at every practice. Then there's homework - it's never ending. There's always a project that needs some item that I have to go to the store for, they need help proofing, the list goes on. Would I change a minute of it? NO WAY! My kids will only be home a short time. Once they go to college, I'll have plenty of time for housework and laundry. Until then, I'll just enjoy my kids.

3 moms found this helpful

You are not alone. I think every mother with little kids feels this way. Go easy on yourself. Entertaining a toddler and a baby all day is exhausting. Learn to use a crock pot to always have a meal on hand that more or less cooks itself. You need a little time for you once in awhile. After everyone's in bed, try a relaxing bath. Or maybe you can hire a sitter for a few hours while you take a nap or a walk. It sounds like you are burning yourself out. Giving yourself some 'me' time will keep you in better shape for being able to take care of your family.

2 moms found this helpful

I feel the same way , I get up , feed , dress and get 1 off to school , the other off to preschool and then have a 16 month old at home , I go to the gym , pick up from preschool , get lunch blah blah blah!!!

I just try & do a little bit at some point in the day , whether it is to put some laundry in the washer/dryer , sweep the floors or vaccuum carpets downstairs.I never have a day where I do the whole house , there just seems to be no point because as soon as I have tidied they make a mess again!! As long as the house is not "dirty" then I am not bothered about it being a bit untidy , my kids are clean and looked after well and I do alot with them which is what they will remember when they are all grown up , not that they lived in an immaculate house but mom never took us to the park.

Don't stress it's not worth it!

K.

2 moms found this helpful

I was where you are now many years ago when I was a SAHM to 2 boys who were 15 months apart and babysitting 2 other children. What worked for me was to get a teacher's grading or attendance book and where you put the names of children, put your daily/weekly chores. Wash dishes, make breakfast, reading time, outdoor play, grocery shopping, etc. You will probably end up with 20 to 30 items once you break it all down. Then, Mon-Fri as you do each item you can check it off of the list, or in the case of the laundry see how many loads of laundry you did that day. This will help you realize how much you actually accomplish each day.
As to meals, when it is my week to cook, I plan out the week's menus and post them in the kitchen. Not only does this help me remember what to take out of the freezer in the morning, but I also don't have the daily stress of menu planning. I also use the list to help me make sure that I have what I need for the week when I go grocery shopping. At 3 years old, you may be able to begin getting your eldest to help you with the cooking. He will probably enjoy pushing the buttons on the blender, mashing potatoes, or stirring things together, and he can certainly start setting the table for you.
Another thing you should do is join a Parent's Group that has a regular monthly Parents Night Out and arrange to go. If you can't find one of these, you can form your own by inviting other Moms (or Dads) that you see at the park, library, etc. to meet one evening a month (without the children or spouse) at a local restaurant for dinner.
I hope these suggestions help you.

2 moms found this helpful

No suggestions for you, but I wanted to let you know I said the SAME EXACT WORDS to my husband last week (through some tears). His response: don't you think EVERYONE feels that way? After hearing him say that, I felt a little less like a failure. Honestly, there is not enough time in the day to have everything done the perfect way we wish we could do things AND to spend time with our kids (especially boys which seem to be a little less self directed than girls.) I cringe any time someone walks into my house, hoping they won't look at the floors or baseboards. Then, I think to myself that I never look that closely at other people's houses and relax a bit. Oh, and I keep them talking so they don't look down. ; )

2 moms found this helpful

You are doing great! The kids are happy and healthy and your house is clean enough. Don't expect more at this stage in your life. Just enjoy your husband and children. I am near 60 and my husband and I have an empty nest. Now the house can be as clean as I want it to be. People and love come first. It can be lonely and too quiet when the kids are gone. I thank God you are a SAHM. Treasure this time of your life. AF

