Can Kids Just Be Kids?

Yes -this drives me nuts! It seems that unless a child (and a very young child at that) is acting happy and engaged at all times, we must find a disorder to label him with! If more parents would endeavor to actually instill some manners, discipline and respect in their kids instead of letting them run wild because they need to "explore their boundaries" you would see many more kids without labels. Children really do need limits! They don't know right and wrong or the proper ways to react and behave if we don't teach them. I think, just as many have decided it's the school's job to raise their child, that it's easier for a lot of parents to get a diagnosis or take a comment and run with it as an excuse. It's much easier to tell everyone that little Johnny has ----- disorder than to teach him to behave. Now I do realize some children have REAL issues, and if so then they need services and help, but far too many "professionals" are throwing out labels (and meds) for no real reason. Half the time if little Johnny was told "no", given rules and limits, had his sugar and junk intake cut and got a lot mire exercise, then there would be no "disorder." I could go on, but thus ends my rant...

i think for some people, not all. it's an excuse for kids to behave inappropriately. i do it. when my son has his meltdowns because of something new, or he's smelling his finger or food. i just look and so, "oh, it's his OCD." i do think that it's blown way out of proportion.

J.,

I totally agree with you!!!! Its annoying when people want to "label" your child as something instead of just calling it like it is. I have super spirited, joyous, happy, rambunctious children and alot of people think they have add or adhd etc. They don't and their physician is completely happy with them and the way they are. I think we as a society have gone overboard with labeling kids.

I think that these types of disorders are being misdiagnosed or over diagnosed, and that children are sometimes being unfairly labeled. However, when a child really DOES have some kind of disorder, the earlier he can get diagnosed and get help the better! So that is why the articles with warning signs and news stories about some newly discovered disorder are so prevalent, the hope is to nip problems in the bud before they get too bad. The flip side of educating the public is, of course, the misdiagnoses. One that really grates on my nerves is when I hear parents talk about how they think that their 2 year old is hyperactive or has ADD! I just say no, your child is a typical 2 year old! The parents are typical 30-40 year olds with just a fraction of the energy and enthusiasm of a 2 year old so they think that the child couldn't possibly be normal! And you do hear awful things about parents medicating children that are actually too young to be officially diagnosed with ADD, a know from a friend of mine that many parents call into the pediatric practice where she works asking for Ritalin for children as young as 18 months! I think the take away message should be that you need to stay involved with your child; spend as much time as possible with them talking, playing, singing, coloring, etc. to prevent some problems, and to informally screen for problems as well. If you have a feeling something is wrong then get your child evaluated, just don’t rush to diagnose him yourself or think that the only treatments available are drugs.

I agree with your mom, kids were the same back in the day but weren't labeled, and a lot of them fell through the cracks because people weren't aware.

One of my sisters is bi-polar and and exhibits OCD, but it wasn't addressed until she was in her 30's. I always knew something was different with her, but since no one talked about mental illness, who knew? Her teachers tried to get my parents to have her evaluated from the time she was in kindergarten, but my mom thought what they were implying could be wrong with my sister was shameful so she never was.

And I have an awesome cousin who is 20, loving and happy, who happens to be autistic. He talked a LOT when he was little, but in reality he was basically repeating everything he'd ever heard. His mom was the one who pestered his pediatrician for a referral to have him evaluated, and the early diagnosis made a world of difference in his life, and hers as it changed her career path.

Truthfully, I really don't think things are blown out of proportion...and try not to worry or stress over the fact that my little guy, who is 28 months, wants his potty chair in the same exact place each time he uses it ; )

Yes, it's a huge issue. Especially since modern parenting styles allow tantrums and behavior issues to escalate rather than disciplining them firmly, and THEN tantrums are used to "diagnose" stuff. Sometimes it's like the shrinks writing books encourage everyone to nurture bad behavior and ignore it, and then turn around and suspect crazy behavior as "something worng with the child".

I'm not talking about the real disorders either, but I personally know several people who never disciplined tantrums and other behaviors, and their kids threw normal horrible tantrums and got really out of control because of it, and eventually around age 4 or 5, they went to the doctor thinking something was wrong with their child because because of the behavior. Since they had done everything "right" according to that expert advice for gently handling all behavior through toddler years, they could only conclude the child had medical problems.

None of the kids were diagnosed for the problems when they were tested, but 2 of the parents STILL net surfed and diagnosed and medicated their kids anyway, convinced the doctors were wrong.

I had an issue when my daughter entered kinder. My son actually has been diagnosed with different "issues". My daughter is a "typical" child. Her teacher came to me several times trying to suggest that she should be tested for different syndromes. For example, Sara is easily distracted and won't pay attention during story time and keeps trying to go to the free play area. I think she might have ADD. No she just prefers to play over sitting during story time. Sara got very upset during the Curious George movie and ran out of the room, I think she has ODD. No Sara has a fear of monkeys that I told you about at the beginning of the year.