2 moms found this helpful

You are normal and that is parenthood. How to cope? Rest when your children are napping. It will be ideal if you nap, also. When you cook, cook 2 meals at a time and freeze one. For instance, buy a big pack of ground beef and make chili, spaghetti, and a meatloaf or lasagne. Learn to use your crock pot for a few recipes. Or, setup crock pot when you awake and that's one less thing you have to do at 4 pm. Now, you have eliminated some evening cooking, which will free you up for playtime with children. Allow your 3-year-old to help color sort laundry and put soap into the machine. Instruct him not to do this unless Mommy is working with him. As for cleaning, using baking soda and water, vinegar and water, or just dish liquid and water will allow you to incorporate your little guy into cleanup fun. He can wipe the table and countertops, while you vacuum. At 3, they think it's fun to clean with soapy bubbles. Get yourself onto a schedule. You've started by waking before them and dressing. That's great. Use early morning to prepare mentally and spiritually for your day. I pray and read the Bible, check emails, pay bills, and cook breakfast. By that time, they're up. You can eat with them, save dishes for later, and then have circle time. Play with your babies, read to them, make playdough. Outdoor play or go for a nature walk for 15 minutes. Then, come indoors and allow your 3-year-old to color while you clean breakfast dishes and playdough pots. He can help if you think it's safe (no knives or glass in sink). Then, get ready for lunch. If your children eat sandwiches, your 3-year-old can help make sandwiches with a plastic spoon or plastic knife and your help. Teach him about what is a nurtitious meal. Or, he can help feed his baby brother. Or, if you need a break, put them together to play for 10 minutes while you watch. By this time, they'll need a water and potty break. You get the point? Yes, you will be tired, the house won't look as clean as it could with 4 adults cleaning, but it will be presentable and organized. Your 3-year-old will feel so responsible and most likely will tell Daddy proudly what "he" did all day. Use your daytime to read to them, pointing out the words as you go along, singing to them, teaching fun games like peekaboo (which your 3-year-old can do with his brother), and red-light-green-light, rolling the ball to them like hot potato, etc. Cariboo is an excellent game for preschoolers. Don't neglect outings. A trip to the pet store, the grocery store, and even the post office is an adventure to a preschooler. When my son was 3, I lived at the park where he could run and climb for a few hours a week. That made naptime so much easier. When is naptime again? I liked 1:30. Kids slept until almost 4 and wanted to play by themselves when they woke up. I could watch TV and make sure dinner was organized, while getting my mind together for Dad's home arrival. Make sure you lay down when the boys lay down. An hour of silence will do you a world of good.

2 moms found this helpful

I think many moms feel just exactly the same way. For me, I feel like I blink and the day is gone. I have only one young child, a 6 year old girl who does second grade through the public school at home option. She was sick for a month with mononucleosis which made her exhausted and affected her ability to process information due to lethargy. She has been well for just a week now. It seems that with home schooling we are always studying and never get much done outside of learning, but still even with the home schooling portion, we are behind schedule. I guess mono will keep anyone from achieving at their highest potential. But even aside from mono, I just wonder where my day goes. I think as long as your children are happy and for the most part healthy and your home is not a danger zone, most moms need to lighten up quite a bit on themselves and not stress. When my house does become a "danger zone", which I admit it seems to every six months or so, I just call a trusted friend to watch my daughter for a few hours and all of the adults in the house do what we can to get the home back into shape. I am not sure if this helps or not, but just wanted to respond and hope you feel comforted in knowing you are not alone.

2 moms found this helpful

You know, V., I responded to this request because I too have the same dilemma and was vicariously looking for some ideas. The ideas are great and I can't think of another thing to tell you except that you should pat yourself on the back for a job well done and never question your abilities because you can never finish your work. I think Tracy B's idea to hire a cleaning service to come in and give the house a good cleaning, something we mom's just don't have the time to do, is the way to go. Talk to your husband about the cost if you need to, but I think it'll really be worth it. You then only have to maintain the house in between the deep cleanings, and you feel better about where your energy is being spent (on your children!) without worrying about the last time you cleaned out the fridge, strip mopped the floor, or dusted the ceiling fans. Good Luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi V., you're definitely not the only one that feels this way. I think all of us SAHM's go through this at one time or another. I've been both a full time working mom (I was in the military) and more recently a SAHM. I think staying at home is tougher in some ways, since you and the kids are in the house all day, messing it up and there's not really any mommy down time or any time to get things done without little ones under foot. My particular bane is my hardwood floors. I can't mop and polish them when my 2yo is awake because he'll run around, slip and crack his little noggin on the floor. I tried it once and he sported a good sized goose egg for a couple of days after that.

So here's what I finally ended up doing. The boys go to bed around 9:30 (we homeschool, so they get up late every day and go to bed late to facilitate getting some time in with daddy at the end of the day) anyways, I spend an hour or so with my husband after they're in bed (he works, including a 1 1/2 hr. commute each direction, and goes to school full time, so we're in a similar boat), then I stay up until about 1-2am doing all the things I can't get done when the kids are awake and sometimes just spending a little quiet time by myself reading or taking a long hot shower. These hours at night are my free time. First I get my husband's lunch ready and his pants ironed for the next day, then I have the rest of the night to myself. I can do the floors, scrub the baseboards, sew, crochet, clean the appliances, scrub toilets and showers, clean the gunk from behind the refrigerator, sort through clutter, sort through the kids outgrown clothes etc... The great thing about this is that I can look forward to it every night, so I don't stress about if the house is less clean than I would like it. I know I'm going to have time that night to work on it. On nights when it's tolerable, I usually spend a little more time on me and less on the house.

You always hear people say that there are only 24 hours in a day, but by staying up late I feel like I have an extra 2-3 hours in my day that I didn't have before.

I don't know if you are the kind of person that can function on 5-6 hours of sleep, but I most certainly am. It's the legacy of all of the shift work I did in the military. My point is that if you shift those two hours that you are gaining at the beginning of the day to the end of the day, you might feel a little more in control since your time won't be ended by the kids getting up and starting their day. If you have those hours at the end of the day then you can end your time when you want and you can extend it if you're working on a certain project or something.

Anyways, that's the best advice I can give you. I look forward to reading your other responses though. Mamas are great innovators and I'm hoping to see some good time saving tips! :)

1 mom found this helpful

Lower your expectations, if you can eat at your table and find a chair to sit in and space on the floor to play you are doing great. (I very often didn't!) Try to find some alone time even if it is a few minutes in the bathroom with a book or something. I also highly recommend the FlyLady site www.flylady.net I have felt the same way for 5 years and am finally starting to see some order. (I always thought I was the only one who couldn't get it together) As the FlyLady says "Babysteps"

1 mom found this helpful

Totally there with you!!! They're only little for a short time. Spend the time with them. I keep thinking there will be a time when I have just a little more time to myself, but maybe I'm just dreaming! :)

Either way, you're not alone!
B.

1 mom found this helpful

Welcome to the world of a SAHM! My kids are now 6 and 9 and in school full-time so I have a bit of perspective. Of course you don't get other things done b/c you are with and helping your kids all day long. THAT is your job for now and it sounds like you are doing a great job. In time they will get older and you will get more done, I promise. Just enjoy your work now--and you really are working!

One other suggestion: I have subscribed to www.clutterdiet.com (or is it .org?) It is great at breaking down housework into manageable bits so you do a little each week. You track your progress online. They offer GOBS of suggestions for organizing your work and you have access to a professional organizer. It has really worked for me and made housework more manageable. You get a month for free if you want to try--I recommend it. Good luck! You are doing a great job!

1 mom found this helpful

Thank you, I thought it was just me !!!

1 mom found this helpful

i'm so glad that even through the disorganization and frustration, you are so enjoying your time at home with your littles! at a time in the not-too-far-distant future they will both be busy with other things and you will have more than enough time for your house and think back wistfully to these crazy days.
you've had great suggestions. cooking big amounts and freezing, and your crock pot, are the best ways to deal with meals. don't sweat the clutter. reading that story to your babies is more important.
khairete
S.

1 mom found this helpful

i didnt read the other responses, but youre certainly not alone!! i work from home (therefore my boyfriend thinks i have all this spare time to clean the house, HAHA!!)... i run around like a crazy lady from 7:30am until 5:30pm nonstop... i have 2 kids in elementary school and a baby on the way. my boyfriend and i have to share a car, so it feels like im in the car 1/2 my day. as far as getting things done... DO WHAT YOU CAN. dont push yourself. you are the only one with such high standards, i PROMISE no one else is going to notice (or care) if you let some chores go for a few days... and you will feel much saner. easier said than done, i know, bc it seems like every time you walk into a room a mental list of 853485 things to do goes through your head... but it gets easier. once in a while you'll get a wild hair up your... well, you know... and get super motivated and clean house like never before... but youre never going to have those high energy days if youre constantly wearing yourself out daily. your 3 year old can start helping doing minor chores (with supervision)... it will give him a sense of accomplishment being able to help you with simple things, such as cleaning up after himself. lower your self-standards, lower your stress... i wont tell anyone you havent vacuumed in 3 days if you dont tell anyone that my idea of 'tidying up' on weekdays is throwing loose junk in the hall closet... and dealing with it on the weekend :)

1 mom found this helpful

Reading your post made the early years of motherhood come rushing back to me. As they get older, they will entertain themselves more and you will be able to get more done. For now, accept this season of your life; a little clutter won't matter years down the road. If you feel like you have overwhelming amounts of clutter, here's a site that can help: http://flylady.com/ I am sure there are many more out there. Good luck.

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Not enough hours in the day. Mounds of laundry.
There too.