I KNOW what a child who has a diagnosed condition behaves like, and I know what a "typical" child behaves like. Sometimes it really irritates me when people think they can diagnose a kid after a few months of school, and no medical degree. As a mom, I knew in my gut that something was WRONG with my son and took appropriate steps to get him to the appropriate medical professionals to get him the help he needed. My daughter has typical quirks, funny odd things that she does, she's a free spirit, but overall, will grow up fine without medical intervention.

To look at it from a different side, maybe a lot of kids (who are now adults) would have had a better life if they had been understood, been treated correctly. "Back in the day" lefties were forced to write with their Right hand. developmentally delayed kids were put in institutions. A true ADHD kids was BAD, ADD kids often dropped out of school. Don't get paranoid, but dont sugarcoat the past. Yes its scary when parents insist there is something wrong with their kids when there isnt, and its sad when parents use a label as an excuse not to discipline (ADHD, ODD for instance means it's more difficult to discipline) Enjoy your healthy child!!

I think a ton of things are TOTALLY blown out of proportion - it's like people WANT their kid to be labeled - whether it be "gifted" or "ADD" or SOMETHING.....

I'm not a helicopter mom...I don't worry or stress over the things that you do...I'm not going to rush to the Dr and say "I think Johnny is autistic because he spins the wheel 50 times a day"....

I let my kids go outside and play by themselves!
I let my kids go to the park and play by themselves...I know - people think I'm absolutely batty for that one - but I refuse to be a "victim" or raise my kids to be afraid to go outside...they have rules for going to the park...

My oldest son is dyslexic - but I don't have him on an IEP...the school is aware of his dyslexia and are working with him on it - we also have a private tutor for him...

Instead of stressing over what might be wrong with your son - be joyful in everything that is RIGHT with your son...let him be a kid...let him play - let him turn the wheel!!!! :)

my son is 6 and he had alot of behavioral issues in school throughout kindergarten and first grade where he had to be put in counseling per his school....where they tried to disgnose him with everything under the sun and i wasnt having it because i knew it was just his way of coping with alot of issues he had just been through....he wasnt violent or anything like that but i could just tell ya kno??? it infuriated me that they wanted to put him on all diff meds and studies and stuff...

Try to stop comparing your son to other kids. B/c he is just a toddler. Just wait until you start potty training him. Or when he starts school. If you get in the habit now of comparing your child to other kids, even if right now its just his behavior, later on you'll be worrying yourself to death about if your child is wearing the right clothes, has all the latest gadgets, laughs at the right jokes, ties his shoes when all the other kids are tying their shoes, etc.

My kid was born 2 months early. I'm thankful for all the medical and mom advice I got to get him "caught up" with his peers but in the end, I knew I would go crazy if the focus of my parenting was to keep him on the same development schedule as the other babies. My kid didn't walk until he was 14 mos old. I could have spent all that time prior worrying, reading books, talking to doctors, pediatricians, occupational therapists, physical therapist, but instead, I chose to enjoy my time with him instead. While all my friends w/babies the same age were busy chasing after their walkers at that age, my kid was still nearby and I had a few extra months of closeness, teaching moments and cuddling :)

My hubby is bipolar, didnt get diagnosed until two years ago. His mom just thought he was a sensitve, moody child. His life would have been completely different with an earlier diagnosis. BUT for the most part I agree with what you are saying. I think back at some of the weird obsessions my boys had while growing up..... they could have been labled too, and it would have been incorrect.

I agree! I think that this is partly due to medical research and in some ways it has helped because there truly are kids out there with these disorders and now we know how to manage them better and help the kids. I also think that a lot of people either don't know that it's normal for kids to be active and need a lot of exercise or they just don't want to deal with them and think it's easier to medicate them. Not all the time, but a lot of the time, overall behavior improves if kids just get enough physical exercise. Sleep is also a big issue. I think a lot of kids are not getting enough sleep and you can definitely see it in their behavior and they could be mislabled because of that.

Some of the staff at a preschool my daughter used to attend tried to tell me that she may have ODD. The "diagnosed" her with this shortly after she turned 3 years old. Needless to say, we were not impressed and we found another child care provider shortly after that. My daughter flourished at her new school and each time I asked how her behavior was they told me she was great.

Good question. I've often wondered if my child met the diagnostic criteria for SPD, so I had an OT friend of mine do an informal eval. She does not have SPD but she is (in my OT friend's words) a highly sensitive child. Hearing that from someone who actually knows what she's talking about was very helpful. For one thing, it validated what I had been trying to explain to the pedi, my mom, friends. People thought I was just being overprotective or nutty, but I was trying to protect my daughter from becoming overwhelmed. We have done some reading on how to best parent her, discipline her, and provide opportunities for growth and building confidence. So in our case the label was appropriate and helpful, even though it was not a diagnostically significant label. We have modified the way that we discipline her specifically because of her label, and it has helped her (and her parents!) tremendously.

This is such an interesting topic to me. "Labeling" in any form is not helpful, but when speaking about a diagnosis, to me, it is only to be used as short hand for professionals. When talking about diagnosis with those with little to know back ground in DSM ie main stream media, much harm can be done. Individual differences within a diagnosis and parents' ways of responding play a huge part of symptom management.