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Hi V.,

You're not alone! Many moms feel like this - especially since your kids are so young...but there are a few ways to de-stress and stay organized...
1. Make sure you set a bedtime - early enough to have time to clean up after dinner and have some time to relax for yourself. Stick to it - don't give in - bedtime routines help get kids in the mindset that they will be going to sleep soon - so try baths, story time, prayers, etc and then bed.
2. Try cooking casseroles, lasagnas, pasta, etc that is quick and easy and can be leftover for lunch or dinner the next day - that saves time for activities the following day - and it's ok to stay home and not do outside activities on the days you cook.
3. Stay involved in church, etc and a lot of times they will have picnics, potluck dinners, monthly get togethers, etc. where other people will cook and they will have day care and/or activities for the kids away from you, so you can relax and not have clean up either.
4. Choose one night a week where you guys can get take-out or go to McD's to let the kids play - they have some healthier alternatives for kids, like the apple dippers and yogurt, etc that will ease your mind about the fast food calories, etc. Kids will be fine if you limit it. Also - ChickFilA has awesome alternatives as well - and a playground.
5. Make sure both kids have quiet time - even if they don't take a nap, they should have to stay in their quiet area and do something for a set amount of time so you can get some things done....and the rest of the time, you can set up different craft activities at home - puzzles, games, coloring pages, worksheets printed online, snack time, etc and that will give you time to pick up and clean - and try to get them involved in the cleaning as well, picking up their own toys, maybe wiping down their table area with a wet wipe...very easy things they can participate in.
6. Laundry is never ending. Don't worry about trying to catch up - just maintain...then you can probably survive doing 1-2 loads a day instead of letting it pile up. I would throw a load in when I had a few minutes - or right before I went to bed and then when I woke up, switch it. Folding is never fun, but you can do that while sitting down in the evenings, or when the casserole is baking, etc.
7. Choose only one major cleaning project at a time...I would choose one thing a day and try not to worry about the rest - it will get done - at one point i even made a schedule so I wouldn't try to fit more than one thing into one day - and I could keep of the last time that thing was cleaned, etc so I wouldn't try to overdo things....you sound like me - very clean....so I would clean my bathroom once every other week instead of every week, because I would wipe down the sink, etc whenever it needed it - but thorough cleanings were saved till the next scheduled time. I would choose various times/dates for washing sheets, cleaning out trash cans, changing filters, etc.
8. Please don't be afraid to ask your husband for help and/or advice! He is their dad, regardless of if you are SAHM or not - he can do the dishes one night, or take the trash out, etc...and ask him what he would like to help with or if he has dinner ideas, etc....men like to solve problems, so maybe he can help as well as come to some conclusions about what will work with you and your family....
9. Take a break! Don't worry about being a bad mom if you can't get to everything all the time...the kids will enjoy just spending time with you no matter what - going to the grocery store, running errands, cleaning the house, etc...and find some activities they will like at home that will free up your time...maybe they will start playing together and be less needy of your attention all the time....and they will only be this age for a short period of time...pretty soon they will grow up and you can start assigning them more chores and they will be more independent. You will have more time than you know what to do with...in the meantime, don't be too hard on yourself!!

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You are certainly not alone with these feelings. Check out flylady.net a free group that helps with getting organized and feeling more at peace with our wild lifestyle. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

V.: Some good thoughts. When I read the "depression" suggestion what instantly jumped to my mind is that you are tired for good reason. True fatigue is not always caused by depression - it can simply be lack of good rest. If I have a day or 2 that I don't get my required amount - my coping skills and ability to get things done goes down sharply. So make sure you are getting regular, adequate sleep. And still - if they nap - you should take a 20 minute power nap to refresh. The 2nd thing - get the little ones involved in the chores. Let them help you put the cloths in the washer and dryer. Let them help you fold. Let them help you collect the dirty cloths from the rooms and pick up the toys as one of your regular fun activities. I started my son out just before he was 2 getting him to pick up and having some responsibility for making our home look nice. I also let him help me measure things in the kitchen when I'm cooking. These are things we do together cos I get REALLY tired of "toys". He's an only so I'm his playmate when he's not at preschool or at an activity. And I just got him puzzles that he can do by himself so he can have a fun project to do without me. I set him up and let him do it for about 15 minutes and then come back and check. He loves the independence. Making the chores fun was important for me cos I want my son to be capable of functioning with these tasks. My own brother never had to do them because he had us 4 girls growing up and my Mom would never make him do "girl" chores. I think it's "everybody" chores in a home and I want my son to be a good husband someday and be helpful. It's my job to teach him this stuff now.