A good diagnostician diagnoses judiciously. We are all on a spectrum. All of us!

I understand the concern many parents have regarding over-diagnosing. Does it happen? Sure. But when there is a true behavior problem and support it needed, sometimes having a diagnosis can be a relief and a good way to bond with other parents/individuals with a common challenge. It goes both ways. Often those who have children who have no diagnosis have more problem with diagnosis than those who do have a particular challenge.

Tired, not sure if that was clear: )

I think kids have the same issues they always did, but we as a society like to give it a name. That way it isn't really our fault they just have... I'm a special education teacher, so every time my daughter does anything I'm second guessing myself and wondering if it's this that or the other thing. Sometimes I have to remind myself that my daughter is who she is and her personality is what it is and I should love her for that and stop worrying so much. On the other hand, I also think that there are more diagnosed disabilities out there because of increased medical advances. If you look at the history of most of these kids, they have a complicated birth history. Many of these kids wouldn't have survived years ago. Let's face it, a kid who is born at 3 pounds is going to have some sort of problem down the road. We're moms we are going to worry no matter what!

my son LOVED anything that spun from early infancy, and still is facsinated by things that spin or mechanically move. now i am starting to think he has a very scientic mind but i cant tell you how much i worried when he was little. ppl often commented about that being a sign of autism. given his personality at 3 1/2, i would worry the opposite way long before autism.

i think i feel similarly about what you are saying tho, the range of what is considered 'normal' has shrunk a lot and normal quirky kid things now seem like something to be watched as a possible symptom. the up side of that is that is that a lot more kids who can benefit from help are getting it. that said, going thru 'weird' phases is actually really 'normal'. so try and relax and enjoy the weird things your kid will continue to do :)

good luck from a 'normal' mom who used to only eat even numbers of M&Ms, compulsively picked at her split ends, and until 5th grade would only wear knee socks up to exactly the bottom of her knee caps b/c any other way felt weird. :)

Stop comparing.....Sounds like your son is a normal and happy child. Enjoy him. I have to practice what I preach because I held my breath after each of my kids were born...Not too long ago I posted a question about my son walking...He didn't walk until he was 16 months old...and the doctors had me worried that oh...he's a little delayed...Seriously??? He is 19 months now and can say some words if he wants to but isn't talking. He points to things. He luaghs and is interactive with other kids and us...I know he'll get there as he is following the same pattern as his older two siblings did. Have fun and don't worry. I have to tell myself that to :)

What drives me crazy is overprotective parents worrying constantly that there is something "wrong" with their child, that they aren't smart enough, healthy enough, etc. Teaching baby to read, signing up for soccer at the age of two, obsessing over preschool and kindergarten like it's college!

Fifty years ago my daughter certainly would have been labeled. But instead of calling it ADHD they would have called her lazy, unwilling to focus, a poor student.

You must realize that we are learning more and more every day about the function of the human brain and how it effects everything we do. It is fascinating! Knowing that my daughter's hard wired for certain patterns of behavior isn't making excuses for her, it helps me to be a better mom, to understand her thought process allows me to support her in the best way possible.

I will admit I am troubled by the rise in autism, that is a very real and scary thing. I have NO idea what's causing that, but I'm sure it's probably a complex process involving several environmental factors :(

I feel like people are looking for an easy answer to normal life issues. Last night I met a mom, dad, and 13 month old baby. This little guy was sweet, funny, not at all shy, was happy to be on the floor, in my arms, with my mom, or his parents. They were here an hour and I hope they choose my daycare.

The reason they were here at all??? They are being kicked out of their current daycare. Supposedly the child has unbearable separation anxiety. REALLY? I didn't see that AT ALL. He did not need to see his parents to be happy. He came to me within 2 minutes of being in my house. He was putting his forehead on mine while giving me a goofy grin and trying to put his fingers in my mouth while he was here. He didn't act like a child that was "too hard to handle" or even high needs. He's been with the same caregiver since he was 8 weeks old. It's so SAD. But her loss is hopefully my gain.

Mommy, just love and accept your child and don't let it worry you. Our kids are going to survive and grow and learn at their own paces and we will too.

This is such a good question and a complicated one. On the one hand I think it's relieving to have diagnoses for things like Aspergers that probably once were just considered social awkwardness, but on the other hand I think that we are probably also labeling things that are totally on the normal spectrum of childhood 'things'. Like all this sensory integration stuff. I know one woman whose says that her child has 'sensory issues' because he doesn't like certain clothing. My son would freak out about the seams of his socks if they weren't fixed just so and he won't wear pants (shorts only) and he's particular about a lot of things. I don't consider this abnormal--I think it's just a phase. He still will only wear shorts (he's almost 5), but the sock thing he got over a long time ago. I think we're just supposed to marvel in the interesting-ness of our kids' development and if something seems really wrong, then and only then ask for some help or a diagnosis of some kind.