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I highly recommend what one of the other moms recommended but wanted to give you the correct website. www.flaylady.net.

I was working full time at night, taking care of the house and two kids during the day and after using her system, my house was always picked up, laundry was always done and my counters were always clean.

Another thing I can recommend is teach your 3 year old, how to play by himself. Find out what the longest is before he starts wanting to play with you and go from there. Use a timer and tell him, "Mommy has this to do and when I am done we can play". Then set a timer for a few minutes over and if he gets up before then, gently remind him that the timer has not gone off yet and he needs to wait. He will probably continue to nag at you until you give in but continue cleaning or what you are doing until the timer goes off. Do this and lengthen the time and eventually, he will play by himself without you needing to do this.

Also, how many activities are you involved in? Shorten the amount of activities until you can get a routine. Nothing is more stressful than looking at your house and seeing it not as clean as you want but you do not have the energy to finish.

Don't feel bad either if you do not play with him all day, give your children 1-2 20 minutes of alone time with you and that will work wonders. When they have time with you, kids love that and let him lead the play time and you just sit back and enjoy your time with him.

I know this is alot, but definitely check out flylady. She is free and can help you go from CHAOS to calm.

Good luck and I hope this helps

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My all time favorite saying goes like this: Cleaning house while the kids are still growing is like shoveling snow while it's still snowing.

Is your house unsanitary? Do you have things growing where they shouldn't be? Does white tile look black? Do the kids and hubby wear clothes that are so dirty they could stand up on their own? No? Then you're fine. Perfectly clean houses with young children means they either have the money for a maid/cleaning service. Or somewhere someone is missing out on something. Or they are so "busy" with "activities" no one is home long enough to make a mess.

Yes there are some women/men out there who are uber organized and/or obsessive enough that they actually figure out a way to get everything done everyday ... but I'm not one of them and the people I know aren't either. That's exhausting me just thinking about it. GAH.

Anyway ... once the kids are in school full time you'll find your house is much easier to keep cleaner. There won't be "people" there all day to entertain and pick up after.

And for me ... my house is a home ... not a show place. I'll have a show place when my kids are grown and out of the house ... or not LOL Knowing me ... probably not LOL

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You are getting so much done! It helped me to get outside and let the kids run around as much as possible, especially if you can find a fenced playground. Joining a mom's group helps too - any kind of grown up interaction.

One day I fed the kids dinner in the bathtub just so I wouldn't have to clean the kitchen one more time. I told them we were pretending they were baby birds and I was the mama bird.

Music, humor, fresh air, and other moms - all help to get through this very intense time in your family's life. They grow up so fast. Take pictures.

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Join the club!!
I used to think it was only me, but I began to realize that people's houses that I went to which looked beautifully organized had thrown everything into the closet or the basement before I came over, or had a cleaning service. Don't worry, just do the best you can and as long as you are doing a good job with the kids and taking time for them, who cares if the baseboards are dusty or the windows are smudged or there are papers all over?: Everyone who is a mom will understand. Actually the people's houses that I like going to best are the ones which look a little disorganized because they make me feel comfortable and at home!

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V.,
I know exactly what you mean. But this is how I approach it... for hygenic purposes, if I have a clean kitchen and bathroom, I'm doing great. I can live with a little dust and clutter everywhere else, and a basket of unfolded laundry, or an un-made bed.

Your babies are only this age once. You don't get these years back. When they are grown up, they will think back fondly about all the things you did with them, about how engaged and involved you were. I can guarantee that they won't be saying, "What a great Mom! She always kept such a clean house!"

I remember holding and nursing my tiny newborn daughter, amazed at her sweet little face, her dark, soulful eyes. And in a blink of an eye, she's suddenly a teenager. In another blink, she'll be an adult, finding her own path, living on her own.

What really brings this perspective into sharp focus for me is my recent diagnosis of breast cancer. Although it looks like we caught it early, and more that likely I'll be okay. But, there's nothing like getting a swift kick in the pants from mortality to make one realize what is truly precious.

Best of luck to you, I know you'll do fine.

E.

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V.,

I would like to tell you - your human! your a mom! you can only do so much! :) I think the way you feel - like the weight of the world is on your shoulders - is completely normal! I feel that way too. I have a 10 y/o and a 2 y/o and we are ALWAYS on the go and when we are home I feel like I'm always treading water to stay ahead of household chores!

Not to sound pushy, but I own a babysitter placement business and we have several mommies that need time to clean or run errans once a week or so. They have a sitter come in for a few hours to entertain the kiddies and they take the time to clean - sounds silly to some people but that few hours can really take the stress off of your shoulders! A happy mommy is a great mommy!

All of our sitters are over 18 they all have their own transportation. We interview them all, I call their references and conduct background checks. I have to LOVE a sitter to approve her. We have had over 400 apply and I have only approved 35! Needless to say I'm pretty selective!

Our system is super easy! You register on our website www.BabysitEase.com, right now registration is half price, just $37.50. Each time you need a sitter you log-on and schedule a sit, there is a $10 fee for scheduling. You will receive an email with background information about the sitter and she will call you to introduce herself. You pay the sitter $9 for 1-2 kids.

If you have any questions, please call or email me, I would love to hear from you!

A. Haddigan
www.BabysitEase.com
____@____.com
###-###-####

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V.:

Hello and good morning!!

Okay - my personal opinion is that it's a combination of things. 1. depression and 2. lack of orgnaziation. Please don't take that as an insult. As being a SAHM has its own unique challenges. I've experienced the same thing. Here's what I did.

1. Make a To-Do list each day.
2. ONLY do laundry on a certain day and put the laundry away after each load-it keeps the task less daunting and breaks it down.
3. I make Sunday my day for the upcoming week's menu-go through the cabinets and pantry to ensure I have what I need, clip coupons and go shopping.
4. Pick a specific day to clean the house. If you need to break it down, break it down. For me, Monday's is laundry day this is the day I take the sheets off the beds and do laundry. Tuesday is dusting and vacuuming, etc. now that both of my boys are in school - it's a little different. but when there both at home, I broke it down into specific days so I could feel good about my home and also spend time with the boys.
5. I realize your hubby is busy. He needs to step up and give you some down time. One night a week is YOURS - you go out with the girls or just go to your and are not to be bothered. My night is Friday night - hubby fixes dinner for the boys. If I decide to stay home, I am ignored like I am not there. I have girlfriends I go out with as well - we go to dinner or movies.
6. If you can afford it, put your 3 year old in a part-time pre-school program. This will get him prepared for school and into a routine - they have 2 day a week programs.
7. If you can afford it, have a cleaning service come in ONCE A MONTH to clean the house. Take the kids to the park, shopping or something. But this will also give you the most needed break you need.
8. If you can't afford the cleaning service, check with your local highschool to see if there are any high schoolers looking for babysitting jobs or odd-jobs and have them come over - some highschoolers already know what they want to be and some want to be teachers - so they would be willing to come in and work with your boys.

Now I know that was a lot - go to your doctor and get checked out. Depending upon what he/she says, your symptoms could also be depression - it's NOT BAD - it just happens. I know there is such a bad stygma related to depression, but really - being a SAHM is the most challenging job one has and to top it off, if you don't have a social network but are a social person, it can be a depressing situation - not that you don't love your kids and want the best for them, it has nothing to do with that - it has everything to do with your brain needing adult conversation and stimulation!!

I hope this helps you!! God Bless you!

C.

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I did not have a chance to read the other responses, but I think I can assure you that we ALL feel that way. (At least when the kids are that little. I still have hope that it will get easier as they get older.) I have to admit I let out a little sigh of relief when Monday rolls around and I can drop the kids at daycare and go to work. It doesn't help with the housework, but at least I get a little "break." Ha ha! The only suggestion I have is to get your kids involved in whatever chore you are trying to accomplish. "It's laundry folding time - woo hoo!" Try to turn it into a game somehow. Let your 3-year-old feel like he's involved with planning the dinner menus, etc. Hang in there! You are doing the right thing for your kids by letting the housework slide and focusing on them.

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I have a housekeeper every other week, take my husband's work shirts to the dry cleaners so I don't have to iron them, have my mom and mother-in-law available to care for my child as needed, but I still have unfolded laundry, dishes in the sink and clutter in my house. I do take my daughter to gym classes, the library, the playground, etc. Most of my friends have lovely scrapbooks and polished houses without all that help so sometimes I just feel like I'm simply incompetent and haven't invited people over as much as I would like because my house is such a mess compared to theirs. Once, I held a birthday party, forgot some details and was told I was a bad host.
Every household is unique. Take one day at a time. I think you're a super mom already for taking care of two kids at one time! I only have one and I'm overwhelmed!
Remember to take a couple of deep breaths every time you feel overwhelmed. It really changes a person's perspective. Take care.

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